Chapter 53:
Lexa nodded as Clarke walked past her. She fell into step behind for a few moments trying to collect her thoughts. Clarke was acting strange. She was distant. Could it be the war? Was it the presence of death waiting patiently for its first victims? Was Clarke being haunted by some unseen force. Lexa knew she had her walls up and it broke Lexa not to grab the girl and hold her in her arms and break those walls down again. She was confused. She needed Clarke and she felt her distancing herself from Lexa. She didn't know why. Was she afraid for Lexa? Does she fear she'll lose me tonight? She watched Clarke walk in front of her lost in her own thoughts until Clarke turned to find her.
The eye contact brought Lexa's pace up, matching Clarke's steps so they were now side by side. She saw a small smile cross Clarke's lips before it fell again. Lexa remained quiet slightly placated that at least a brick of the wall Clarke put up had fallen down. The wall she had built was fractured, maybe Clarke wanted Lexa to tear it down?
She felt Clarke guide her to a more secluded area of the camp. They slowly made there way through into a clearing alone. The sun was directly above them and Lexa felt it warm her as she walked further from the trees. Clarke walked with her before stopping and sitting down. Lexa stopped looking at her questioningly. Clarke lied down flat on the grass beneath her, eyes up on the clouds above them.
Lexa took the hint and sat down beside her. She stayed quiet not wanting to interrupt. She felt Clarke's hand slowly reach for her arm and gently tug at the sleeve. Lexa gave in and followed Clarke's direction to lie back beside her. They lied side by side in silence, their chests slowly rising and falling into the same rhythm their hearts beating as one. Lexa stared at the clouds above her, the beauty of them capturing her eyes as she watched them dance in the wind.
After awhile she felt Clarke's hand make its way into Lexa's and tighten its grip. Clarke had let a few more bricks down from her wall. Lexa smiled slightly giving a squeeze to Clarke's hand, rubbing her thumb against the girl's soft skin. Lexa turned her head to look at Clarke.
Clarke kept her eyes up to the sky. Finally, Lexa broke the silence. She couldn't wait any longer, she had to know, "so, are you going to tell me what that was all about?"
Clarke looked at her and smiled shyly, "what if I don't want to tell you?"
Her voice was a whisper, she sounded embarrassed. Lexa looked at her confused thinking back to the moments leading up to her discovering Clarke had left her and Octavia. "Clarke," she said now smiling slightly, "were you jealous that I was sparring with Octavia?"
She didn't mean her voice to sound so surprised but there it was.
She watched Clarke keenly, Clarke looked back to the clouds above them, "maybe." She half admitted.
Lexa smiled, "We can spar right now if you like?"
Clarke shook her head, "No, it wasn't just that."
Lexa was confused again. She shook her head trying to make sense of it all. "I don't understand."
Clarke took a deep breath and sighed. She paused for a moment and Lexa saw she was struggling with something inside her, then Clarke rolled her eyes.
"You're going to think it's stupid."
Lexa looked at her incredulously, "I doubt that, Clarke." She had never thought Clarke to be dim-witted in all the time she knew the girl. Clarke's brain, in Lexa's opinion, had always worked so well alongside her heart, her mind was strong and unyielding but in tune with Clarke's desires and intentions.
Clarke sighed again at Lexa's brush off. She looked at Lexa, she locked her eyes on ocean of blue letting it carry her away before Clarkes next statement floored her.
"You laughed," Clarke admitted.
Lexa cocked her eyebrow not understanding.
Clarke rolled her eyes again, "you really laughed with Octavia. I had never heard it before, not like that." Her voice was soft and slightly dejected.
She was unsure what to say to that, "I…I didn't mean to offend you."
Clarke sat up and turned to look at her. "You didn't…it was just a magical sound. I wish I was the cause of it."
Lexa blinked at Clarke's statement. She didn't think it was possibly to love someone more than she loved Clarke but again her heart surprised her reaching new lengths of admiration.
Lexa sat up and cupped Clarke's face gingerly, looking through the face paint to Clarke's soul. "You make my heart sing Clarke," she kissed her cheek, "I haven't heard myself laugh like that in years…" she said quietly, "you did cause it."
With that Clarke captured Lexa's lips with her own slipping closer and putting her hand on her thigh and the other on her neck. Her skin tingled at the touch and she returned the kiss allowing them both to sink into further.
Finally, Lexa broke their embrace and stood holding out a hand for Clarke to help her up. They walked together back into the folds of people and made their way to Lexa's tent. It was mid afternoon now and they needed to address their people, finalize their plans and hear of the decision of the clans.
They filled their bellies with food and drink, fuelling them for their fight, warming their insides. The spirit within the camp was palpable; it coursed within every member of the camp. Everyone was mentally preparing to take lives, building themselves up to break the enemy down. When they had addressed their men within the camp their warriors began to move out. They were heading to their positions for the assault, they were to await the signal blasts from the mines SkaiKru were planting.
They were informed as the afternoon went on that Azgeda remained vigilant to reject Roan's rule. They learned that 3 clans had defected back to the coalition, leaving two remaining on the side of Nia's memory. Lexa declared them enemies of the coalition learning that they now rejected her brand. She ordered them to be put to death unless they surrender. Lexa and Clarke returned to the tent when they were finished to digest the information and discuss.
Lexa lay down on the bed as Clarke began to pace. "You should rest Clarke," she told her.
Clarke stopped her pacing and looked at Lexa, "how can you relax?"
Lexa opened her eyes, "Easily, the thing I care about most in this world is safe, pacing insistently and interrupting my nap."
She saw Clarke smile and make her way over the bed. She hopped in beside her and curled into Lexa's side. Lexa shifted and spooned Clarke, pushing her hair off her neck as she did so and laying a soft kiss to her neck. Clarke sighed at the tenderness and they melted into each other, finding the refuge they had always unknowingly sought.