"I hear voices in my head..." Oh shit, so do I. The joys of living with an egomaniac. Randy's alarm goes off and the whole apartment block knows it's time to get up. I grab my robe and make my way to Randy's room. This is our routine. Somehow, he never hears his alarm. Me? I hear it from across the hall, the bathroom, the kitchen... Hell, I'd probably hear it from the car park, if I ever went out, that is. I kick his door open and smile. He's curled up, cuddled into his pillow, blankets tangled around his legs. He learnt pretty early on to sleep with something on. Last night, boxers won. At Christmas, just after he persuaded me to move in, tinsel won. That was, well, memorable to say the least. I walk across to the bed and untangle the blankets. He doesn't move. I throw his alarm clock at the wall and smile a satisfied smile as it breaks. He bought it for me, he knows how much I like destruction. I climb into the bed with him and wrap my arms around him. It's only then that he wakes.
"Morning princess" he says groggily. "Morning ass hat" I say, kissing his shoulder. He chuckles and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. "You know" he mumbles. "I don't know why you just don't stay in here with me..." "Your midnight visitors wouldn't appreciate it Randal" I laugh. He groans. "You heard, huh?" he asks shyly. "Most vocal one yet" I laugh. "Kinda hard not to." "I did try and get her to bite the pillow" he said smiling. I groan and try to pull out of his embrace. Unsuccessfully, as usual. "I showered" he says kissing me. I smile and settle back down. Again, this is routine. His alarm goes off an hour before he needs to get up. That hour is cuddle time. I miss it when he's away. I still go into his room and spend that hour in his bed. He just doesn't know it. Banging at the door disturbs us. I look at him and he groans. "It's gotta be for you" I reason. "Nobody knows I live here." It's true. Randy and I are a secret. A big one. Roman and Seth know I'm back in the States, but that's it. I don't FaceTime them anymore. I haven't set eyes on them since they hugged me goodbye at the airport. Seeing them both, my best friends, would break me. When Layla and I hang out, we hang out at her place. Or the beach. Never here. Randy groans and rolls out of bed. "I'm coming!" he yells as the banging at the door resumes. I lay in his bed and look at the ceiling, smiling as he stubs his toe on the sofa on his way past. "Ah fuck!" he yells, making his way to the door. "What the fuck...?" "Man you took your sweet bitching time" a familiar voice growls. I sit up quickly, cursing the head rush it brings on. No. No way. Not now. Three and a half months I've been here, and he's never visited once. I creep to the door and listen.
"What brings you here?" Randy asks, sitting on the sofa. The answering squeak tells me our guest has sat down too, in my well used seat. It's my crying spot. My thinking spot. My talking to junior spot. When Randy isn't here, it's my falling asleep spot. Heck, sometimes when he's here it's my falling asleep spot too. But now, now its being invaded by a big, Samoan wrestler. One I've missed so much. And one who can't know I'm here. "I can't believe you forgot Orton" Roman laughs, his deep, gravelly laugh, the laugh I love. "We're meant to go to the gym today, you asked me to pick you up, said your car was in the shop." "Ah yeah" Randy groans as he remembers. The car isn't in the shop. I need it today. Doctors appointment. "Let me just go get ready" He says, standing and making his way back to his room. "Woah dude!" Roman laughs. "Wild night last night?" "Huh?" Randy asks, spinning around. "Your back" Roman says. "Kinda, well, scratchy." Randy groans and shrugs as he walks into his room.
"Shit!" he whispers hugging me tightly. "You ok?" I nod weakly, not looking at him. "Why didn't you warn me?" he asks, gesturing at his back. I smile. "Serves you right" I laugh, clamping my hand over my mouth quickly when I remember Roman is outside. Too late. "Randy?" Roman calls from outside the door. "If I'm disturbing you, just tell me to go." I take a deep breath and open the door. "It's fine Roman" I say, looking at the floor. "I was just leaving." He stares at me in disbelief. "No" he says firmly, grabbing my arm. I look up at him, tears blurring my vision instantly. "Fuck! Torrie!" he says, hugging me tightly. "I've missed you so much!" I nod. I've missed him too. And Seth. But now isn't the time. I'm stood in Randy's room, wearing Dean's shirt. Now really isn't the time. "I, uh, need to go, Roman" I say, pushing him away. He nods, understanding. "So, you two...?" he starts. I shake my head. "Please Roman" I beg. "I will explain. Just not now." He smiles. "Baby girl" he drawls. "You've got no need to explain anything." I smile and start to walk away. "Torrie" he calls. I spin around, my breath catching as I look into his beautiful steely gaze. "You look good, kid" he says, smiling. I smile weakly and walk into my room.
My bed has never looked so inviting, yet my room has never seemed to stifling and confining. I quickly dress and escape the claustrophobic atmosphere that seems to have descended upon my room all of a sudden. Roman watches me as I walk past him, heading for the kitchen to make my morning saviour. Coffee. Still my biggest downfall. I drop the scoop and curse as I bend to pick it up. "Should you be bending like that?" he asks from the doorway. I jump and bang my head on the counter. Perfect. He rushes over to me and helps me sit down. "Let me?" he asks, and I nod. I watch him as he moves expertly around the kitchen, answering his unasked questions with little meaningful looks at drawers and cupboards when I know he wants spoons and cups. Eventually, there is nothing for him to do and he sits directly opposite me. There is no escaping his gaze, or the look of concern on his face. "Please" he begs quietly. "Don't shut me out. I'm not Jon." I nod, wincing at his name. I don't use it. It's not Jon who cheated on me. Jon wouldn't. It was Dean. It was all Dean.