DISCLAIMER: No matter how much I want it, I do not own Naruto. I am still only borrowing the characters and promise to return them in good condition – well, maybe slightly battered!

Chapter Thirty-Nine:

'C' is for Calm, Cool, & Collected

Many men wish death upon me

Lord I don't cry no more

Don't look to the sky no more

Have mercy on me

Have mercy on my soul

Somewhere my heart turned cold

Have mercy on many men

~50 Cent~

They quickly slipped out of the town and set out for the temple to return the icon to its rightful owners. During their hasty retreat, Sai and Naruto informed their sensei of every detail of their mission and the reasoning behind their decisions. He couldn't help but be impressed.

"Well," replied Kakashi slowly, "You completed the mission and have proved yourselves well. I think it is time."

"Time for what, Kakashi Sensei?" asked the Sai.

"I think it's time for you three to enter the chunin exams."

Naruto jumped up and down in excitement and yelled, "We're going to the chunin exams?!"

Kakashi nodded and gave him an affectionate cuff. "You all have proven yourselves to be strong, smart, cunning, and talented. You all couldn't be more ready."

"But the chunin exams aren't for another four months," reminded Sasuke.

"You're right, but who said you'll be doing it in Konoha? Come on, we should move faster. We'll discuss it when we get back home."

Sai wiped the sweat from his brow and asked, "Will we be taking a break soon, Kakashi Sensei? I am getting a bit tired."

"Not until the sun rises." At the boy's weary groans he added with a jaunty smile, "Remember this; perspiration is the cologne of achievement."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and whispered to Naruto, "What the hell does that mean? You're dad is off his nut."

"Yeah I know; he's a very light sleeper and my little brother cries a lot, especially at night. Personally, I think he's starting to sound like Guy Sensei!"

Sasuke's eye's widened in horror. "I swear by all that's holy, if he starts to act like him, I'm committing seppuku."

~~O~~

The sun had finally risen above the horizon high enough to remove all traces of their long, arduous night. The light snowfall that had seemed to follow them had finally stopped. After they slipped out of the town, team seven decided to take a faster route back to the temple now that they had the icon.

As the pines thinned out and white rocky outcrops appeared, Kakashi informed them that they were a few hours away from their final destination. A deep ravine stood between them and the village nestled in the neighboring mountain. They decided to stop and rest beside a thin stream that cut through the rocky shelf for a while before continuing.

Kakashi eyed the gorge speculatively. It was perhaps a hundred feet wide and forded by a narrow rope bridge, the kind that could only be crossed in single file. The four load-bearing ropes suspending the bridge looked worn, parts of them frayed, but overall the bridge appeared sturdy enough. He scanned the tree line on the other side. There was nobody there.

The dark clouds that covered the sky cleared while they ate. They heard water; rapids roaring beneath the bridge where the jagged stone walls of the gorge became narrow. Naruto walked over to the bridge and curiously peered into the depths below. Not a desirable place to fall, he thought. It was a long drop, and one's head might clip the unforgiving walls on the way down. Down into the path of a great weight of water, a million gallons maybe, of angry, surging river. Which for final fun; he noted, was dotted with sharp boulders, many of which were hidden.

"One at a time," instructed Kakashi, "I don't think it can handle more than that. You boys wait here until I complete the crossing."

The trio nodded and watched as he carefully traversed its length. He was perhaps only a quarter of the way across when a dense cloud of white smoky mist billowed in the center of the bridge, twisting as it plumed wider, hiding the ropes and boards and whoever was inside the cloud.

Naruto's mouth fell open in surprise. "What's going on?" he asked the others.

Kakashi sent a quick look back at his team and ordered, "Stay back."

As updrafts from the gorge quickly thinned the smoke cloud, a silhouette became visible in the middle of it. Then a strong single puff tore away the last shreds of the white veil. Sasuke felt Naruto stiffen at his side as a dark, solid figure was revealed, looming in the center of the bridge. Motionless. Waiting. Standing tall and proud, and carrying a distinctive sword.

There he waited, arms folded, staring up at them. Sasuke and Sai exchanged tense looks. They both knew whom they faced – an enemy shinobi. Naruto ignored Kakashi's warning and started for the bridge. Sasuke snagged the back of his shirt and hauled him back.

"What are you doing? Let me go!"

"What do you think you're doing Baka?" he hissed back, "Don't be stupid. That bridge won't hold all of you. Do you want to kill Kakashi Sensei?"

Naruto ceased his struggle and slumped forward dejectedly. "Damn, I didn't think of that." He stared at the enemy shinobi. There was something so familiar about him. Unfortunately, he was too far away to see his hitai-ate.

~~O~~

"You," said Kakashi in surprise.

The man pulled out his sword and stepped into a fighting stance. In a gruff voice, he challenged, "Let's see what you've got…Cyclops."

Knowing that the fragile nature of the bridge made using any of his more destructive jutsus impossible, Kakashi stepped forward quickly, one hand flashing into his pouch then out again. With cat-like balance, he leaned forward and, with a grunt and great force, launched a shuriken straight for the head of his enemy.

The black blur rasped through the air, its throaty sound distorting inside the gorge's rocky walls. At the last possible moment, the man moved, tilting his head minutely to one side to let the shuriken narrowly pass him. It arced out of sight and down into the rapids below.

Kakashi bounded closer, his throwing arm whipping through the air again as he launched another missile, this one silent and streaking low. The shinobi swung his sword protectively in front of his legs, but the incoming object was no shuriken, nor was it aimed to hit him at all. Striking the bridge boards between his feet, Kakashi's smoke bomb blazed into life, its pale cloud erupting instantly. As the softly huffing white wall plumed high enough to cover the man's face, Kakashi drew another shuriken, then another, hurling each in rapid succession. They whirred through the center of the cloud.

He leapt back, raising his kunai between tightly clenched hands. Kakashi watched the gorge's updrafts start to disperse the false mist. He froze, leaned forward, and squinted. There was no silhouette this time! The cloud dispersed to reveal an empty bridge. Kakashi blinked. His forehead creased. Was this good or bad news? Had he somehow done it? Had he taken down the shinobi with a blind shuriken throw—through shinobi fog—and sent him tumbling down into the rapids? For a moment, he almost believed it.

Kakashi heard Naruto shout, "Watch out!" The ropes shook, and boards pitched beneath his feet. Two dark outlines blurred up into the edge of Kakashi's vision and it took him a half breath to realize what they were: part of a figure, appearing feet-first. Kakashi twisted around. With impossible agility, the shinobi finished his swing from his hiding spot under the bridge, over the main outer rope, and straight at him.

Kakashi hoisted his kunai to block, but it was too late. The man's feet slammed into his ribs and Kakashi reeled backward, wheezing, to land against one of the bridge's main support ropes and its thinner crosstie. He saw the sword flash down at him and with a sharp thrang he blocked its hard strike just in time with the blunt edge of his own weapon. A flash of blue sparks crackled between the blades.

The enemy shinobi nimbly shot out his foot in a strong sweep from right to left, dragging Kakashi's ankles together then off the foot-boards of the narrow bridge. Jolted, his feet dangling, Kakashi cursed. Only two ropes; creaking rubbing, stretched tightly across his back, kept him from falling. He flailed with his kunai, trying to regain balance, but the man seized on the chance to stamp hard, pinning Kakashi's blade to the boards with one foot. Kakashi's feet thrashed in space above the roaring rapids.

His adversary hovered over him, raising his blade for a decisive strike. Kakashi calculated at blinding speed. What a great choice - his weapon was pinned, and he hung like a struggling fly in a spider's web. He had two options: let his enemy carve him up like fresh sushi, or twist clear of these ropes and hurtle to the river below. Or…

With a grunt, Kakashi threw himself to one side. The descending shinobi sword narrowly missed his head, its twin blood grooves making a sound like tearing paper as it streaked through the air. As he evaded, one of the frayed rope supports across his back disintegrated altogether Kakashi fell backward, quickly turning upside down. Angry white water and the narrowing jaws of the gorge flashed below as he plunged head first towards the swirling rapids.

"Sensei!" screamed the boys in shock as he plunged from the bridge. They raced as close to the edge as possible and glimpsed the man dart to the side and lean over, pulling something from his belt.

Kakashi made not a sound as his plunge was arrested with a harsh jolt and burning pain in one of his ankles. With his kunai and free hand wheeling about, he raised his head to glare up at the underside of the bridge. With an ankle-searing, eye-watering jerk, then another, he began to rise toward it. Pain and heat bit his flesh again and as he focused on the source, his situation becoming clear.

A thin chain was wound around his ankle, a trembling chain that led straight to the hands of the shinobi. Kakashi grinned in exhilaration. What speed this enemy had! Even as he had fallen, the assassin had snared his ankle with a capture chains.

The man leaned back hard, dragging the chain through one hand, reeling it in with the other. Kakashi turned and dangled, rising one jarring stretch of links at a time, suspended like a captured beast.

With a low grunt the shinobi hauled him up onto the bridge, swinging him by his ankles and dropping him hard so he struck the boards, back first, with a loud whump. Before the shock of the harsh landing had passed, he swung the tip of his sword with blinding speed to halt sharply at the center of Kakashi's chest.

The man froze as he felt the cold steel of a kunai touch the pulse point of his neck. It was then that he realized that at some point during their fight, the copy-nin had substituted his body with a log. With an inner grin, he turned and asked, "How about a second round?"

Kakashi put his kunai away, pointedly looked down at the roaring water and quipped, "I really don't feel the need to bathe right now. Now would you mind if we get off this bridge before it snaps."

The man smirked and held his hand out for Kakashi to precede him.

~~O~~

Sasuke and Sai watched in disbelief as their sensei turned his back on the enemy he had just been in a life or death struggle with. They were about to question Naruto, only to discover that he was already running recklessly across the rickety bridge.

Sai shrugged and tentatively stepped onto it. He looked down, gulped, and then, squaring his shoulders, slowly crossed.

Sasuke waited until Sai completed the crossing before stepping out. He had barely taken three strides when two other shinobi stepped out from the shadows of the trees and surrounded Kakashi.

"Is that…?"

"Is he…"

Sasuke's mouth dropped as he saw Naruto run up to the group and threw his arms around a long-haired girl.

"Hurry up Teme!" he shouted, "I've got someone I want you to meet!"

What the hell is going on?

~~O~~

Sasuke's guard was up as he approached the group. Naruto was standing next to a long haired girl wearing a pink, sleeveless kimono and talking animatedly. Next to them was a girl with short, spiky blue hair and jagged shark-like teeth. The adult shinobi wore pin-striped trousers and not much else.

"Hey Sasuke," shouted Naruto excitedly, "I want you to meet Zabuza, Haku, and Chōjūrō. You remember me telling you about them right? Well… not Chōjūrō, but…"

Naruto noticed the surprise in his eyes. "Yeah, I think it's a Mist thing."

"What is?" asked Haku.

"That you guys look like girls."

"We do not look like girls," said Haku patiently.

Sai blinked and then gave a look of comprehension. "Oh, that is why your Sensei covers his face, is it not?"

"Whatever. Why are these shinobi here?" interrupted Sasuke.

"Sasuke, that is rude. It is not our place to question the business of a Mist shinobi in neutral lands," chided Sai.

"No, it's alright. As a matter of fact our mission now involves all of you."

"What do you mean?" asked Kakashi.

"We were sent here to do a little housecleaning for the Daimyo, Isobe."

Kakashi nodded. "Ah, the mountain bandits, I take it."

"Precisely. They have grown more aggressive in the past few years. But there is more to it than that. We believe that one of the local lords in the area have been controlling them. Several high ranked people in Isobe's court have been murdered. We think one of them might be Lord Fukisaka, but we don't have any proof."

Naruto sent Zabuza a perplexed look. "So what has that got to do with us?"

Sai's mind whirled as he considered the ramifications. He answered, "That detective… he was working with Fukisaka, wasn't he? I thought it was odd that he did not have any Samurai guarding his castle as a man of his station should. Samurai live by a strict code of honor. The only reason why Lord Fukisaka would not want them around would be because he is not an honorable man and has something to hide."

"Mmm, very astute."

"There is an ambush ahead, isn't there?" asked Sasuke grimly. "That's why you're here. You want to capture the bandits to gather the evidence you need."

"Very smart little brats you got here, Hatake." Zabuza nodded. "As a matter of fact, Detective Taro did approach me while I was scouting the town. He told me that four rogue shinobi had infiltrated his town and that he suspected that one was the leader of the group of thieves living in the mountain. Haku followed him while I followed you. Nice job on the castle infiltration, by the way."

"You were watching the whole time?" asked Naruto in disappointment. He couldn't believe that he hadn't even sensed him.

"I was already in the castle at the time. How did you get that cat out of the kitchen?"

Naruto blew on his fist and rubbed it on his cloak. "What can I say, I've got mad skills," he said proudly.

Kakashi rolled his eyes while Zabuza smirked at the boastful boy. He continued, "The Feudal Lord thinks that one of his people is behind the attacks. My team and I have been tasked with capturing or killing the bandits. Personally, I prefer killing them but my partners think it will be wiser to capture and interrogate them."

"Oh, can we help?" pleaded Naruto. "We can let them ambush us!"

Kakashi shook his head, "We do have a mission to complete first."

"But it's on our way. We can join them, help fight the bandits, and then drop off the icon at the temple."

Kakashi silently took his time considering the facts. This wasn't a part of their mission parameters and yet, if they did nothing, he knew the monks might get harassed or even worse due to their association. Finally he asked the Mist shinobi, "Do you want the help?"

"Well there are only twenty or thirty of them total. I was going to let my boys cut their teeth on them, now that they're chunin. I suppose I can let one of yours do the same."

Naruto gave big puppy eyes and begged, "Please… it's my turn!"

~~O~~

Team seven made their way noisily through the dense underbrush. Kakashi rolled his eyes at how obvious they were being, but said nothing. When he noticed Naruto eyes began to crinkle with mischief, he thought, "Here we go."

"So guys, you know why you shouldn't ever trust a Mist shinobi?"

"Why?"

"True story - a shinobi was using a urinal at the chunin exams when he notices that he's being watched by a midget shinobi from the Land of Water. He ignores him until the little guy drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and then proceeds to admire his junk at close range."

"That is stupid."

"Shut up and let me finish Aho. So anyways, the midget says 'Wow, those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!' Well, the Konoha shinobi was surprised and flattered so he thanks the midget and starts to move away. The Mist ninja stops him by saying, 'Listen, I know this is a rather strange request, but would you mind if I touched them."

"That is stupid, Baka."

"Shut up and let me finish Teme. So anyways, the man is a little freaked out, but he's so proud of himself that he goes ahead and lets the guy touch it. Well, the midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says loudly, 'Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!' Moral of the story – never trust a guy from Mist."

Kakashi knew he shouldn't, but he let slip a short bark of laughter. Where that kid come up with some of those little gems he never could figure out, but he sure was amusing.

"You're just making that up!" accused Sasuke.

"It's called a joke Teme – lighten up. And anyways…"

A volley of arrows came shooting out of the trees causing the clones to vanish from existence. All that was left were floating clouds of white chakra. The bandits dropped down and looked around in confusion. "Where did they go?" asked one of the men stupidly. He looked around until he spotted three teens. Haku and Chōjūrō released their henges and nodded to Naruto. Haku said, "Well, it seems as though we are in trouble. Looks like we each get about ten."

"Trouble? Psh, I call it sport!" Naruto grinned widely and cracked his knuckles. "I bet I get all mine before you guys do."

In an eye blink, Naruto stripped the kunai from the nearby thief, cracking it against the man's head, his attack graceful and precise, a whirlwind of pinpointed blows and shattered bones. When it was over, ten bandits laid on the ground writhing. Not even winded, he glanced over at the other two, ready to help them, but they had already either captured or incapacitated the rest.

"I win," said Chōjūrō shyly.

Sai joined him from the underbrush. He chided, "You know, that was not very nice of you to make fun of your new companions, Dickless."

"Aw they knew I was only kidding… And stop calling me that!"

"Well, that was rather anticlimactic," drawled Sasuke as he looked down from his vantage point hidden among the trees."

Naruto shot back, "You're just jealous because it was my turn you didn't get to fight!"

"Whatever. So what are we going to do with them?"

"Interrogation. I need to know who they've been working for."

"Oh, may I be allowed to assist?" asked Sai with an interested look. "My father has been teaching me some of his techniques."

Zabuza snorted. "I wasn't planning on playing nice. Wait," Sai's name struck a chord as he remembered Kakashi introductions. "Morino… as in Ibiki Morino?"

Sai's face flushed with pleasure. "That is correct. Do you know my father?"

"Kid, nobody knows your father, only 'of' him. Those who've met him are either dead or insane. He's truly a sadistic psychopath."

"Tch, you should meet his mother…" muttered Naruto.

"My father," replied Sai stiffly, "Does his duty as a Konoha shinobi with grace and dignity and…"

Zabuza smirked and interrupted, "I wasn't insulting him kid." He looked at Kakashi who just shrugged. "Sure, why not."

AN:

Thanks to everyone who responded to my plea last chapter. There were some that were a bit disturbing (OOOOOH, I like!) and some that were down right hysterical! Now I have one more favor to ask – tell me the name of a Mary Sue story (Please nothing like My Immortal re-uploaded by xXMidnightEssenceXx because that is just crazy - funny, but crazy.) What I'm looking for is one of those little Miss perfect stories where the girl was found at the gates of Konoha, or raised along-side Naruto or Sasuke, and has the too-awesome-to be believed skills… and hey guess what, she also can do shadow clones, and has the rinnigan, and … well you get my drift! If you're the writer of such fic – I'm not making fun – I wrote one too. It was so horrible I tried to flush it, but my toilet couldn't handle anything so foul and chucked it back at me! LOL

I am sooooo excited about the next chapter! I just love gratuitous violence - although I am trying to keep to the ratings, so it won't be that bad...

Thanks to everyone that followed/favorited/commented on the last chapter! To my guest reviewer Stephanie - he will be back real soon! To Awesomeness123 - very funny - I like! To Gamma89 - She's a Mary Sue, so of course!

Oh and P.S. - not my joke, but I thought it would be too funny if Naruto messed with Haku and Chōjūrō while they were henged as Sasuke and Sai!

Ja Ne,

AZFAERYDUST