Blair bargains with God the entire way to the hospital. Sitting in the back seat of the town car as it speeds behind the ambulance, she makes promise after promise after promise. As long as Dorota lives. She will brush her teeth twice a day, never yell at her daughter, work at a food bank not just on Thanksgiving but once a month, go to confession, whatever she needs to do. Just please, please let Dorota live.
She can't think about the woman's voice on the phone when she called Dan. Can't think about the noise in the background of people talking, glasses clinking, when he had promised her he'd be home for dinner. All she can think about is Dorota.
She knew her devoted maid was still alive, after CPR and some drugs, she heard the medics say they had a pulse. Still, she wasn't awake, her head flopping a little as they loaded her onto the backboard in order to put her into the ambulance. Blair had never felt so alone, standing in the foyer as the elevator doors closed, staring after the medics, wondering what to do next.
"Oh my god, Blair," Dan had gasped when his phone was finally handed to him and she told him about Dorota, the ambulance, the hospital, "I'm coming home right now. I can't believe you were alone. I'm so sorry, I…"
"Don't." Blair had said quietly. She could not take apologies and explanations right now. She felt so far away from him, so very alone. "Don't come home. I'm going to the hospital. You can meet me there." Dan was silent for a moment and they just breathe together over the phone, neither sure what to say.
"I love you," Dan said quietly. Blair couldn't say anything back.
Please let her live. I will say a prayer every morning, travel to India, work in the slums, bring water to villages in Africa, start an early reading program, dedicate my life to others, just please, please let her live.
Lily and Rufus take Gigi for the night and when Dan finally arrives at the hospital he finds Blair slumped in one of the ghastly plastic chairs in the waiting room, staring into space, the rest of the room empty. She hears him walk up to her, hears him say her name, but she can't look at him. She only stares at the wall, a poster advertising the hospital's transplant services covering its entire surface, a woman whose life was spared smiling at her, something about how now she can bake bread and spend time with her grandchildren. Will Dorota also get this miracle chance that's being advertised. Will she be back to making breakfast and singing softly in Polish?
"Dorota? Is she okay?" Dan's voice is cracking.
Blair finally turns her gaze to her husband and she's stunned by the pain across his face. She doesn't know if he's ever looked more hurt and for a moment everything falls away and all she wants to do is be in his arms.
"Who is she?" Blair spits out. She's not going to tell him about Dorota, not when he was with someone else while Dorota lay possibly dying on the floor. She wants to know who that woman was.
"Oh my god, Blair," Dan says, his voice twisting in pain. So much pain. "It was nothing. My TA, Courtney…"
Blair can picture her. Blond, lithe, leaning over her husband, breasts pushed out a little, a pose of collegiate seduction. Maybe it was nothing to Dan but to Courtney the co-ed, it was everything. She had the good professor when he should be home with his family. She answered his phone. Blair thinks about how many times Chuck had told her it was nothing when an assistant answered his phone sounding a little breathless, and there was always a good reason it was nothing, always an explanation.
"You said you'd be home."
If he'd been there when he said maybe Blair wouldn't have been alone, staring at Dorota on the floor unable to make sense of what was happening. Maybe Dan could have started CPR while she called 911 and instead Blair could only hold Gigi and scream.
Dan moves to sit next to her, not touching her, knowing that she would shirk away if he put his hand out. They say nothing to each other, Blair still staring at the wall. The clock ticks away minute by minute until a doctor pushes through the door and calls her name.
"Ms. Waldorf?"
Blair looks up, her eyes meeting his, searching the face of the doctor for some sort of answer and when she saw him smile kindly she knew Dorota would be okay. That was the moment when Dan finally took her hand and she grips him so tightly she knows she must be hurting his fingers, and no matter how messed up things feel right now, she still needs him.
Dorota is awake and talking. She's had a minor cardiac event. She'll be in the hospital for a few more days and after that she needs to take it easy. Lots of rest and not get back to work too soon.
Blair and Dan stand up together and Blair allows herself to wrap an arm around his waist, allows herself to lean on him and they walk slowly out of the emergency room, Dan whispering into her hair, holding her close, as if it could be the last time. They climb into the waiting car and the whole way home Blair rests her head on his shoulder, and Dan absently rubs her hand with his thumb, a comforting gesture that barely gives any comfort. Blair is so exhausted that she can't pull away. She just allows herself to sag against him as she thinks over and over again that Dorota is going to be okay. God has smiled on her one more time.
They exit the elevator doors into the foyer and Blair feels panic clench in her chest and she can't stop the events from earlier from playing over and over in her head. Calling for Dorota, talking about dinner, finding Dorota on the floor, Gigi crying. She can't stop seeing it. She drops her purse to the floor. Dan stands next to her, not touching her, saying nothing. Blair moves to the living room as if in a trance and Dan follows, sitting next to her on the couch they'd picked out together for it's comfort and softness. She usually loves to sink into it but right now she perches on its edge, every muscle in her body tense.
"We need to talk," Dan says quietly. "What happened, when you called me, I'm so sorry."
"You were supposed to be home," Blair says quietly, unable to look at him, staring at her hands that are clasped together.
"It was just a mistake, I was in the bathroom, Courtney should never have answered my phone."
"There's always a good reason," Blair mutters almost to her self. How many times had Chuck said it was just a mistake. Just her not understanding the situation. How many times had he lied, and here she was being lied to again.
She can feel Dan's eyes boring into her and she can see that he knows that this isn't just about one incident. When he speaks again his words are sharp and bitter. "So, this isn't just about me. It's about the past. It's about Chuck. Fucking Chuck Bass is still here with us after all these years, after all we've been through. One thing happens and we're back to Chuck again."
He's angry. Blair realizes that she's angry too. Did Dan think she walked into this marriage without baggage? Did he think they could somehow be the same untouched people they were when they were twenty and it was easy to love someone one day and someone else the next? She loves him, she trusts him, but it's only been a couple years since he decided to go back into Serena and Nate's reception and they started all over again, compared to fifteen before that and so much betrayal and pain. She had married Chuck and meant it at the time, and he'd thrown her away so easily. Now Courtney the co-ed seems to represent everything about that time and it's happening all over again, along with explanations and justifications, late nights and apologies. Blair expects Dan to fill the foyer with flowers next and give her a god-awful expensive diamond bracelet. It's what Chuck would do.
"Get the fuck out," Blair hisses. She isn't doing this again. Not with Guilliana to worry about. If Dan thinks staying at school with is TA is more important than being with his family, he can leave. She turns to finally look at Dan and he looks devastated at her words. Dan starts to talk, his words measured and careful.
"I'm not Chuck. I made a mistake but dammit Blair, I'm not Chuck, and if I could go back and change things, I would never have stayed for the James Joyce salon in the student union. I would have taken my phone to the bathroom so Courtney wouldn't have answered it. I would have called a taxi and just come home. I hate that you went through this without me. Blair…please. Please."
She says nothing but part of her softens a little. Dan's right. He's not Chuck, but still, she wants to be alone. Needs some space to think. She feels the tears running down her cheeks.
"I was so scared and you should have been there with me. If you'd been there," she pushes her hair back with one shaking hand, "If you'd been there I wouldn't have been so scared, but you weren't." It's the truth and Dan knows it.
"God Blair, I can't leave you right now. I just can't. Seeing you like this, it's ripping me apart. All I want to do is hold you, make this all go away."
"You can't stay." Blair sniffs a little, some of the anger slipping away. Dan nods, understanding that Blair needs some space, some time to think.
"I'll call Nate, see if I can stay there tonight. But you shouldn't be alone. Maybe Serena can come over, stay with you. I can't even imagine being here alone."
Blair blinks and she realizes that no matter how angry she is, she loves this man so much. He's right that he isn't Chuck Bass. Chuck would have fought until he'd destroyed every little part of her but here Dan is telling her he'll do what she's asked but still making sure she'll be okay.
"Okay," she whispers.
"Then tomorrow, I come back and we talk. Really talk. Figure this out, because it's not okay if you think for a moment that I would ever, EVER cheat on you. Because I love you Blair Waldorf-Humphrey, and we can't just keep running away from each other when things get difficult."
Blair smiles for the first time that evening. Dan is right. She had run away in Laguna Beach. He had run away in Rome. Here she was wanting to run away again. "I love you too, Dan Humphrey."
He won't leave her side until Nate and Serena arrive, Grace on Nate's hip.
"We'll do the two-dad thing tonight," Nate tells Dan, then says in a sympathetic voice, "dude, it's nice to be able to have some male bonding time, but maybe next time not under these circumstances."
Blair sees Dan smile at his friend, sees the tension leave his shoulders, and she knows she's done the right thing. She watches the trio walk into the elevator and Dan turns and watches her until the door closes. Then Serena is there, wrapping Blair in her arms, comforting her in the same way she might comfort Grace, but it feels good and Blair finds herself wrapping her arms even tighter around her friend and sobbing her heart out.
"I could have lost her," Blair blurts out. "She was on the floor and I thought she was dead and I could have lost her." Blair pulls back and looks at her friend. "I love you S., you are the best friend I've ever had."
"I know, B. You're mine too."
Serena feeds her, chicken soup from the freezer, and Blair manages to eat a few bites before pushing it away. She draws a warm bath for Blair who stretches out in the warm water, feeling her muscles relax, but her mind still whirls and her heart still hurts. Then Serena puts Blair to bed, helping her into her nightgown the same way Dorota might have, tucking her into the big bed, kissing her on the forehead. Blair feels small and alone, Dan's side of the bed empty, Guilliana gone for the night. Serena is in the guest room at the other end of the penthouse, so it's almost like Blair is entirely alone.
It's so quiet and still, only the sound of her own breathing in the room. Tomorrow, they'll talk. Tomorrow will be another day, and Dorota will be okay and Dan will be back and everything will look different in the morning light. At least she hopes so. Blair feels her mind finally grow still and her body feels like it's falling into darkness as she closes her eyes and dreams of Dan and their life together, a small smile on her lips.
TBC.