Chapter 3 Alex

What the fuck was I doing without giving it a second thought grabbing Kate and just kissing her like that I could tell she was taken aback about it. But that touch was electric and those lips I didn't know what came over me I knew I had to have her she just looked so innocent so sweet. I unbutton her uniform and tried to take it off "Let's fuck here" I said under my breath Kate pushed me away "Anyone can walk in" Was she for real what was this women doing to me "Don't tempt me further" I leaned in again and she pushed me away again It was like being in high school. Kate got up I caught a glimpse of her body and her bra Kate could tell where I looking and buttoned up her uniform "Sorry" She looked at me then looked away was she embarrassed or something "I only just got out of this relationship and I just don't think I should be rushing into something and you have this thing with Piper" I felt bad maybe I was just using Kate as a way of getting back at Piper. I got up and faced Kate "It's cool if we did do something it would have been for all the wrong reasons" But if I could get away with it I knew I would have carried on "Just so you know if you didn't stop me" I started playing with her hair and even in a shit hole like this it was still soft "God the things I'd do to you" She closed her eyes like she was imagining it "Ffffffuck" Kate said through her teeth I let go of her hair "Wow it's like being the loser in school and rejecting the hottest girl" Kate said under her breath, I smiled "Ironically in school I was the biggest loser" Kate gave a little laugh "Me to" She brushed my hair behind my ear and took my glasses off my head put them back on my eyes and put her hand on my cheek "Maybe in another time and place who knows but you got shit to deal with and so have I" God I wanted to kiss her again "Your a tease you know that" There was a loud knock on the door me and Kate startled moved away from each other it was a guard "INMATE! You were suppose to close up by now" Kate just started doing random things she picked up a book shoved it in my hands "I think you'll enjoy that one".

"VAUSE! You are out of bounds get out of here before you get a shot"

"Sorry sir, Thanks for your help Kate" I had a horrible feeling at the pit of my stomach when I walked off and just left Kate like that after I made her feel so awkward I am such a ass sometimes.

I couldn't sleep that night what happened kept going over and over in my head. Why did I have to kiss her? What the fuck is Piper going to say I have to tell her else what's the point in starting a fresh if this is hanging over my head. How does that go "O by the way Piper I kissed and wanted to fuck another women". There was a loud bang on my door I put my glasses on and sat up on my bunk a guard came in with a empty plastic bag "Vause pack up" He threw the bag at me "Your being moved" Moved where? Back to Litch? "Moved where am I going" He rolled his eyes "I don't know and I don't care"

"Can I at least pee first" He nodded towards the toilet in my cell "I am not peeing in front of you" He shrugged his shoulders "Fine but you don't know how long the trip is could be hours" Thinking back to when I had to go to Chicago I knew it was either here or the plane if it was a plane I'd be travelling in if it was a bus then I'd be screwed. I sat down on the toilet and the guard kept looking at me "Is that necessary" He turned around whilst I peeing after I was done I started packing I picked up the book Kate gave me earlier and packed it. I can't believe I'm not saying goodbye to her I quickly grabbed a bit of paper and scribbled a little note my bunkie was awake I folded the paper and gave it to her "Can you give that to Kate for me" She took the paper and nodded and went back to lie down on her bed. I finished packing my things and had the usual handcuffs and shoved in a bus with women I didn't recognise "Anyone knows where we going" One said I ignored her I wasn't in the mood for small talk think we all weren't as no one said anything. We drove around for hours good job I went toilet before I left I kept thinking about what would happen if I did go back to Litch how would I feel seeing Piper again. Should I tell her about Kate? Piper would fucking flip if she found out maybe it was best not to and just forget all about her. I think that I could do that I mean I forgot about Piper for all those years that we were apart I could do it again I mean me and Kate were far from what me and Piper were it was just a kiss in a moment of weakness that didn't mean anything to the both of us. I kept going over and over what I would say to Piper in my head if I was heading back to Litch until I fell asleep.

I felt a slight kick on my leg it was a guard "INMATE! Get up" I groggily got up she escorted me rather aggressive off the the bus there was no plane this time there was still people on the bus I guess that was their next stop. I knew instantly where I was it was Litch it felt like I had just came home Caputo finally done something quickly. I got dragged into the main entrance where they done the usual checks and before I knew it I was I was naked and in the clinic room Bell walked in holding disposable gloves "Vause it's been awhile" She put the gloves on "You come back to see your girlfriend"

"No I came back for you"

"I am so touched, Squat and cough you know the drill" When all that humiliation was over I had my orange uniform and bedding and when we got outside to the minivan I heard a voice I was so used to hearing "Look who's back" It was Morello with her thick Italian accent "Morello how's things" She was reading a celebrity magazine which made a change from the usual wedding ones. "O the usual wake up, eat, work, shit and sleep, You know you should see Piper when you can she's been worried about you". My heart skipped thinking about Piper "How has she been" Morello looked up from her magazine "Feeling bad about what she done and also when you did the whole let's not communicate thing it made her feel more bad" Now I felt bad about what I have done to her but if I forget the whole thing it'll go away. "Is it just Vause today" Bell nodded "I don't know what's going on I have hardly been picking new people up it's like some of the women population have decided to not commit crimes any more" Morello said still having her eyes on the magazine I leaned in "Or it could be there's hardly any beds free here" Morello looked up "O yeah there's that" She put the magazine down and stated the engine. The drive to camp was a long one the longest I have had. "Does Piper know I am here" Morello looked in the rear mirror "No I don't think so but she's been nagging Caputo about you transfer" Morello was catching me up on the prison gossip stuff I really didn't want to hear "O Piper started a newsletter whilst you were outside"

"That sounds interesting"

"Yeah it got cancelled though the other girls couldn't handle that my article was the most popular, You look pale you should eat some oranges or get some sunlight it's called vitamin something" I looked in the mirror god I looked like shit.

We approached the gates to the camp I was feeling nervous about seeing Piper Morello got out of the minivan "Don't look so nervous it's not like you did anything wrong" No I kept saying to myself I haven't done anything wrong nothing happened whilst I was in Virginia "Guess I am nervous about seeing Pipes for the first time in a while" A guard opened the van and I got out I put my glasses on and looked at the window where the stairs were to see if Piper was there but she wasn't. "O Piper is at work now" Morello said. When I got shown my room I put all my stuff down and went straight out looking for Piper it was lunch time I bet she was having lunch I went straight to the cafeteria she wasn't there I went to all the places I was allowed to go till I bumped into Red "Ah Vause your back" I knew I wasn't allowed in the cube "Can you tell Piper that I am here and that I will be out for dinner" Red smirked "She finishes work in a bit I will tell her"

"Thanks Red" I saw Bennett in the corner of my eye I knew I was out of bounds so I rushed back to my cell it was empty I started to unpack when there was a knock on the wall "I hear you've been looking for me" I turned around and there she was Piper.

Kate

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror what the fuck happened the hottest person I have ever met threw herself at me and I rejected her. But then if I did have sex with her doesn't that make me the bad person for taking advantage Alex must think I am such a loser god I over think everything. I started to wash my face maybe I should keep away from Alex if she's going to do this to me but god that kiss that voice everything about her is so sensual. This is just a stupid schoolgirl crush it's got to be I cupped a handful of water and threw it on my face.

London 2002

This jacket doesn't suit what I was wearing why was I so nervous there was a knock at the front door "I'll get that mother" I ran down the stairs and answered the door before my mother could. On the other end was Shane a guy from my school and hanged out at the comic shop with I really didn't want to do this. I was just not attracted to this guy or any guy for that matter girls would be drooling over pictures over Brad Pitt and I'd prefer Jennifer. I could just fake a illness and I kept up some part of the charade by getting him to the door and opening it. But my my mother was getting suspicious so I made the whole date thing up and had to go through with it I just felt bad for him "Who's that" My mother shouted across the hall. I turned around well I had no choice but to introduce them "Mother this is Shane" He put down the flowers which looked horrible like something from a petrol station for 99p she saw the flowers then looked at Shane and I could just tell by the glare she didn't like him. "I hope you intentions towards my daughter is good" I looked at mother shocked "Ma" Shane defiantly wasn't one of those guys "We're just going to watch a film" She looked me up and down "Well your dressed for the occasion don't be to late back I have that job interview for the job in New York tomorrow" I didn't say anything the last thing I wanted is to be nagged I slammed the door on the way out. The whole thing was just a disaster the film sucked so bad we decided to leave early and walk back. "Your mother seems nice" I looked at Shane sarcastically "You kidding she's a battle axe give anything to move away from her" We carried on walking a bit and Shane tried to hold my hand I let him but I didn't feel anything so I let go. "Do you like me" Shane stopped walking and looked at me I looked at him I didn't want to lie to him "I don't know" I shrugged my shoulders "I don't know what I want sometimes" I felt really sad all of a sudden "It's cool I got the feeling you felt forced to go on this date"

"I'm sorry I'm a pretty lousy date" We started walking again "Can I ask you a question" It was the least I owed him "Go on" He stopped again "Have you ever been kissed by a dude" What a question but I have been lying to him the whole time so I might as well be honest "No I haven't"

"Would you like to try it doesn't have to go any further" I thought I'd bite the bullet and give it a go at lest I knew with Shane he means it when he said nothing further I leaned in to kiss him and he met me with his lips they were cold and dry I felt nothing and it didn't feel right so I pulled away "I guess hot geek guys don't do it for me" I laughed awkwardly "It's fine I understand" He does o god he must have guessed "Your secret is safe with me and he winked" I was so glad I had finished the last of my exams and school was over. Little did I know that he came out to his parents a week later.

"INMATE! Your keeping up the sink line" I dried my face off and went to work. I haven't seen Alex all day maybe she was keeping her distance or just didn't want to see me. Her bunkie came in and gave me a note it just said that she's gone back Litch. I was so taken aback about it I knew that she would be leaving just not this soon. I kept thinking back to out little kiss and got me regretting rejecting her again. Maybe this is something she wants to put behind her cause of the whole Piper thing I bet she has forgotten me already.

New York 2007

I moved here nearly 5 years ago and I still get lost going to uni mother got that job here as some hot shot lawyer and I hardly saw her which suited me fine. Much to my mother disappointment I wanted to be a youth counsellor and not do something in law it wasn't a proper career according to her. I was also doing bar work in a micro brewery which helped pay off my uni fees I made a nice little life for myself here. But there was one thing wrong I still haven't come out yet not to anyone not even my mother who I think kind of knew as I haven't had a boyfriend yet.

I turned up late again for my class which was normal for me my teacher just rolled her eyes "Late again Kate I keep telling you to use Google Maps" I walked fast to my seat " Sorry miss" She rolled her eyes "It's Lisa come on we're all on first names here". I got my books and laptop out "Sorry Lisa" She carried on with her lecture and I was trying my hardest to keep up with what I have missed I finished work at 1AM and I was tired. After class Lisa wanted to talk to me Lisa sat on her desk "So I know you keep good grades but lately it seems like your dropping a little, Turning up late, Looking tired, Your barely keeping up with what you missed when you turn up late is everything okay"

"I'm really sorry I will try harder and I will cut down the shifts"

"Maybe you need some down time you know go out party and have a good time" I have never been to a bar in New York since I got here apart from the one that I worked in I rarely drink either "And that's meant to help me how" Lisa stood up "You always seem tense go out have fun" I put my bag on my shoulder "Thanks Lisa I will keep that in mind". I had a shift that I was late for I kept thinking about what Lisa said maybe I do need to let my hair down it's a shame that I didn't know anyone to do that with. I turned up late like I thought I would but my boss was cool about it "Education first" He always said it was dead that night hardly anyone came in but then it was a Wednesday. I was cleaning some glasses and I had my back to the bar when I heard a women clear her throat to get my attention "What can I get for you" I turned around and my uni teacher Lisa was stood there. She looked very different from class I guessed she was in her mid thirties she had long brown hair that she usually wore up but this time it was down and instead of dressing smart like at uni she was causal jeans and a band T-Shirt with a leather jacket I wasn't used to seeing it she even had a lip ring on the far right. "Kate I didn't know you worked here, I'll just have a coke"

"Yeah been here a while now, I didn't know you lived near by" I poured her coke "Nah just meeting a friend" I put her drink down I looked at the clock it was 6. I started wiping the bar down"Do you ever think you'll go back to London" I never gave it a thought really "Maybe to visit but not to live I made a life here sort of anyway" I went off to serve a customer but I could sense she was looking at me she brought me a drink then my manager told to me I could go home we weren't busy so I sat with Lisa. "Your friend didn't turn up" She looked at the clock "No fuck her anyway" She leaned in "So how long have you known you were gay" My stomach turned and all the colour drained from my face "That's a conversation starter and I don't know what your talking about" I drank a bit of my beer hoping it would calm me down "I can fucking tell from a mile off that you are plus I saw you check out that chicks ass when she left" Was it that obvious that I was I leaned forward as well "Look Sherlock my mother doesn't know and she'll freak when she finds out" Lisa sat back in her chair holding her beer bottle "O honey it's New York no one will care" I fucking care my mother would care as well"Apart form my family" She let out a little snort "Well if they can't accept who you are then are they worth it" She drank up her beer "Want another?" I have hardly touched my one "No I am a slow drinker" She got up "Well your drinking with me tonight kid so bring you A game" And and she walked to the bar.

"Kate what's up" Ruth sat down next me she saw the note and scoffed "Didn't like that one knew she'd do this to you" Ruth was right to some extent. "Don't be so down at least she left before she done too much damage" Ruth was right "I broke up with Hel the other day as well" Ruth sighed a long one as well "O Kate what's wrong with you"

"It just wasn't going anywhere nothing ever does, I am thinking of writing to my mother as well" Ruth raised a eyebrow "Is that wise she doesn't even know your in here how long has it been" Too long she is nothing but a memory to me now. "You could write her a letter what have you got to lose". I kept thinking about Alex though maybe I should write her a letter I doubt she'd respond though. But then why did she make the move surely she must have felt something as well or was I just something to piss Piper off with. When I was alone in my cell I decided to write a letter to Alex and another to my mother.