"Jen!" Commander Henry Knight popped his head through the door to see Jennifer Coates at her desk. "Do you know if Colonel Rabb was coming in today?"

Jen wanted to know the same thing. "I'm not sure sir."

Henry simply nodded and considered; "I hope she's not just taking the day because her husband is away." His voice had a malicious hint that Jen really didn't like and certainly did not appreciate.

"Colonel Rabb would never do that sir," she replied politely but making a point.

"Uh huh. Can you let me know when she gets in if she gets in," his tone continued to bother Jen but she refused to let it get to her.

"Yes sir I will."

It hurt to open her eyes. They felt heavy, like the rest of her body. Her head. Her limbs. Everything felt so heavy.

Slowly willing herself back to consciousness she struggled through the light with a pounding headache.

It was all a nightmare. It had to be. She would open her eyes. And she would be back in bed. Back in her husband's arms, where nothing bad ever happened. And everything was fine.

…but her hands…felt dry and stiff…and covered in…what is that? She wondered as she clenched her fists. Her fists. She remembered…with a horrible realization she remembered everything…

…her legs were stiff…her back was wet…and the memory of what had happened hit her with a forced enough to have her gagging where she lay. Her stomach twisted and she feared she was about to be sick.

With eyes red and swollen, she used what was left of her strength to pull herself into a slightly slanted sitting position. Her body ached. Everything just hurt so much.

But nothing hurt as much as what was lying at her feet.

She was trying to make sense of it. Trying to figure out…what to do…but there was nothing. Too afraid to move or even breath, the tears slowly burnt her eyes and blurred her vision. She wanted to look away…but she couldn't. There was almost a self-inflicting agony that came with every second she remained in this position. A pain she quickly convinced herself she deserved. If she couldn't be physically strong enough for her child…she would make it up by punishing herself.

"Doctor O'Sullivan's private rooms, Liz speaking," answered the chirpy voice on the other side.

Mac hated her voice. It was all too happy…'like there's anything to be happy about in this fucked up world!' she thought. Swallowing the lump in her throat, one of many she'd been trying to hold down today, she spoke, her voice soft and raw as the Marine in her was ordering her to keep it together; "Hi. I um…I needed to make an urgent appointment with Dr. O'Sullivan please."

"Ok. Sure. The next available I have is…" there was a pause as she searched her calendar. "Actually I have a slot available at 2:30 this afternoon. Would you be able to come?"

"Yes. Yes. Please book me in."

"Sure. Your surname?"

"Rabb. R. A. Double B. First name Sarah."

"There you are," commented Liz though mostly speaking to herself. "Ok so you're all booked in for this afternoon at 2:30pm with Dr. O'Sullivan. We'll see you then!"

'Thank you."

As she sat on the edge of the bed, the last 4 hours of her life played over in her mind like a horror movie.

Everything she had done since waking up to her agonizing reality, felt like an out-of-body experience. It was like watching herself function mechanically through the motions. Not once had she stopped to think…or even allowed herself to feel. There were things that had to be done…and she had done them.

She had briefly considered calling an ambulance. But that had been hours ago…all that was too late now…and there was nothing they could do. So taking her phone with her, she had sat down on the edge of the bed and booked herself in to see her gynecologist.

With her palms up, her hands lay weakly over her lap. Her eyes were hollow, distant and fixed on the floor. Her breathing was still quite shallow, afraid that if she took too deep of a breath she might break…or begin to bleed again.

She had lost so much blood!

Too much!

She was weak and tired and wanted to sleep. She just wanted to sleep…and make it go away. Her body swayed slightly as she felt herself begin to sink and her eyelids begin to droop. Catching herself in time she closed her eyes and took one deep breath in through her nose and out through her mouth. Opening her eyes she finally blinked and with very slow movements she looked around herself.

As if waking from a trance she suddenly sat a little straighter. Somewhere deep in her subconscious she figured she would clean up once again and dress for her appointment. Gripping the edge of the bed she lifted herself up feeling a wave of dizziness bring her back down. She was simply too weak. Her arms had begun to tremble again. Her teeth were gritted as she tried to keep herself up but it was getting harder and harder to fight the darkness that was closing in on her. But she reminded herself to be stronger than that. So taking another deep breath she stood up this time making it all the way. With small careful steps she found her way around their bedroom until she was ready.

"Sarah." Her name was called out.

Looking up she attempted the smallest of smiles and slowly made her way to Dr. Katherine O'Sullivan. The older woman took one look at Mac and was immediately worried. Something was terribly wrong.

"Come in," the woman whispered as she gently guided Mac into the consult room and closed the door behind them.

Mac took a seat on one of the two patient chairs at the desk. Katherine, instead of going to her own chair, took the seat next to her patient and whispered; "What happened?"

Mac couldn't look at her. Her arms still trembled with goose bumps. She looked as if she had lost half her weight in only the last few hours. She could feel her eyes begin to sting with the heat of new tears. Keeping her eyes fixed on the desk she began; "I…I think I had a miscarriage…" her voice nothing more than a whisper. She tried to hold them tight but those tears gave way.

Katherine was shocked to say the least but kept her professional face on. She needed to act fast.

"Oh Sarah," she whispered feeling a horrible sense of grief for her. Taking one of Mac's hands in to both of hers she held it tight suddenly giving Mac enough strength to continue.

"I thought it was my period," a tear made her way over her upper lip and into her mouth. "But…"

She had nothing more to say.

"Is Harm at work?" she enquired. There was another person she had a soft spot for. Never had she seen a man as passionately in love and devoted to his wife. He was a charming and extremely handsome man who had been there every step of the way. Which made her wonder why he wasn't here with Mac?

"He's…he's in the States," she whispered.

Katherine physically felt herself deflate a little. Mac could not and should not go through this alone. "Ok," Katherine gathered her thoughts as she took a deep breath. "I'm going to call an ambulance Sarah. You're going straight to King Edwards."

Mac finally looked up at her. Katherine understood her questioning gaze; "We need to check you up completely. We don't know what's happened and I need to make sure everything is ok."

Standing up from her chair she walked around her desk; "I'm cancelling the rest of my day and coming in with you. I'll admit you as an emergency and do a full workup ok." Picking up the phone she got through to reception; "Liz. Can you please call an ambulance for me and contact Andrea at King Edwards. Let her know I have an emergency case coming in. She'll need to set up the room for me…yeah…yes please. Thank you."