James sighed as he felt his strength come back. He gripped at the gem that kept his cloak in place, wide amethyst-blue eyes staring out the window.
"Something wrong?" He turned to Red X, who had a bowl of soup and pot of herbal tea on a tray. He set the tray down on the bedside table and poured the empath a steaming cup, handing it to him with care.
The older boy gave off a small smile in thanks, holding the cup up to his lips and taking a shy sip.
"I was...just thinking, I guess."
"I can tell that much, thinking about what though?" The ex-thief deadpanned, feeling pride swell up in his chest when he managed a chuckle out of the other.
James made sure his moment of laughter was gone before he took another sip; the sadness from before returned to plague his handsome, gentle features though.
"I was thinking about...about Kendall", he finally admitted, clutching his tea cup tight between his pale, thin hands. Red X tensed up slightly at this, setting his own cup down and reaching out with one gloved hand to stroke James's right cheek.
And to also wipe away the stray tear trailing down the soft flesh.
"You still miss him, don't you?" He asked, voice low in understanding. The empath sighed, hanging as his head as his shoulders began to shake.
"He lied to me. He left the team without a warning, took everything with him and l-lied to me. He said he would always be there for me; Slade was enough for him though to break the promise I guess, because he left me behind."
"Maybe he left to find a way to keep Slade away from you, to stop him once and for all." Red X suggested with a shrug, though behind his mask bottle green eyes were wet with hurt.
"If that was the plan, then why didn't he tell me?! I can fake emotions, you know. If he had told me, I wouldn't have told the team! I would have kept it a secret, his plans to hunt down Slade, disappearing for months on end, everything! I would have done that and more for him, X! I would have...I would have w-went with him…"
"You would have?" Surprise colored the shorter boy's voice. James gave a sharp nod, more tears cascading down his face.
"I would have followed him anywhere, the end of the world even. He was...the first friend I made here. I was wandering, lost and trying to find my place here and he made it easier. He befriended me, didn't think my powers were...c-creepy and was always there. I owe him so much, X. More than you can imagine. I miss hearing his voice, seeing his eyes. I miss the team too, but I miss watching him take charge; lead us to a win, protect the city like the heroes we were once. I miss all of us being together. It didn't feel right to be there without him; he was the glue that held us together, and after he left all we did was argue.
James took in a shuddering breath and pulled his legs in, tight against his chest with his arms now around them. He abandoned his cup on the floor, no longer having the (inner) strength to keep with its weight.
"He helped me adjust to this world. He was the only one who knew, at the time, that I was half demon. He knew about my powers, how I had to suppress my emotions in order to keep them in check. He knew about my insecurities, how I always felt like...like a m-monster in comparison to everyone else. He knew me, X, just like you do now but he was my first. My first real friend, my first real...love.
James bit his full, lower lip. Memories of the spunky dirty blond flooded his head like a tropical storm, eyes now puffy and red and irritated. "I-I loved him, X. He was the first person to ever make me feel...normal! Yeah we met at fourteen, kids but something about him always made me feel safe. Then as the years went by the strange feelings only grew and grew. I tried to fight them, really I did; I did not want to endanger our friendship, our bond. Even though everyone said that we made 'it' obvious. He was everything to me: the air I breathed, my soul, my...h-heart. I finally had my heart back; all the pain my father inflicted upon me and my mother, it was disappearing finally. After I realized how deep my feelings ran, I realized that I didn't have a crush on him. I was in love with him, I was in love with Kendall.
"But then he lied to me. He lied to me, betrayed my trust and left me like that. I didn't mean that much to him, did I? If he just got up and left...I was just a friend, no a teammate. Not even a friend, because I don't know anyone who would willingly give up their friends! He always valued his friends, his family over everything else! He said that friends and family mattered more to him than anything but then he left! He left and took my soul, my heart with him!
James lost it there. He balled up his hands on either side of his head, tears rolling hot and fast down his cheeks and landing on his knees. Red X (Kendall) made to pull him close but the empath shook his head, declining because he still had more to say.
"He said h-he wouldn't leave. He knew I never wanted to be alone again, and I told him that myself! He said he'd always be there and...h-he backed out, broke his promise! A-and I don't know that if I ever saw him again...if I would accept him back just like that, or push him away! I don't know if I'd take him back if he asked me to or throw him away, forget him and toss him aside like he did me!
James threw his arms around Red X's neck at this point, sobbing and broken in the ex-thief's arms. Kendall fought his own tears as he squeezed the empath tightly around the waist; he wished he could take off his mask, show his face and come clean to James.
But he couldn't. It wasn't safe to; Slade was still out there, doing whatever Trigon asked him to to hurt James. Once both were out then he could, but until then…
'But it's so hard to keep this lie...' The dirty blond thought with a wince, feeling his heart break down the middle once again.
"James, Rav I…"
"I want h-him back, X. I want him back; I don't know he'd be able to gain my trust back again, but I just want him back. Slade has taken so many things away from me: my sense of security, my home, my life all because my dad asked him to. He's taken away so many things from me, but I don't want Kendall to be one of those things. I don't want him to take Kendall away too, I-I want him back! I want you back, Kendall! I want you back, where a-a-are you?!" James forced his eyes shut tight, wanting nothing more than to feel the warmth, the comfort of X's embrace.
Said ex-thief pressed his masked lips to James's forehead, his face growing hot due to the tears leaving him too.
'Oh James, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry...'
Another Teen Titans-influenced BTR one shot! I might write a few more, with Trigon destroying the world, before the end. Maybe Kendall will come clean about being Red X? Will James be able to forgive him if and WHEN the truth comes out? Will they go back to the team, or become a team themselves? We'll see where it goes, hopefully I'll be able to update my other stories but thank you, thank you everyone! I'm really happy to know that my fellow, dear readers know I'm not dead and I will do my best to update my stories when I'm not swamped with homework. Thank you very much, tell me what you think and see you beautiful people in the next one. :) Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or Teen Titans. I just happen to like both shows and thought to put them together.