The birth is fast and the doctor barely makes it before Blair is screaming that she wants to push as Dan grips her hand. Everything is a blur but the world snaps into focus when Blair hears the cry, a screaming breath announcing the entrance of an entirely new person into this world. The baby is red and loud, a head of thick dark hair, face scrunched up, screaming and Blair puts her to her chest and whispers into her wet hair and feels her sigh against her skin, holding her tight. She is tired and shaking and covered with sweat, and for a moment she worries that her arms aren't strong enough to keep hold of the infant in her arms. People are buzzing around her, a whirl of motion, and she hears words tossed back and forth.
pinked up apgar looks good mom's doing well
Blair doesn't care what any of it means. She takes a deep breath, inhales the scent of the tiny wrinkled being resting on her chest and in that moment she understands everything. She understands love, pure and simple love. She loves her. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's everything.
"It's mama," Blair whispers and the baby stops crying and is silent, and Blair wonders at the power of her voice.
It's mama.
Dan whispers her name and his hands are stroking Blair's hair that's plastered against her forehead then he's leaning over and placing a kiss on the baby's forehead. Blair looks up at him, her eyes filled with tears and sees tears in his as well. This is the moment they've been waiting for.
"Giulietta,"
Blair says her name out loud and it sounds strange, foreign, but in a matter of seconds Giulietta has stolen her heart. Blair feels hot tears roll down her cheeks, tastes salt and she realizes she is sobbing.
"She's here," Dan says softly. "You were wonderful and she's here. She's here."
Giulietta whimpers softly and digs her head into Blair's chest, rooting around and Blair realizes that she's hungry, and all the doubts about whether or not she can do this slip away as she looks up at Andrea who is standing by her bedside. Andrea nods at her.
"She wants to eat. That's good."
Blair nods, feeling overwhelmed and tired. She just wants to close her eyes sleep, but she can't. Not yet. Giulietta wants to eat and Blair wants this, wants to nurse her baby and do all the things a mother does for her child.
Andrea helps her, helps the baby latch on and nurse and Blair holds the tiny, helpless girl in her arms and she wants to cry from the wonder of it all. She's a mother. Giulietta's mother.
Dan leaves to make some phone calls and the doctor says goodbye, and something about it being a fast birth, and Blair nods, not really caring, trying to pretend that everything is normal when nothing feels that way. Dorota comes rushing in, cooing over the baby, fussing over Blair, promising to make her favorite dinner, and Blair can tell the woman who is practically her surrogate mother has been worried. She puts her hand up and Dorota stops in mid-sentence.
"I'm okay, Dorota," Blair says kindly. After all these years she finally knows how much Dorota loves her. It's like a veil has been lifted and suddenly Blair can see everything clearly.
"Oh, Miss Blair, I was so worried. After the bleeding and the hospital, and it was all so quick. I thought I would have to call 911. I've never seen Mister Dan look so scared, and all those people were rushing in and out of your room. Then Andrea came out and said everything okay and I could breathe again."
Blair looks at Dorota and the amount of love she has for the woman who has been by her side her entire life overwhelms her.
"I love you, Dorota," Blair says without ceremony. It's something that she should have said a long time ago."
Dorota startles at Blair's words.
"Miss Blair...I...I don't..."
Blair smiles. How often is Dorota actually left speechless?
"You don't have to say anything Dorota. It's the truth, and I want you to know it."
Dorota stares at Blair for a few seconds and suddenly Blair finds herself enveloped in the embrace of her dearest friend and she inhales the smell that is so Dorota and so home, closes her eyes and accepts this gift, until a small squeak reminds both of them that Giulietta is sandwiched between them. Dorota pulls back, looking a little embarrassed.
"Sorry Miss Blair,"
"For what? Making Giuli fear for her life from her Godmother?" Blair smiles and laughs a little. She feels light, happy.
"Oh Miss Blair!" Dorota gasps, blushing, "I...I have a roast in the oven...it might burn..."
Blair smiles as Dorota rushes from the room, brushing past Dan who is coming through the doorway. He stops and stares past Dorota and turns back to Blair with a quizzical look on his face.
"What the...?" he starts.
"Something I should have done a long time ago," Blair says slyly, laughing, feeling joyous.
"I'm a little curious," Dan says as he walks over to their bed where Blair is lying, the baby sleeping in her arms.
"I just told her that I love her," Blair smiles. "No big deal."
"Seemed like a big deal from the way she rushed out of here."
"Roast in the oven," Blair says evenly, enjoying the moment. Everything feels too wonderful.
The bed sags as Dan sits down on the edge of it and smooths a stray hair off of Blair's forehead. He looks down at the baby and Blair sees his face soften, a look of joy creeping across it.
"She's so sweet...I never knew...didn't expect..."
His voice trails off. Blair smiles. She knows what he's trying to say. Neither of them expected to feel like nothing else in the world mattered except this little girl, their little girl. She lifts Giulietta, carefully cradling her head and hands her to Dan."
"Here you go, papa." Blair says softly. "It's your turn."
Dan holds her like she's the most precious thing in the entire world and Blair feels her heart grow one hundred times bigger as she watches the man she loves so much hold their daughter, the child they made together, the one they fought for. She looks so tiny in his big hands and he leans over, smiles at her, and starts to whispers to her, telling her how much he loves her, that she's going to have so much fun and he can't wait to take her to the park, to have her meet her cousin Grace, and as Blair manages to slide to the edge of the bed and stand up, her body feeling achy and weak, she sees him lean over and kiss her tiny nose.
Blair pads to the bathroom feeling a little dizzy, or maybe just dizzy with exuberance. She wraps her robe around her tightly, looks in the mirror and sees the same face that always stares back at her. Somehow she feels she should look different, that having the entire world be a new place should show in her eyes, in the lines of her mouth. It doesn't. She looks no different despite how she feels. She splashes water on her face, blinks the water off her eyelashes, and returns to their bedroom, her feet quiet on the plush carpet.
There is a pitcher of water on her bedside table that wasn't there before, thin slices of lemons floating in it, the sides sweating. Dorota has been here. Blair smiles again and realizes that she can't stop smiling. Dan is rocking Giulietta back and forth, singing a tune Blair has never heard before, his voice rumbling in his chest. He startles when he hears her, looking up.
"A song my dad sang to me when I was little."
"It was nice."
A blush creeps up his cheeks. They both feel so strange and awkward in these new roles. Parents. Singing to their baby. It's familiar and strange all at once.
"You know," Blair says, crawling back onto the bed, settling next to Dan. He starts to give the baby back to her but Blair gestures for him to keep her. She wants Giulietta to spend lots of time with her papa. "Your voice isn't half bad."
"All those years of Humphrey family sing-alongs," Dan jokes, "I think she likes it."
Blair is sure she does. Giulietta has spent the last nine months listening to her mama and papa, and now she gets to be held by them, hear those familiar voices. She's home. Blair lays her head on the pillow and lets the weariness that's been pulling at her finally take over. Her eyes flutter shut and she drifts into the darkness of well-earned sleep.
"Water? Honey, do you want some water?"
It's Dan's voice that wakes her. Blair blinks a little, her eyelids sticking, and she realizes that her mouth is dry. The room is mostly dark, the only light coming from a lamp on the night stand. She wonders how long she's been asleep.
"Dorota told me to make you drink a lot," Dan says quietly. "Says it's good for the milk and I'm not about to let her down."
Blair takes the glass he's holding out to her. She drinks the water and it's cold and crisp. It tastes good and she wants more.
"I think she's hungry," Dan whispers and Blair notices that Giulietta is squirming a little in his arms, rooting around. She's not crying, just making that soft whimper she'd made earlier. Blair reaches out and takes her from Dan, feeling her sweet weight in her arms, placing her to her breast and she opens her tiny bird-like mouth and starts to nurse. Blair feels the fatigue creep back up on her and her eyes start to flutter shut as she leans back against the headboard.
"It's funny." Dan says after a while. Blair opens her eyes to find him gazing at her with so much love that it almost hurts.
"What's funny?"
"I almost didn't ask you to dance."
"What?"
"At Serena and Nate's wedding. I almost didn't ask you. I actually walked out of the reception."
Blair's heart drops. She never knew. Dan, the one who has always been the most confident, the one who has always know what he wanted, and that it was her. He almost walked away.
"You walked out?"
Dan nods.
"I did. I stood outside on the sidewalk and told myself that it wasn't worth it, to leave the past in the past. Told myself it was stupid to do anything else but leave."
"But you didn't."
He smiles and laughs just a little, a small self deprecating laugh.
"I wanted to. I wanted to go back to California and forget I saw you, because even seeing you again hurt so bad. But you looked so beautiful and I decided I couldn't walk away without at least talking to you one last time. It told myself a fool, walking into the Blair Waldorf trap again."
Blair smiles. She remembers how scared she felt, how she didn't want to end up hurt all over again, how she knew she wouldn't survive the wound he would leave a second time.
"But you didn't," Blair says again. He didn't leave. He walked back in and it was the beginning all over again.
"No. I showed the trademark Humphrey stubbornness, which I hope our dear daughter doesn't get too much of. I walked back in and asked you to dance. And now look where we are."
His voice trails off and Blair studies his face to find his eyes brimming with tears.
"In love," she says, completing his thought for him. "married."
"And now, a baby, a daughter," Dan whispers, his eyes locking with hers, "Giulietta."
"Yes," Blair says, her whole being filled with gratitude, "our daughter."
She leans over and places a sweet kiss on her husband's lips.
"I'm glad you were stubborn," Blair whispers. "I hope our daughter is just like you."
TBC