A/N: DO NOT expect this sort of immediate update ever again. :-) This was pure happenstance that I got a chapter done during work Friday, and then had all of the Saturday evening to write the next one while my husband plays Pathfinder. And whoa, the 13% beer we've been drinking has started to affect my typing, but I'm fairly confident in my writing for the chapter. :-)

Also, in less than 30 minutes it will be Sunday, July 12, which is the 7th anniversary for me and my husband (married, we've been together 9 years and friends for 12), and let me just tell you...wait to be the exception. I write first kiss, first time romance, and falling in love stories, because my own was so good, so beautiful, and continues to be everyday with one of the best men there could ever be, that I want to share that experience with others until the day I can no longer type. I'm not exaggerating, he's perfect to me. We don't fight. We talk, we compromise, we have a wonderful relationship and are so happy, and if everything in the rest of my life has to be difficult for me to have love be this wonderful, so be it, I'll take happiness with my husband every time. It is worth it to wait for that partner who will learn you're bisexual and say that the only problem he has with it is that he has more competition (which he so, so didn't), and who makes you happier to face each day. I write romance because of this man, so everyone take a moment to thank my husband, because it all comes from him, truly.

Okay, no more drunken gushing. Enjoy this chapter and what is to follow!

This time Len slept soundly all the way until morning. He knew it was morning when he roused because Caitlin was there, checking his vitals. She offered a tight, unsure smile when he blinked up at her.

"Hey," she said, "I'm going to start waning you off the medication, okay, just a little less every few hours until the pain's more manageable. Then we can switch to something less invasive." Her fiddling with the IV had probably been what woke him.

He nodded, but couldn't resist fingering the heart monitor that went up underneath his sweatshirt. "Can we do away with this?"

Caitlin cocked her head skeptically. "Well…you seem better enough that I don't expect you to suddenly crash, though I suppose it depends on whether or not you're planning on walking out the door in the next few hours."

Len held her gaze steadily. "I'm not."

"Good," she sighed, her smile shifting into something more genuine. "Then I guess your midnight rendezvous with Cisco wasn't all talk."

Len huffed an unsteady laugh. "He told you, huh?" He shifted on the bed. He could already tell he was going to get sick of it today since he was markedly better and more alert. The reduced pain meds probably helped with that, but thankfully didn't leave him with too much of an ache.

"He did, and well…he also sort of fostered a bad habit." Caitlin plucked a tablet—possibly the one Len often saw Cisco with—from off the nearby tray and turned it toward him. It was paused, unmoving, but showed footage of Len and Lisa in that very room from yesterday. Caitlin had watched their conversation.

Len supposed he'd walked into that. "One of these days I'll remember those cameras when it counts," he said with a weak smile. But even though Caitlin returned the expression, Len couldn't help thinking of the footage from outside the labs that Cisco had mentioned, and then of other footage—the way he'd saluted the camera in the lounge before he left, knowing full well what else that camera had captured.

At the time Len had wanted Barry to see it and remember what had happened between them that night, imagining it would leave a pretty potent sting, but now it dawned on him how much was out in the open for the others as well.

"You all saw before, didn't you?" he said softly, guiltily. "Barry and I…from that night?"

Caitlin cringed and dropped the tablet back on the tray. She didn't answer.

"I didn't do it to hurt him." Len sat up as best he could in the bed then realized he'd have to clarify when Caitlin looked at him, puzzled. "I mean...I didn't sleep with him to hurt him. Afterward…the bank, the warehouse…that was to hurt him, but that's not what I want anymore."

"I know," Caitlin said, and she looked sad more than accusing—but no, not sad, that wasn't the right word. Sympathetic, maybe even for his sake. She placed a thin, gentle hand on his arm as if in silent support then started to remove the heart monitor as he'd requested.

Len took a moment to breathe and actually register the state of his body, the way it ached but was starting to feel at least somewhat normal. "Are Mick and Lisa…behaving?" he asked after a moment, wondering where the others might be since he couldn't hear anything but the whir of machines—no voices, and he couldn't hide that that concerned him. "I want to stay, I'll stay, but if they've been giving you any trouble…"

"They're with Cisco and Ronnie downstairs in one of the other labs," Caitlin assured him with a more confident smile.

"They are? Doing what?"

"Reprogramming their guns." She chuckled a little when Len could do nothing more than gape at her in response. With simple precision, she adjusted the bed so that it propped him up better, more like he was lounging than lying down, then began to check him over for pulse, blood pressure, fever; never missing a beat, even as she continued to talk. "Ronnie worked here too, you know, though in Cisco's words he's currently meant more as a bodyguard against Mick. Cisco's still wary of him, but apparently Mick is a little in awe of Ronnie."

Len chuckled with her. "Are you surprised? Your husband can ignite. I'm sure Mick's beside himself."

She laughed a little harder before tapering off. "Cisco thinks they can adjust Lisa's gun to be non-lethal like yours. Something about an oxygen bubble, so even someone fully covered could survive for a period of time if eventually released. He has some chemical compound he's working on to break down the components of the gold. Mick's gun can't really be adjusted though. Fire's a little too…well…"

"Fire?" Len supplied.

Caitlin nodded with another short laugh. "Exactly. I think Cisco's hoping Lisa and Ronnie can help him convince Mick to turn a new leaf more than trying to make any changes to his gun. Get him to use it more the way he did when they were rescuing you. I get the impression he's not so much interested in burning people, as burning…something. Anything. There could be opportunities for that without hurting people, if…that's where things are headed." She finished her checks, satisfied, and looked at him with a sort of gentle prodding.

"Lisa sure seems to think so," Len said. "She was the one telling me not to get too close, you know, not to get turned around and twisted by The Flash, because going straight wasn't an option for someone like me. Now she's the one fighting for it."

Caitlin smiled and placed a hand on his arm again, seated in a stool beside the bed. "Seems it's something she wants for herself, but maybe she needed to see that you could do it in order to believe she could do it too."

The gentle comfort of comradery with Caitlin shifted into something strained for Len as he thought of everything he'd done, everything he owed them. "I haven't done anything yet to make up for…" He tried to raise his arm, maybe to shake her off, maybe to reach for her more solidly, he wasn't really sure, but as he did, his hand started to shake. He stared at it, so infuriated that he couldn't seem to stop that from happening.

Caitlin shifted on the stool, her hands pulling away as she stood up and reached over the bed until she had both of Len's wrists held tightly even though only the one had been shaking, and began that soothing motion with her thumbs along the pulse points at his wrists.

He shivered at how instantly it made him feel better, and the trembles stilled. "I'm sorry," he said, and he wondered if he'd ever be able to stop saying that now. He looked up from watching the motion of her hands to see her warm brown eyes looking down at him with open concern and maybe even…affection. "Why are you so kind to me?" he said before he could think of censoring the words. "You were the first one I hurt."

The admittance seemed to startle her, halting her movements, but when she recovered, she gripped his wrists more firmly. She stood there, leaning over the bed, not afraid or nervous. Cautious maybe, which was smart, and expected, but not like she feared him, or even like she loathed the man he'd been.

"I know Cisco didn't really…he didn't really know if he believed you could change, even after we saw that footage of you outside the labs, having another panic attack. He really tried to believe in you while you were here, but the wounds of what happened before, with his brother, Barry's identity, how much he blamed himself for it all…it didn't make it easy to want to forgive you when you betrayed us a second time."

"He said he did it for Barry's sake," Len recalled, amazed at the kid really, for being such a good friend that he'd pushed his own resentments aside to do what he thought was best for Barry even though it hurt, and probably didn't sound all that supportive at the time.

"Yeah," Caitlin smiled. "My motivations were a little more selfish." She released Len's wrists finally, but when she reclaimed her seat on the stool, she laid a hand atop his. It was remarkably soothing, just to feel someone's touch when he felt so disconnected. "I did believe in you, but maybe not because I felt I knew you well enough, but because…you made me think of Ronnie," she smiled wistfully, with that sort of instant fondness that only rushed to the surface when someone was speaking of a person who made their breath catch every time they entered a room.

Len didn't have much experience with that, but he'd seen it, from time to time, the way someone could honestly love another person so much that they smiled and looked warmed and happier just thinking of that person, even years after they'd first been together.

She came back to herself with a soft blush. "The split identity, the memory issues, the desire to run away before coming home and realizing what you really wanted…that is a very familiar story for me. Ronnie…hurt me without really meaning to, thinking he was protecting me, but even after I knew he was alive, I was ready to give up on him. I thought that if he walked away, wanted to walk away, then who was I to chase after him?" The strained memory of pain crossed her face, and her grip on Len's hand tightened. "I didn't fight hard enough. We figured things out with what had happened to him, and still, he thought he needed to be away from me. So I let him go. I just let him go…"

Len reached over with his left hand to in turn place atop hers, connecting them further, and looking up at her intently as he listened.

She shuddered out a heavy sigh, her words sounding damp as she continued, but her eyes remained dry. "Ronnie…he realized his mistake and came back, recognized that we're stronger together, happier together, and we are so happy now, but…sometimes…I have trouble forgiving myself for giving up. For letting him go." Any brief semblance of cloudiness in her eyes cleared as she looked at Len. "I didn't want to do the same with you. I was angry yesterday when you said you'd leave, but because I knew better, I knew you were just scared and thinking you needed to throw all this away to be safe, like maybe you deserved the pain, and the loss, and that's just…it's not fair, Len."

The machines weren't quite loud enough anymore with the heart monitor turned off to drown out the way her breath caught, but she didn't turn her eyes away from him.

"What you've been through is something few people experience. Forgetting your whole self, wanting to be something better before you remembered who you were, throwing yourself into danger and trauma to fight off the change that was coming…it's more than most people could handle even if they did experience even a fraction of what you have in only a few days. But here you are…trying." She smiled warmly at him. "And I, for one, want to believe it's genuine, not a trick or something temporary that will go up in smoke when you've had more time to heal. You can be better, Len. I know you can, I've seen it. You are better."

It really was so unfair that her eyes looked so clear when his felt like they were filling with moisture. It was the first time anyone seemed fully on his side in this, and prompted by selfish reasons or not, he knew looking at her, at the depth of belief in her eyes, that she meant every word, and not only because his situation stirred feelings of the man she loved.

No response seemed apt enough, and 'thank you' would be too minimal for how he felt. So when he said, "I want to be," it seemed weak and foolish, but it made Caitlin smile even brighter back at him.

"Then let's work on getting you physically better too," she said, and patted their stack of hands before pulling away. "You should take another day of bed rest, but after today, as long as everything stays normal, no red flags, we can start on some physical therapy to work your leg. Trips to the bathroom will be more than enough for the next twenty-four hours, but there are some exercises you'll be able to start doing that should help rebuild some of the tissue damage faster."

The mood shifted to something lighter, easier to focus on than the heavy weight of trying to start his whole life over, as she stood and began explaining the plan she had in place for his recovery, which after he was able to leave the labs would still require regular physical therapy each day that she was more than happy to help with if he promised to take the time to come in.

It felt like someone else's life for a moment. Having other people around who truly cared what he did with himself, what he wanted. Cisco, for all his anger and righteous fury, seemed mostly upset that Len had let him down. Caitlin was only angry when she thought the same, but held onto hope more tightly than the others because she knew too well what it was like to lose everything and somehow be given a second chance.

It was when Lisa, Mick, Cisco, and Ronnie appeared from the lower labs they'd been working in that Len really felt how surreal all of this was, because the tension was gone somehow, relaxed, even between Mick and Cisco. They all chatted softly on their way to the lounge, as if they hadn't expected Len would be awake yet. When they saw that he was, Lisa bounded over to him with a wide plastered smile, and kissed his cheek.

"Feeling better?"

"Much," he said honestly. "I hear you've been working on altering your gun."

A teasing smirk slipped onto her face. "Among other things." She peered over her shoulder at Cisco, and while Len couldn't see it, he imagined she winked, because the kid immediately blushed. Facing Len and Mick like a bundle of fury was easy, apparently, but one flirtatious look from Lisa, and he was still putty in her hands. She turned back with a winning grin. "You just worry about getting better, Lenny. I got the rest."

"What does that mean?" he asked with a furrowed brow, only half honestly concerned, but…a little concerned, because then she was skipping off to grab Cisco by the arm and leading him toward the lounge, and Mick offered him only a twitch of a smile—he rarely smiled widely—and a short nod, before turning back to some conversation with Ronnie that held him captive.

Then they were all off, and it was only when Caitlin said something Len didn't quite catch about joining them, that Len looked over and realized he wasn't alone even with Caitlin's departure. Detective West stood in the doorway the others had first come through, having been there all along, Len assumed, but waiting to have a crack at him alone.

Shit.

Barry flashed to S.T.A.R. labs, but only so far as the main corridor. He needed a slower walk to where Len was staying so he could gather his thoughts a bit better first. He knew Joe had only been there for a few minutes, having first checked in with Cisco downstairs, but he assumed his father was upstairs now, and well…he thought it might be best if he intervened, since Len was likely awake now, and Joe probably wanted to kill Len if they'd been left alone.

Of course Barry didn't think the others would be foolish enough to leave Joe alone with Len…until he came upon the entrance to the main labs and, while he was stumbling in his step, unsure of how he'd start this conversation, he heard Len's voice.

"Are you going to take me in, Detective? Or are you still working out how to dispose of the body afterward?"

Barry froze in place. How, as the fastest man alive, he was still almost always one step too late, had to be the biggest cosmic joke in the universe.

"You should consider it your good luck this place is filled with cameras," Joe answered, closer than Len sounded, like Barry had literally only just missed him walking fully into the other room. "But what could I take you in for, Snart? The video footage of you at the first 1st National shows you disappearing before anything happened. This last one, you left before the robbery took place. And all your other offenses…well those just up and disappeared, didn't they? We have nothing on you."

Barry cringed. That was always going to be a sore spot, wasn't it?

"And what about Mick and my sister?" Len asked. He sounded stronger at least, like maybe he was sitting up and not completely bed-ridden.

"Seems they're discussing that now," Joe said.

And Barry wondered what that meant. He hadn't checked anywhere else for the others, but if they were all upstairs now, talking…what exactly did that entail?

"Can't say I approve of what they're deciding on in there," Joe went on, "but someone recently tried to convince me that a good cop should want the bad guys to reform rather than just be punished."

Barry grinned as he remembered Eddie's initial words of support for Len and him reforming into a better man.

"And how do you feel about that, Detective?"

"Jury's still out at the moment."

Len laughed as if honestly amused by Joe's pun. Barry just hoped Joe wouldn't try anything violent while Len was still weak and defenseless. He was mostly defenseless, Barry knew that as fact this time from Caitlin, and Joe wouldn't really murder Len in the labs, would he? But Barry didn't know if he'd put anything past his father when his own well-being was under threat, although he wasn't really under threat from Len anymore. He certainly hoped he wasn't.

He wondered if he should reveal himself now and save Len from whatever agony Joe had planned, because it had to be some form of torture to face Joe after everything Len had put Barry through. Joe had been scary when Barry was a kid, dealing with bullies. He was always so quick to defend Barry, and while he encouraged a non-violent response, of course, that didn't mean his sharp looks and no-nonsense tone wasn't terrifying.

So Barry snuck his way to the door and flattened himself to the wall just outside of it, listening in to debate whether or not he needed to intercede. He also sort of wanted to know what they'd talk about. It sounded like they were alone.

"Tell me, Snart," Joe said, and Barry imagined him right beside Len now, maybe even seated in the stool that was always nearby the hospital bed, "what are you hoping to get out of this?"

"Detective?" Len asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"You want to heal, I understand that. Then what? Your abduction resulted in a lot of collars for CCPD. I was also impressed that your…Rogues didn't leave any bodies behind. They listened when Barry asked them to play things his way. Impressive, but not necessarily a sign of the future unless you plan to make it one."

"I understand what you're saying—"

"Do you?" Joe cut Len off sharply. "Because I don't want to see my son hurt again. I'd prefer not to ever see him hurt, but I know that's not an option. Not when this city needs The Flash. So what can I do but back him up where I'm useful, give advice when he's willing to listen, and keep bad elements out of his life every chance I get."

Oh shit. Barry needed to put a stop to this.

"Are you a bad element, Snart?" Joe asked, and the emotion in his voice made Barry pause before he could whip around the doorframe and enter the room. "Because I honestly don't know. I've heard all sides on you. What I know about your past, your record, doesn't make me very confident in your ability to reform. The one thing that did was how much Barry believed in you while you were here…when you promised me you would never hurt him on purpose."

The silence that followed made Barry's stomach plummet. He'd never learned what Joe and Len had talked about that day, though he'd had his suspicions. He felt a little guilty about eavesdropping now, but in the grand scheme of things, it paled in comparison to the other things that had occurred between them. So he listened on.

"I know," Len said, a solemn, soft tone to his voice. "I promised you that as the man I was then. I didn't think I wanted to be that man when I remembered."

"You mean after you used him," Joe said coldly, dangerously. "And left him?"

Barry felt like he wanted to throw up, just like he had the morning after, when Joe had had to watch that footage, and Barry had pleaded with him not to judge.

But Len didn't try to justify anything. He just said, "Yes. And no matter what happens between us now, I can never make up for that. Ever. And I know my promises probably count for less than a cup of coffee to you now, Detective, but I swear…for whatever little that's worth, that as the whole me, every broken piece of me, I will try to make up for this for as long as he'll let me."

Barry gasped, almost too audibly, and clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from alerting them to his presence. He didn't know what he'd expected, but it hadn't been that. He'd never heard Len sound quite like this before, some crossed amalgamation of the sweet, tentative blank slate he'd been, and the cool confident Captain Cold he was. It was all Barry had expected of him when he'd hoped Len would want more for himself when he regained his memories, not for him to change, but for him to be all that he was, even though some of himself he'd buried.

"You know, Detective," Len said, "it's actually a little funny how alike Barry and I are. Both raised by cops…with our sisters. I don't know what you know about my father, but he wasn't a good cop, not like you. Crooked, corrupt, however you want to say it. And he wasn't a good man either. Not nice, or kind, or patient. He certainly didn't have any patience or a gentle hand for me and Lisa. Barry had you. I didn't."

Barry had never thought of it that way before, but now that he knew more about Len's childhood, he recognized what a twisted parallel there was between them, what events could shape a man into who he'd one day become and embrace.

"Nature versus nurture?" Joe scoffed. "Don't sell me that bullshit, Snart. It's not all or nothing. You can't blame nurture for your nature being too weak to make the right call."

That wasn't fair, chimed in Barry's head, so quick to defend Len when he realized Joe was going on the offensive. He pressed a palm flat to the wall.

"You want to say it made things harder, how you were raised?" Joe said. "That your choices were limited? Fine…but that's never an excuse to hurt people. You have a chance now to be something better. You throw that away, that's on no one but you."

Barry heard the soft screech of metal against the floor, and knew his guess about Joe having sat in the stool was accurate, but now he was standing, probably hovering over Len threateningly, and Barry wasn't sure what he should do.

Then Joe's words surprised him again. "You make this up to him, Snart. That's how you keep me from finding a way, any way, to haul your ass in. Because that boy cares for you despite all this, despite everything you did, and he deserves to know that matters this time, that you're not going to turn around and pretend like it doesn't. Now I'm not saying I…approve of what happened between you two. I don't. But the only way you're ever making this up to him is if you prove him right that you're a better person than you've been." His voice cracked, just slight enough or Barry to hear it, to hear the emotion in Joe's plea. He took a shaky breath and finished, "So you better get on that."

It made Barry's face feel hot with ready tears when Len answered, "So I've been told, Detective, and that's exactly what I plan to do."

The warm buzz of possibility held Barry captive, because he'd run this gambit so many different ways so far, and it was exhausting to want something he was never quite sure he could have. He'd learned to like someone he'd been set against, angry with, so angry in the beginning that he hadn't even listened when Len tried to warn him of the impending doom of a falling walkway. He'd learned to care for him, and laugh with him, so easily, the easiest fresh friendship Barry had ever known, because Len had been so attentive and sincere.

He'd learned to want the man so much more than simply finding a handsome enemy attractive, but desirable too, shifting in his perspective of the way Len gave that quick eye-glance down his body, like he wanted every inch of him, from finding it infuriating to actually enjoying it.

He'd given over to passions he'd only imagined, felt another's touch with his speed thrumming through him for the first time, not handicapped by it, but spurred on. And it had been the most intense intimate encounter of Barry's life, not only because the sex itself had been hot, but because he'd felt so connected and happy in the afterglow.

And then, after all of that, he'd had to flip all of his perspectives back to the way he'd felt at the beginning, that this man, this enemy of his was just cruel, and had used him and betrayed him in the worst, most depraved way.

If it was just denial, just fear and confusion on Len's part, could Barry forgive him that? Forgive him the agony he'd caused taking all of the bliss he'd felt and freezing it like he'd shot their time together and frozen it in a block of ice? Barry wanted to forgive him, if only because he wanted the chance to get some of that back.

He was so caught up in his own reminiscing and considerations for how this next conversation would go, he didn't hear the next few words Len and Joe exchanged, but it didn't matter. He'd stalled long enough.

Taking in a deep, calming breath, Barry rolled to lean back against the wall a moment, then pushed away from it, walking around the corner to enter the labs and face this next challenge head on.

TBC...