"Do you want something to eat?" she asked quietly as they made their way to the kitchen.
"No. Just thirsty."
Reaching for a glass she went to the tap and was filling it up when she felt his lips against the skin of her neck, his body pressed against her back and his hands possessively low on her hips.
The fact that she seemed to flinch away from him as if burnt didn't go unnoticed by him but she remained in her spot.
"Should we go upstairs?" he whispered against her ear. His voice dipped in desire.
She wanted to run but her body as always immediately reacted to him. She felt fire burning on her skin and wanted nothing more than be his over and over again. But she knew she couldn't.
Turning in his arms she looked almost shyly at him; "You're tired Harm. And I really should go to work. I've been away too many days and I am so behind schedule." Her voice gaining a formal tone that indicated no argument would sway her.
But he gave it a go anyway; "Since when do lawyers punch in?" he attempted humor which gained him a smile from her however small. So he continued; "Besides…you're already sleeping with boss," he gave her that cheeky smile he reserved only for her and winked as he leaned in again and began placing hot kisses against her neck.
Her breathing was altered as she felt his hands begin to move under her uniform.
But she had enough strength and presence of mind still to stop him on the spot. She placed her hands over his, stopping his actions immediately and furthermore she pulled his hands away.
There was something about this one small action that…hurt him and confused him. He wanted to be with her and he thought she would want the same. He could see in her eyes she was reacting to him. He knew her body too well by now. But she was not giving in to this sensation.
And then it looked as if something had dawned on him. He blinked as if he had finally recalled something; "I'm so sorry," he pulled her gently back towards him.
Now it was Mac's turn to be confused. What was he sorry about? He didn't know anything.
"I haven't even asked how you're feeling," he let out a long breath. "I'm so sorry." He ran his hands over his face frustrated with himself. "It's just…I don't know…it was the first time we've been apart for this long since we got married and it just…I just wanted to get back to you and…God I'm so sorry." He was so embarrassed and upset with himself.
And she asked herself how it was that she was holding her ground as she watched him blame himself for something that wasn't even a problem. It wasn't the problem.
"How are you feeling? Do you still have your period?"
His sudden and rather intense concern only made her panic on the spot.
'It wasn't my period Harm!' she wanted to scream! 'It was our child!'
But nothing was coming out only the feeling of tears that suddenly prickled at the edges of her eyes. She bit down on her lower lip and looked away.
"Is it still hurting?" he asked searching her eyes as he watched her struggle for words. "God you must be in so much pain darling. I am so so sorry!" this time he pulled her all the way into his arms and held her tight.
'God!' she prayed. 'Oh God…'
Pulling her away just enough to see her; "You don't have to go in today." He gently removed a hair that was out of place. "I'm giving you the day off. Please. Lets just take you back to bed. We'll get you a painkiller and I'll give you that backrub I promised."
'Why are you being so perfect?' she asked herself as her tears began to flow freely. 'Why are you so perfect?'
Leaning back into him her breath felt hot against his neck. She needed to feel him close. Feel him there.
"Come on. Lets take you upstairs." He gently tried to direct her towards the stairs but she suddenly halted.
No. She didn't want to be near him. In fact…she didn't want to be in that room with him. Not right now.
"No." She swallowed. Her lips now dry. Avoiding his eyes she continued. "No. It's um…it's ok. I really…should go to work."
"Sarah," beginning to get a little riled. "Your health is more important to me than anything. I am ordering you to stay home."
Mac afforded him 'that' look. The one she gave him when he tried to 'order' her to do something knowing full well that he could never really 'order' her to do anything unless it was work related.
Using this moment of light banter, she stepped right out of his hold and wiped her eyes rather harshly; "Harm. I really have to go." Clearing her throat she quickly grabbed her keys from the kitchen island where she'd left them. "And you should get some rest." She took a quick step forward and gave him the lightest and quickest of pecks against his lips before turning to leave the kitchen. But stopping at the door she added; "I'll probably be working quite late so don't wait up." And with that she turned and left.
Harm remained grounded in his spot as he heard the door leading to the garage close and lock.
Harm had been caught so off guard by Mac's behavior that afternoon. He never expected her to just up and leave the moment he got home. And it was not because she had too much work. It was as if she had literally ran away from him.
He had spent the afternoon unpacking and doing his washing. While he waited for that to finish he had taken a nap in the living room and surprisingly felt much more refreshed and alert after only 30 minutes. With his clothes now drying he began to…pace the house. The place was spotless so there wasn't even any kind of cleaning he could do.
He pulled out his laptop and checked his emails. He wasn't expected at work until tomorrow. There were several emails he could answer on the spot but those that required a little more work he simply ignored for the moment. That being done he closed his laptop and began to…well wander around the house yet again.
He was bored. Plain and simple. Bored.
He didn't expect his first night back to be like this. He had pictured a nice quiet dinner. Then maybe some dessert and then a night of passionate lovemaking with his wife…which as he had later remembered, wouldn't have happened anyway. But still he would have been just as thrilled to simply lie in bed tucked away with her…
But instead he was home alone whilst his wife was at work.
So making up his mind he figured if the mountain didn't come to him…he would have to go to the mountain. If he couldn't make the pain go away, and she was going to be stubborn about work, well then he would try and make her life just a little bit better. So picking up the phone he ordered from her favorite take out and headed out to pick it up on his way to the office.
Mac had plunged straight into her work. Hours upon hours of work until it was completely dark outside and there was barely a soul in the office. She refused to let her mind wander. She had too much to do she told herself over and over again.
With her eyes fixed on her screen she was surprised to hear a knock at her door before watching it slowly open.
"Harm." 'What is he doing here?' she wondered
"Hey," he whispered as he closed the door behind him. The lamp on her desk the only light available in the office. He had a paper bag in his hand, which obviously contained some take away boxes. "I figured you wouldn't have eaten anything…and frankly I was bored at home so…maybe we could eat dinner here?" his voice gentle and hopeful but also with a hint of…sadness, which Mac clearly recognized.
She would have insisted she needed to continue and that he should head on home. But his eyes had a sense of loss to them and this afternoon's sparkle was no longer there. She didn't have the heart to hurt him anymore. The fact was she hadn't meant to hurt him. She really hadn't. This was simply about self-preservation.
"Ok." She nodded.
Beaming a smile at her he walked around to the side of her desk as he watched her save her file and put her laptop to sleep. Pushing it to one side she made room for the boxes of food he was lifting out of the bag.
Her favorite of course.
They began to eat out of their boxes in silence. Despite herself she had to admit this was the first time in the last couple of days she had actually felt hungry. She had barely touched any food at home, in fact she was certain there was nothing in their fridge. And right now…this very moment…was perhaps the most content she had been in the last few days.
He ate his food whilst surreptitiously looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She certainly looked a little calmer than she had when he had walked in.
"How's the pain?" he whispered softly as if afraid he would startle her.
Keeping her eyes on her food; "It's fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," taking a bite of food.
He wanted to know for sure but he was clearly not going to get much out of her. And if he kept pushing he knew he would just work her up…so he left it at that.
Mixing his food around a bit; "So have I missed anything exciting?" he kept his voice low almost as if not to disturb the silence of the rest of the office.
She gave a small shrug and swallowed what she was chewing. "Not really." She gave him a small smile. "You'll be proud that Jen ran the shop with a firm hand."
His smile was broad. "I taught her well!"
"Yes. It was all you," she smirked with sarcasm
The moment may have been over but he kept his eyes on her. Watching her. She knew that look. It was the look he gained when he was taking in all of her. The look that made her feel admired and special. Today however…that look was so intense and almost invasive that it was making her feel uncomfortable.
Looking down at her food she began to move her noodles around. Her discomfort noted, he blinked and instead looked towards the bullpen.
"And Knight? What of him?" he sighed.
Harm was tired of the man. He reminded him all too much of Vukovic only tenfold. There was something hostile and bitter in his nature. Not only had the man made it clear he did not agree with an American taking on the Captain billet. He almost refused to accept Mac as part of their team given that they were married. More than once he had to pull him back in line when his actions towards her were just on the line of insubordinate.
Unfortunately for Harm there was no way at this point to get rid of him for good without raising questions. The man had a relatively clean record. His behavior was so borderline that there was no concrete reason to remove him. TAD orders were the closest thing.
Rolling her eyes she shrugged; "He thinks I'm a slacker who uses her connection to you to take days off as I please."
"You can take days off as you please," he shrugged smiling cheekily.
Returning the smile; "Yeah. Lets give him something to really complain about."
Her right hand was holding her fork motionless and loosely over her food that was by now cold and forgotten. Feeling the urge he placed his hand over hers and gently rubbed his thumb over her skin. She had tensed only slightly at his touch but slowly relaxed to the feel.
'What's going on?' he wondered. "Mac," he whispered.
Looking down at their hands she felt her chest tighten.
"Mac," he repeated, gently turning her hand over in his and holding it tighter.
Finally looking up at him he saw such a dark sadness in her eyes that he almost didn't recognize those chocolate brown eyes that he loved so much.
"Mac, what's wrong?" he finally asked cupping her face with his left hand. "I know you're not feeling great but…" he made his point. "Is there something else? Did something happen while I was gone?"
She felt her chest rise and fall quickly. Looking at him…his eyes so intense and deep. So kind and gentle and so terribly innocent. And this hurt so much…that it was all at the tip of her tongue. Everything was bubbling and she needed to tell him. Needed to let him in.
It was his child.
Their child…there it was again.
But no. She wasn't strong enough. This could be the one thing that could finally come between them…and she couldn't possibly lose him.
"Nothing." She swallowed. "Nothing."