They start to heal. It's slow and sometimes painful, one step forward at a time, and sometimes a step backwards. Those are the nights Dan finds Blair curled on the floor of the bathroom telling him that she can't see past the sadness. He sits with her and strokes her back until she falls asleep. Then he picks her up, holding lthat he doesn't know if he could love her more. Blair talks to someone. A nice woman with a comfortable office, the waiting room filled with books, a trickling fountain in the corner. They meet once a week. She gets medication, one pill a day and slowly, in small increments, the veil starts to lift.
Dorota comes home and Blair spends the whole day never further away than three feet until Dorota stops what she's doing, walks up to Blair and folds her into her arms.
"Doctor say I'm okay, Miss Blair," Dorota says gently. Blair sags against her loyal maid and for the first time since that awful day she allows herself to cry about it until she feels spent.
Dan is home now. He wakes in the morning and threatens to help Dorota with breakfast until she shoos him out of the kitchen. He reads the entire paper every day, sitting across from Blair while she drinks her coffee, telling her little details he picks up from various international stories. One day he proceeds to tell her the entire history of the conflict in the Middle East, dating back to pre World War I, and she arches an eyebrow and asks him what other random things he's going to learn next. The next day he tells her the entire history of Chanel with a grin. Blair smiles back.
"Dan Humphrey, you are a repository of random, only sometimes useful pieces of information."
He grins. "And charming, I'm pretty sure you said I was charming as well." He ducks as a piece of toast flies his way.
He plays with Gigi, sitting on the carpet in the living room surrounded by toys, making funny faces at her, reading her books as the sun starts to slide over the western horizon, handing her strangely shaped bits of food that are called baby puffs and watching in total and utter amazement as she gums them then throws them onto the floor. One day Blair watches as he picks the little girl who has started toddling around the penthouse, and Gigi's face screws into a mask of utter frustration as she starts to scream. Dan is holding her, a look of true understanding on his face and he's making soothing sounds as he tells her he knows she really really REALLY wanted to stick her fingers in the light socket but he's afraid that papa simply cannot let her explore the world to that degree. Blair smiles. There isn't a better father out there.
Blair goes back to work. At first she's not entirely sure what to do. She sits in her office feeling strange and out of place, uncomfortable in her own skin, not sure if she actually belongs anywhere anymore. She shuffles some papers around her desk, picks up the phone to hear the dial tone, then puts it back down, not quite sure where to start. She reaches in her bag and pulls out a picture, a simple black frame that Dan had handed to her that morning with no fanfare. It's a black and while photo of him and Gigi in Central Park, Gigi's mouth wide open in the middle of a laugh, her eyes squeezed shut, and Dan's kissing her cheek. "We'll miss you," he says as she grips the frame in her hands. "And I thought you could use a little more decoration in your office."
Blair places it on the narrow shelf lining the wall that also has pictures from their wedding and somehow everything looks complete. Blair turns back to her desk and her mind starts to shuffle through all the things that need to be done before the next fashion when there's a small rapping of someone trying to get her attention. She looks up to find Natasha standing in the doorway, an iPad in her hand.
"Welcome back, Ms. Waldorf."
There had been looks and whispers when Blair arrived that morning, eyes following her as she walked past rows of desks to her office, making her feel self-conscious and wonder what people had been saying about her. Now Natasha stands in front of her, a genuine smile across her face, and Blair briefly reflects on her assistant's long-standing loyalty, and thinks maybe it could even be called some sort of friendship.
"Oh for goodness sake, Natasha," Blair says, sounding almost irritated, "I think you can call me Blair at this point." Her assistant blushes a little and her smile grows larger, "Now, are those the latest sketches you have for me?"
Natasha nods and Blair gestures for her to come in. She walks around her desk and they both settle into chairs by the small table in the corner as Natasha swipes through the newest styles being proposed by their designers. Blair looks at each one carefully, evaluating them, making suggestions that Natasha hastily scribbles on a pad of paper that has appeared on the table, and Blair realizes that she has missed this. Queen B. is back.
Winter arrives with snow on the ground and the city lit up. They take Guilianna on her first carriage ride and she's starting to say more and more words. She's walking now and pulling ornaments off the Christmas tree as Dorota dashes behind her to keep the more delicate ones from breaking or being stepped on. Dan laughs and calls her Toddlerzilla. She's eighteen months and into everything. Blair curls on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa and watches her happy family.
Even with the long, dark days, her own darkness is so much lighter now. She only has a bad spell every once in a while.
Dan is happy being a stay-at-home dad. He spends his days at play dates and tells Blair at night that he's grateful for Serena who rolls her eyes back at him across the sea of mommies and their perfectly dressed children as they try to one up each other over who is going to which preschool. He announces that Gigi is not going to preschool and he's going to keep her home and they're going to become heathens who never ever bathe and her education will be romps in Central Park and reruns of the Dick VanDyke Show, the father of all sitcoms. Blair throws something else at him and tell him that he's her funny husband.
She tells him he should get back to his writing and one night she sees him sitting in the study staring intently at his laptop.
"Want to tell me what you're working on?" Blair asks, leaning on the door jam, playing the the tie of her robe and wondering if she could easily distract him by letting the robe slide to the floor leaving her naked. She bites her lip a little, thinking about how she would like to distract her husband. Dan looks at her, his eyes roaming up and down her figure, which is more curvy since she had the baby, and she sees he has the same thing in mind.
"I'm finishing our story," he says. Blair smiles. The books.
"Is our story ever finished?" she asks.
Dan looks at her for a long time, his eyes locked with hers. "No," he says. "It's not." He closes his laptop and stands up, crossing to where she's standing, his head dipping to capture her lips. No more writing happens that night.
Serena and Nate come over for weekly dinners, Grace in tow, and the two girls play with each other while the adults drink wine and talk. Dan sends Dorota away and insists on cooking on those nights, trying new recipes, sauteing onions and tossing salads as Nate leans against the counter and they discuss the latest sport statistics or a recent op-ed in the Spectator, and Nate tells Dan that he should considering submitting some of his writing. Blair and Serena sit on the couch together watching the girls playing with their baby dolls, Grace twirling around with hers and singing an off-key tune as Gigi laughs and claps. Grace will be three in a week and Serena is babbling on about the birthday party she has planned when Nate shows up in the doorway with Dan not far behind him.
"Oh good," Serena claps, "the boys are here. Now we can tell you." "Tell us what?" Dan says and Blair wonders if he's obtuse because she's already guessed what Serena's about to say. She's been glowing for weeks now.
"Grace is going to be a big sister," Serena squeals and Blair leans across the distance between them to pull her friend into her arms, ignoring the squeeze of fear that clenches in her gut. She smiles and tells Serena and Nate she's so excited for them, and that Grace will be such a great big sister.
"And you're going to be the godparents, of course," Nate says.
"Of course," Blair says smiling, the smile not quite reaching her eyes.
That night she cries after Dan falls asleep, because she thought the darkness was almost gone, but it still reaches out to grab her, and she doesn't know if she'll ever stop being afraid, and she can't help but feel alone despite the fact that her husband is snoring softly beside her. She curls up into his side and slowly lets herself drift to sleep.
Days turn to weeks turn to months, trees get buds, flowers peek up from the grass during their walks in Central Park. It's warmer some days now and the world is starting to be filled with the colors of Spring. One day Blair comes home early from work and dinner is on the table early, so they all eat together; Dan, Gigi, Dorota and herself, then Dorota takes the girl up to her room for a bath and to get ready for bed. Dan and Blair sit together at the dining room table, talking, her telling him about her day in the high powered world of fashion, him suggesting that Gigi not have free access to playdough.
She finishes the last bite of her dinner and Dan stands up and offers her his hand. "Would you like to take a walk, Mrs. Waldorf-Humphrey? A stroll? A promenade?"
"Before dessert?" Blair asks, thinking that Dorota probably has some pie in the fridge, and Gigi will want them to kiss her goodnight soon, and she has some papers from the office to go through.
"It's going to be dark soon," Dan answers, "We can grab something when we get back. Come walk with me."
Blair the things in her head can wait. "I don't think I would mind a little walk, Mr. Humphrey." she answers.
They end up in Central Park and it strangely reminds her of their very first date after Serena and Nate's wedding, her arm linked through Dan's, leaning on his shoulder, feeling the roughness of the ratty wool coat he always insists on wearing. They wander together, slowly, not talking, brushing up against each other, and Blair realizes that the days that she's happy far outnumber the hard days lately. She has found the balance that she needed in being a mother and a business woman. She pops her little blue pill every morning. She still sees her therapist, although now just once a month, and Dan is there for her. She thinks that her demons are finally beaten back.
The path they are walking down curves and world is glowing from that filtered, warm evening light that the sun washes everything with just before slipping under the horizon, and they turn a corner and Blair's mouth falls open. They are standing on the edge of a field and in the middle is a table set with a white linen tablecloth and candles, and off to the side is a string quartet that starts playing the moment they arrive on the scene. The New York skyline is in the background, buildings red and gold from the setting sun. Dan turns to her and looks at her, smiling.
"Dessert." he says.
Bair laughs, entirely surprised because Dan isn't prone to romantic gestures and he's somehow managed to pull of the romantic gesture of a lifetime. She smacks him hard on the arm and says his name exasperatedly.
"Daniel Randolph Humphrey! I was just going to eat some leftover pie. And I'm not dressed up to go out, and this is the most ridiculous, sweet, thoughtful thing you've ever done for me." With those words she wraps her arms around his neck and tilts her face up and kisses him, sweetly, softly, lovingly. They break apart and he touches his forehead to hers and whispers her name. "Blair. I love you." Blair feels like she might burst from happiness.
He escorts her to the table and pulls out the chair for her. The quartet plays. A server appears from somewhere and places a plate with creme brulee on it in front of her.
"Gigi?" She asks, cracking the hard sugared top with a spoon and digging into the smooth custard.
"Dorota," Dan says. "The way that woman can conspire, I think she may have been part of the Polish secret service. She'll put her to bed. We can stay out all night if we want."
"Oh," Blair says, partly responding to Dan and partly from the sweet creaminess of the creme brulee on her tongue.
"Or we can stay in all night," Dan says suggestively. "I got us a room at the The Carlyle. It's three blocks from the Frick."
"Dan!" Blair exclaims, overwhelmed by the surprise and the thoughtfulness, "What is all this about? I might think I forgot our anniversary but I know it's in three weeks." He smiles,
"It's a different anniversary. I was kind of counting on you forgetting so I could surprise you. Four years ago I asked you to dance for the first time in fifteen years. I know our anniversary is coming up, but for me that night, that dance was when we really began."
Blair feels tears on her cheeks. The string quartet starts to play a tune she recognizes and Dan stands up, holding out his hand. She takes it and he pulls her close, pressing her against the length of his body, no space between them, and they move together, arms wrapped around each other, swaying to the tune of The Way You Look Tonight.
Dan's head dips down, his lips capturing Blair's, her mouth opening under his, their tongues tangling as they kiss, and kiss and kiss some more. At first it's sweet but it's not long before things shift and she starts to kiss him back demanding more than just this. Blair moans a little, pulling Dan even closer, pushing against him as she feels desire start to build in her center and he's hard against her, groaning at the feel of her. His hands start to pull her shirt out from her waistband and Blair grips the rough wool of his coat. Then she pulls away from him, from his mouth, his hands, listening to the way he hitches his breath at the sudden loss of contact. She leans forward a little, their foreheads are touching, her lips feeling bruised and swollen, their chests rise up and down and up and down, the music playing in the background, and it feels like there is nothing but the two of them and this moment.
"I think we should stay in," Blair manages to say, feeling slow and heavy with want. Dan nods his agreement.
"Times like this, I wish you were more open to sex in public," Dan half gasps and half laughs.
Blair smiles at her ridiculous sexy hot husband then realizes that while the Carlyle waits for them with its giant soft beds and impeccable room service, she's not past fucking her husband in the back of the town car on their way there. She whispers this into Dan's ear and he groans back at her,
"God, you're beautiful when you're dirty. Well not just then. All of the time, so amazing and I love you so much and, um, I mean..."
Classic Humphrey overthink. Blair smiles at him, loving him so much in that moment she can barely stand it. "I'm an old married lady and I can't keep up being dirty if you keep talking. Shut up and keep kissing me, Humphrey." She grips his hair in her hands, feeling the curls in her fingers and pulling his face to hers and they kiss again.
Two weeks later Blair feels like she's experiencing deja vu, and she wants to call Serena and have her tell it's all going to be okay, wants to run away, want to pretend this isn't happening again. She's sitting on the toilet as Dan whistles innocently outside the closed door and she knows he's putting on his tie and getting ready for the charity event they're scheduled to attend that night. Blair feels sick, and it's a different sick feeling than the one that had sent her to the bodega down the street a couple hours ago. Tears sting her eyes and she knows she can't stay in the bathroom forever.
"Dan?" Blair squeaks, her voice sounding strange and unsteady. She clears her throat and tries again, louder, "DAN!"
He pushes the door open, peering into the room, his face mildly irritated when he sees she's sitting there, undressed, her gown still hanging on the back of the door. "What? The car is coming around soon...you're not ready…" his voice trails off as he realizes what Blair is holding in her hand. She wanted to call Serena just like last time, but she also doesn't want this to be like last time, so she holds it up to him, swallowing her fear and Dan stares at it, and a look of confusion, then realization, then the same fear she feels cross over his face, one after the other.
"So, two blue lines?"
"Yes," Blair says.
"And this means," Dan says, eyes searching hers.
"Yes," she says again.
Before Dan might have whooped with joy and grabbed her and told her he couldn't wait to be a father again, but he doesn't. He stands, watching her, waiting to see what this really means. Blair doesn't know because the moment she saw the two blue lines the only thing she could feel was that same old fear. Fear that she would lose herself again. Lose him again. Fear that all of her mistakes and her faults would come crashing down.
"And it's okay," Dan asks carefully, warily. "Are you okay?"
Blair thinks about what he's asking. It's not a simple question. It's everything.
"I won't lie," Blair says, her voice small and quiet. "I'm terrified. I don't ever want things to get as bad as they were before. But is this okay? Am I okay? Yes, my love. I have you and with you by my side I can face anything."
With those words Dan dashes forward and grabs her and laughs and cries and he's kissing her face and her nose and her eyebrows and saying her name over and over and over again.
"Blair Cornelia Humphrey," he starts, pulling back to look at her.
"Waldorf," she reminds him, smirking a little. "No one is going to buy something from Humphrey Designs. Well, unless they live in Brooklyn. We might have a market in Brooklyn."
"Ha," Dan says, then starts again, "Blair Cornelia Waldorf-Humphrey, you never cease to surprise me."
Blair smiles.
"Daniel Randolph Humphrey," Blair answers back, you never cease to surprise me either."
"Queen B,"
"Lonely Boy."
"Who thought we'd end up here," Dan asks, kissing her softly on the forehead. "Not me," Blair smiles. "But sometimes life doesn't lead you where you expected."
"No kidding," Dan laughs softly, "I think we are two of the luckiest people in the world to have found each other, to have this life, and I can't wait for even more of you, of our family, of us."
Blair's cheeks are wet. She couldn't wait either. No matter what the future brought,the unlikely pairing of Queen B and Lonely Boy was forever.
~fin~
Author Note: I am surprisingly sad that this fic is done. In a way I'd like to keep writing it forever. I love this version of Dan and Blair, all grown up and facing the world together. And there will be a prologue so there's one more chapter coming. Thank you for reading, please leave me some feedback if you're inclined. All my love to the awesome Dair fans out there