Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.
A/N: Thanks to katmom and Angelinia, who beta this story.
Chapter Nineteen
Reading Eclipse Part Two
The next morning she woke up bright and early, got ready for the day and then went back to reading as quickly as she could. She needed to know what was going to happen next.
She thought it was going to be an easy chapter, just graduation, but of course she was wrong. "The vampire army is after me... they stole my scent!"
"It's okay; you know there's no army..." Edward said.
"But I'm the reason your family is in danger," Bella groaned; she didn't like that at all.
"Of course you're not, Bella," Edward shook his head. "The person responsible is the person that made the army. This is not your fault."
"I cause so many problems for your family, Edward... in every book something seems to go wrong because of me," Bella sighed. "Why do you want to have me around if I..."
"Bella!" Edward groaned. "This isn't your fault!"
"If you never met me, your family wouldn't be in any danger!" Bella exclaimed. She knew this was true.
"And I would have been miserable and not even smart enough to realize it," Edward said. "I'm the one that brought you into this dangerous life and most of the danger that happened in this book has been my fault," Bella tried to interrupt him but he wouldn't let her. "My family has been on my side one hundred percent of the way. Bella, they love you, and they know you're worth any risk that might come with getting to know you."
Bella nodded her head at that; she knew he was right she just didn't like being the target.
"Besides, none of this is going to happen so you're not really endangering us," Edward added.
Bella continued to read, trying to concentrate more on the ceremony and how Charlie was reacting to all this instead of the danger that her family was in, but all her book self seemed to think about was the danger. It was understandable, but a little annoying at the moment. However, at the end of the chapter she could smile at the talk she had with Charlie; that was more like the reaction she would expect from her father.
She hated the tension that was going on at the start of the next chapter. It seems like everyone was on edge with her discovery. Perhaps they hadn't believed that the army really was after them until she had connected that incident with her things getting stolen. Whatever it was, it seemed to really have put the Cullens into action, and they were planning on going to Seattle soon.
Then the party started and it was just what she wanted to happen when she was worried sick. The strange thing was that she wasn't sure if she was being sarcastic or not. At least the fear for her family's safety was distracting her from the horrors of the party. Especially when Edward disappeared, knowing that something had changed that he didn't want her to worry about yet. She was just as curious as her book self was to find out what was going on.
She groaned when Jacob showed up. She hadn't forgiven him yet and was mad that her book self seemed to... or was so distracted by her worry to care about being mad. Then he gave her a present, a little wooden wolf and she was wearing it, though she knew what it would mean to him... what was wrong with her?
And then she realized what was going to happen.
"Argh! You're going to team up with the wolves to fight the newborns," Bella groaned.
"Yeah," Edward chuckled. "I thought you would have figured that out sooner."
"And if I had it probably would have been better than it is right now," Bella grumbled.
"Why?" Edward said confused.
"Because right now I'm still mad at Jacob for being a jerk!" Bella stated angrily. "And I don't think it's such a great idea that we see each other," she added in a softer voice. "I shouldn't be around him if he feels that way for me... it's not right, and now he's going to have to be there... because the wolves are going to want to protect me too."
"It's not only you they have to protect," Edward said. "The newborn army is coming to Forks..."
"No!" Bella moaned, picturing her friends being faced with a coven of vampires.
"With the wolves' help, it is not a problem, Bella," Edward assured her.
"Good," Bella sighed, "but this still means that Jacob is going to have to be around me now..."
"I know," Edward sighed, pulling her closer. It was getting harder for him to read this. Though he was reassured by the way she was reacting to her book self's actions, he still knew what was coming closer to the end of this book and he wasn't sure how she would react to that.
She read on, seeing what Alice had to say about her vision of the newborn army coming here and then how the werewolves happily volunteered for the fight, looking for vampires that they could kill.
As she read the next chapter, she was just glad that she didn't feel the panic that her book self did, for she knew Edward wouldn't be so calm if something terrible happened to his family. She also realized that Edward wouldn't have been this calm if one of the Quileutes got hurt either, for it would hurt her and he wouldn't want that.
She was surprised that Edward thought that he could leave her behind. There was no way she would miss the first meeting between the vampires and the werewolves. She had to know that they wouldn't end up fighting each other. Plus, she was secretly wondering what it was like when the Cullens were fighting. Though they seemed to act like themselves whenever she was around, moving faster than she could see at times, she had never seen them fight. She wondered if Esme had forbidden Emmett from starting anything whenever she was around.
When she read about coming into the clearing and her hypothesis that it was Victoria that was behind this she realized that she had always assumed it was her. The way that Edward told her that this was never going to happen seemed to have subconsciously stated to her that it was this wild vampire that had been dead for months now and couldn't hurt her.
"It is Victoria," she stated, looking at Edward and he nodded his head. And this was good because if it had ended up being the Volturi she knew that there could be a chance that something like this would happen. That was indeed a much bigger issue than Victoria for they were a problem that could very likely go off in the future and she wasn't just thinking about the book future. All that would have to happen is for them to find out about them...
"What are you worrying about?" Edward questioned.
"The Volturi," Bella answered immediately.
"I just said it was Victoria and..." Edward started to say with a smile.
"I was just worrying about the danger they pose to us in our reality," Bella said as both a statement and a question.
"I see," Edward said thoughtfully. "We are worried about that too. But as of right now, there is no reason for any of us to come across them; you shouldn't worry about that."
Bella could see the tension in Edward's eyes. She knew something was going to happen with them in these books, but she didn't question him anymore. She continued reading.
She was unnerved when it said that there were ten wolves. That meant four more people transformed, four more kids. She again thought of how Seth was at the council meeting and feared he would be one of them. She was interested to see the different fighting styles of the Cullens. Of course she was worried about them despite the assurance that they would be okay, but she wasn't terrified as her book self was. She felt the best when it showed how Alice fought, for truth be told she was worried about how her friend would handle herself (she was so small) but it seemed like she didn't have to.
The next thing she knew Jacob was coming to her in his wolf form and she found that she liked him like that. She was disgusted; of course, when he licked her but other than that it was nice to know that she wasn't terrified of him. If they were still going to be friends in this reality, then this was definitely a good thing.
She knew it was coming, there was no way that Edward was going to let her stay down there during the battle, but she didn't like hearing Edward and Jacob talking about where they would put her during the fight. She did however, like it when Jacob suggested that Charlie stay with Billy, seeing as there were going to be two young werewolves left behind at the town. She also had to admit that she kind of liked the idea that she could leave a trail for the vampires to find... leading them into a trap. It felt like she was doing something to contribute to this fight.
However, she didn't like the part where Jacob had to carry her. She wouldn't mind it so much if it was the Jacob that she was friends with now, but the Jacob in the book would definitely try to take advantage of the situation... he was already too smug for her liking just carrying her around the clearing. She also didn't mind much that Seth (she sighed when it was confirmed that he was a wolf too) was going to stay with her... at least one kid would be saved from fighting.
She didn't like the title of the next chapter at all, and wondered what it meant. She sighed when she realized how badly her book self seemed to want to be down at the clearing, taking into account how Jasper thought that it would be useful for her to be down there making the newborns crazy (and easier to kill) with thirst. She thought it was a little much, but then realized that she would be doing that if she didn't have Edward's guarantee that everyone was going to be safe.
She would do anything to keep them safe.
"Argh, I really shouldn't be telling you my plans," Bella said after she mentioned convincing Seth to take her to the fight... she seemed to be very determined to get to the clearing.
"Nope, now I'm going to make sure that you don't follow through on them," Edward chuckled.
"I can't believe that Jake is second in command," Bella said. It seemed odd that he would have that much influence on the pack and she wondered if that was still going to happen in this reality.
"Leah's a werewolf too!" Bella said distracted like the book Edward wanted her to be.
"Yeah, that was surprising to us too," Edward chuckled.
"And she has to hear Sam's thoughts... poor Leah," Bella sighed.
"It's more like poor everyone else, what with the way that she spread the misery," Edward said.
"Can you imagine what it would be like to have to share the thoughts with someone you loved... that you might still love at that moment and hear how much they loved someone else?" Bella said. "Not to mention you have to hear how much more they love that person than they ever loved you."
Edward shook his head; his mind going to Bella somehow falling in love with Jacob, and then asking him to stay around so they could be friends, which of course he would do no matter how much it hurt for at least he would be able to see her. She would somehow learn how to lower her barrier to him so he could hear her thoughts only to have them be about the mutt. Yeah, he would be pretty damn bitter if that ever happened. Though, of course, he would never show his bitterness to Bella.
"I see your point," he said and Bella read on, caught up in the pack scandal.
"It's far more interesting with so many wolves involved," she mumbled to herself and Edward chuckled.
However, the book got more serious again and so did she. She really was wondering why she was so insistent on being in the clearing but it made perfect sense when she said she had to be near Edward. It was true she would worry sick about him in any confrontation that he might face, no matter how easy he said it was. He was facing an army of monsters that was actually capable of hurting him. However, when she had guilt him into staying, by using his worst memories against him, she felt horrible.
"I'm so sorry, Edward," Bella sighed out, feeling disappointed in herself.
"Don't be," Edward said softly, he wasn't sorry at all that he was there... he couldn't stand the thought of what might have happened if he was in the clearing and Victoria...
"But I'm being so selfish," Bella said, "I'm taking you away from a fight... a fight that I'm the cause of... that's endangering your family."
"You're not the reason for the fight," Edward said again, rolling his eyes at that statement, "and I promise that my family is in no danger. Besides, you were right, I needed to be with you. Did you see how anxious the book Edward got whenever he was away from you? I don't think he could really have lasted a whole fight worrying about what might have happened to you."
"Maybe," Bella sighed, but she still felt horrible about the way that she had made him agree with her.
She wasn't in such a good mood as she continued reading until she got to the part were Alice had cleared her schedule for the fight. The way that she manipulated Charlie just reminded her so much of Alice now that she had to smile. Charlie really adored her. She smiled even more when she found out that Edward was going to be the one that she was actually alone with. She never got to be totally alone with Edward and she thought she might really enjoy that.
When they got to the fighting lessons again, she was of course feeling guilty for her selfishness. She smiled at the fact that she really could get along with Jacob, finding it easier to be around the giant wolf than it was to be around the boy. Of course she found that odd, but hey, wasn't she always more comfortable around monsters than humans?
She was wondering what compromise they were going to come up with now, and was eager to read the next chapter. She was happy to learn that Angela, Ben, Jessica and Mike were going to be safe because she gave them tickets to a concert and that Charlie was going to be in La Push. Though she had Edward's guarantee that they would be perfectly safe there, it was better that they were gone. And she really liked Edward's suggestion that for this night they didn't worry about anything else and just concentrate on them.
It seemed like this whole book, one thing or another was coming up and she didn't have time to just relax with Edward. She liked hearing that she was ready to be a vampire, and that she really seemed to be this time. Her book self was definitely thinking of this issue more rationally now. She knew exactly what human experience her book self would insist on having... and she quite agreed with that... but that didn't stop her blushing.
"Is something wrong?" Edward asked as Bella was steadily turning red and hadn't changed the page in a long time (much longer than she normal would have).
"Yeah, I'm just trying to get all my embarrassment out right now," Bella said.
"Is it working?" Edward laughed at her expression.
"It probably won't, but I don't want to think about your brothers making fun of you or laughing about anything that is about to happen in this chapter," Bella explained. "I don't know if I will be able to stop myself from thinking that but I think... um... I just want to think of this chapter as just being between the two of us..."
"That's probably a good plan," Edward smiled.
"Is it that bad?" Bella blushed even more than she already was, but Edward just smiled at her.
She started reading not too long after that; pushing away all thoughts of all the Cullens reading this book. She was very eager to hear what Edward's reaction to her advances were going to be, especially after what he said when she asked him about this a few weeks ago.
She smiled as she read about how eager he was acting to having her in his house alone. She smiled even wider when it described how excited and apprehensive he was about giving her something. Though she knew she was never going to be fully comfortable receiving things from him, she also knew that she was going to have to let him get her things sometimes. He was just so happy when he did; it was almost like she was the one giving him the gift.
She rolled her eyes at her book self's approach to this conversation, but of course she could understand how nervous she was. She was nervous just reading this and she wasn't facing Edward and his perfection. She wondered how Edward hadn't realized what she was thinking when she was blushing and acting all strangely... didn't he ever want to be with her like that?
And then she was trying to trap him with his promises and trying to show what she meant... it was definitely embarrassing reading this... and she struggled to keep her mind from knowing that Edward's family had read this too... but she just keep reading. She had to know what happened. Edward on the other hand was watching her closely, finding this a lot more fun than he did the first time he read this... he wasn't getting teased for one thing and for the other he knew that this was a possibility and not just some unattainable thing.
Bella sighed as she read her reaction to Edward telling her no. She definitely could understand why she would feel that way... especially after she had made a fool of herself like that, but she could also understand Edward's reasoning. She knew how much he struggled to just be near her and how easily one slip on his part would be the end of her. Still, she agreed with her book self, she knew he couldn't hurt her... that no matter how much stronger than her he was or how appealing she was to him, he wouldn't be able to hurt her because she meant too much to his survival.
"Oh," Bella smiled, "so that's how I get you to do whatever I want... I just plead with you."
Edward rolled his eyes, "Don't act like you didn't already know how to get whatever you want out of me."
"I didn't," Bella informed.
"Well, than I'm glad the book can help you out too, for I've found many useful tips about how to distract you," Edward was smiling her favorite lop sided grin and staring into her eyes. Bella stopped breathing and her heart was pounding before he looked away, a smug smile on his face.
"Point taken," Bella mumbled, still trying to catch her breath before she read again. She bit her lip nervously when he started kissing her, she had thought he would have put up a bigger fight but she was pleased that it wasn't the case... and then he stopped... of course.
"That was mean... kissing me like that knowing you weren't going to go through with it," Bella grumbled. She wondered how her book self was feeling at the moment.
"Sorry, I'm sure that I couldn't stop myself at the moment," Edward sighed, "you are rather irresistible after all."
"Whatever," Bella rolled her eyes and then she read on. "Honestly, Edward, marriage!"
Edward's mouth went thin and Bella narrowed her eyes at his amusement. He didn't say anything to that so she just decided to read.
"You know this kind of makes me look bad," Bella sighed as the conversation went on.
"What do you mean?" Edward asked his tone had lost the amusement he had moments ago.
"I'm going to agree to marry you because I want you to make love to me," Bella said voice getting weaker towards the end of the sentence and she was blushing. "I know that's not the reason why I wanted to be with you for eternity... but don't you think this makes me sound a little s..."
"No!" Edward said firmly before she could finish her sentence. "Bella, love, I understand that you want to be with me forever... and though I don't fully understand why you don't want to marry me, I do get that it's not because you don't want to be with me but with the concept of marriage itself..."
"But, Edward..." Bella tried to say.
"Just keep reading, Bella," Edward said, and she sighed as she did as he asked.
She frowned at first as she continued to try to seduce her vampire boyfriend and he continued to deflect her. She couldn't help but feel that Edward didn't believe that she would marry him if he did make love to her and that hurt. She was a very honest person after all, and she would have thought that he knew that. And then the truth came out and she almost laughed, though luckily managed to stop herself.
"I didn't know you cared so much about virtue," Bella said, trying to keep her tone even.
"It was how I was raised," Edward sighed. "I know the boys today have no such concerns but I was raised to believe that you were supposed to get married before advancing a physical relationship."
"Hm... and I suppose you still think that way... even after this book?" Bella questioned.
"Sorry, but nothing that I've read has made me believe that I was wrong in this thought," Edward smiled at her.
"Hm... I'm going to have to keep that in mind," Bella sighed.
"Are you implying that you would be willing to marry me now after finding this out?" Edward questioned, smiling mischievously at her.
"Well, considering that you've never asked me to marry you, I don't see how that's anything we can discuss," Bella answered and Edward chuckled.
"I haven't asked you yet," Edward corrected.
"Hm... if you know what's good for you, you won't do that for awhile," Bella answered.
"You still haven't changed your mind about marriage," Edward sighed.
"Not completely, but the more I read the easier it is to believe that I'll be happy marrying you," Bella smiled at him. "I just... it's a lot to take when your only seventeen."
"I know," Edward kissed her softly. "I'll just wait a few weeks until you turn eighteen..."
Bella rolled her eyes at that and his laughter and continued reading. She felt relieved when he mentioned going to Las Vegas, it would be so easy and hardly feel like a marriage at all. However, she knew that wasn't what Edward would want. He had already shown that he cared about things like weddings and marriages... she wasn't sure if he would like to think about their wedding as being in a hokey wedding chapel in Las Vegas.
She smiled when she was reading about the wedding ring and the fact that it fit her finger without being re-sized. She could feel the pride coming off Edward because of that thought. She sighed when he knelt down and officially asked her to marry him. Terror and anticipation filled her when she thought about what she was going to do when he did ask her... and she knew he was going to. She knew she couldn't answer no, there was no way that would happen, not when he really asked her and not just as a way to keep her from becoming a vampire. She had a suspicion that she was going to answer with a more sappy response than he would imagine her capable of.
"Edward, just promise me that you won't ask me to marry you before the end of this year," Bella sighed as she finished the chapter.
"I suppose I can promise that," Edward said, kissing the top of her head. "Why?"
"I don't want to worry about you popping the question every time I see you," Bella shrugged. "Besides, I think you should go out with a girl for at least a year before you ask them to marry you."
"I don't know where you come up with these rules, but I promise to wait," Edward said as he rolled his eyes.
Bella read the next chapter and rolled her eyes when Alice tried to manipulate her into having a real wedding. Oh, she knew that Alice was going to win that fight, for she thought she could be stubborn, she also knew how dirty Alice fought when she wanted something. The truth was that she didn't really think it would make that much of a difference, except for the fact that the whole town would know if Alice had her way, a thought that made her shudder.
"That heart was a diamond!" Bella said looking at Edward.
"It might be," Edward sighed, "but remember, it's a hand me down."
Bella took a deep breath... didn't she just think that she wasn't going to make a big deal out of him giving her gifts. But a diamond! That big! Argh, did he really have to be that ridiculous about his gifts?
She had to laugh at the thought of Emmett marrying them. That would be hilarious and she had half a mind to insist that when they did get married that he do the honors. She smiled at her own actions as she left a trail, and she could feel Edward's chuckle as he read over her shoulder. She really seemed to be going all out on this, didn't she?
"Edward?" Bella questioned as she read about how he didn't react to her bleeding anymore. She had read that whole part and now had a question she wanted to ask. "Um... I know that you've learned to handle my scent better... but... well... I was just wonder if..."
"I have almost as much control as my book self," Edward finished the question for her, looking sad. "I seriously doubt that I have as much. I know reading these books has helped me... but I've never almost lost you... not really. And yet I have gone through a significant change reading these books... falling in love with you well before I met you only to realize that being around you in reality shows how little I understood then...
"Even after the warning, I was surprised at how powerful my feelings for you were, and it's physically painful for me to be away from you," he went on. He was staring into Bella's eyes as he said this. "I might not be quite as in control as my book self, for I've never experienced the pain of loss... for I know that pain would be far more excruciating than I could ever imagine... but I know how much I love you now and I promise I'll never let that side of me get the better of me."
Bella didn't say anything for a long time; she was caught in his intense gaze as she listened to his amazing words. She was speechless, but that didn't stop her from leaning towards him and kissing him...
"I know," Bella said as he pulled her away from him, she was panting as she placed her head on his chest. "I've always known you wouldn't hurt me, Edward."
He chuckled and they just stayed like that for a while before Bella's curiosity got the better of her and she felt the need to read again.
Bella sighed as soon as Jacob got there and the tension in the book picked up again immediately. She hated how he acted in front of Edward; she really did wish they could just get along. She felt uncomfortable at the subject that they had chosen to talk about... she would rather forget the kiss that Jacob had forced upon her. She didn't like Jacob's attitude as he talked about this either, he was apologizing, somewhat, but he still didn't really seem sorry. And, argh... why would she want to think about that? His argument about not being sure what she really wanted because she's never kissed anyone else was ridiculous... she didn't need to kiss anyone else to know that Edward was the only one that she wanted. When you found your soul mate... your other half... nothing else mattered.
She frowned when Jacob said you can be in love with more than two people at once... she didn't really believe that but at the same time she knew there was something going on with her book self. She was doing too many things that the Bella in the room felt were wrong and she was finding herself more and more apprehensive about what was going to happen.
She was still thinking about this when her book self asked Jacob to stay out of the fight. It felt odd asking him to do that, much different than it did with Edward. Yes, she was still guilty about asking him to stay with her, but at the same time he was her boyfriend and it made sense they would stick together. Why was she asking her friend to ditch his pack and stay with her? Because she didn't want him hurt. She sighed, knowing that she really didn't want Jacob in this fight knowing the dangers he was going to be facing.
"Huh... do you think Sam is going to offer Jacob to take over as Alpha this time around, too," Bella asked, distracted from her thoughts as she read that because of Jacob's heritage he was supposed to lead the pack.
"I'm not sure," Edward said. "It probably won't be until Jacob has learned to control himself as a wolf that this issue would even come up. After that... well, I think it depends on how everyone ends up feeling about us."
"Seriously," Bella said, "it seems like Jacob is supposed to be the Alpha though."
"True," Edward agreed. "But Sam and the other Quileutes are still rather afraid of us... I'm not sure if they would want to follow someone that has a more lenient attitude towards us... assuming Jacob will still feel that way in the future... I don't think Jacob would want to be the leader, especially if he would have to take it from Sam."
"I suppose that makes sense," Bella nodded her head and started reading again, moving on to the next chapter.
She sighed at the fact that she was freezing and how uncomfortable that made Edward. She knew he would hate the fact that he was making her colder than she already was. She groaned not too long after that when Jacob came into the tent and went into her sleeping bag. What the hell? Okay, so she knew he was right about the whole warming up thing, but dammit why did she have to be so close to Jacob like that when Edward was there? And then knowing that Jacob was thinking something that she really didn't want to know more about made her cringe.
She was, however, caught off guard about Jacob's response to why he was so furry and she laughed out loud. She could just picture what Jacob looked like when he first phased; he would be so furry that it would look like one giant fur ball... no one would be able to see any distinguishing features.
She read her 'dream' (knowing full well this conversation must really have happened) closely. Edward and Jacob were at least acting civil to each other, but there was obviously tension there that she'd never noticed in this reality. That gave her hope that things weren't so bad with Jacob and they still could be friends.
Still, seeing as Jacob was trying to persuade Edward this whole time that he would be the better one for her, she wasn't too pleased with the conversation. Honestly, one would think that Jacob would realize that she was the one that chose who her boyfriend was and it wasn't right for him to try to make it for her by trying to make Edward leave. And if he did manage to make Edward leave (she shivered at the very thought and Edward tightened his grip around her, instantly making her relax), she wouldn't run to Jacob. He would have been the one that had ruined her life and happiness forever for his own selfish reasons.
As she was thinking this she was also thinking how upset Edward must have been about what had been going on in this book. How he confirmed his insecurities about her relationship with Jacob. She felt worse than ever hearing what she had put him through by being so oblivious. She really hated it when Edward admitted he was afraid that she would choose Jacob over him. It was ridiculous of course. Edward would always come first and the fact that he could think it showed how horrible she had been.
She was slightly intrigued to hear the different options Edward thought there was for their relationship. She wondered how he could believe the first option was possible, who wouldn't love Edward back? And the second option was hard for her to imagine. It would feel wrong to grow old and to be with Edward, who would always be seventeen. The only good thing in that plan was that Edward would always be in her life. This made it a billion times better than the ridiculously stupid option number three. Seriously, how could he think leaving her would be okay? Then there was option four which would always be her favorite. She had to become a vampire. She could feel that was the right option for her.
Then Jacob was talking about the game plan he was going to use while Edward was gone as she was recovering. She wasn't really sure what would have happened then, if Edward had never come back and she was left as a shell of her former self, but she feared it wouldn't have been anything like Jacob was planning. For Jacob planned that she would love him more than she ever loved Edward and that wasn't possible. Jacob was fighting a battle he'd lost before he even started fighting, hurting everyone in his path and what was worse, she was letting him.
She read as they wrapped up their friendly conversation (at least friendly for these books) as Edward talked of the third wife and she had to agree with him; she would definitely imitate the third wife if she was put into a similar situation.
She shivered at the next title, wondering if it was going to be about the fight or some other kind of monster, having a feeling it was going to be the latter. She shivered again when Edward and Jacob had nearly come to blows. She really didn't want them to fight each other.
She smiled as they talked about their ten top nights. She agreed that most of the nights the book seemed to pick were good, but she couldn't help but think of her own top ten moments with Edward.
"What are you thinking?" Edward questioned, there was smile on his face, but Bella could see pain in his eyes and she didn't know why it was there.
"Just the top ten moments of being with you," Bella answered, and watched as his eyes twinkled with merriment, but the sadness didn't entirely leave his eyes. She was panicking now... what was making him so sad? Was someone going to get hurt... die... or was it something else? Something just as devastating to him? She couldn't imagine what it was so she started reading the book again and immediately felt her stomach drop. She knew that it was because of her. Whatever was about to happen... whatever she was about to do... was seriously going to hurt him.
She read as her book self reacted to Jacob's pain to hearing that Edward and she were going to get married. How she told Edward to get Jacob so she could explain... knowing there could be no explanation that he would want to hear... that it was a mistake to want him to come back. Cringing when her book self thought of the fight happening before Edward and Jacob could get there and cringing more when Jacob and she were alone. For she knew the bad thing was coming, so before she read anymore she turned to Edward.
"Edward..." she said not sure what to say but as she looked at him, still seeing him trying to mask his pain, "I... do... you really want to be here for this?"
Edward eyes widened in surprise before he nodded his head.
"I know I'm going to do something terrible," Bella mumbled, moving away from him, feeling horrible about the pain she was already putting him through. "I don't want to hurt you more."
"I can't leave, Bella," Edward whispered, and as he did so he wrapped his arms around her again, resting his head on her shoulder.
"But..." Bella made to argue.
"I can't leave knowing that you will be hurt," Edward said softly, and then he tried to kiss her but she moved away.
"Don't," Bella mumbled she didn't feel she deserved being kissed right now. "Are you sure...?"
"There's nothing in this world that could make me leave if I know you're going to be hurt in any way," Edward said firmly, but his voice was still a whisper. And she knew that was true, even if she tried pleading with him he wouldn't leave her right now...
So she read and with each passing word felt worse. She was shocked when Jacob said that he would take himself out of the equation... implying that he would lose the fight. She couldn't believe that he would ever do something so drastic... he had so much to live for. He shouldn't go throwing away his life. But as she kept reading, she realized that he really wouldn't do that. He couldn't. Not while the fight was going on for Jacob couldn't let his pack brother down like that (not to mention all the wolves would know what he was thinking and Sam would have ordered him not to), as well as Billy. No, it just didn't make sense.
She felt a little angry as she started realizing what he was trying to do. That he was trying to make her kiss him by saying that he was going to die if she didn't give him something to fight for. This Jacob was far more manipulative than she would have guessed. She was angry with herself for going along with it, though not because she believe that she would have done anything different in that situation (it was so much easier seeing things just reading, she had more time to think everything through). She was angry at her book self for asking Jacob to kiss her. She was betraying Edward too easily...
Then she was numb... she felt cold, and not because of Edward's arms that were wrapped around her reminding her what terrible crime her book self was committing right now.
She was kissing Jacob back.
It was wrong, but it was nothing to her thoughts... her admissions that she loved Jacob. It wasn't right... she knew she couldn't love him... It was blasphemy to love anyone other than Edward.
That wasn't the worst part of the chapter though... the worst part was the vision of the other path. The fact that she could ever imagine another life for herself that didn't include Edward. She dropped the book as she read this and curled up into a ball.
Of course Edward immediately pulled her closer to him and she struggled against his grip. She didn't deserve to be comforted by him right now. Not when she was the one that caused this pain. But Edward wouldn't let her go, and he wouldn't let her beat herself up about this. He was perfect.
"E-Edward," she said, her voice thick with the tears she was shedding. "Why d-did you e-even want to m-meet me... After I-I..."
"Shh..." Edward said softly, stroking her hair. He had to admit reading this again hurt. However, for his own part, it wasn't nearly as bad reading it the second time, knowing how the story was going to end. Watching Bella's reaction to this however, was harder. He could see that she loathed herself and he hated that.
"Bella, my sweet Bella..." Edward said softly.
"D-don't," Bella groaned, shivering at his undeserved sweetness towards her. "I'm a m-monster!"
"You most certainly are not a monster," Edward said soothingly. Neither one of them spoke for a long time as Bella continued to cry, hating herself for ever hurting Edward as she knew she did. It was hours later, when she was finally able to say something again.
"I don't understand why you met me," Bella repeated what she said earlier, wiping the tears from her eyes and looking at Edward. He could tell by her tone it wasn't the same question as before. She wasn't asking why he would want to meet her after she did something like this to him. "I would have thought that after reading something like this you would have thought I could be happy with J... someone else," Bella said, her voice sounded dead as the tears started falling from her eyes again. It hurt to say this... to think of her not being in his life.
"I did think that," Edward said. "I was convinced that you would have been better off never meeting me," his voice was pained as he wiped away the new tears from her eyes. "I believed that you could live a normal life without me interfering in it and because you never met me you would be happy. And I would have done that, if I knew you were going to be better that way. But Alice and Carlisle convinced me to read the last book... that I owed it to you to seeing this through to the end.
"They were right to do that, Bella, because I learned that you are meant to be in my life. I was right to go after you because you were always supposed to be my mate," he said firmly looking into her eyes before resting his forehead against hers. Bella cried more than ever. She was now feeling equal measures of love and astonishment and loathing for what she had done. And Edward moved so his head was now resting on top of hers as he held her tightly for her, though of course not too tightly to him.
They stayed like that until Charlie's car pulled up and Bella was forced to get up and go to the kitchen. There were a few leftovers in the fridge and she took her time heating them as Edward distracted Charlie by talking about the upcoming game. She loved that he knew that she needed the time to calm herself down. She loved that he always knew what to say to make her feel better. And she did feel better, but she still felt terrible about what her book self had done. She really was going to have to make sure nothing like this happened. She would never hurt Edward like this in this reality. Though at the moment she felt like she didn't deserve him, she loved him more for being there.
Charlie definitely noticed that she was down, and seemed to be watching her closely as they ate their dinner. Edward had left to go home, apparently his Volvo was outside, and he had to take it home. Bella was sure that Alice saw that Edward would need the proof that he had driven and she was grateful; she wouldn't have wanted to go through the facade of 'driving' him home in her truck. Still, when she got upstairs only fifteen minutes after Edward had left, he was in her room waiting for her. His expression was anxious, and he wrapped her into a hug before she could say anything.
"Don't force yourself to read if you don't want to," Edward said as Bella reached for the book.
"I have to read," Bella said, "I needed to know what happens that made you change your mind... I need to see there really is a happy ending."
"Okay," Edward sighed, stroking her head and Bella started reading again, immediately assaulted by her thoughts, she empathized with them completely. She cringed when she realized that Edward was going to hear what Jacob had thought about what happened (via Seth). Of course Edward was understanding. He would want her to be happy. He wouldn't blame her for being such a cheat. And then she tried to make him fight for her, and kissing him in all the wrong ways... she didn't want anything to happen because she was feeling guilty or because she needed to prove something. And of course it was Edward who had pointed that out.
She was almost happy when the fight broke out and she had something else to think about. She could worry about her family to dilute some of her guilt. And then Victoria was there and she felt herself tense up.
"You can see now why I'm glad that I stayed with you," Edward said as she read this.
"She said that she followed your scent here," Bella said, "but if I didn't make you stay with me then..."
"Do you really think I would have let you stay there that night by yourself... or with only a werewolf," Edward shook his head. "I would have stayed with you and then left to go to the fight. I would have led her right to you and not even been there to protect you."
"So that's one less thing I have to feel guilty about," Bella sighed, bowing her head to read again. As terrifying as the fight was it was also interesting to see how Edward fought... how he used his opponents' thoughts against them. She was definitely afraid for Seth's safety and then for Edward's when he really started fighting. She felt completely justified in the fact that she picked up a rock so she could try to distract the vampires. Seth was injured and she didn't know what was happening with Edward. Her distraction would help.
Edward didn't seem to agree with that. He was rather upset that she would hurt herself, but Bella didn't really care, because Seth was talking care of the Riley guy and Edward was winning his fight with Victoria and before she knew it both fights were over and she was safe.
She was mystified by why Edward kept on telling her that she was okay and not to worry. She snorted when he said he thought she thought he was going to hurt her, as if that thought could ever cross her mind. All she cared about was that Edward was okay and safe, along with Seth, and now finding out how everyone else was. She was relieved again when he said that no one was hurt.
"You and Seth seemed to have really hit it off," Bella said smiling at that.
"Yes," Edward chuckled with a fond smile. "I really like that kid."
"That's nice to know... that a wolf that was raised to hate you was able to overcome that," Bella said.
"Yes," Edward agreed, "he has a very open mind."
And then something happened and Edward was groaning in pain and her heart was hammering to hear what happened to him. It was almost a relief to find out that it was because someone was attacking them, but of course she felt sorry for the wolf that had been hurt.
As soon as she thought that she knew that it was Jacob that was hurt. She felt a little resentful that after tricking her into kissing him (which made her feel worse than she ever had before for her betrayal) he didn't even have the decency to not get hurt. But of course he did it to save one of his pack brothers... well sister actually... and she couldn't really blame him for that.
She felt nervous when Edward said the Volturi was there. Did they really need something else to worry about then? Then she fainted because Jacob was hurt and she was feeling guilty again.
"A lot of things happened to you that day," Edward said soothingly, "it was too much for you to take."
She relaxed a little and started reading again. It picked up in the clearing where the Cullens had been fighting with the wolves. She could see that everyone was there and safe and she smiled.
"There's a newborn there!" Bella said, shocked.
"Yes, it is shocking," Edward sighed.
"She's not going to survive is she?" Bella sighed, too.
"No, the Volturi wouldn't allow something like that," Edward frowned. "Though it was no fault of the girl's, she had participated in an illegal act... the penalty is death."
"That's too bad," Bella said, and though she was terrified of what the girl might do to her, or other humans out there, she thought it was wrong to punish her for something she had no control over.
"Am I going to be like her when I change?" Bella added as she read more about this girl and how crazy she seemed to get just smelling Bella's scent.
"Well, you'll just have to see when we get there," Edward answered with an amused smile.
Bella read then about the Volturi and frowned during the conversation. She definitely didn't like them. The way that Jane took pleasure in torturing the girl even after she knew she would get whatever she wanted out of her. It was just wrong.
"They knew... they know about the army and then let it carry on just in hopes that they would have hurt your family!" Bella said hotly. "How can they do that?"
"Aro fears us," Edward explained, his tone was even but as she looked into his eyes she saw that he was just as upset about this as she was.
"Ha," Bella said as Jane failed at hurting her. She was still upset about this whole Volturi thing and anything to annoy them was a plus. This was why she smiled smugly when Alice said that she was going to be changed soon and Jane's threat wasn't as effective. And then the Volturi were gone and she had to go back to a much harder subject to deal with. Her horrible behavior with Jacob.
Again she went back to hating herself. For being so insanely worried about Jacob. Though it was making the Bella in the room worried too. She really hoped he would be okay. She was distracted a little when the newborn was mentioned and she wondered again what she would be like when she turned. And she was interested in Alice's theories on how her ability worked.
"Do you think that's true, that no one can affect me with their thoughts?" Bella questioned.
"I know it's true," Edward said pointing to his head. "You're very special, Bella."
She cringed at Charlie's version of what happened. From how Billy acted on the boat, to the wolves howling in pain only to suddenly break off into Jacob cursing. She wondered briefly why Charlie didn't realize what was really going on here, but in truth even with something as obviously as that no would believe the person and the wolf were one and the same. She was happy to hear that the Quileutes let Carlisle help Jacob, the relationship between the two parties seemed to be getting better.
She really liked it when Charlie called Edward a decent guy. It was nice that her book dad was finally starting to come around to Edward. Then Charlie was telling her how he knew that he was going to be losing her soon and that he wanted a proper goodbye. She felt so sad about this, knowing one day she was going to have a similar talk with her dad and she was really going to miss him. She knew that she had to give him that, give him a goodbye and let him know that she would be happy.
Then she was at the Blacks' and she was talking to Jacob and she was starting to feel awful again. Her book self had finally realized all the mistakes she had made far too late, but now she was trying to do the right thing. She had to cut Jacob out of her life. This talk with Jacob wouldn't have been nearly as bad if she didn't know that the Cullens had read it. Yes, she was letting him down, but at the same time she was telling him how much she loved Jacob, and that it wouldn't be enough, but enough to hurt all of them, especially Edward.
She wasn't sure she could agree with Jacob's statement about him being the one she was supposed to be with if there was no monsters or magic. She could understand what he meant, but she hadn't fallen in love with that boy, and so she couldn't see that she was meant to be with anyone but Edward.
"I called him my soul mate..." Bella muttered horrified and felt worse when Edward shuddered. "Sorry..."
"No, it's okay," Edward sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and he could see those words move in front of his eyes.
Bella sighed and then said, "You're my soul mate, Edward... I don't know what my book self was thinking for there isn't anything more powerful than a soul mate. And the proof is in the fact that you exist in this time even though in all logic you should have died years ago. You're alive... turned into a vampire so you can find me... so you can complete my life."
Edward smiled at her, at the tears in her eyes and kissed her. She didn't turn from him this time; she had just confessed so much to him... she had just told him the exact way he felt towards her that he had to kiss her.
She was reluctant to read what was coming next, for it was going to have her feeling horrible again, but she had to finish this book. She hated it when Jacob had said that Edward was like a drug to her, especially when she thought of New Moon and she had practically used Jacob like a drug.
She thought about what she said about wanting the vision she had about Jacob (and after she was done cringing for the pain she knew she caused Edward) she wondered what it meant. She had never thought of things like that before, especially the family part. She still didn't think about it now, but she tried to do it now.
She shivered as she saw a little boy that didn't have black hair, but a reddish brown, for there was only one person she would ever want to be the father of her child. She shook her head from that thought as a tear fell down her check. It was wrong of her to think that, when she knew there was no possibility of having a child with Edward. It wouldn't do if she longed for a child with him... perhaps this was why she had insisted that she didn't want children, for she would miss the ones she knew she couldn't have with Edward.
"What's the matter?" Edward asked, but she just shook her head, not wanting him to feel badly about this train of thought.
She read again quickly after that, only half listening to what was going on. She didn't know why that part stuck out to her, about Jacob imprinting on someone else. She knew it would be a good thing, and if she found out who that person was in the book, perhaps she could introduce her to Jacob and maybe she could still be friends with him. But there was something about this that didn't make her feel right.
If she thought the last chapter was bad, she felt worse at the beginning of this chapter. She was crying over Jacob, which was bad enough to read, but then Edward was comforting her and she felt worse. It was like how she felt guilty now, having Edward there. She shouldn't put him through something like that when she was the one that caused the trouble in the first place.
"I never would have left you," Edward whispered in her ear. It didn't make her feel better, because she knew he was right, but it didn't make it right.
She continued to cry in the book, hours of crying on Edward's shoulder over another boy. And he was wondering if she was making the right choice for he didn't know that when he left she was a million times worse than this. She was hurt now, but when he left she was only a shell of herself. She shivered when she read Cathy's words in the book, knowing that was how she felt about Edward.
Then they were out of the house and talking to Alice about the wedding. It was odd how appealing thinking about the wedding was compared to thinking about the Jacob situation.
"Hm... Alice better not think about changing my dress," Bella mumbled when she read about it.
"I didn't expect that," Edward said chuckling, and his eyes twinkled like they hadn't for most of the day. "I didn't think you would care about anything about our wedding."
"I would have thought that as well," Bella turned to face him. "But it does sound perfect."
"I agree," Edward smiled and kissed her forehead before letting Bella read again.
She liked that they were going back to their meadow. She loved their meadow and it always seemed to make her feel better. She rolled her eyes when Edward had said the wedding was off and that he didn't want to dictate the way things went anymore because it only made things worse. She flushed when she read how he tried to persuade her. She almost smiled at this too. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to persuade him to forget about his whole virtue issue in this reality.
"If I have to marry you, Edward, then this really is the best way of doing things," Bella said.
"Well, you're going to have to marry me," Edward smiled at her. "But pray tell why does it have to happen this way?"
"I think my book self said it all," Bella rolled her eyes. "Plus if you think about it this is just like when you give me a gift."
"Um... I'm not following you there," Edward said looking confused.
"Well, I was thinking early on... you know when you gave me that bracelet... that diamond bracelet," Bella said, rolling her eyes a little. "I was thinking that it would be worth it letting you get me things because it makes you happy. Well that's the same with getting married. It would make you happy if we get married."
"Hm... it sounds like I'm the only one that's happy in this situation," Edward frowned.
"Argh, don't you get it, Edward?" Bella said sitting up and staring into his eyes with a breathtaking smile, "It makes me happy when I see that you're happy. I love it when you're happy."
Edward smiled at her before she leaned in to kiss him.
She really wished that was the end of the book, but first she had to mention they had to talk to Charlie about this. Argh, she was definitely not going to enjoy that conversation. Nor the one she was going to have with her mom.
"This is Jacob's point of view?" Bella said as she got to the last chapter. "I wonder why that is."
"No idea," Edward shrugged. "It's just how the book was written."
"You told Jacob about the wedding, even after I said I didn't want him to know!" Bella groaned.
"I'm sorry, but I feel he really deserved to know this," Edward sighed.
"He ran away, Edward, how was him knowing about the wedding helpful at all?" Bella questioned frowning.
"I don't know," Edward shrugged.
"Well that was the end of the book," Bella put it down. "I didn't really like that one."
"Nor do I," Edward agreed. "Though there were some good chapters in it."
"I suppose," Bella said. "I suppose I should read the next book now."
"Why don't we just talk?" Edward said. "I know you want to know what happens... but it's getting late and..."
"Okay, Edward, let's talk," Bella smiled at him and they talked about lots of things, none of which had anything to do with the heartache that was the last book.
A/N: Okay that took forever again. And it is so much more work writing twice a week. These chapters are a lot easier to write in the sense that I don't have to plan anything I'm just writing reactions, but man is there a lot of things that I have to put in there. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I personally liked Eclipse (though I had Edward and Bella saying they didn't) and at times it's my favorite, though it really is impossible to say what my real favorite book of the series is because they all have moments that are really awesome and I get excited about reading. Anyway, the next chapter will be up on Friday and it will be the first half (I'm assuming books one and two) of Breaking Dawn.