Hey, so you know, calling someone a 'mat' is generally a demeaning insult, right?

Normally, it is when directed at me. Usually with a certain degree of malice and the word 'door' prefacing it. Not the best pun-on-name around, eh?

The source of this topic is that BB (Mello version) was fishing for a name he hadn't used in a while and settled on 'doormat'. Suffice to say I wasn't too pleased. I was just trying to help out. Mello seems to be distraught that I 'Even thought to put yourself in danger!'

Idiot!

I can take care of myself!

Besides, calling someone a doormat is not the best way to express worry for their safety, you know that, right Blondie?

So, he said, basically, "Matt, I know exactly why they called you that. You're a doormat. You let people walk all over you. You're so gullible it's laughable." Here he laughed. "Doormat. That's all you really are. A true doormat does more than let people walk on them, they enjoy it, view it as their job even. You are worse than a reed in a hurricane."

…

…

I'm not as upset as I probably should be.

Sure, his words hurt – a lot – but it's nothing that can't roll off of my back if I try to let it. The part that really gets me is that he thought to say that. He keeps saying that I'm a friend, that I was a person to care for him when no one else did. Is that how people are supposed to treat their friends?

I sound like a very, very innocent little kid right now, but considering that Whammy's is all I've known since I was…West's age actually. Strange to think about.

All of my friendships have been tainted by this place.

You'd think that it would take more than a little insult to give me the correct ammunition to get into a reminiscing mood. Buuuuuuut, apparently that's all it takes.

Why do people even use insults anyways?

People need to remember that however true those words are; it is never sufficient reason to just…explode at someone.

I think I talked about how no one can cause you to feel something before, but this is probably the closest I've ever come to retracting that statement. There is just something about Mello and the way he talks to people that just inflicts more damage than usual.

Doormat…Am I really like that?

Do I just let myself be tossed this way and that?

Does it really matter…?

No.

No, it doesn't matter.

I can't let something simple like that get to me. Sure, I know the Bastard meant it. He probably meant it more than anything he's said so far to me over the past…seven years or something. It's just…not worth thinking about. All that comes from dwelling on insults is regret, shame, and self-loathing.

Considering that none of those feelings are very appealing to me, I'm just going to forget about Mello's little 'insult' and focus on why he even wanted to insult someone.

I think that Blondie wanted me to feel guilty about running into the fire.

Well, hate to break it to you, but I'm not guilty. I probably won't ever feel guilty about saving lives when you wouldn't do the same. It makes me wonder why he cares so much though. That's the extent of it.

All I want to think about is how the damned fire even started.

Cause…not many people know about Whammy's in the first place, and those that do don't think of the massive manor as anything other than Watari's massive house...Surly not a housing to genius orphans who have nowhere else to go. It's just strange…Why was the fire set? Who started it?

I think that I'll ask AA and BB for their opinions and do our collective best to keep L and Watari out of it. I mean, they probably already know, but the Kira case is difficult and L looked stressed last time I hacked.

Talked about a Light Yagami a lot, watched video surveillance and stuff.

Almost on the verge of obsessive if you ask me.

I'm going to do something subtle and manipulate Mello and get my revenge. Just because his little 'insult' didn't get under my skin much doesn't mean he is free from my wrath.,

As for Near…? Well, we all know he's going to be the eventual successor. I don't want to get on his bad side like Mello has been doing for years.

Besides.

Mello's more fun to mess with anyways.

Better reactions. Less barriers. Fewer boundaries. Larger heart.

…

…

…I just realized how vindictive I sounded…

…Maybe Beyond rubbed off on me more than I thought…

Either way! Mello's gonna be in for a tough ride that will prey on his low self-esteem AND answer my burning question!

Win win.

For me anyways, haha!