Chapter XXII | Anastasia's POV

They keep telling me don't save you
If I ignore all that advice
Then something isn't right
Then who will I complain to?

...

You got your guards up, I do too. There's things we might discover
Cause you got a past and I do too, we're perfect for each other

''Okay I think that's enough episodes for tonight'' I say, laughing softly. After Christian held me while I cried, I sat between his legs under the blanket and we kind of snuggled up and used my iPad to watch episodes of Criminal Minds on Netflix.

I never thought that I would feel this comfortable with a guy well not after you know who. It just seems so easy with Christian.

''Hm are you sure? Thank you for introducing me to this show by the way, I think I'll be watching it a lot from now on.''

''Really?'' I ask.

''Yes.'' He replies, giving me a cute smirk.

''Sooo, what shall we do? I'm not that sleepy anyways.''

''We can talk..'' He says.

''Talk..'' I repeat.

He nods, ''yes talk, get to know each other better, I want to know every thing about you.''

''Ooookay, what do you wanna know?''

His brows furrow and he gently runs his fingers along the scars of my thigh, ''Favorite color?''

''Blue and you?''

He smiles, ''Gray.''

''Wow, ironic.''

''Very.''

''Hm, favorite movie?'' I ask.

''I don't have a favorite, but I do have a couple movies at my house, if you want I could pick you up some time and I could show them to you so you can see for yourself.'' He suggests.

I take a second to think about it before nodding, ''I'd like that a lot.''

''Okay, hmm what type of music do you like?''

''I like all sorts of music but..'' I point to him, ''I do have an iPod, it's around here somewhere..'' I murmur while going through the drawers of my bedside table. ''Aha, here it is.'' I wave it in his face and he grins and takes it out of my hand.

''Damn you have a lot of songs.. Some I never even heard of.."

"Yeah I kinda have a weird taste in music."

"I like that you do, gives me more artists to explore in the music world." He says, smirking.

"But... I'm just gonna press shuffle and listen to whatever song comes up first.'' He says.

"Sounds good to me." I put an ear bud in my ear and he does the same.

He presses shuffle and the intro for So High by Ghost Loft starts to play.

You make me so high

You bring me alive

So high, so high

And we're both gazing at each other while we listen.

Everything I want, everything I need

I found in you

No matter what they say

I'm gonna find a way

To be with you

Take me to the place of sweet love

Do you realize what you do to me?

As we listen to the song I feel him running his finger along my thigh scars again but he seems to be in deep thought.

The song finishes and he looks at me, ''The song sure relates.''

I don't know how to reply to that so I just don't.. I look down at his finger and he moves it and puts it under my chin, raising my head for me to look at him.

''I want you, Ana, only you.. and I'm not afraid to admit it to you or to anybody else.''

''Why? You can have any girl you want yet you choose the one with the fucked up soul.''

''I'm not perfect, Ana.. I'm as fucked up as you are and don't you forget it.''

I shake my head, ''Don't you get it, Christian? You might be fucked up but at least you're on a good path, I'm not..''

''God..'' He says pinching the bridge of his nose. ''I hate when you talk so low about yourself, I'll help you and I'll be there with you throughout everything you just have to want to help yourself..''

I slowly shake my head again, ''you know, all these years I've always mentally asked myself one question... 'how do I get over what they did?' I just... I want so badly to forget that it ever happened but you just don't forget those things.. they sort of stay with you, you know? I wish I can forgive them but I don't know how to. I just hate them.. I hate them so much.

''I'm just what they said I would be.''

''No, Ana, you're not.. please don't say that.''

''I am, Christian... You don't understand... I once had this horrible dream that I was looking at myself, the 11 year old happy version of myself... then that little happy girl was just looking into this big mirror, and guess what I saw.. I saw her looking at what I am now... I saw her looking at her future.''

''You can start changing and I'll help you. Starting with school, hell we could even start studying together and I hate studying.''

I can't help it I let out a giggle.

''I fucking love that sound.''

I smile, ''why... do you care so much?''

''I.. don't know, I'm so new to these feelings, all I know is that I don't want to lose you to all these drugs, Ana..''

I put my head on his shoulder, ashamed.

''Why drugs, Ana?''

''It's an escape for me, Christian.. So is partying.''

''But the cocaine... the heroin... they're both so dangerous.''

I smile sadly. ''How could you possibly feel sad and hopeless when you have stardust shooting through your veins?''

He wraps his arms around me, ''they can kill you.''

''Maybe I don't want to be alive anymore.''

''Well, I'm not letting you slip away from me.''

I take his hand and kiss it, ''thank you.''

In return he kisses the top of my head. ''What's the R stand for?''

''Huh?''

''The R. The three letters on your iPod, I know A stands for Anastasia and S stands for Steele but what does the R stand for?''

I smirk. ''Rose.''

''Anastasia Rose Steele. Beautiful name for such a beautiful girl. I don't have a middle name just Christian Trevelyan Grey''

''Hot name for such a hot guy''

He doesn't reply so I turn to look at him and I see him grinning, ''Oh really? I'm hot?''

''Yes.''

''You sure weren't fond of me when we first met, was I just ugly then or do I have to work on my charms?''

''Better work on those charms, Grey.''

''Ahh, will do, Steele.. will do.''

He leans in and kisses my lips but this time I don't push away, I let him.