Blair grabs Dan's hand and squeezes is as the jet starts to pull out of the gate. He glances over at her and flashes her smile and her heart skips a beat.
It's two months since they were married in New York.
They didn't go back to Paris immediately. Despite not wanting a honeymoon, Serena and Nate had invited them to stay with them at the Hamptons vacation home, so Dan and Blair had rented a car and driven to meet them the day after the wedding.
It had been a glorious week, and Blair had loved reconnecting with her friends. They spent their days wandering along the beach or exploring the farmers market, evenings drinking wine and eating crab and lobster, and nights wrapped around each other, exploring with their hands, their mouths, and everything was exactly how things should be when you've married the love of your life.
At the end of the week Blair had been sad to say goodbye to Serena and Nate and she had promised she wouldn't stay away so long this time. Serena had smiled and told Blair that Paris was only a flight away. Then, with a kiss on the cheek and a final hug, Dan and Blair had returned home. Blair would get a phone call a week and a half later and it would be Serena on the other end of the phone, breathless, her voice filled with joy as she told Blair that Grace Archibald had decided to come into the world a little early and she and Nate were madly in love. Blair hung up the phone and walked to Dan's office to tell him that they had officially become godparents.
They settled into a predictable routine. Blair had a few weeks of work piled up so she spent too much time in the office, working late into the evening. Dan wrote every day, cloistered in his office, bent over his computer. He told Blair he was almost finished with the script and then it was time to write his next book. His publishers were clamoring for the next Dan Humphrey bestseller and he was inspired to give it to them. Blair had smiled, remembering his vows, how he'd called her his muse.
They would eat dinner at the kitchen bar, Dan keeping Blair's food warm in the oven, waiting for her to come through the door, throw her bag down and declare that her feet ached from a long day. He spent afternoons buying bread at the boulangerie down the street and greens at the market, and made her delicious dinners.
"Are you happy?" Dan asked one night, piling his fork high with baby beets and shoving them in his mouth. Blair watched him as he chewed them. How could she not be happy. He was here with her.
"Over the moon." Blair said, feeling her eyes droop and she was feeling the call of their bed, wanting to sink into the soft mattress, to feel the comforter swathed around her and Dan holding her in his arms.
"Go to bed, my love," Dan had whispered. He kissed her, a brief peck on the lips, a good night kiss, and Blair had padded down the hallway to the bedroom, leaving Dan to clear up the dishes and put the leftovers away.
Blair promised him work would ease up and they planned for Rome, Dan pouring over tourist books, researching historical sites, finding a place for them to stay. Blair placed a kiss on his stubble-rough cheek and thanked him for doing all the work for their trip and Dan had told her that he couldn't wait to finally have her all to himself.
Finally the day came.
The plane taxies down the runway and Blair swallows that slight lump of fear that rises every time she flies. Squeezing Dan's hand a little tighter she says a silent prayer for their safety, then the plane tilts upward and they're on their way.
Rome.
Blair hasn't been here since high school. Waldorf Designs has been her life for the last fifteen years and building a business has left little time for vacations. The last time she thought about Rome was when Dan...
Blair's heart clenches and she forces herself to think about something else.
She doesn't like to let her mind wander back to when she was conflicted and messed up and Dan was there for her, waiting, asking her to go with him to Rome, asking her to pick him, and she just couldn't. The idea of Chuck, the idea of forever, those ideas were stronger than the pull of someone who loved her, someone she loved back, and now Blair hurts when she thinks about that time.
This trip is redemption.
It's only a couple hours to Rome from Paris and Blair settles her head on Dan's shoulder, her hand still in his, and she thinks that he's been quiet today. It must be the excitement of the trip or all the work he put into planning and packing, or maybe the way she'd distracted him the night before despite knowing they'd be leaving early in the morning. Blair just nestles closer and inhales the way he smells kind of spicy and clean, and lets herself daydream about Rome.
The taxi drops them off a few blocks from the Spanish Steps and Blair is thrilled when they walk up to a lovely apartment with high ceilings and a small balcony.
"I love it," she declares, throwing her arms around Dan's neck and kissing him firmly on the lips. Dan smiles a little and tells Blair that he's glad. She drags her bad to the bedroom and starts to unpack.
"We should go out for dinner," Blair yells through the doorway. She can hear Dan in the kitchen, clinking dishes.
"Mmmmhmmmm," he intones.
"And didn't you say we'll have maid service?"
"Uhhuh."
"And I want to go to a few museums."
"Okay."
Blair puts neatly folded skirts and tank tops into one of the dresser drawers. She kicks off her sandals and lines them up neatly with her other shoes in the small closet. She looks in the mirror and glances at her reflection in the mirror and sees a woman who feels light and bubbly and like everything is right in the world. When she's done she walks out of the bedroom and back towards the kitchen, thinking about how she's going to slip her arms around Dan and kiss him, and maybe she can lure him into the bedroom for a brief interlude before they head out for dinner. Or maybe they won't have dinner at all. Maybe they'll take off their clothes and fuck and not bother to get dressed and eat out of the fridge that Dan arranged to have stocked before they arrived.
She rounds the corner to the kitchen and stops, standing in the doorway, watching Dan. He is sitting at the rustic wood table in the center of the room, not moving, just staring at the wall in front of him, and Blair realizes that he looks kind of sad. She doesn't move, just stands there watching him for a moment.
"Hey," Blair says quietly and Dan startles a little. He turns his head towards her and smiles and the moment is gone. Blair wonders if she imagined the sadness on his face, a wash of melancholy that makes her heart hurt, and she hates to think about him hurting.
"Hey," Dan answers, and he tells her there is plenty of food in the fridge and maybe they should stay in. Blair crosses the kitchen and slides into Dan's lap, winding her hands around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair and she leans down and kisses him.
"I'm so glad to be here with you," she murmurs, then kisses him again and again. Dan sighs heavily then kisses her back and his kisses go from languid to wanton in a matter of seconds, and he's parting her lips and his tongue is sliding against hers and Blair gasps his name as his hands slide under her shirt, trailing across her skin, leaving electric shocks in their wake.
Whatever Blair saw is pushed to the back of her mind as she loses herself in sensation and longing. They don't make it to the bedroom. Dan pulls off his pants and Blair pushes her skirt up, then she straddles him, taking him inside her, feeling his hips buck.
"Blair," Dan gasps.
She leans down and kisses him hard on the mouth and his hands find her breast and then she's coming hard collapsing against him.
"I never get tired of this," Blair murmurs into the crook of his neck where she's panting.
They stay in that night, Blair opening a bottle of wine, Dan tossing together plum tomatoes and balls of fresh mozzarella with torn basil and a vinaigrette. They eat on the couch, plates balanced on their knees and when they're done, Dan takes her plate and Blair stretches out on the couch, listening to the sounds of people walking down the street drift through the open window. The sun is just starting to drift below the horizon of the city and the air is warm.
Dan comes back and stands by the couch. He looks down at Blair and she sees that look again, some sort of far away sadness, and she resists the urge to ask him what he's thinking.
"I'm going to bed." Dan says and Blair frowns. She was planning on spending some time cuddling before they finally crawled into the comfortable looking bed. Blair grabs his hand and holds it in hers.
"Stay."
His brows knit and Dan's mouth turns down a little, and she sees that sadness again. Blair tries to ignore the worry lurking around her edges as she looks up at this man who she loves so much. He leans down and kisses her, then sighs.
"I'm just tired."
He turns and walks toward the bedroom and Blair watches him then calls out after him.
"I love you."
Dan stops then turns around and smiles, and whatever has been bothering him seems to have disappeared. It's her Dan smiling at her, and Blair's heart swells.
"I love you too."
Blair stays on the couch for a little longer, alone with her thoughts. When her eyes start to droop she decides it's time for her to go to bed as well. She washes her face and moisturizes, then pulls on a light nightgown since the night is still warm. Dan is fast asleep, his breathing heavy and rhythmic, and when she slips into bed next to him he mumbles something and turns toward her and wraps his arms around her. Blair lets herself drift to sleep, happy to be here, happy to be in Rome with Dan.
The room is dark when she wakes a few hours later. Her skin is damp and hot and her hair feels sweaty. She tosses back and forth a few times until she's fully awake. Her hand reaches out for Dan only to find cool cotton sheets against her palm and she realizes he's not there.
"Dan?"
Her voice, croaky from sleep, echoes in the room.
Blair gets up, her nightgown blowing around from the breeze coming in from the open window. The street is quiet now and there are stars twinkling in the midnight blue sky. Blair goes into the living room to find it deserted.
"Dan?"
She looks in the kitchen to see if maybe he's having a late night snack but it's empty. Finally she goes to the balcony and finds him sitting at the small table, staring out into the street.
"Dan?"
He turns at the sound of her voice and what Blair sees takes her breath away. The pain she saw glimpses of earlier is there but in full force, glaring and raw, and Blair feels tears well up in her eyes. She doesn't move towards him, just stands there, staring at his face, not knowing what to do.
"Blair." Dan says, her name said with such anguish that it makes her hurt, and she wants to rush to him, to put her arms around him, to take away whatever might be wrong, but she somehow knows that this might be the last thing Dan wants. Somehow she senses whatever is troubling her beloved is about her. So she doesn't move, doesn't say anything, just watches and waits.
He looks away from her and back out to the street, and after a long silence she hears him take in a breath and her body tenses up, waiting for what he's about to say, somehow sensing that this moment is important.
"I can't do this."
That's the moment the tears hit her cheeks and Blair feels her body collapse a little and she opens up her mouth and finally speaks.
"No."
TBC