Title: Plan C
Chapter 23 – A Time to Heal

A/N: and a happy shoutout to our amazing TAYLOR KINNEY for his Peoples Choice Award last night for his role on Chicago Fire! Yay! So deserved! And he looked soooo HAWT! Haha Okay enjoy this update

"Oh what the hell…what the hell…what the hell was he thinking!" Erin's voice hisses as she rushes into the ER, her eyes frantically scanning for any sign of her husband. She feels her agitation continuing to fester; her emotions already on edge after having snapped at work at everyone who even dared to ask how she was doing.

'I'm fine and if anyone asks me again I'm going to…'

'Hey hold on a sec…' Voight's voice was heard, making her and the rest of the intelligence unit look at their boss in haste.

After that he had taken her aside and asked if she absolutely had to be there.

'Don't send me home…I'll just…I'll do paperwork or count bullets or…'

'Really? Count bullets?' Voight had asked in amusement as her expression softened. 'I get it but I don't want you in the field until you...talk to someone.'

'Hank…'

'Detective…that's not a request,' Voight had told her in a fatherly tone. 'You feel unjustified guilt that…'

'I should have been in that room!'

And that was it. With her own admission she sealed her emotional and professional fate and was relegated to desk duty; that is until a rather distressing call came in.

'Kelly's what?'

About half hour after damning confession to Voight, her anxiety had started to lessen but on the ride over to the ER it only gained momentum and being forced to wait now was making it worse.

"Erin?"

She turns to see her husband looking at her with a rather sheepish expression; her mind and heart starting to race. At first she wants to ask him what the hell he was thinking…rushing toward a fire and car about to blow and risking his life for…it's what he does…it's him and you know you love him for his bravery and selflessness…"are you okay?" She resigns as she looks at the wrappings on his hands, the bandage on his neck and the slightly shiny spot on the left side of his face where he was closest to the flames.

"I'm sorry to worry you," he whispers as he pulls her into his arms and holds her close; his lips exhaling heavily and her lips uttering a small gasp.

"I'll drive you home."

"No I'm okay…I gotta go see Nick. I texted him that I would be a bit late. I can't go home…not yet."

"You sound like me," she mutters in sarcasm as her arm wraps around his waist and hugs him close; the two of them walking back out to her waiting car. "What happened?"

"I just…acted. The girl was stuck…her father was injured and…and I had time...or thought I did," he explains with a heavy sigh as they stop just before her car and he looks at her with a serious expression. "I kept hearing Aurora calling to me for help…I just…acted."

Erin pulls him into her arms once more and holds him close, her ear resting on his rapidly beating heart, her eyes squeezing shut in frustrated anxiety. "I keep hearing her calling out to me also. Kelly…I snapped at…everyone this morning for…for no reason."

They get into the car and slowly head for Nick's office; Kelly telling his wife about the rest of the call and trying to reassure her that, aside from the superficial burns, he'd be okay.

"Gurj came to see me this morning," he tells her; her eyes looking over at him in wonder.

"Really? What happened?" She asks in haste; Kelly telling her the whole story about the visit of their grieving friend. "We're here," Erin mentions as they finally reach Nick's office.

"I really think you should talk to Nick," Kelly suggests as looks at her in seriousness. "You don't have to tell me and you know whatever you talk to him about…it stays with him. I get it."

She feels a small pang of relief actually starting to settle her nerves as one of the things she had worried about was if she did talk to Nick and knowing what kind of close professional relationship him and Kelly had, as well as their personal friendship if it would impede her therapy.

"I worried about that."

"Just promise once you tell him your darkest secrets you won't leave me for him," Kelly lightly snickers.

"Promise," she cheekily replies as she leans over and kisses him, her hand squeezing his for a bit of added reassurance. "I'm gonna wait."

"What?"

"Yeah…at the coffee shop or…I can't go back to work. I snapped at my team this morning. Voight was right…said I needed to talk I said I'd rather count bullets," she pauses with a small smirk.

"Boy you really must have lost it," he retorts with a small smirk. "I'll only be an hour and then…maybe we'll go home and try to cook something."

"I'll call Voight and then Boden," she tells a few seconds before he exits the car. She watches him go and then slumps back into the driver's seat and closes her eyes for a few tense seconds. She texts Boden an update on Kelly, pausing before she texts Voight – telling him she's still thinking about talking to someone, professionally.

Then, she texts Shawna.

'How about coffee and just…girl talk. Something...not work related.'

'Coffee tomorrow morning would be great. My break is at 10am. See you then if possible. Shawna.'

She puts her phone away and then thinks on Kelly's words about his visit with Gurj.

'She doesn't blame you…that's what he said. Even he's having trouble right now. But they don't blame you.'

XXXXXXXX

"First off…how is Aurora?" Nick asks in concern.

"She's…okay. Today was her first day back so we'll see how it goes in a couple of hours. Pauline is going to pick her up and we'll um…stick to our routine as much as possible. But she's been asking about Jasmine and…we've been honest but I never know if it's doing any good or not."

"Being honest is always the best policy," Nick tells him in truth. "It'll come. Just keep asking her about her day, her friends and keep watching for whatever seems out of the ordinary. And how is Erin?"

"She's…she's still hurting and raw but…but she said she might come and talk to you. After prodding I might add," Kelly admits with a heavy sigh. "That's…okay right?"

"As long as it won't be awkward for you. As you know, whatever we talk about stays here and I won't betray her trust. If she wants to tell you, then that's her choice. But I don't want either of you to feel uncomfortable so I can always recommend another trusted therapist…if it at time becomes too much."

"Okay," Kelly agrees with a brief nod.

"Okay. So…now take me back to that moment. The moment when you arrived at the school and were forced to wait outside."

Kelly leans back in his chair and looks out the window for a second, closing his eyes and feeling his fists starting to tighten; looking back at Nick with a strained expression.

"I know this will be hard but it must be done," Nick gently pushes as Kelly leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees.

"I uh…it was hell. Not knowing if Aurora was dead or alive…Erin…she was in pursuit and I heard the cops radios and…it was hell. I felt so helpless. Just standing there!" He pauses as his voice rises to an angry hiss and then he shakes his head.

"It's okay Kelly…just us here. You were standing there."

"The one thing a first responder hates to do is just…wait. We have a job to do and…and to see others doing theirs while we stand around and wait. I was angry, agitated, frustrated. No one was saying anything…no one knew…Erin wasn't answering her phone. I was angry at her…at Voight…at Boden…at her. I was angry at her and I felt bad."

"Why?"

"It wasn't her fault. I know that. I just wanted her to call me…tell me everything was okay but um…but it wasn't. It wasn't okay. Hated waiting. Kept seeing people coming out with bloodied kids and uh…hated it. Hated just standing there wondering what was going on. Finally we got the all clear to go in."

"What happened when you went inside?"

"I uh…I passed by kids in the hall…crying, bleeding…limping past. But all I kept thinking…where's my daughter. My daughter better be okay. I hated that."

"Seemed like a natural reaction for any father. Why did you hate that?"

"First responders…we're supposed to be impartial. Priority of life…help the most wounded first. Put aside personal bias…feelings but I didn't…couldn't. Matt knew…Boden knew…still wasn't right. I passed by kids that…I heard them calling out to me. Calling for help…begging for help," he pauses as his eyes water. "And I just hurried past. I had to find her."

"Did someone help the other wounded?"

"Yes. Lots of help. Other fire fighters…medics…cops. But I still put personal feelings first."

"Did Boden penalize you for it?"

"No, he uh…he understood," Kelly whispers as he looks down and slightly sniffles. "Everyone understood."

"We are always the last to absolve ourselves of our own inner guilt, even when we have no reason to keep punishing ourselves or if all others have absolved us already."

"Should have known…better," he huffs as he straightens back up. "Done…better."

"The others that weren't…critically injured, did they receive timely help? Did they survive?"

"Yes," Kelly admits as he feels his shoulders slightly slump.

"So before we work on a plan to help you work through your own personal guilt, tell me what you felt when you first saw your daughter."

XXXXXXXX

Erin's fingers nervously drum the bottom of her nearly drunk coffee mug, her gaze directed somewhat wistfully toward the Park and past into a large construction site; her mind starting to wander. She hears a small shuffle and looks up to see Kelly nearing, her feet pushing her up off her chair and greeting him with a hug, his eyes still slightly glistening and heart rate elevated.

"You okay?"

"Come on…let's walk a bit," he suggests as his cool hand quickly grips hers; his lips offering her a tight lipped smile. "I uh…I feel better," he states simply as they leave the small café; heading toward the small Park area to walk a bit before they go home.

"I texted Shawna, we're…meeting for coffee tomorrow. I just need…girl talk," she nervously admits. "Stupid right?"

"No…I get it."

"Just girl talk," she rushes to qualify once more.

"I'm not mad," he assures her as they stop walking, Erin looking up in concern. "Matt and I talk about…stuff. I get it."

"Let's go home."

He offers her a nod and then wraps his arm around her shoulders, mindful not to damage the blisters on his hands under the protective padding; the two of them slowly walking back to the car arm in arm. He tells her a few snippets of what he talked to Nick about, but the rest was left in the therapy session. Although, he did admit that talking to Nick helped him to let go of a lot of inner guilt and knows she needs to do the same – for the sake of her very sanity.

They finally arrive home and stick to their plan by going into the kitchen and finding something they can make; wondering how Aurora had fared during the afternoon session. Kelly tells Erin about the call from the school and Pauline and how Aurora and other children as well were understandably upset and frustrated with their teacher, Andrea's absence and that of the two missing children. The topic of the shooting wasn't dwelt upon, but it was mentioned in a serious and matter of fact way; a moment of silence was held at the time of the shootings. School had finished an hour earlier that day and Pauline and Don had picked up Aurora and taken her to the zoo to try to end her day on a lighter note, one they hope would help send her to bed with some more pleasant memories.

"Okay…try this," Erin volunteers with a frown as Kelly leans in closer.

"It's uh…good."

"Liar."

"Needs more salt," he lightly teases as they hear the key starting to turn in the lock. But he barely has time to round the corner and greet his daughter when she literally barrels into him; making him slightly gasp and step backward.

"Daddy!" Aurora greets her father with a heavy sigh. He kneels down to her and holds her close; her cheeks warm and flushed and holding telltale evidence her day had been less than smooth. "Dadda…Jasmine's gone," she softly laments as he tenderly strokes her cheek and nods in acknowledgement.

"I know sweetie."

"She's not coming back."

"I know," he huffs as he looks up at Pauline who offers him a sorrow-filled expression. "I know baby…I know."

She looks at her father and starts to cry; Kelly's arms wrapping around her and holding her close as he slowly stands up and then carries her to her bedroom to talk to and comfort her a bit more.

"It was just one more hurdle," Pauline exhales heavily as she offers the younger woman weak smile. "How is he?"

"A few second degree burns on his hands and neck but otherwise okay. He talked to Nick today and…it was better. Thank you for helping…I know that might sound…" Erin starts only to have Pauline lean in and give her a warm hug. "Sorry if that sounded stupid."

"Never. Always happy to help. Helping with Aurora…it's what my Lesley would have wanted and keeps her alive in my heart…not that I need help with that but…you know what I mean."

"I do," Erin agrees with a warm smile as she gives Pauline a hug and then locks the door when she leaves; relaying a message back to Matt who texts to check on Kelly and then tells them he'll be checking on Andrea tonight but would be staying at the Firehouse overnight.

Erin heads down the hallway and pauses in the doorway to Aurora's bedroom, looking down at Kelly on the floor with Aurora in his lap and offers them a tender smile before she slowly eases herself down beside them, resting her head on Kelly's shoulder.

The three of them remain seated on the floor for the next hour, just talking softly about what Aurora was told at school today and how she was feeling – sad and somewhat distraught. After that the three of them head into the kitchen and make something easy for dinner; the conversation this time light and happy with a happy movie playing in the background.

"Come on…let's go have a nice warm bubble bath," Erin suggests to Aurora, leaving Kelly to finish a few personal things. "This I'm a pro at," she states as she gives him an eyebrow wag; his lips breaking into a wide grin. Erin heads into the bathroom to get it started, making sure warm water fills the tub and then adds the bubblegum smelling liquid.

"Smells like bubblegum," Aurora comments as she enters the bathroom with her Dora bathing dolly in her grasp.

"It sure does," Erin agrees as she helps Aurora get undressed and then puts her hair up into a tight bun atop her head and then helps her get into the warm, soapy water. "Like it?"

"Smells yummy!"

Erin sits on the little stool that they had bought specifically for bathing time, reaches for a soft cloth and then starts to gently wash her back.

She listens to the little girl chattering away to her two bathing dollies and offers her a strained smile. But the longer she continues to listen, that faster her fluid emotion starts to build. A few seconds later a sob is heard and Aurora turns to her in haste.

"What's wrong Erin?" She asks softly.

"I…I…" she stammers as her fingers idly play with a stray blond lock. "I love you so much Aurora," she offers a teary confession.

The little girl then does something unexpected – she leans forward and wraps her arms around Erin's neck; Erin quickly grabbing onto her and holding her close, not caring if she gets sweet, soapy smelling water on her top.

"I love you too."

Erin hears the words and feels her heart starting to race at top speed. She holds onto the little girl for a while longer, finally releasing her and giving her a kiss on her forehead, nose and then cheek – Aurora giggling when Erin playfully pokes her neck.

Kelly hears the happy squeals coming from the bathroom and feels his heart swell. Talking to Nick had alleviated some of his inner tension and he was able to come to terms with things that he had been afraid to face since the terrible tragedy at the high school.

After the bath, Erin dries off Aurora and then takes her to her bedroom, helping her climb under the covers and then leaning in for a goodnight kiss. Kelly comes in a few moments later; Erin letting them have their alone time before the lights go out for the rest of the night and heads into their bedroom to get changed for the night.

Just as she pulls on her sleeping shirt she looks up to see her husband watching her with a warm smile. "She uh…she said she loved me. In the bath and…it was amazing," she admits with a loving smile as he nears. He wraps his arms around her and holds her close, his senses taking in her tempting scent and delighting in the feel of her body pressed up against his.

"I love her so much Kelly…love you both so much."

"And we love you," he tells her warmly as his lips nuzzle her fragrant neck. "Mmm smell good."

"Bubblegum," she whispers as his hands leave her shoulders and move lower.

"Missed you," he admits; his body aching for an intimate union – one they hadn't shared since the shooting.

"Make love to me," she begs with a husky growl; his strong arms instantly hoisting her into the air as their lips lock with a searing kiss.

XXXXXXXX

Erin awakens early the next morning and looks at her sleeping husband with a small frown. They had tried to be careful with his hands since he got home yesterday but were overcome with heated passion the night before she fears that some of the blisters might have popped.

"They'll be okay."

She looks up to see him looking at her with a small frown, her fingers gingerly touching the outer edges of the puffy reddish mark on his jaw. "I think I wanted to hold onto my guilt…I don't know why," she shakes her head as she tries to turn away.

But his hand reaches out and gently turns her back to face him. "Please don't run away again," he earnestly begs.

Her forehead leans in closer and rests on his, her body exhaling heavily. "I'm done running," she whispers as she kisses him on the lips and then pulls back with a smile. "How about this afternoon, we pick up Aurora after school and just…go to the Park by the school and walk around or just…hang."

"I'd like that."

"Yeah…me too."

The two of them linger in bed a little longer until Aurora comes bounding into their room, jumping on the bed and laughing as she tries to dodge the arms that are trying to grab her legs. Despite the day starting off on a very happy note for her, both Kelly and Erin know as soon as Aurora gets to school, she'll face the same emotional woes she did the day before and it'll end on a more sour note.

Right after breakfast, Erin takes her leave; Pauline already having picked up Aurora and Kelly telling her that he was going to drop by the Firehouse to update Boden and talk to Matt and see how Andrea's recovery is going and then they'd meet up for lunch.

Instead of going to work, Erin makes a detour and ends up at a very familiar location; her heart starting to race wildly as she takes the first few steps toward what she hopes is an emotional recovery. The elevator slowly pulls her up toward the floor where the professional office is located; her legs starting to slightly shake as she nears the door, her hand gently trembling as she dares to enter.

"Erin?" Nick questions as he looks up in surprise when she enters his office and then closes the door behind her.

Her eyes dart nervously between the wondering assistant and Nick's inviting gaze.

"Everything okay?" He asks in haste as he nears.

"Yeah I uh…" she nervously stammers as she looks at him in determination. "I need to talk."

Her heart explodes for a few seconds with fear but when she looks at the almost relieved expression on his face…her mind settles – she's doing the right thing. It was now a time to heal and this was the first step.

A/N: Lots of angsty emotions still brewing but got to interject some tender/loving family moments and then of course some couple time. I don't like to dwell too much on the painful stuff but show that all of them are still dealing with it but now slowly starting to work past and you'll see more of that and back on to happier times up next. Can't thank you all enough for your amazing support and reviews – mean so much and you all ROCK! So thank you and please do review with thoughts once more and thanks!