Author's Note:-
Just FYI, back when I wrote this it was before Tarble existed, so this sketch is kind of irrelevant not, but hopefully still enjoyable :) Also when I wrote this I thought Celipa was Bardock's sister, because I read somewhere that they were siblings in a special Japanese version of the Bardock Special… I no longer think that's true, but it might be. That would be nice n_n Anyway, enjoy!
Late into the evening, Frieza, King Vegeta and Bardock were all drinking.
"Hey, hey – hey!" King Vegeta slurred in a drunken state, forcefully tapping Frieza on the shoulder. "Hey… hey… Hey! Hey –"
"What the fuck do you want!" Frieza demanded.
"I have no siblings, I need to ask… is it true that big brothers are protective over their sisters?" King Vegeta asked. Bardock shrugged, unable to give an opinion.
"Why are you looking at me?" Frieza growled at King Vegeta.
"Well what about Frikiza?" King Vegeta said.
"She's not my sister; she's the girl version of me." Frieza replied.
"Right, but… she's like a little sister." King Vegeta shrugged.
"No she's not." Frieza argued.
"Yes she is." King Vegeta said.
"No she's not!" Frieza barked.
"Okay – so if some guy tried it on with her, you wouldn't feel protective?" King Vegeta asked.
"Of course not." Frieza answered stubbornly.
"Well good." Bardock smirked. "Because for a lizard she ain't half cute –"
Frieza immediately punched Bardock, and King Vegeta burst out laughing while Bardock lay on the floor with a broken nose. "Told ya…" Bardock said, and pulled himself up.
"Hmph!" Frieza grunted. "That was nothing to do with me being her brother. The thought of a saiyan with an icejin alone is enough to make anybody sick."
"Really…?" Bardock uttered, and whistled. "Hey! Emo Cell!"
Meanwhile, Cell had been stood in the corner of the room with his arms folded. He looked up in response to Bardock. "You know… you don't actually have to act like Vegeta to get out of joining in with the conversation." Bardock said.
"Was that an insult against my son!" King Vegeta barked, jumping up.
"No." Bardock lied. King Vegeta paused, then peacefully downed another bottle of vodka.
"What is it?" Cell demanded.
Bardock looked at Frieza.
"Him?" He asked.
"Well, he's not ideal…" Frieza admitted. "But if there were no more icejins around…"
"You have no problem with him?" Bardock questioned.
"No." Frieza replied.
Bardock turned to Cell.
"What do you think of that Frikiza? Would you do her?" He asked.
"Looks-wise?" Cell shrugged. "She's not bad, I don't think I'd say no –" Then he suddenly got a bottle of vodka thrown in his face; it smashed and Cell's eyes stop existing. King Vegeta jumped up in a rage and leaned across the table to Frieza.
"What the fuck are you doing!" He screamed. "There was still vodka in that!" He picked up another bottle. "You son of a bitch!" He smashed the bottle and waved it in Frieza's face, at which point Frieza looked at the vodka from the second bottle, which was now all over the table, and moved his eyes to King Vegeta. "… There was vodka in that one too!" King Vegeta barked after a long pause, and smacked the empty bottle over Frieza's head.
"I love my first form…" Frieza sighed, wiping the glass off his unharmed, armoured head.
"I think I've proved my point." Bardock said, smirking at Frieza.
"Fine, but you're the same with your sister." Frieza growled.
"I am not!" Bardock argued. "My sister can do what she wants, she's a grown woman."
"Who, Celipa?" King Vegeta uttered. "Now there's a peasant I wouldn't mind knighting…"
Bardock suddenly leapt up and smacked King Vegeta as hard as he possibly could. Frieza flinched in shock, and Bardock's eyes widened as he realised what he had done. Frieza smirked as he watched King Vegeta wipe the blood away from jaw and look at Bardock. "… What just happened?" King Vegeta asked.
Bardock immediately fell to his knees.
"Forgive me, Sire!" He cried. Frieza let out a sigh.
"I can't remember the last time I got a saiyan down on his knees…" He mumbled. "Oh – yes I do." He looked at King Vegeta and grinned. "It was your son."
"What –"
"He was fixing one of my plug sockets." Frieza said, interrupting King Vegeta. "I never could do those things. I grew up with cutlery."
"Engineers have education too." Bardock frowned.
"Ew…" Frieza gagged.
"Right…" King Vegeta grunted, standing up. "I'm going for a slash."
"Thank God you have money; you wouldn't be able to get a girl with your charms." Frieza sniped.
"Saiyan girls don't need charms." King Vegeta winked, and raised his arm. "Just power!" He then proceeded to fall backwards, and banged his head on the worktop. He blacked out – not knocked unconscious, just asleep.
"… Yes, I see the appeal." Frieza remarked, looking at the drunken King Vegeta. "It's a wonder why you only had the one boy in all the year of marriage." He remarked, and started to cackle.
"You're an evil bastard." Bardock growled.
"Laugh at my evil!" Frieza exclaimed. "Cell! Are you still listening!"
"No I'm not, you glassed me!" Cell barked, rubbing his eyes. "But yes I am still listening; I have no sight so my other senses are heightened."
"Really?" Frieza blinked.
"Well of course not, who the hell believes that horseshit?" Cell growled.
"It's scientifically proven –" Bardock began.
"Bardock, with respect I lost all faith in scientists the minute I read on a DBZ rumour page somewhere that you were one." Cell said, cutting him off.
"Whatever…" Bardock mumbled.
He folded his arms in annoyance, and sighed. "I can't believe I'm so protective over my sister… What a loser!"
"Yes you are a loser." Frieza nodded.
"What – you're protective over Frikiza too!" Bardock protested.
"I have every reason to be!" Frieza argued. "You have no excuse; Celipa is a strong, independent, reasonably well-adjusted girl – for a saiyan, anyway… You have no reason to protect her. Frikiza however… is essentially a walking Barbie doll that still has the mental age of a five-year-old."
"And to think she's your alternate –"
"Don't make me mention your retarded son!" Frieza barked, causing Bardock to glare at him. "Anyway…" Frieza continued. "Frikiza needs to be looked out for. Later tonight I've hired the Ginyu Force to attack and kill her when she's alone."
Bardock went quiet, suddenly bewildered, while Frieza calmly took a sip of his drink.
"… Why the hell have you done that…?" Bardock asked.
"Well apparently I'm her big brother. I did train her once upon a time; I need to make sure she's still keeping up with herself." Frieza answered.
"Gee, you're right. I shouldn't have trained Celipa the normal way, I should've hired a group of mercenaries to gang up and kill her!" Bardock sarcastically replied.
"It's a good thing you didn't fork out, I did it for free." Frieza smirked, causing Bardock to glare at him again. "No need to thank me." Frieza said.
"Oh, good." Bardock snarled.