It's quiet. Actually, it's too quiet. In all the time I've known Roman, we've never had nothing to say to each other. Even after our, well, moment, on the tour bus, it was never like this. But then, I hadn't run away like this time. He's patient. It's one of the things I love about him. He waits until I'm ready. He doesn't push me. If it was Jon sat opposite me right now, he'd be twitching, drumming his fingers on the tabletop, and just staring at me expectantly. I'm glad it's not him. I'm not ready for this right now, but I know it has to be done. "How long?" he whispers suddenly. I look up at him, unsure of what to say, knowing no matter how I put it he's not going to take it well. "Three months" Randy says, walking into the kitchen and grabbing the coffee pot. "Well, three and a half actually." Roman looks at me quickly and I nod. "And you didn't call me?" he asks, hurt evident in his voice. I look at the floor, ashamed of how I've treated him, one of my supposed best friends. "I didn't know what to say" I admit eventually. "And then, as time went on, it got harder and harder to make that call." He nods, surprisingly understanding. As he opens his mouth to speak, his phone rings. "Seth" he says, looking at it. "I can't answer it right now. I don't know what to say to him." "Where is he?" I ask quietly. "At home" Roman says, looking pained. "We take it in turns to train. One of us has to stay with..." He pauses. "You can say his name" I say. He nods. "Actually, I can't" he admits. "I can't even look at him. He's my best friend, and I hate him." I look at him in shock. He shrugs. "You don't know how good it feels to finally admit that" he says. "I hate that I have to work with him, night after night, knowing what he did to you, and how he blew the best thing that ever happened to him. I hate that he still thinks this is someone else's fault, never his. I hate that he sits around that house, the house that you should be living in, moping constantly, staring at your wedding picture that he can't take down from above the fireplace. That he sleeps in peanuts room most nights, curled up on the bare floor with the birthday card you got him in his hand. And that nobody knew where you were, how you were coping, or even if you were coping at all." I look at him as the tears slide down my cheeks, surprised to see the tears running down his cheeks too. "Joe" I say quietly. He puts his finger on my lips, shaking his head. "No" he says looking at Randy. Randy shakes his head. "No gym today" he says. "You two need to talk." Roman smiles and nods, then looks at me. "Please?" he asks. I nod and look at the clock on the cooker. "I have something to do first" I say. He frowns and I sigh. "Roman" I ask. "Could you drive me to the doctors?" He smiles. "Of course" he says. I stand up slowly and go to my room to grab my things.
The drive to the doctors is a quiet one. Roman leaves me to my thoughts. I catch him stealing glances across at me a few times, and he puts his hand on my knee and squeezes it gently. He holds me close when we sit in the waiting room at the doctors. We get a few knowing glances, but it doesn't bother us. When my name is called, I stand and look at him. "I'll wait here for you" he says quietly. I shake my head and hold his hand. He smiles and follows me into the room. I sit in the lone seat and he stands behind me, massaging my shoulders. "Ahhh, papa is here" the doctor says walking into the room. Roman looks at me quickly and I smile. "This is actually uncle Joe" I say, frowning as Roman's face falls. He regains composure quickly, helping me onto the examination table and looking away as I pull my top up. He laughs as the cold gel is squeezed onto my stomach and I wrinkle my nose at him. He'll pay for that later. The doctor quickly finds juniors heartbeat and Roman grins widely. "That's amazing" he says, holding my hand. I smile, glad to have someone to share it with. Until now, the pride has been all mine. "Special treat" the doctor says, getting another probe. This time, Roman cries as he sees junior in fuzzy black and white on the screen. We laugh as it looks as if junior is giving us the finger. "That's just like papa" Roman laughs, wiping his tears away. I nod and grin as the doctor prints out the picture. He gives me my next appointment and we're free to go. "Thank you" Roman says as soon as we are back in the car. I look at him and frown. "For sharing that with me" he says simply. I nod. I take a deep breath, and surprise myself. "Take me to Seth" I ask. He says nothing, and soon we're driving along familiar roads. I can feel my palms getting sweaty as we get closer and closer to the driveway we shared not so long ago.
I sit in the car, taking deep breaths as Roman calls Seth. "It's me" he says simply. "I'm home. He is? Good. Lock the door and come home." He ends the call and looks at me. "Jon is sleeping" he says. "Seth will be here now." I nod and watch as he gets out of the car. Within minutes Seth is walking up the driveway. I watch as Roman greets him, looking nervously back at the car. Seth looks down too, and I know that's my cue. I take a deep breath and open the door. As I step out, Seth halts mid sentence. He looks at me and shakes his head, and I know he's crying. He looks at Roman then groans and runs down to me, picking me up and swinging me around. "Damn girl, you gained a few pounds" he sobs putting me down. I wrap my arms around him and sob into his chest, just like old times. He kisses my head and let's me cry. Roman unlocks the house and waits for us patiently. Eventually I'm ready to walk, and with Seth guiding me I make it into a house I haven't been inside for the best part of four months.