It had felt like hours but eventually they made their way back in. There was no hurry in their movements as they took small and slow steps through the rain holding each other, not wanting to let go.

Sending her straight to the shower to warm up, Harm had made the call to the office advising that neither of them would be in today or tomorrow. Compassionate leave. Family member. No further details given.

Drying his hair with a towel as he walked into the kitchen, he put the kettle on and began to make some hot chocolate. By the time she was finished, so was he. So leaving her to dress and get started on her coco, he jumped in the shower making quick work in there desperate to get back to her.

Stepping back into the bedroom wearing a t-shirt and an old pair of sweat pants, he found her looking out the window. Her eyes not fixed on anything.

Walking towards her without startling her, he stopped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned against his chest for a second before turning around in his arms and wrapping her own arms tightly around him.

There were no more tears. Not for the moment. Mac was simply exhausted now. The run of emotions ending with that warm shower had left her drowsy and sleepy. And now she was in his arms and…she was safe. Nothing more to fear.

Closing her eyes she felt herself begin to drift as she took in that scent that was uniquely his and that seemed to calm her down.

He felt her body begin to sway and her head lean heavily against him.

She needed to rest. He knew she hadn't slept well, or at all, for days now. This was her body recovering from everything and if she wanted to sleep the next two days away well that's exactly what would happen. He would make it happen.

But before he tucked her into bed, he needed to say something. So gently pulling away, watching her eyes gently open, red and tired as they were.

"Promise me something," he began, gently moving a few stray hairs away from her face. "Don't ever hide anything from me again." His voice gentle but firm. He needed to make this point. He knew exactly where her fears were coming from and he needed to make it right; "I'm not going anywhere." And he wasn't. "You're stuck with me for life Sarah Rabb."

Her left hand instinctively gripped onto his shirt. "You're the best thing…that's ever happened to me and…" her voice tightened. "I couldn't bear to lose you." Not after everything life had dealt her.

"And you wont. You never will. I never break my promises remember?" he smiled.

She nodded slowly. God she loved this man so much it was almost frightening. If only she knew how much these strong emotions scared Harm just the same. If only there was any way he could put into words exactly how much he loved her. He would never tell her but sometimes he feared his happiness with her would one day be taken away and…he simply wouldn't survive. He couldn't. There was no life without her. There was nothing out there in the world for him if she wasn't by his side.

"I promise," she whispered as she fought to keep her eyes open. "I promise."

Watching her sleep was one of life's gifts to him. It had been nearly three hours now and as he listened to the rain outside he ran his fingers gently over her hair as she quietly slept against his chest. For the first time in weeks she…looked at ease if not at peace. For now she hadn't struggled through a nightmare. She hadn't broken into a sweat. She had simply placed an arm around his waist and had drifted off to sleep.

It was now his moment to process all this. Recalling their days since his return…and now everything made sense. Never would he have imagined what was happening underneath. Never.

He couldn't believe she had lived beside him, slept beside and worked beside him…with this painful secret hanging over her…and him knowing nothing about it. Why did he leave it so late? Why didn't he confront her earlier? Though perhaps it was for the best. She clearly needed the time to put the emotions and words into place. He had perhaps accidently dragged it out of her…but the fact was…she needed to tell him and he needed to know.

Losing a child is painful in any circumstance…but in their particular case…it seemed to burn just that little bit deeper. They had spent nearly two years now actively trying for this child. They had seen the best fertility specialist London had to offer. Had held nothing back and spent as much as they needed to. And he would go further still. He wanted a child with her…but never at her expense.

But losing it before they even had a chance to know it was there…well that was just cruel. Had they known, had he known, he would have made sure she was well taken care of. After so much praying and hoping, they had made it happen…and now it was gone.

Heaven knew how often he had pictured her growing big with their child. It was such a cliché but he had. He had thought about every detail from the most magical to the seemingly standard ones. He had wondered what it would be like to hold her no longer able to fully wrap his arms around her waist. What it would be like to place his hands over her and feel their child move. And then he wondered what her mood would be like? What would she eat? How would she feel? How would she change? But never did he question her ability as a mother. He knew she was the only one he wanted as the mother of his children. Her childhood had taught her the worst of it…and he knew she was determined to be the best.

But what use was there in thinking about this now?

Instead he thought about her current health, both physically and psychologically. He wasn't naïve. He knew this was far from over, much as he wished it were that easy. There was a lot more to this and it wasn't all resolved today simply because it was out in the open. There were likely more nightmares to come. Tears would break. She would break. Her temper would flair and her insecurities would resurface. She would yell at him. Perhaps believe he didn't understand. But he was here and he wasn't going anywhere. It had taken him 9 years to have her…he would wait another 9 just to make sure she made it out of this ok. There was no use denying that this was a defining moment in their lives. But he was determined to make their marriage stronger. Spend more time with her. Hold her a little more, a little longer and a little tighter. To tell her relentlessly just how much he loved her.

And maybe, just maybe, one of these days they would be ok again. And maybe, just maybe, one of these days they could try again.