Chapter XVI | Anastasia's POV
Rage. Fury. Confusion. Want. Guilt.
He kissed me, he just kissed me. I use all my strength to push him off of me.
''What the hell! Why did you just kiss me!'' I yell at him.
He looks somewhat dazed and confused. It's then when I feel something run down my cheek. I wipe it off with my finger only to realize that it's a tear.
I immediately cover my face. I can't let him see me like this.
You weak stupid little girl...
Fucking shut up already Asshole! You're killing me! I hear them laughing.
I feel my bed dip to the side, and I feel Christian moving my hands away from my face. He lifts my chin up with his fingers and I'm hypnotized by those dark gray eyes.
''Ana..'' He whispers to me, ''I don't know what it is about you... but I can't stop thinking about you. You're always running through my mind every fucking day. I know you want me to stay away but I just can't, it's impossible.''
''Please stop..'' I can't listen to this.
He's going to hurt you... Don't listen to him...
''I know he will..'' I whisper to her.
''Huh?'' and I'm brought back to Christian.
''Please leave.'' I simply tell him.
''I'm not gonna fucking leave you Ana! Don't you understand! You've completely bewitched me!'' At this point his eyes are a darker shade of gray, to the point where they look black. ''You're amazing to me, so beautiful'' His voice softens.
I stand up ''shut up, just shut the fuck up!'' I yell at him.
''I'm not shutting up! You're so fucking infuriating! Yet I wouldn't want or have you any other way!'' He yells back and now he's inches in front of me. God he's tall.
''You don't have me at all.'' I challenge him.
''Then I'll do whatever it takes just to have all of you.''
Why is my heart racing like this? Why do I wanna cry? Why does it pain me to hear his beautiful soft spoken promises?
He deserves better, you're trash...
''Please shut up..'' I whisper.
''I'm not shut-''
''Not you..'' I correct him.
''Who?''
''Doesn't fucking matter! I want you out of my house!'' I scream at him and point to my room door.
His eyes are pleading with me, ''LEAVE!'' I scream louder than before, and he flinches.
''You're crying.'' What?
As if he can read my unspoken question he uses his fingers to wipe the tears falling from my eyes.
I slap his hands off me and turn away from him.
''Why are you hiding from me?'' He says softly.
''Why do you want me?'' I ask.
''I dream of you every night. I dream of kissing you. I dream of helping you through your bad addictions. Your blue eyes are beautiful yet they're sad. I hate it so much because I want you, more than anything, and you don't feel the same way. I wanna make you happy, and this is the first time I've ever felt any sort of emotion towards someone and it's towards you Ana, it's only you.''
I can't hold back my tears anymore. I start to sob. He wraps his arms around me and holds me from behind and leaves soft kisses on my neck. Without thinking, I lean my head to the side to give him more access.
''I'm not gonna hurt you. Just let me in, baby.''
He called me baby..
I wrap my arms around myself and stifle a sob.
''Are you gonna let me in?'' He asks me, still holding me.
I feel so safe in his arms. Almost like how I felt with my Nana before she died...
I wanna nod my head to his question but I just can't right now, so I give him an answer.
''I'm scared, Christian..''
''So am I, but I'll help you through this... Just promise me no more drugs please.'' He pleads with me.
I immediately tense up and turn around, ''but they help the voices go away, they help me feel better.''
''It's an illusion Ana. It's dangerous.''
''I like danger.'' I say never taking my eyes off of him.
His lips quirk up, ''I know you do... but I don't wanna lose you.''
''You never had me in the first place.''
Now his grin gets bigger, ''Like I said Anastasia, I will do just about anything just to have you all to myself.''
What do you call that feeling? When your tummy just feels like its doing somersaults? Butterflies, is it? Well I'm feeling that right now. But I won't let him know that I'm feeling them with him. Last time I felt it, I was 11 and got myself in a bad situation.
''I wanna kiss you again, will you let me?'' He whispers loud enough for me to hear.
I'm so scared, my heart is beating so hard, but I nod anyway.
He leans and our lips touch.
I'm lost, his touch does things to me, makes me wanna feel again, makes me feel wanted. The voices in my head are fading, and the only thing I can hear is our hard breaths when we pull apart, do to the sound of someone clearing their throat, we both look towards my door only to be faced with my parents. My mom is smirking but Ray... well like the overprotective dad he is, is glaring at Christian.
Shit.