PLL belongs to Sara Shepard and ABC Family.
I do not take credit.
I looked out the window of Spencer's car as we were passing by Rosewood Day Elementary School. Next to it is the park mom used to take me and Jeff when we were little. There's the slide that cracked his head open when he decided to run down it rather than slide down. I couldn't help but smile a bit at all the memories we had here. Then I shook it off as I remembered I could never have those types of memories again.
I sit there in silence as my mind is swimming with thoughts. It was just too much for me to keep to myself, but yet I can't get myself to talk about them. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain all of this to the Montgomerys. Especially the Mr. Fitz part. I still can't even grasp what I found out. I mean I was there but hearing it from him made me realize I didn't make the whole thing up. I thought for the longest time that maybe I imagined it, that no one actually helped me. That I probably just got out on my own but that's not the case. It did happen.
I thought for awhile and came to the conclusion that Aria was right to be upset with me. I should have told them when it happened, but it was tough with them being on the other side of the world. I mean yea, we have Facebook and Emailing, that could have been a simple and easy way to tell her. But it didn't seem right to do that and have her so far away, probably wishing she was here. Plus I was always in a bad mood and taking my anger out on everyone 'cause I wasn't able to talk about it. She needs to understand that I went through hell the first month trying to process what happened. I couldn't do two things at the same time. Then once it sank in I wasn't the same person. I'm still not really the same person she grew up with and I don't know how she'll handle it.
The days before the accident I was a bubbly and happy person who tried to have fun and did my best not to let people bring me down. I was still shy and if someone bothered me, others would almost always intervene. Now...now I'm the opposite. Yea I can still be happy and shy at times but now I let my emotions get the better of me. Whether if it's me being sad to the point where I wont talk to anyone and locking myself somewhere to be alone. Or snapping at someone for no reason and sometimes getting into arguments with friends. I even almost got into a fist fight with Amber just because she happened to be around. Aria will most definetly not appreciate that side of me.
"Hey." I look over at Spencer. She was watching me with sad eyes. I knew what this usually meant. "Talk to me."
I look back out the window. "I don't know what to say."
"Say anything. Don't keep things to yourself. You know where that gets you."
I flash back to a day not to long after I finally processed what happened. I had made it my goal not to get anyone involved with my emotions. To not let people see me break down. I had gone almost all week without speaking to anyone. But they all gave me space as I tended to go on my own and keep to myself. One day I was in what was now my room (used to be Spencer's sister Melissa's room) sitting on a chair, just watching the backyard. Mrs. Hastings was filling up parts of the yard with flowers and it sent me into a memory.
When I was younger mom used to do the same thing. I would sit up in my room and watch her from the window. Then when I got bored I sprayed her with water from a water gun. She would warn me to stop, then raced up the stairs when I didn't and looked for me as I hid from her. When she'd find me she would tickle me till I couldn't breathe.
As that filled my brain that day I had started to cry. Spencer was walking passed the room not too long later and looked inside when she heard me. When she saw me curled up in a corner she walked over, wrapped her arms around me and I cried till I couldn't no more. She made me promise to always clear my mind so that I wouldn't get like this again.
I watch her for a bit as I came back from that thought. "I know Spence. I just honestly don't know what to say right now. It was one thing trying to process when it happened but to start all over again after so much time of keeping myself from thinking about it? I don't know if I can."
"You have to try Jessie." She hesitates. "I know talking about that with Fitz was probably weird but the Montgomerys are like family to you. You can't act like nothing's going on just 'cause you can't handle it. Imagine how they feel finding out months later that people they used to see everyday is no longer around?"
That kind of made me feel worse for not saying anything. I could feel my stomach turning as I imagined myself in their shoes. If it had been me finding out that Aunt Ella, Uncle Byron and Mike died in a car accident and Aria didn't tell me, I would have been extremely mad at her. Which I completely get her impulse to yell and be upset with me during Gym.
"I'll do my best." I finally get out. She puts a slight smile as we pull up to her house.
It's still weird to call this my home now. I feel like I'm invading their space. I wasn't this type of person who grew up with money. So I don't really feel like me anymore. Mostly because people think since I live here that makes me part of the Hastings family. It doesn't feel right to be known as rich now, because I'm not their child. I'm just a guest staying here till I'm either able to get my own place or till I'm legally an adult. But it's Rosewood. Everyone takes things too far, but what's done is done. Would just be better if Amber and her family stuck with that in their head. Would make my life so much easier rather than feeling like I'm going to get into a fight at any moment I run into them.
"Melissa arrived today right?"
She nods. "With her fiancé."
I half laugh. "Sorry, but it's weird to think of your sister settling down."
"That makes two of us."
We walk through the kitchen and look out the back door. Melissa and who I can only assume is her boyfriend are heading into the barn. Spencer took the summer to renovate the barn and turned it into a loft. She had made a deal with her parents that if she got good grades and made the effort to do what had to be done that they would let her move in for Junior year. I felt bad when she offered to split it with me. She didn't want me having to stay in the house by myself. Plus she thought it would be cool having a roommate.
When we got outside Melissa walks out. She has a smile. "Wow Spence. You really did it." She walks towards us. "When mom and dad told me you were making it into a loft I couldn't see it. But it turned out great."
"Thanks." She says with a smile.
She looks at me. "Hello Jessie."
"Hey."
"I'm sorry to hear about your family. I'm a bit late but I'm glad mom and dad were kind enough to let you stay here."
I half smile. "I couldn't be more grateful to have your family invite me in."
She gives me a look that confuses me for a minute. "You get in a fight or something?"
I half laugh. "Oh." I shake my head. "No. I had a bit of a incident while on my skateboard."
She nods, "Oh. I see." I nod. "Oh by the way." She looks at Spencer. "It was really nice of you to let us take the barn."
Spencer gives her a confused look. "What?"
"Mom and dad said that we could have the loft till my place in the city was done with renovations." By the look I gave Spencer and the look that she was giving her, Melissa knew right away what was coming.
They were having a pretty heated argument about the whole thing. I mean it's understandable. Her parents did promise the barn to her if she took the time to make it into a living space. But as usual things didn't go her way.
Something from behind Melissa catches my eye. I look and see her boyfriend walking out. He smiles as he gets to us and says. "Hi. I'm Wren."
I start to smile. "You're British."
"Am I?" He looks at Melissa who starts laughing. "Never would have known." He jokes.
I start turning red. "Sorry."
Spencer didn't wait to see how this conversation would turn out. She was pretty ticked off about her loft being given to her sister. Which is no surprise to me 'cause it seems that Melissa gets her way quite often. Her parents almost always side with her on things and in my opinion, it's not fair.
I look over as she walks away. "Spencer!" I call out. I turn back. "Uh. See you later. And nice to meet you." I take off after Spencer as she rushes inside the house.
I followed her upstairs and tried to talk to her. Of course being Spencer she doesn't usually listen. So after a bit of her yelling and taking out her anger about her parents giving away the loft, we hung around in her room and just talked. Turns out Spencer didn't want me to stick around for dinner after all. The favor was to keep her company while she met Melissa's fiancé, which I did. But I was also supposed to stay for dinner. However, since the Montomgerys are back we both agreed that I should probably have dinner with them. It was the least I could do after leaving them in the dark about what happened since February. Plus it would be a good way to catch up.
In the middle of getting ready to go out Mrs. Hastings walked in and told me that Spencer let her know that I wasn't staying. I was thankful to hear that she was not upset about the whole thing. She just wanted to make sure I was okay and how I was feeling about them being back.
"I love that they are back." I tell her. "I've been waiting for this moment since I moved back here."
"But?" She says.
I watch her for a minute. "But...it's not how I imagined it."
"It's not really the most thrilling way to come back and finding out your best friends are gone."
I nod. "Yea...I didn't really think it through."
"It's understandable Jessie."
"Aria hates me for it."
"And she will get over it. She's just emotional right now."
Mr. Hasting walks in. "Do you need a ride Jessie?"
I shake my head. "No. I'll take my car." I smile. "Thanks though." He gives me a look and I know what he's thinking. He doesn't like the idea that I'm driving with a broken wrist. But he just nods and walks off.
I understand the protection they both have towards me. It's been like this since I moved in, even before then. I'm a kid who went through a horrible situation and have to rely on them for things now. We are all still getting used to this new life. It scares me just as much as them to know that they practically adopted me and now have to be responsible for me as if I am part of the family. I just wish they would remember that I'm not their kid. I don't want to be protected as if I am. I just want them to be there if needed, not as if they have to be.
About a half hour or so later I pull up to the Montgomery's house. It was weird being on this part of the block again. I hadn't been here since I moved out. I look next door and there it was, my house. It hasn't changed at all. I mean a completely new family lives there now, but it's the same house I grew up in.
I tried my best not to think too much as I attempted to get out of my car, but it didn't work. As soon as I got up my stomach started to hurt and I felt like I was about to throw up. I sat back in my car, closed the door and stared at the Montgomery house. "I don't know if I can do this."