Everyone who has a decent handle on their life has failed at something at least once. It's a fact – no exceptions. It could be something simple like, failing to get to class on time, coloring outside of the lines, or tripping on a sidewalk. Other times, it can be something huge.

Missing a due-date for something that effects your whole life, failing to word something properly and missing a scholarship, missing a friend's attempt to apologize and rubbing it in their face instead…

…running into a building to save someone but failing to save them before it collapses…

Today, I've had a sobering realization.

You can't save everyone.

Whammy's was on fire today. The building that is. Most of the kids were out on a fieldtrip, but when we came back I could see the flames from kilometers away. You'd think that at some point disaster would realize that I've had enough. I've had enough heartache. Enough putrid dreams. Enough actions pulling my strings.

I'm a sympathetic person.

When they finally stopped the bus, I overheard Linda and Olive saying something about how the little kids were left inside on the trip. Little. Kids. In. A. Fire.

Alone.

Much like the time when Mello attacked Near, I was running before I knew what I was doing. I was half a kilometer away when the heat really started to hit. I could hear someone yelling at me to stop, but it was less of a yell and more of the dull sound when your headphones are turned on too low. All I could think about was that these kids – Veil, Barnaby, Phoebe, West, Jack, Jill, Hearth, Newt, Twist – were all alone.

Told you I formed attachments too fast and that it can be highly detrimental.

Later I realized how lucky I was that the door was unlocked. I slammed into it, screaming out the kid's names while holding my scarf over my nose and mouth. Never before had I been so thankful for my goggles or Roger's pestering. I could hear their coughs coming from upstairs. Jack and Jill – the twins – were yelling for me.

When I flew up the stairs, they started to scream.

I could hear them. Their screams. It was all I could hear now. Before I heard the crackling of wood, the whoosh of whatever wind could get in through the shattered windows, everything else. I yelled out again and told them I was coming.

They kept screaming.

At the third flight of stairs, they stopped. There was a crashing sound and the flames flew up all around their room. When I looked in, at first I couldn't see anything. Nothing but orange flames and cinders from the ceiling. Then I saw it. I will never forget the sight of two little hands clasped together peeping out from under the wooden beam.

Jill's bracelet had shattered, but her brother held onto her tiny hand with all he had as they died.

Together.

I don't remember too much after that. I think that I found Twist and Hearth in the next room, crying their heads off. Veil and West ran by shortly after. Veil was wearing that stupid gas mask that she always carried around, carrying West a bit as he limped. I guess the gasmask saved her life. Hers and West's.

I remember running down the stairs with the kids – all under seven – as fast as their little legs would carry them. Twist fell. Hearth screamed. Veil and West continued out. I jumped back over the stairs and grabbed Twist. He was much lighter than what I thought he'd be…that, or I was stronger than I thought.

Or I was so scared that the adrenaline gave me super strength…

Either way, my next clear memory is having to squint from under my half-filled goggles in the evening light carrying Twist in one arm over my shoulder while holding West's hand. The girls were sprinting out as fast as possible in front of us. The wind felt so good on my face. My scarf was gone. I don't remember how I lost it. The first clear sound was Mello yelling,

"Pieprzony idioto! Mogłeś umarł!"

Now, I don't know Polish too well, but I do know he said 'Fucking idiot!' as the first part. I mean, he tends to only use curse words and insults anyways. I'm still working on the rest. Isn't Mello nice? I risk my life to save these kids and the first thing that he does is insult me.

Geez, thanks, Mels. Love you too.

For reasons unknown, Linda was crying as she ran towards me. Veil and Hearth kept running, their own tears making tracks in their sooty faces. Veil's gasmask was tossed to the side as she hugged Olive. Lux reached for Twist and virtually ripped the four-year-old from my shoulder.

West would let go of my leg. The little guy's blond head was positively covered in ash. He was murmuring rapidly in German about how scared he was, how he never wanted to see fire again, and how he didn't want to be alone. How he never wanted to be alone again.

"Du bist nicht allein." I said. You are not alone.

This seemed to be the right thing to say. The little guy – he was one of the youngest here – looked up at me, his green-blue eyes wide. Soot stained his barely there eyebrows brown and I could see the ash caught in his eyelashes. He smiled. I smiled back.

Another scream interrupted our little 'moment'. Gin yelled out for Newt. She seemed distraught. I was about to go back in for god knows what reason, when the little albino (He is AA again) tripped me. He looked at me, sprawled on the floor with a knowing gaze. Have I mentioned how much I hate it when AA stares at me?

Well, I hate it.

I blinked, twice actually.

When I started to get up again, glaring at AA viciously, I felt a foot on my back. I struggled, but it was expertly placed to restrict all movement. I turned my head, hate visible in my eyes. (Or, I thought that it was) Yellow blond hair, icy eyes with perfected glares, hand hands on hips.

Mello.

His lips twitched. "You are NOT going back in there."

AA nodded. Now that I think about it, this is the only time that I've seen them openly agree with the other and work together. He had something to say also. "Matt must not be rash. Fire is an unforgiving element that will not think of Matt as a friend."

"Sheep's right. That's not your friend. I'M your friend." Mello punctuated his declaration with a jab of his foot, "And as your friend I say that that's dangerous. You are a retard."

I ended up giving up and just watching with West as the actual responders showed up. The little boy didn't want to leave me.

He was curled up in my lap and all that, clutching at my very singed shirt, muttering small nothings in German. He told me bits about his family – an older brother who had run away from home with him when his mother died and their father became abusive. He just talked and talked and talked. It made me wonder when the last time someone listened to this little boy for more than a minute.

I felt selfish.

I could hear him just barely, but I wasn't really paying attention.

The image of a shattered blue bracelet, painted nails, and interwoven fingers kept flashing in front of my eyes.

I wanted to save them all. All of them. I was so close to getting Jack and Jill out, but I was too late. I failed.

They weren't able to find Phoebe, or Newt. Barnaby was in really bad shape. Brain damage, broken bones, third degree burns everywhere. It was terrible. Barnaby was mute, you know? He couldn't have called out even if he wanted to. His mom had tried to kill him by cutting his tongue out when he was three. It would've worked, but she was already on suicide watch so there was a responder on scene. He could never speak because of it.

Now, he probably wouldn't be able to walk or have is mind as a refuge.

I felt guilty.

If I'd gone back in, could I have stopped it? Would it have helped? Would I have gotten Barnaby out in time? Could I have found Newt and Phoebe? If…what if…?

L always said that what ifs dive a person to near insanity, but I can't help it. If I don't think about the what ifs, then I really will be what I fear…

…A failure…

…

This one took a darker turn…

Sorry for the wait, guys! It's my finals week, my grandma is in town, my mom had surgery recently, and I'm getting certified to be a lifeguard. Lots of stuff, y'know?

As always, I hope you enjoyed this! If you have an idea, don't hesitate to leave one for me in a review!

Feedback is always welcomed, especially if it's on the two language sections. I might be wrong and I want to know if I'm wrong…so…

Ciao!