22nd May 1848
A horrendous day, I am so beside myself. You cant imagine.
I decided this morning that straight after breakfast we would be going into town. We could stay at the hotel restaurant until Mr Cartwright got back. I wasn't staying here one minute longer without a man for protection, that tramp could be anywhere on the ranch. I tried to keep the boys calm and explain to them as best i could what had happened.
In order to dispel their fear I praised them for their quick thinking at hiding under the bed.
"Pa told us to do that." Joe piped up.
"Pa said if he's not here and we hear a bang we are to hide under the bed or run to Adam." Joe told me as he tried to spear bacon on to his fork.
"Who is Adam," I asked, pouring myself another cup of coffee.
Hoss looked down at his plate. "Adams our brother."
"Your brother. I didn't know you had another brother is he overseas?"
They both shrugged.
"You don't know, You don't know where your brother is?"
"He and Pa had a fight." Hoss explained.
"Pa hit Adam," Joe continued.
"Be quiet Joe," Hoss pucked him.
"I want to tell too," Joe hit him back.
I took hold of Joes hands as I continued to question Hoss.
"What happened Hoss?"
Hoss put his fork down.
"Adam was breakin horses, eh that's when you ride them when they're wild. Ye haveta break their spirit."
I nodded "go on Hoss."
"Pa told Adam he didn't want him anywhere near those horses on account of what happened to Mamma, but Adam went ahead anyways, Pa was plenty mad. He pushed Adam down over his desk. He tanned Adam right there in the living room in front of me and Joe. He tanned Adam and then Hop Sing took his belt away."
"Adam was cryin," Joe whispered behind his napkin.
"Adam ain't no crybaby." Hoss put in quickly.
"Adams been gone a month now. He locked his room and headed out, he ain't comin back"
"Why haven't you told me any of this before." I asked.
"Anytime we mentioned Adam Pa would get this look in his eye."
As Hoss spoke Joe moved closer to me. I put my hand around his little waist.
"Pa would get this look in his eye like as if he was gonna cry or something." Hoss muttered.
"That explains the locked room." I nodded, bringing the coffee cup to my lips.
My hand froze in mid air, I turned to Hoss.
"Adam...looks like you Hoss, doesn't he?"
Hoss words filled me with dread.
"Eh no ma'am. He's taller than me and he has dark hair."
I could feel a cold chill wash through me. Oh God.
I got up from the table. The room spun as stress overtook me. I stumbled to the front door throwing it wide. It was a clear day, the wind sweeping tumbleweed across the yard. It seems ridiculous to me now but I brought the shotgun with me. Mr Cartwright keeps it by the door.
"Get in the house." I called fearfully to Hoss who was following behind.
"Mrs Jennings, what's wrong." Hoss scowled up at me.
Its well you may ask Hoss I may have killed your brother. I searched the yard trying to see through the haze of my own tears. He must have heard Hoss for the barn door opened slowly and he emerged. On seeing the gun he raised his hands.
On seeing him I let out a huge shaky sigh of relief. Thank you God.
"I just wanted my money" he told me through hitched breaths. He put his hands down as the injured arm was causing him distress. He cradled it, wincing with pain.
I went to hand the rifle to Hoss but thought better for it and stood it against the barn door.
"Come in to the house, ill fix that arm up." I told him.
Hoss ran forward and helped his brother as together we brought him into the house.
We sat him at the table and I went to fetch a bowl of water.
My anxiety level was off the scale, I thought we had been attacked in the night only to realise I had injured the child of my employer. Adam wasn't helping.
He asked Hoss for a bandana in the drawer. When Hoss brought it to him Adam took it and tied it around his stricken arm and then got unsteadily to his feet.
"I'm gonna get my money and shoot off. I got a job breakin horses on another ranch." He told his brothers.
"I'll be seein ye." He ruffled Joes hair as he passed him.
That was it. I let a roar at him.
"You sit down there young man and don't move. You are going to remove that shirt and let me fix your arm. You will eat what I give you and then you'll march yourself up those stairs and get into your nightshirt or so help me ill take the wooden spoon to you."
He sat.
I turned my back on him and went to get some ointment in the kitchen.
I could hear him whisper something to Hoss.
"Yeah Adam she's mean, she'll do it. She don't care none for your age."
I smiled to myself. Good old Hoss.
By the time I returned to the big room with bandages and ointment he had removed his shirt. Thank heavens. I don't usually care for older children, I don't know what I would have done if he had decided to just leave.
Hoss was sitting right beside him and Joe had deposited himself on his oldest brothers lap. It reminded me I had bought candy canes at the mercantile recently. The boys would have to have them tonight after their supper.
I patched him up as best I could. Bless him, he was trying to be brave in front of his brothers but the ointment is alcohol based and stings like the devil. It was bringing tears to his eyes.
I had to hold his arm steady as I dabbed it with the foul stuff. He couldn't hold still such was the pain. Finally I had gotten it clean. I had to be thorough no matter how much it hurt him. A deep gash like that can cause a nasty infection. The bullet had caused a deep gash in his upper arm. Once I patched it up I used the bandana and made a sling. There were protests but I took no nonsense. He may be seventeen going on eighteen but to me he is a child and my responsibility once he bares the name Cartwright.
He devoured the pancakes and bacon I prepared for him. I don't think he's had a descent meal in weeks, he's skin and bone.
Poor Hoss sat at his side just watching him eat as if he were afraid he would just disappear. Once he had finished, I told him to go up and get into bed. I was firm with him I expected protests but he thanked me for the food and did as I asked.
I checked on him later. He was sound asleep. As I thought he was probably sleeping rough for the last month using what little money he had for food. This is probably the best sleep he's had in a long time. Poor child. He has dark circles under his eyes and a cut on his lower lip. He's had a rough time.
So that was my day and it ain't over yet. Mr Cartwright is due home any minute. I've sent the boys to bed early with their candy canes. I need to talk to Ben alone.