Title: Plan C
Chapter 20 – Darkness take Hold
Warning: You might need a Kleenex…or two
At first Kelly doesn't move…his mind racing with horrible thoughts that his daughter…his and Shay's beloved child was dead. Taken from them by one selfish act of ugliness. He rushes toward her…stopping a few feet; Erin looking at him in remorse.
"Aurora," Kelly whispers as he nears. "Aurora!" He shouts as Erin drops to her knees with Aurora still in her grasp. "Drop her Erin…Erin…DROP HER NOW!" He shouts, Erin placing the little girl's body onto the floor; her father instantly starting CPR. "Breathe…BREATHE!" Kelly shouts in misery as he pumps on her little chest; Erin's eyes flooded and Jay watching in misery.
Matt finally catches up, offering Aurora two breaths before Kelly starts pumping again. Oh God please…PLEASE! Kelly's mind shouts as her lips offer a soft moan.
"That's it…come on baby…come on!" Kelly's voice growls as Erin moves in closer. "That's it…come on…come on." So just before his mind can prepare his heart for failure, his daughter starts to fuss…her watery blue eyes slowly fluttering open and her lips starting to wail. "Thank God," he whispers as he nears them.
Kelly gathers up his daughter in his grasp, Aurora looking at him and then Erin with a sad face before her face buries itself in the folds of Kelly's large jacket; her body shivering from adrenaline wearing off.
"She'll be…she'll be okay," Erin whispers; her mind somehow saying that also make herself believe it.
"Thank God," Kelly whispers as he kisses Aurora's head. "Was she hit?"
"No but…"
"She's okay. I think she was just knocked out by…I don't know…I…don't know."
Erin looks up with a tear stained face as she shakes her head.
"She's…okay. Erin…she's okay," Kelly tries to tell her, his eyes watery and his heart racing painfully.
"Kelly…"
"Oh no…no no no!"
They both look up to see Andrea Green looking past them two a few unmoving children; her voice calling out frantically and Matt looking at his girlfriend in misery.
"I'm sorry," one of the other medic's states in sorrow as Erin and Kelly finally join Andrea's and Matt's gaze.
"What? Sorry for…no…what?" Erin's voice quivers as she tries to turn away; Aurora clinging to her and crying. "No…Aurora was just…dazed…Jasmine has to be…" Erin pauses as her phone buzzes. "She has to be okay…she has to be…"
Kelly pulls the phone just as Jay and Voight near; Boden a few meters away.
"It's…Preeti."
'Erin. I heard there was a shooting at the high school where the kids are. I'm heading there now. Please tell me Jasmine is okay.'
"No!" Erin shouts as she tries to pull away. "She has to be alive…Jasmine…Jasmine!"
Erin pulls away from Kelly and then hurries to the EMS, dropping to her knees and starting to pump on the little girl's chest. "Jasmine! JASMINE!" She shouts as she feels a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs Mills away; Dawson tending to Aurora to make sure the blood on her wasn't actually hers.
"Ma'am…"
"It's detective!" Erin snaps as Voight nears her. "Come on Jasmine…COME ON!"
"Erin…" Voight's voice states as his hands rest on her arms.
"NO! SHE'S NOT…DEAD…she's not…no oh God no…she's not…" Erin's voice finally breaks as she looks down at Jasmine's peaceful expression; her eyes closed but her life force…gone. "Oh God no! Nooooo," she angrily cries as Voight kneels down beside her. "They need to take her…Kelly help me!"
"Erin…"
"I promised her…mother that…I promised…she'd…be okay. I promised."
"Erin…" Kelly's voice is heard this time.
"IF YOU'RE NOT HELPING THEN GET AWAY FROM ME KELLY!"
He looks at her in anguish and knowing that much like his heated words to her earlier; these words spoken in angry emotion aren't meant to hurt, they're just said without thinking.
"She's gone," the medic whispers sadly.
"I PROMISED!" Erin shouts as she turns and looks at Kelly, still firmly clutching Aurora in his strong arms. "I promised," she offers in a sad whisper as tears stream down her face. "Kelly…I promised her mother that that…she'd be okay."
"Erin…you have to come away now," Voight tells her in a soft tone. "Let them finish up."
"I promised…I promised."
"It's okay," Voight whispers as he gently clutches Erin's shoulders and helps her stand up, Jay stepping in to help with the recovery of Jasmine and another little boy beside her.
"NO IT'S NOT OKAY!" She at first shouts. "It's not okay," Erin whispers as she remains fixed in place, watching her partner on his knees and helping one of the EMS to keep the bodies covered for the ME and then safe transport to the hospital where the families could come and ID them.
"This…can't be," she whimpers as Voight kneels down beside her and wraps his arms around her; giving her a supportive hug. "I'm sorry Erin."
"This…this can't be," Erin laments as she looks at Jay's jacket over Jasmine's dead body. She looks up at Voight with a pleading expression…"this…this can't be."
The darkness wasn't going to lift anytime soon.
"Come on…your family needs you," Voight tells her in a soft tone as helps her stand up.
"What about their families!" She snaps as she jerks her arm free.
"Come now," Voight pushes on as he helps direct her away from the bloody carnage.
Erin nears Kelly and Aurora, Aurora watching as Erin approaches and then wanting to roll into her grasp.
"Take your family home," Boden tells Kelly in a low tone.
"I'm so sorry," Andrea tells them as the stretcher pauses. "He just started…shooting and I…I yelled at the kids to all get down. I tried…I'm so sorry," Andrea breaks down; Boden telling Matt to get Andrea to the ambulance and then to come back and help where possible. "What do I tell…their parents?"
"We'll take care of that Ma'am," Voight assures her.
"Kelly I can't…I can't leave…I have to stay with…" Erin's voice trails off as she turns back to see Jay hovering over another victim; trying to shield those who were still trying to be carefully evaluated and removed from the area; the hospitals already receiving the wounded and traumatized. "I promised her mother," Erin whispers as she quickly wipes her eyes and then pulls her phone.
"Erin…"
"I have to call her Kelly," Erin retorts firmly as she jerks her hand away.
"No you don't!"
"Yes I do!"
"Erin," he tries again; his hand trying to get phone out of his wife's grasp. "You can't tell her like this. Give me…the phone!"
"No! Kelly…"
"YOU CAN'T!"
"I HAVE TO!"
Aurora starts crying again, Erin's grasp loosening and allowing Voight to take her phone.
"Hank!"
"She can't hear about her daughter like this," he tells her in a calm but firm tone. "Is Aurora okay?"
"She bumped her head, which is why I think she was slightly dazed," Dawson pipes up. "But…uh she's okay. Just monitor her for the next few hours."
"Then Boden's right. You three need to go home now."
"I can't…"
"That's an order Detective," Voight replies firmly. "The shooter has been neutralized and…"
"That bastard…he murdered…" she stops when Aurora's face appears from behind the folds of her father's heavy jacket.
"Go."
Kelly looks at Matt as he walks back into the large auditorium and up to them with a crushed expression. "Andrea will be okay," he tells Kelly in a low tone; both of them looking at Erin talking to Voight. "I can finish up here."
Aurora had gone quiet, her little body still shaking in her father's grasp but her sobbing dying down to a soft whisper. "We need to get her home," Kelly tells Erin in torment as she shakes her head. "She needs you right now too."
"She needs…" Erin's voice dies out to a small hiss. "I promised Preeti. Kelly I have to…have to tell her. You know that."
"Let Voight tell her."
Her mind races but as she looks down at Aurora's trembling frame she knows he's right. She numbly nods and then loops her arm through Kelly's while he holds his daughter close, her body now wrapped in his heavy jacket. As they slowly head for the front entrance, both look at the devastation around them, the area forever altered by one person's act of madness.
Matt watches them go and then turns and looks at Voight and Boden with a heavy frown. "This will take a while to get past," he utters softly.
"For all of us," Boden replies with a small frown as his phone buzzes. He looks down to see Benny's number; Matt giving him a nod and then pulling away to see if anyone else needed help and then get over to the hospital to see how Andrea was doing.
Boden looks over to Hermann and Cruz in the distance, working on helping the last two wounded and then turns to Voight with a heavy frown. "Of all the calls we get…these are always the worst."
"Always," Voight echoes fatefully.
XXXXXXXX
As soon as they reach outside, both Erin and Kelly are struck once again with emotional misery as all around them the police are shouting to people to clear the area; the press is trying to interview any eye witness survivors; all EMS were trying to triage or help load the wounded into ambulances and then send them off to local area hospitals; the whole day…the whole area was enveloped in darkness.
"Kelly…I need to tell her."
"I know," he agrees as they reach her waiting police car. As soon as he tries to put Aurora down, she starts to cry in her father's grasp and he looks at Erin in misery. "Can you drive?" He asks as he crawls into the backseat with his daughter in his grasp. "Slow."
"Yeah," she answers numbly as she gets into the front seat. She tries to turn on the engine; her fingers starting to shake and she pauses. She hears Aurora ask her father what happened and her eyes squeeze shut as they water again. Before she can do anything, they all hear a knock and look up to see Jay looking at her in concern.
"I'll drive," he tells them as Erin slides over to the passenger seat.
The drive to their apartment is spent in sheer, silent misery; the thick emotional air being punctuated from time to time by a few of Aurora's sobs.
"Okay…I'm going to put her into my bed and I'll be there with her."
"Okay I uh…I have to go and see Preeti. Kelly…"
"Are you sure you want to right now?" Kelly asks as they head toward their bedroom; Jay waiting by the door.
"No…no I don't want to go…Kelly I never want to go…I promised her I'd keep her daughter safe and…and I failed. I should have been inside. How can I ever face her? Tell my new friend I failed to keep her daughter safe!"
"But…"
"I was armed…I could have ended it…ended it in a few seconds. Had I only been in there…had I only…"
"You were held up by a case…"
"I don't care! I promised!" Erin hisses as Aurora looks at her and then starts to cry; Erin instantly cursing and looking away in remorse. "And now…now I have to go and tell a friend that her beloved daughter was gunned down… because I…I failed. Kelly…how can I do that? How can I tell her that? How!" She asks in a tormented whisper as Kelly gathers her into his arms; her lips expelling a few hearty sobs.
"It wasn't your fault," Kelly tries to assure her as Aurora remains sandwiched between them. "Tell Jay you'll go later."
Her mind is torn. She had given her word and now…I can't back down now…my pain…is nothing compared to hers…I can't back down.
She kisses Aurora on the top of her head and then looks at Kelly in sorrow. "I have to do this."
"Erin…"
"Kelly I want to stay…I know Shay would want me here with you and Aurora but…but I have that woman my word and I have…" she pauses as her voice breaks. "I have to tell her because she's…she deserves to hear my side or…I have to. If I don't…I have to Kelly. Aurora is safe with you and…and I'm just going to obsess about it until…until I tell her."
Kelly looks at his wife and as much as he hates to admit it – she's right. She would just sit and obsess about the fact that she had no control over the situation but had given her word to their new friends and felt like she failed her in the worst possible way. He tries to tell her that her being there might cause more pain than anything but the fact that Preeti had texted a few times and then stopped…he's torn. He knows she feels the duty…the obligation but…but it's so personal. However…he also knows that she has to face her friend because there was that promise exchanged. No matter when Erin would face her it would hurt. If done later would it bring fresh pain up?
"I don't know what to say," Kelly admits softly.
"You know no matter when I face her, it's going to hurt. Our friendship…it's gone Kelly."
"I wish there was another way," he states with a heavy sigh.
"I do to but…but I can't text. That just seems cold. I know what to expect but…damn I've made calls like this before to parents about their children or spouses or…now all of a sudden I hate my job."
"Or that part of it," Kelly reminds her. "But…and yes I'm going to play this card right now…Aurora needs you to. I can see you're shaken and stressed so as your husband I want you to wait – for your sake, and ours."
"I promised her Kelly," Erin replies sadly. "She texted me right after it happened and I…I couldn't answer. I know she'll be pissed at me and I expect her to say that but…but I promised her. She knew I was there today and for me to just stay here and…and act like it's not a priority. Damn I'm torn."
"I get it."
"If I hadn't promised…maybe it could wait…a day or two but…but I feel like a coward not answering her or…I have to go. Even if I just say…what? Sorry won't even be enough. I know it'll add to her pain but I need to just get this over with. I need to acknowledge the fact that I broke my promise and I'm sorry."
"But you didn't…"
"I have to tell her…" Erin interjects and then quickly turns and heads back out to Jay, who is waiting by the door.
"Erin…maybe this can wait," Jay tries to reason.
But instead of answering, she pulls the door open and pushes past him into the hallway; Jay looking up to see Kelly entering the hallway with Aurora still in his grasp.
"Sorry man…I tried."
"I know. Just…make sure she's okay," Kelly pleads as Jay nods and then disappears from view.
Kelly heads back into his bedroom and eases himself down with Aurora in arms. "Hey baby girl," he starts to slowly rock her back and forth.
"Want momma."
"I know sweetie," Kelly whispers as he hugs her tightly. "Do you um…remember what happened?"
In the past he wouldn't have asked her but after his sessions with Nick, he's learned that it's best to ask or talk about the situation right after it happened. "You were watching the play right?"
"Yes."
"And uh…then what….happened?" Kelly's voice breaks as his eyes water and he holds her close.
"A boy was shouting," she whispers and then buries her head in her father's arms; going silent. "Andrea was shouting too."
"Okay," he states as his lips start to quiver and his body shudders. He looks down at his beloved daughter and then thinks about his wife. He remembers Erin telling him about the first time she had to go and tell a set of parents their child was killed. But this…she's going to tell a friend…a family friend…his daughter's friend…close friend…
"And then…I fell down. Sorry daddy."
"No…no never be sorry," he whispers as his eyes water. "Oh God…never be sorry," he laments as he rocks his daughter back and forth; a few minutes later, the two of them collapsing onto the bed, huddled close together. Benny arriving about half hour later.
XXXXXXXX
As soon as they enter the hospital, Erin's heart once again starts to beat wildly and she wonders if she can even do this.
"Jay…"
"Antonio and I could have done this…even Voight. You didn't have to."
"I have to apologize to her. I know she's going to hate me but…but I have to," Erin replies in a small tone as her hand rests on the door handle and then pushes it open; Jay entering the hospital a few feet behind her. The area before them at Lakeshore Hospital is almost as chaotic as at the high school gymnasium; doctors shouting orders, staff rushing frantically around, children crying, parents also crying and everyone asking why.
Her steps are almost erratic – fast and then slow…and then a dead stop when she rounds the corner to where the parents of the deceased children were waiting; her friends in the distance – distraught.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Preeti cries as she collapses into the arms of her husband; their son at home under the care of his mother.
Erin's eyes freshly water once more as she stands and looks at the emotionally upset family; frozen in time and unable to make herself move forward. Suddenly she realizes this could have waited…should have waited…"I can't….do this...let's go," Erin whispers as she shakes her head, swallowing back some tears and praying for enough strength to get through this and then get home.
She looks at the expression on the doctor's face and tells herself it's time to go. But just as she's about to turn away Preeti looks up and narrows her eyes.
"You promised!" She shouts as Erin's heart starts to beat wildly.
Erin remains fixed in place as the distraught mother stomps toward them; Jay's body slightly edging forward in an attempt to run interference if necessary.
"Preeti…"
"YOU PROMISED MY DAUGHTER WOULD BE SAFE!" She shouts as she stops and glares at Erin with an angry stare. "You were there…why…WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM! YOU'RE A COP! THAT'S YOUR JOB! YOU FAILED!"
Erin shakes her head and then takes a step forward; wanting to comfort her friend and give her a hug…something. But that wasn't to be.
"Where were you?"
"I'm…so sorry," Erin whispers as tears start to form, a few escaping the corners. "I'm so sorry…"
"Sorry! Is yours still alive!"
"I…"
"You promised…YOU PROMISED! And now…my daughter…she's…she's…dead," Preeti cries as her legs start to buckle. "This is your fault!"
As much as Jay wants to argue back, he knows….just as well as Erin does that it's pure distraught emotions speaking and none of them can fault the distraught mother in that instance. He remains in place with a morose expression.
"Preeti, l need to say…"
"You promised! I trusted you! … trusted…you. Trusted!"
Erin tries to rush forward but Gurj quickly grasps his wife's faltering frame and pulls her back so she's able to stand up on her feet. "Preeti…"
"Leave…" she hisses as Erin tries to swallow.
"I'm sorry I just…"
"GO! My daughter…my precious Jasmine…Jasmine…my beautiful little girl."
Erin watches them go and then stars to take a few steps forward before Jay's hand rests on her forearm and pulls her back.
"You know she's distraught…she's speaking emotionally."
Erin knows that…having faced may distraught families and words spoken in the heat of the moment are often rashly offered and then apologized for later. And that would happen. Their friendship would get back on course. But not yet. Not for a while.
"We need to go," Jay tries again, his words finally reaching her.
Erin nods, letting Jay lead her back outside and into the waiting police cruiser. She sits in the front seat of the cruiser, staring silently out the window in misery; brushing away a few tears every few minutes.
"Why did I go…why…I just…why."
Jay doesn't answer. He can't. There are no words in that moment that can take away anyone's pain. No answer that would suffice. Nothing to lift the darkness.
"I'll check with the team and call later," Jay tells her as he opens her apartment door and lets her enter; giving her a supportive hug before letting go.
She nods once more, giving him a strained expression before she watches her partner take his leave and then closes the door.
Her nerves start to take over, her body starts to shake and then slowly sag to the floor. Just before she collapses completely, Kelly's strong arms are there, holding her close and making sure she doesn't injure herself. She starts to cry, her body expelling every bit of fluid emotion she has; the two of them now sitting on the floor, Kelly holding his wife close. The two of them cry together until there is nothing more to come out.
Darkness would remain a while longer.
A/N: ugh I'm a mess… (note to self, editing at work is not a good idea!) But I did post a Kleenex warning for a reason *sigh* Thanks for all the support from all you dear readers; it means so much with all this angsty drama. I never wanted to focus on the physical details of the shooting more on the heartbreak that follows; something them as first time parents (and a step parent) might experience and of course Aurora losing a dear friend. I did waffle on the death b/c as you all know I hate to write death, but sadly its realistic and I just went with it. I hope all the emotions are spot on after such a raw/horrible ordeal and I used some CF eppies as reference to how emotionally reactive some are in death situations. I do promise we'll get back to the happier times. But how will they all deal with the aftermath? Will it strain things between them as a family? And what will Aurora face her first day back at pre-school and what about Kelly and Erin on the job? Please do review b/c I'd love your thoughts after all this and thanks so much!
PS: I also wrote a little one shot called 'Aurora's First Skate' as a happy interlude and hope you all check it out. Thanks everyone!