*SORRY for the delay folks but life was calling. BUT here is the next chapter!

Chapter 29:

After the meeting was finished it was way past dark. Clarke yawned as she bid goodnight to Octavia and followed Lexa back to the top floor. The meeting had not gone according to plan. Only six clan ambassadors showed up meaning the others were with the Ice Nation or in hiding. The meeting was heavy with disappointment and arguments about what choice of action to take. Some called for war, some called for the blood of the Ice Queen, but none had called for peace. None had stepped forward to urge a bloodless end to the dispute. Clarke knew deep down it was pointless. From what she knew of the Ice Queen she was ruthless and not likely to relent until she herself was in power.

Another topic of discussion was the SkaiKru and where they sat in all this. Clarke had taken that opportunity to speak up when all eyes landed on Lexa for an answer. She told them about the split within the camp, she told them truthfully that there were some that were friends and some that were foe. When the ambassadors were told about Skaikru's desire for the mountain Clarke was unsurprised when they immediately called for all of SkaiKru to be declared enemies of the coalition. Thankfully, the vote was not unanimous among the representatives present – Lexa had voted against the decision. Lexa had been SkaiKru's saving grace. As thankful as Clarke was she could not fight the fear building inside her. This decision of Lexa's no doubt put an even bigger target on her back. She ran scenarios in her head the entire trip to the top floor, all of them ending worse than the last, a shiver ran down her spine.

They remained silent as they walked the hall of the top floor towards Clarke's room. They stopped outside it and Clarke looked at Lexa unsure of what to say; she didn't want to be alone, especially not after the meeting they just had but she didn't know if Lexa wanted to be alone. Maybe she'd prefer to digest the information on her own without Clarke's help. Clarke settled for shooting a small smile at Lexa, she was about to say goodnight when Lexa spoke softly, "Are you tired?"

Clarke nodded but said, "I'm not sure I could sleep right now though."

Lexa squared her shoulders a bit, Clarke noticed how tired she herself looked. The meeting was taking its toll on both of them. "No, I don't think I could either. Wash up, come by my room after if you like? We can discuss things."

Clarke smiled grabbing the door handle and starting to walk in the room, "Okay, I'll be a few minutes." She shut the door lightly and began to walk before stopping and turning back to the door in a rush. She pulled it open, "Lexa?"

Lexa was a few feet down the hall, she turned around with a questioning look on her face.

"I don't know which room is yours."

Lexa smiled and replied softly, "I am right next door," she pointed a set of double doors about 10 feet from Clarke's own. She turned back to begin walking to her room again.

When Clarke was finished cleaning up and changing she found herself walking through the hall towards Lexa's room. She felt like she was sneaking in to somewhere she shouldn't be. She was sure this wasn't typical of any other guest in Polis to visit the commander after hours. She found herself beginning to worry about what Lexa's people would think of their visits, of their connection, of their new found sleeping habits... She felt fear grip her as she thought back to Lexa's words so long ago, Love is weakness. The commander of the blood wasn't allowed to show her feelings, she wasn't allowed to grieve for the dead, she wasn't allowed to love, she wasn't allowed to be weak. Clarke shook her head, she knew they both cared deeply about each other but she wasn't sure she could call it love…not yet. Clarke sighed, whatever was going on between them, she had to be careful for Lexa's sake. Clarke couldn't be responsible for that death…not hers. She reached out her hand about to knock before that thought pulled her hand back. Just having feelings for Clarke would be enough for the clans to reject her, to kill her for her appearing weak. Clarke's eyes widened…and now she had just vouched for Clarke's people putting an even bigger target on her back. With the Ice Nation marching against her this was the most dangerous decision Lexa had made so far regarding the SkaiKru. Clarke shivered in the hallway just staring at Lexa's door. She was so torn. She wanted to be with Lexa, to talk about things, to just be in her presence but a larger part of Clarke wanted to keep her safe. She took a step back; her breathing was heavy now in the panic of thoughts running through her head. She felt tired, weak, scared and overwhelmed, she reached her hand out to brace herself against the wall.

Great, she thought as she kept trying to catch her breath, now I'm having a panic attack. Her vision swam in front of her eyes, she brought a second hand up to help brace herself as she stumbled. She then felt an arm swing around her waist as she felt herself be propped up bringing her arm to lie around the person's shoulders. Her vision was still blurry she shook her head trying to fight it and bring her breathing back to normal. She felt herself being ushered into the room in front of her. She could smell Lexa's floral oils radiating from her neck, the smell began to slow the rush of blood to Clarke's head and it was helping to fight off the urge to faint.

"Breathe Clarke, you need to breathe."

Lexa's voice rang through her ears clear, it was already helping to alleviate the fog in Clarke's head. She felt her vision beginning to clear as Lexa led her to sit down. She felt Lexa sit beside her and start rubbing soothing circles on Clarke's back with her right hand. Her left was lying on Clarke's thigh squeezing slightly in concern. Clarke began to come back to her senses with each motion of Lexa's hand. She felt herself calming down, she felt her heavy breathing lessen and her heart slow its pace a bit.

When she had calmed down she finally brought her eyes up to meet Lexa's. The girl hadn't left Clarke's side since she sat them both down. She was still rubbing Clarke's back, concern filled her eyes. They were wide as they looked at Clarke, searching for any sign that she was not okay. Clarke smiled and took a deep breath and breaking the silence.

"Sorry."

Lexa shook her head, "It is alright Clarke, we all have those moments."

Clarke looked at her surprised, "Even you?" She didn't believe it. Lexa had always shown so much control and dignity; Clarke had never seen her weak, not even while she was in agony injured on the ground in the forest. Lexa had always been so stoic since the day they met; Clarke always had to look very closely to see the subtle changes in Lexa's face that depicted her feelings. She didn't believe that Lexa would ever have a break down like Clarke just had.

Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes began to well up. The girl swallowed and smiled sadly, "Even me, though, I haven't had an attack like yours for about four years." The words were soft and full of layered sadness.

Clarke put her hand on Lexa's that was still on Clarke's thigh. She gave a squeeze, "Costia?"

A single tear dropped at the sound of her name coming from Clarke. Lexa quickly removed her hand from Clarke's thigh and wiped it away looking ashamed.

Clarke reached out and grabbed Lexa's thigh, "Hey, you can talk to me you know." She didn't know why she was saying it all she knew was that it felt right. She had to let Lexa know she had someone, that she wasn't alone and that she could be Lexa in front of Clarke. Clarke knew Lexa needed to hear it, needed to know it. Clarke took a chance and reached up to cup Lexa's cheek, "I'd like to hear about her," she smiled, it was the truth, "if you'd like to talk about it that is." She added trying to alleviate any pressure of the moment. She didn't want to upset Lexa but she wanted the girl to unburden herself. The topic was helping Clarke ignore the many problems facing the two at the moment.

Lexa looked at Clarke and took a few beats before smiling sadly, "Thank you Clarke."