Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.
A/N: Thanks to katmom and Angelinia who beta this story.
Chapter Nine
Reading Twilight Part Two
The next day was the same as the last two, though she noticed that Edward sat much closer to her when she had settled in on her bed. He was sitting in the chair that was usually in front of her computer, and she had an ominous feeling about this, because she could read in his expression that he was worried about something. She tried to shake off that feeling as she read the first chapter, and mostly accomplished her task because she was so drawn in by the story, though the tension wouldn't leave her stomach completely.
She was a little upset that Billy would think about involving Charlie in this and she wondered what that might mean when he found out in this reality that Jacob already knows about vampires and more importantly that he has a positive outlook about them. She hoped that Jacob would be able to infuse the werewolves with an understanding of the Cullens, but she had a feeling that it was going to be harder than that to convince them.
Bella frowned when she was telling Charlie about going out with Edward. That seemed like an awkward conversation she was going to have sooner than she'd like. She was surprised the gossip hadn't reached him yet, about her spending all her lunches with one of the reclusive Cullens, but she knew it was only a matter of time. Then soon after that they were at the game and she was amazed by just how it was described, knowing that seeing it would be even more amazing than reading about it.
All too soon though, everything changed and she stiffened; the nomads were coming to the game... they were going to know she was a human.
"It's okay, Bella," Edward said in a soothing voice, and she looked up at him, her eyes wide. "They will never touch you... this will never happen..."
Bella swallowed, she hadn't even read about who the nomads were yet, but she knew they must cause a lot of trouble if he was promising her something like this. She nodded her head, believing him... he would never let anything harm her. That still didn't make reading the next part any easier for her.
Reading the tense meeting between the two covens, how Edward had jumped in to protect her, putting himself between her and a danger that could actually hurt him. Fear started to fill her then as she realized that Edward could get hurt, that the others could too. It was nice to know that they had numbers on their side, that the nomads likely wouldn't do anything when outnumbered like that. Their survival instinct was too strong. But she still worried about what was going to happen once everyone started moving on their own...
She worried as Edward ran her back to the jeep with Alice and Emmett at her side, wondering what the plan was and how much danger they really were in. She was so worried about Edward's family, the people she was already feeling connected to (though she hadn't had a real chance to get to know them yet), that she didn't even think of her own danger until it was mentioned in the book. Charlie! How could she not think of him... how much danger he was in because of her? What could she possibly do to protect him?
"It's alright, Bella, it's going to be all right," Edward whispered to her, so softly that she could barely hear it through her worried haze, but by making his presence known and he made her relax slightly.
She didn't even pause her reading though, she needed to know that her dad was going to be safe, that she was going to protect him somehow. She needed to know the Cullens were going to be safe too, she couldn't imagine what she would do if any of them where hurt because of her. However, there was a firm thought in her head that made her calmer than she thought she would be. She had the reassurance that the Cullens all cared about her now, and she knew that they must all have been okay... safe if that was the case... at least she tried clinging to that conviction as she continued to read. She almost smiled when she read about Emmett's response to her ideas, she was right; one conversation was enough to change his mind about her.
She kept reading through the next chapter, tears coming to her eyes as she read about the goodbyes she would have to say, but that was nothing to what happened when she was screaming at her dad - when she was hurting him, so badly. She put the book down when she read the line that was inexcusable for her to say. She felt sick knowing how much that must have hurt him, and she felt Edward's cold arms wrap around her in a fluid motion, whispering consoling words to her, trying to make her calm down. He repeated over and over again that this wasn't going to happen, and eventually she was able to nod.
Edward went back to his seat, giving her a sad look, his body was obviously tense, but he was in complete control of himself. He was too worried about her to worry about the burn he felt; he couldn't stand seeing her in this kind of pain. He picked up the book when he noticed that her hands were shaking and tears still filled her eyes and read the rest of the chapter to her.
He could see her worry for his family as he read the words; he could see the pain in her eyes as if her thoughts in the book were an echo of her real thoughts. He hadn't liked seeing them there, but it was much too late to stop now and this was something that she needed to know. Still he wished that they would have waited awhile so he could have at least held her when things got rough like this. When he got to Jasper's words at the end of the chapter he read them with such passion that she could clearly hear him telling her she was more than worth it.
She took the book back from him, feeling that she could handle reading now; surely in the next chapter nothing too horrible will happen. She was right, nothing too bad happened, just time with Alice (and Jasper too, though he didn't do much talking). She eyed Edward curiously when she got to the vampire issue, dying to know what his thoughts on that were, but she wasn't really up for that talk right now. So she kept reading, and felt unnerved when Alice's visions showed the ballet studio that might have been the one near her home in Phoenix.
When she moved on to the next chapter it didn't take her long to break down again, this time worse than the last time. She had caused her dad pain and she would always feel guilty about that, but she knew he was safe so she would live with it. However, as soon as she read the unexpected voice she dropped the book as her heart raced in her chest, and she curled herself in a ball. Her mother... He had her mother!
Edward's arms were around her again and he pulled her into his lap resting her head against his chest. With his held breath he pushed out the words that it would allow. "He doesn't have her... it's a bluff..."
Bella's breath caught there, and then she let it out in a slow relieved sigh. Her shoulders were still shaking though. She couldn't quite dispel the image of her mother cowering in front of a sadistic vampire intent on killing her. It took a long time for her breathing to even out and Edward held her closely to him, there was no thought of moving away from her now. He was in control enough to allow her this comfort; she needed him too much for him to think about moving.
Edward again picked up the book when Bella moved her hand towards it, and he read for her. He read as she realized that she would now confront this monster; that she would go to him to try to save her mother. Her mother who was thankfully safe and far away from this fiend. She squeezed herself towards Edward, hoping that she was some comfort to him, for she knew this was now harder for him to hear than her. After all, she was the only one in danger now, and she meant everything to Edward. Her note to him in particular seemed hard for him to read, hard for her to hear.
"I'm sorry, Edward," Bella murmured into his chest, her tears dampening his shirt.
"I understand, Bella," Edward said in a soft voice, he did understand, but it didn't make the thought of losing her any easier.
"But I didn't," Bella mumbled, "I didn't know how much this would hurt you..."
"If you did, if you knew that..." Edward started to ask, but he didn't want to tell her that he wouldn't have lived if she would have died, she didn't need to hear that right now. "Would you have still gone?"
Bella shivered at the choice she would have to make there.
"Sorry, I didn't..." Edward said softly, knowing that he had upset her more.
"I can read now," Bella said, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes and tried to take the book from Edward, but his grip was unmovable.
"I don't mind," Edward said the words sounding forced.
"Please, Edward," Bella begged in a small voice, she couldn't let him read this. He had already had to bear it once; she didn't want him to go through it again. She didn't want to know what pain she would cause him reading this. She was surprised when his grip loosened and she was holding the book in front of her. Edward's hand that was holding the book was now around her, and she could feel the protective grip he had on her now.
"I should tell you now, that we were all quite surprised that you were able to get away from two vampires," Edward said, trying to make his voice sound light. "You're much more devious than we thought you could be."
Bella smiled sadly. "I must have been really determined."
Bella then started reading, impatiently at first because she just wanted to get to it over with already, she knew she would get away now and she knew that she would have to face the monster. She assumed that Edward must save her. Why else would there be three other books for her to read? She knew she was going to get hurt, it would explain the hold that Edward had on her now, the slight shudders she felt as he had read the last chapter. What she didn't know was what was going to happen before all that started. What James had to say about the other prey that got away from him.
"Alice," Bella gasped.
"Hm..." Edward hummed agreement.
"She was... poor Alice," Bella sighed, thinking about how sad it must have been for her as a human locked away in an asylum. "Did... was this a good thing... hearing how she was turned?"
"I'm not sure," Edward answered, "her past isn't a complete blank any more, but it's not exactly good news."
"Poor Alice," Bella repeated, before reading again. She tried to make sure that she didn't flinch or show any surprise at what was to happen to her in a future that must have changed by now. She knew that Edward was tense, hurting already and she refused to let him hurt more than he had to. It wasn't too difficult, reading about her pain was sure to be a lot easier than to read about his... it had to be, even though reading about James' torture of her was hard.
When she read the next chapter title she felt extremely better. The Angel, her angel, was there to save her she was sure. However, it was harder to read than she thought it would be because it showed the pain that she had caused him, she could hear the hurt in the words that were written on the page as he and Carlisle tried to save her. When they got to the bite on her arm she looked at Edward, wondering if she would be a vampire for the rest of the books. She seriously doubted that when she saw the look in his eyes, but she wasn't sure how that could be. She was even more shocked when she learned what he had done...
"You sucked the venom out!" Bella said, her voice louder than she wanted it to be, in surprise.
Edward shifted at that, afraid of what she might be thinking now. "Yes," he answered simply.
She looked up at him, an incredulous and admiring look on her face. "I didn't think that would be possible. How did you stop...?"
"I have no idea," Edward said, again wishing he could know what she was thinking, it might have helped him right now. "I suppose I love you more than your blood tempts me."
Bella felt her breath catch, it was the first time he had told her he loved her, and though she wasn't sure if he was speaking for his book self or himself, she had a feeling it was for both.
Edward furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if it might also have to do with the fact that he wasn't planning on living long if she had died. He had already been thinking about going to the Volturi at that point. His instincts might have already started adapting, knowing that her safety was just as much or more important than his own.
"Edward," Bella said quickly and broke through his reverie.
"Yes?"
"You saved me this time, but..." Bella said, biting her lip, not sure if now was the time to ask this, but at least she knew she was okay and more importantly that no one else was hurt. "Am I ever going to be a vampire?"
"Do you want to be a vampire?" Edward questioned his body tensing. His hopes for the future now included her as a vampire, but he would never force her to be one. Nor was he completely cured of his long time fear about vampires not having souls. He was conflicted about that issue now, enough so that he would allow her to turn if she wanted to because he believed the future he saw was the closest to heaven either of them could ask for.
"I think I do," Bella said softly, her voice apologetic. She knew how much he would have hated hearing that in the book, and she was surprised when he didn't stiffen.
"Think?" Edward asked, that wasn't enough for him, but he wouldn't push her one way or the other.
"It's only been a few days that I realized that vampires exist," Bella said exasperated, "and I've been worrying more about what I was going to do when I met you and now about what was going to happen next when I read this book. Even with that I have been thinking about us, and it makes sense if I was turned."
"Makes sense…" Edward said that wasn't convincing him either.
"It's the only way we can be even," Bella said. "I know you're afraid of turning me, but... does it make a difference if I want to be turned?"
"Not to him," Edward said looking at the book.
Bella moved so she was looking in Edward's eyes this time. "What about you?"
"I've seen what it's like when you're turned," Edward said softly, his eyes longing, but sad, at the same time. "And it's not how I thought it would be... But, Bella, it will always be your choice what you do."
Bella smiled at him and nodded her head and moved to sit against him again, but he groaned. "What is it?" she asked.
"I think I have to move," Edward sighed. He was starting to feel his two most powerful longings take over him and now that she didn't need to be comforted (or he needed to be close to her), it was starting to take him over. She sat up, letting him move though she couldn't hide her disappointment that he was no longer holding her. He stood at the far side of the room, motioned for her to read, which she did, and he sighed. He was quite pleased that he was able to touch her, to actually hold her in his arms for so long, though he wished he didn't need to pull himself away from her now. He had to hold his breath and use it to its maximum proficiency when he talked, but as long as she needed him, he was able to be there and that was comforting. Not to mention it would be easier to touch her from now on... easier, but not quite easy enough. He'd still have a long, uphill battle before he was able to control his needs.
She finished the Angel chapter quickly and went on to the next, able to react properly to all the embarrassing things that happened in the chapter, like her heart monitor beeping and her talk with her mother about Edward. Her eyes widened when Edward talked about leaving her, that she would be safer if he wasn't near her and she looked up at Edward again. He was still struggling to control himself it seemed, his eyes were closed at least and if he were sitting he probably would have looked like he was sleeping. Still, she reassured herself that this Edward wouldn't leave her, well, not unless she asked him to go, but that wasn't likely to happen. She looked back at the book, and again she wasn't so sure if that Edward felt the same... after all the Edward in the room must have learned from the mistakes the book Edward made... that is if he even made any mistakes, which she seriously hoped he hadn't, but feared he did.
It didn't take her long to figure out what was going on in the last chapter and she didn't like it one bit.
"Absolutely not," Bella said as soon as she read the word prom in the book, confirming her fears.
"What?" Edward said, opening his eyes and looking at her curiously. He took in her glare and the stiff set of her jaw, and knew that she was being stubborn about something, but he had lost track of things as he tried to calm himself down and he wasn't sure what she was thinking about.
"I'm not going to prom, Edward!" Bella huffed, her glare intensifying when his mouth thinned.
"Come now, Bella, be reasonable..." Edward started, but she shook her head.
"I don't want to go, Edward!" Bella said through gritted teeth.
"Because you can't dance, but that won't be a problem when you're with me," Edward smiled at her.
Bella blinked, he was using his most charming smile, knowing full well the effect it had on her... stupid book giving away all her secrets. She couldn't even be annoyed by that though, because all she felt was dazzled. "Edward... please," she said weakly, all she could force herself to say.
Edward sighed, and he frowned in a forlorn expression. "You know I've never really been to prom myself... I would have been too sick to attend if there was even a prom at my school when I was still human and well, I've never really found anyone I've wanted to go to prom with before now. I admit that I have gone once... but it is rather odd when you're not there with someone and you can only dance with your sisters."
Bella made a face; she'd been prepared for him to try and convince her, tell her it was something she would want to do, but this... how was she supposed to say no when he said something like this? "I'll think about it," she said, her tone showing her annoyance.
She started to read again, trying to fume but of course the book wasn't helping with that right now seeing as it was about the dreaded event. Okay, so she chuckled briefly at the horror film reference, and when it came to dancing with Edward... it actually didn't sound so bad. She supposed she could let him have his way in this, seeing as he clearly wanted to go with her.
Then Jacob came and gave her a warning from the werewolves. That made her feel uneasy. They were going to notice soon enough that she was with Edward, and she was close friends with Jake already... that was sure to be a tense situation. Still, she held her tongue about that issue, feeling like she just wanted to finish the book before she said anything else.
However, when Edward gave his reason for wanting to take her to prom she noticed it was very different. It was just the kind of response that she could have argued with vehemently, which she had done in the book (though it was too late for her then). She narrowed her eyes at Edward, suddenly wondering if he really wanted to go to prom or if he just wanted her to have the 'human experience'.
"What is it?" Edward asked, looking amused at the look she gave him, his favorite tiger-kitten glare.
"Did you really mean what you said earlier about prom?" Bella questioned. "Or were you just saying that so you would get me to say yes to you."
Edward sighed, looking into her eyes and knew that he had to be honest. "A little of both, I really don't want you to miss anything about being human, Bella. I know that this isn't something you would have done if I wasn't here, but that doesn't mean you can't go now. And yes, I do want to go to prom with you... I think it would be nice... and you did say it wasn't so bad."
Bella frowned again, she was still undecided about that, but she had time to think about that later. She started reading again, the book ending with the stalemate between them about whether or not she should be turned.
"Well that certainly was interesting," she said putting the book down. It was almost twelve o'clock, much later than the other nights, but these chapters really seemed to have been emotionally draining. "I hope the next book won't be as exciting..."
"I don't know about exciting," Edward said. "But it's definitely emotional."
"Is it really that bad?" Bella bit her lip, she could hear in Edward's tone that something must have happened. She shivered when he wouldn't look in her eyes, obviously he was feeling guilty about something, and she could only think of one thing that would be.
"I have to warn you, I can't let you think for one second that this could really happen, not now," Edward said, talking to the floor, his voice thick with self loathing. "I'm going to leave..."
Bella's heart quickened as he said that, pushing her to panic... she didn't want to think about him leaving, even if it was just in a book. Still, she tried to control her voice, bring her heart back to a normal pace. "I thought you would say that," Bella said, glad to hear that her voice was even at least.
"You did?" Edward looked at her this time, his eyes both sadder than she'd ever seen them and hopeful.
"You were constantly thinking about leaving in Midnight Sun," Bella explained and Edward nodded his head. "And in the later chapters of this book..." she had to take a breath, trying not to think about the sadist vampire that caused Edward to believe that she shouldn't be near him, "it looked like you had more reasons to believe that you needed to go..."
"I wanted you to be safe," Edward said softly. "I know my presence only puts you in danger."
"It's too late for that now," Bella said, and then flinched, she had said that to him once in the book and he didn't like that then. This Edward smiled at her though, it didn't quite get rid of the sadness there but at least it looked like a genuine smile.
"I know," Edward said. "If you were ever going to have peace without me, I would never have met you in the first place."
"That's what I thought," Bella said. "I think that's what kept me calm while I was reading about you wanting to leave... I kept reminding myself that at least you would never leave me."
"Well, I'm glad you thought that," Edward smiled at her, he seemed to be relieved and she figured he must have been worried about what her reaction to him leaving her was going to be like.
"So, is the next book about... um... how I dealt with you being gone?" Bella questioned, jumping to the logically conclusion.
Edward nodded his head, his relief was gone now and he was grimacing again.
"Hm..." Bella said thoughtfully, thinking about all the warning signs she had seen in the book and everything she had found out about the Quileutes. "I'm going to get involved with the werewolves somehow, aren't I?"
Edward gave her a grin, it was the one she saw whenever she surprised him. "Yes, of course you do."
"I don't know if I want to read that right now," Bella said pensively and Edward looked at her a little shocked. She smiled at him, she definitely liked shocking him. "I have two reasons for this really. First, it seems like it's going to be really hard to read and I don't know if I want to read about you being gone before I even get to know you..."
"Don't you think it would make it easier that way?" Edward asked. "You wouldn't be able to empathize with yourself as much... it might not hurt..."
"I don't think that could be helped one way or other," Bella shrugged. "I think I want to know you for you, before we go into the problems that are no longer going to happen."
Edward raised an eyebrow there. "Are you planning on reading the books at all?"
"Yes, I do want to know everything that happened eventually, but is it so wrong to get to know you first?" Bella said.
"I suppose not," Edward said. "New Moon doesn't start until September... and other events don't happen until a long time after that... I guess we have plenty of time to get to know each other before you have to read the books."
"Argh," Bella grumbled, "you're making me curious about the future."
Edward just shook his head, amused. "You're the one that's deciding not to read... it's your own fault that you don't know about the future."
"I know," Bella rolled her eyes. "But that doesn't mean I can't be annoyed."
"You said you had two reasons," Edward added.
"Oh, yeah," Bella blushed a little at this and Edward looked at her intrigued. "I liked it when you held me... It made me feel safe... like everything would be okay..."
"I'm glad I could help," Edward beamed; he definitely liked it, too.
"But it was hard for you, right?" Bella pointed out.
"Hm..." Edward said thoughtfully. "Not at first. All I could think about was you and trying to help you... but yes, it's still hard for me to be so close to you..."
"I thought so," Bella nodded her head this time. "I think... um... that if I have to read about you being gone... I would want you to be there... holding me."
"Yes, I think I would prefer it that way, too," Edward agreed.
"So, we'll wait to read New Moon," Bella said. "Wait until we're closer."
"Okay," Edward agreed. "So, what are your plans for tomorrow?"
"Well, I'm of two minds really," Bella said. "I want to see your family again... and I want to talk with Jacob..." Edward was smiling at first, but it fell when she mentioned Jacob. This didn't go unnoticed by Bella at all. "What's the matter?"
"It's nothing that I can't deal with," Edward said, and then he went on more thoughtfully. "Actually if you are going to see the boy," Bella made a face at his use of 'boy' and Edward rolled his eyes, "Jacob then, there is something you should warn him about."
"What?" Bella asked in concern, for Edward was frowning.
"It's Harry Clearwater," Edward said. "In the second book... he dies of a heart attack..."
"No," Bella gasped, and then bit her lip. She didn't really know this Harry guy, but she had heard Charlie mention him once or twice in the week since she had been here and she had a feeling they were close.
"We're hoping that with this warning that maybe that won't have to happen," Edward frowned. "A heart attack is something that can be prevented after all, and the sooner he knows about it the better it will be for Harry."
"Of course, I'll tell Jake," Bella frowned. "Though I don't know how he can help without showing them the books..."
"I'm sure you'll think of a way," Edward said. "And if worse comes to worse you could show them the books... It's more important to save him."
"You're right, of course," Bella nodded her head.
"I think you should get to bed, Bella, it's getting rather late," Edward said; it was now after one. "We're sure to have another eventful day tomorrow... um... actually later today, if you decide to come over to my house."
"Huh?" Bella asked, questioningly.
"Alice has been going crazy, waiting for you to finish reading the books," Edward chuckled. "I don't think you'll get out of the big production this time."
"Why did you tell me that?" Bella groaned. "Now I'm going to have nightmares."
"I'm sure you'll survive," Edward chuckled, "and I just wanted to warn you. Everyone wants to see you again... especially Esme..."
"Okay, okay, I'll come over," Bella sighed, "now if you excuse me, I need a human moment."
Edward smiled at her use of the term that was in the book, and then he said goodnight to her.
A/N: I hope no one's disappointed about my decision to have Bella hold off reading the rest of the books for a while, I just felt that it would be better for her not to know too much about the future when she's first meeting Edward. Especially seeing as she had some fears about things like marriage and children. I think that will all go over better if she was deeply in love with him.
I would like to note that I will be doing chapters in the future about Bella reading the rest of the books and I wouldn't mind you telling me about points in those books that you think should be discussed. I worked with my memories of Twilight here, not actually re-reading everything and I don't know if I missed any of the key parts, but this was the best I could do. I'm also not sure if I'm going to write them the same way I did with this chapter. I might just have the discussion between Edward and Bella, instead of going through the summaries like I did in these last two chapters. Let me know what you think, and I hope you liked this chapter.