Thank you so much for the reviews even if you are frustrated with unanswered questions. Thanks for reading and I hope to answer all questions in future chapters. Special thanks to the guest who filled me in on dates. I have amended that mistake now.

9th May 1848

I have established that Hoss is twelve and little Joe is six. I would have thought Hoss was older, he is big for his age. He's obviously hard to shop for at this age, I have noticed a number of pants in the washroom that would be too big for him yet. Obviously Mr Cartwright is having trouble getting his size right.

We had a pleasant day the three of us. Mr Cartwright is away from early morning so its just me and the boys and Hop Sing for the day. I did lessons with the boys in the morning. little Joe can't sit still for two minutes together. Finally I gave up, his attention span was just not there today. There was a guitar in the corner by the fire place and I played them some tunes I had played to my own children when they were little. Joe liked my singing very much but a look of sadness seemed to cross Hoss's face. Hoss wears a haunted expression most of the time. He only answers questions, he never volunteers any information. Joe barely leaves my side, even as I hang the washing he sits on the step waiting for me to finish. Maries passing has made these boys very insecure, but I can't help feeling there is something else. Joe was about to tell me something about songs he had been thought. He mentioned certain children's songs asking me if I knew them. He was about to say something else when Hoss interrupted him telling him to be quiet or Pa would get mad.

I did not understand Hoss's trepidation until later. Mr Cartwright clearly does not like music. He froze in place when he saw the guitar, just staring at it with a cold look in his eye. Then he took hold of it and put it back in its place by the fire. Neither one of the boys said anything but there was tension as they got on with their meal. They answered all of their fathers queries with politeness and respect but the cutlery is the loudest sound at the table. Mr Cartwright pushes Joe into the table and fix's a napkin under his chin but its all very functional. Joe gets on with the task of scooping up his soup without another glance at his father. I feel so sad for these boys.

10th May 1848

Hoss actually smiled today, it was like a ray of sunshine. They were both talking about swimming and Joe was recounting how another boy called Adam was trying to teach them how to swim and he was bitten on the backside by an insect and he fell in. I tried very hard to disapprove of their laughter at this boys misfortune but it was so good to hear the boys laugh, a rare sound in this house.

Ben Cartwright is just the rudest man. I went out to the porch aks he was coming in from working the ranch. I wanted to talk to him about the boys.
He's another one who doesn't make eye contact. At least Hoss has an excuse given his age. I told him of my concerns for the boys, Joe's bed wetting and his tendency to follow me around. He told me he will tell Joe to stop following me. Ugh, impossible man. I told him these boys need to feel secure in themselves. He told me that's why he hired me.
They need their father you stupid man. He spends no time with them at all, its almost like he's afraid to. He's out from morning until night working his ranch, I can see he is still troubled by Marie's passing. There is a room upstairs which is kept constantly locked, he obviously stores her things in there. He needs to pull himself together though for the sake of the boys.

14th May 1848

I'm settling into my life at the Ponderosa now, its good work. I just have some light housework to do every day, lessons with the boys and mind them for the rest of the evening. Its not half as difficult as my life with the Nelson children but then there were six of them and they were all very spoilt. I could eat Joe up he's so sweet. My biggest problem with him is how to be a bank robber when I'm hanging out the washing.
" You have to be mean or its no fun" Joe tells me. He shoots me with his wooden gun and I have to pretend to be mortally wounded. As much as I love him I'm not lying down on the dust he'll just have to make do with my acting.
Hoss often sits by himself on the step by the barn door just looking out at the fields. He won't join in with our game . I sat down beside him today and he put his head on my shoulder but he didn't say anything. Does he miss his pa during the day. Its like he's looking for someone.