Title: Plan C
Chapter 28 – Trying to Adjust
"Just promise me one thing," Erin starts the next morning as she walks into Voight's office with her hand raised, signaling for him to remain behind his desk. "No one on this team will treat me like…I'm breakable."
"Fair enough," Voight replies as he gestures for her to sit. "But…you know things do hafta change…especially when…"
"My gun belt won't fit?" Erin retorts with a small huff.
"You're not working today," Voight states flatly as her brows slightly arch.
"I know. I'm…this is all so new. Part of me knows I'm not ready for this but at the same time…I don't…I don't want to do anything to hurt it…it…ugh sounds so wrong to call it…it," Erin rambles on as Voight offers her a tender smile. "When the doctor told me…I was so scared last night and you know I hate being scared," she admits flatly.
"You're going to be a great mother," Voight assures her in a fatherly tone. "Is Kelly excited?"
"Last night we stayed up too late wondering what names should be at the top of our list."
"If it's a boy…Hank," Voight retorts with a smile, making her lightly laugh.
"He's…very excited. Pauline was excited…Matt and Jay…they heard the hospital and," she pauses as her hand automatically drops to her belly. "Was scared last night. Felt pain…for a moment there I thought I was going to lose it. What if…I don't ever want to do something…be the one responsible for losing our baby."
"We'll all try to help out…without…treating you like a china doll."
"Damn china doll," Erin grumbles as she looks at Voight with a weak glance. "Alright…now I need to go buy a book…what to expect when you're expecting," she quips as she stands up. Voight watches her go and then looks up as Jay enters with a concerned look on his face.
"I know…treat her differently but don't make it seem like I'm treating her differently," Jay states in haste as Voight nods in agreement. "As if we all didn't have enough to worry about when we're out there."
"And that's what I worry about…" Voight mentions in an undertone as Jay takes his leave and he looks over at the picture on his desk; Erin, Kelly and him on their wedding day, two happy loving smiles and one very happy proud smile. The one right beside is of him holding Aurora; a darling little girl that he considers his granddaughter. "Now we'll all worry more."
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"Congratulations!" Boden exclaims as he first off shakes Kelly's hand and then pulls him in for a hug, Matt standing back a few feet with a happy smile on his face. "How's Erin today?"
"Shaken up…worried…anxious," Kelly replies in truth. "She had a real scare last night…we all did," he confesses in truth as Boden nods in acknowledgment. "But today….we're excited. And nervous."
"And why aren't you home with her?"
"She…told me to go to work or else," Kelly replies with a strained smile. "I can only worry so much right?"
"I remember when Shay first told you she was expecting…"
"Chief…"
"This is your wife," Boden interjects as Kelly offers a sheepish expression. "In a high risk job who…I'm going to assume won't be putting herself in the line of fire for…"
"Six months," Kelly concludes with a nod. "With Shay…I won't be distracted."
"And if he is," Matt pipes up as he steps forward with a serious expression. "He'll be on truck duty and I mean cleaning the truck for the rest of his shift."
"Seems fair."
Kelly merely shakes his head and offers them a chuckle but knows that last time he nearly cost them some injuries by his distraction.
'Hey…baby brain!'
'Yeah yeah…' he grumbled back as Shay walked up to him.
'Kelly…'
'Shay I'm fine…this baby thing…how come you're not distracted?'
'I am…I'm just…women show it differently…and I mean emotionally. It's not your belly that's gonna grow.'
'You know…I can drink enough beer to…'
With that she laughed, patted his belly and walked away, telling him to not be distracted anymore.
"I can't promise but I'll be…Matt will keep me in line."
"That's not one hundred percent comforting," Boden replies with a small smirk as Matt's facial expression turns to mock horror. "Dismissed."
"So…how is she really?" Matt asks as they leave Boden's office.
"Scared. With Aurora it was just…signing the paper and then things continue on as they are but now…this is a whole new thing right?"
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah. I wanted Shay to have another one but she…she said it would have to be me blowing in a jar and them…yeah so that wasn't appealing but I said I would. Then she backed off and we let it go. Erin and I talked about having kids of our own but not…this soon. Hey what can I say…Severide's are strong swimmers," he chuckles as Matt laughs as well.
"Kelly…"
"Plan's still the same. Find a House big enough for…now all of us. You still on board?"
"Andrea's already planning the House-warming," Matt replies with a smile.
"It's been almost a year and…and yeah over the summer maybe. Then come fall, Aurora starts kindergarten…new beginnings for all of us."
With that the overhead alarm goes off, signaling them to get ready to get into the fields and get their heads back in the game – now.
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Erin arrives early at the preschool and slowly heads toward the swings, slowly easing herself down and then gently rocking back and forth. She notices a pregnant woman standing and talking to a friend and instantly her hand drops to her belly.
She had picked up a few books on expecting your first baby but only got through the first chapter when her panic started to surge and she felt a small cramp coming on. She remembers Kelly's handsome face lighting up at the thought of having another child – especially a little boy and couldn't deny that his happiness emanated to her and her heart swelled.
But as she thinks back on her own tumultuous childhood, she can't help but worry that she'll do something wrong and end up letting everyone down. 'We're in this together…that's the difference…our childhoods were mostly one sided… not our child…ours will be better.'
She closes her eyes and lets Kelly's comforting words sink down further into her soul and instantly her surging agitation starts to subside. She hears some childish laughter and opens her eyes to watch two children playing catch; one obviously older. At first she smiles…but then as she remembers Aurora and Jasmine playing in the Park with Jasmine's younger brother a lump of emotion forms in her throat.
'When you come to a moment where you remember the shooting…Jasmine's death…let the emotions out but don't dwell on your part in the situation. Grieve for the child. Grieve for your friend and then switch to another topic or whatever…you can grieve…but you can't blame…'
Nick's words settle her mind a little but at the same time she knows that until she's actually doing the task…being a mother she'll worry. She remembers Preeti telling her that even someone they might call a seasoned parent would always worry about their children no matter the age…that was natural.
"Erin!"
But as soon as she sees Aurora running toward her with outstretched arms and a wide smile; her inner anxiety starts to fade. She hops off the swing, drops to her knees and hugs her tightly.
"Look what I made! A popsicle stick chick!" Aurora holds up the little yellow bird with googley eyes and an orange beak from construction paper, the same material for the stick feet. "It's a magnet!" She shows her the back as Andrea had instructed them.
"Erin. Hey."
"Hey," Erin waves to Aurora's teacher and her friend…Matt's fiancé as she approaches them with a friendly smile. They give each other am embrace and then turn to follow after Aurora as she rushes over to the playground; Erin happy to let her burn off some energy.
"Day off?"
"Yeah…kinda," she pauses before she continues.
"Erin? What's…going on? Is Matt okay?" She asks in haste.
"Yes…of course it's um…it's me," she stammers as her hand just drops to her belly; her mind scolding her for always falling back on that action.
"You're pregnant?" Andrea exclaims as she gives her a warm hug.
"Yeah…three months so it's early and…and I had a bit of scare yesterday. That's the only reason I knew…sorry am rambling. I know Matt would say something but…we're just keeping it under wraps…or trying for at least another month. I go for my first official ultrasound…the one yesterday was just to make sure after the accident everything was normal. So far… so good. But yeah…if you could please just keep it under wraps for now. Still trying to get used to this myself."
"Got it," she smiles as they slowly head toward the climbing bars. "Were you…expecting it?"
"Not at all," Erin replies simply looking at her friend with a strained smile. "But we're gonna make it work. How are you? How does it feel to be back?"
The two of them talk a bit longer before its time to leave; Erin taking Aurora by the hand and telling her it was time to go home and hang up the new fridge decoration. On the way home, Erin tries to ask Aurora what she thinks of having a sibling in six months.
"Okay so how about we try…uh…" Erin pauses as she looks in the fridge. "Tacos?" She didn't even think about if anything now would affect her with the pregnancy – but…she'd find out the next day.
"Damn…spicy…food," Erin groans the following morning as she lifts her head from the toilet and then heads for the sink, her stomach tight and her mind making a mental note that she would now have to keep a list of things that would make her growing child react adversely.
But it wasn't to stop there.
"Seriously? How they can be tight? I just threw everything up! It's only…just over three months!" Erin huffs as she quickly goes in search for another pair of jeans. "Nothing changes for Kelly!" But in that moment she stops, telling herself that she had made a pact with herself to keep any resentment toward her bodily changes at bay. However, that would be easier said than done as she knows once she gets to work, she'd be once again forced into a real life situation that was now forcing her to adjust.
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"Isn't it too early to be…in this good a mood?" Matt states with a yawn as he walks toward Kelly with an inquiring glance. He looks at the picture of Erin's face and then at Kelly with arched brows.
"She's fat."
"What?" Matt asks in shock. "That's funny?"
"Pregnancy jokes. I told her the same thing I told Shay…"
"You'd drink enough beer carry around a sympathy belly?" Matt interjects with a snicker as Kelly nods. "I take it she didn't go for it?"
"Actually…she said she liked big fat guys," he offers with a mock groan as he texts back. "And…she can't eat spicy food. That sucks…we love spicy food. Does that mean our baby's a wimp?"
Matt just laughs at his friend's absurd comment, patting him on the back as he slumps down into a chair next to him. "Boy or girl?"
"Pretty sure I'm a boy," Kelly winks as Matt picks up something nearby and tosses at his friend. "I want a boy but…you know I just want a healthy kid. I know that sounds cliché but it's true. You and…Andrea talk about that or…is it too soon?"
"That was one of the things Hallie and I talked about right from the start. We had mixed ideas at first…but then toward the end she said she wanted to settle down and have a family and…yeah we did. She wants kids, lots of them."
"Lots? Don't let Herrmann hear you," Kelly counters with a grin. "I think he thinks he'll hold the record for the most kids to a firefighter – ever."
"Yeah…maybe two."
"Two's a couple…not lots," Kelly retorts as he tosses the object back at Matt; both of them laughing. But no rest for the weary and within a few minutes the overhead paging system goes off and it's all hands on deck.
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"Watch it guys…smoke's thick in here!"
"Casey! Behind you!"
"Severide! We found the husband…he…he didn't make it!"
"Hate these seniors' places…always so depressing!" Severide mutters over his radio; Boden's heart beating heavily in his chest as he listens to the grim chatter from his team as they start the recovery on the aged victim.
"I think he…."
"OXYGEN TANK! LOOK OUT IT'S GONNA BLOW!"
Boden watches in horror as the window on the third floor explodes; a dark, acrid plume busting from the windows and for a few seconds nobody breathes.
"51! Report!" Boden's voice booms as he slowly walks toward the door of the burning structure. "Casey! Severide! 51!..."
"Chief…yeah…we're okay…just…oxygen tank blew…smokes thick…no one left inside…alive."
"Okay Severide…get everyone out! We'll tackle this from the outside."
"Copy! Casey!"
"Copy!" Matt's voice is heard as they all slowly start to make their way toward the stairwell to go down; the engine team already starting to douse the top floor with water and foam.
"Got a big singed," Matt tells Kelly as he nods toward a small burn mark on his cheek.
"Damn…" he gently curses as his face frowns and he looks at Matt in concern. "I don't want to worry Erin anymore you know? But of course I can't tell her that."
"Because then she'll kill you."
"And hide the body," Kelly snickers as Matt nods in agreement. "I think after this week is over it'll be better."
"You stressed with Shay the first few months and then it was okay."
"Drove her nuts."
"Her?"
"Fine…everyone," Kelly groans as they reach the trucks. "Matt…"
"Downplay…I got it. Think she's downplaying it today?"
"Probably driving whoever's around her nuts," Kelly replies with a small huff.
"Poor whoever," they both chime at once.
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"That's…just not good enough!" Erin snaps as she hears a knock at the door and hurries to open it.
"Is it…safe to enter?"
"Yes, Pauline…sorry come in," Erin stammers as she quickly hangs the phone up, or tries to and then pastes on a strained smile and then tries to straighten up. "Is…everything okay with Aurora?"
"Yes…everything's fine. I just…well I hope I'm not overstepping anything and I'm sure you have lots of support and help with all this but…but with my Lesley gone I just…if you need anything or have any questions or…just anything."
"Really?" Erin asks as her eyes gently well.
"Anything. I love Aurora…I love Kelly and you. And I want to love this newest addition just as much."
Erin wraps her arms around Pauline's frame, holding the older woman close as Pauline's arms wrap around her and hug her just as tightly.
"Sweet girl," Pauline whispers as she pulls back and gently wipes away a small tear.
"I need help. I have so many…questions and concerns and…I need help."
"I'll make some tea," Pauline tells her as she loops her arm in Erin's and the two of them walk toward the kitchen. "How has today been?"
"Had Mexican last night and threw up this morning. I love Mexican food. Tell me this is temporary. And these jeans don't fit and today…this ring is so tight," Erin rattles off and then stops and laughs as Pauline offers her a kind smile. She hands her a cup of tea and then sits down beside her.
"Okay…spicy food. So some babies…"
When Pauline had arrived, Erin's apprehension had started to build momentum but now as they sit and talk and she listens to the very helpful advice from Aurora's grandmother, her anxiety all but dissipates. And by the time they are going to pick up Aurora together her day is promising to end on a much happier note. That night she and Aurora have dinner with Pauline and Don Shay, the four of them talking mostly about Aurora's day and then each of them sharing some happy and funny anecdotal memories about when Shay was expecting Aurora; Aurora happily sitting on Don's lap fully invested in her coloring project.
"Okay we'll drop by and pick up Aurora, Saturday afternoon and pick her up some time on Sunday," Erin reminds Pauline as she prepares to leave. "Sleep over at gramma's this weekend!"
"Yay!" Aurora exclaims happily as she wraps her arms around Pauline's neck and kisses her cheek. Matt had agreed a few months back but after he got engaged to Andrea their weekends were busy planning their own wedding and this weekend were heading out of town to attend a wedding show; Kelly laughing that Matt must really be in love to endure one of those.
Erin buckles Aurora into her car seat and then gets into the driver's seat, pulling into traffic and then feeling her stomach slightly tighten. I didn't eat anything spicy so…her thoughts pause as she looks in the rear view mirror and notices a car pull into place one length behind her.
"It's just…" she tries to turn her thoughts back to Aurora…her stomach tightening a bit further as she notices the dark sedan turn right when she does…still one car length behind.
"Traffic is heavy and it's just…a coincidence…" she mutters as she tries to focus back on Aurora's chatter.
Just as her phone buzzes to life with a new message from her husband the car turns left when she does and suddenly her panic starts to spiral out of control as images of the accident flash in her mind and her stomach tightens further.
She tries to press answer on her phone just as the car matches another turn. Knowing her gun is just a few feet away in the glovebox, Erin's mind now wrestles with an automatic instinct to go into cop mode…or now…call for help, something a bit more foreign.
But before she can decide which move she'll make the car decides to make it's move…the phone connecting at the same time.
"Erin?...you there?"
"Kelly!"
A/N: ah you know I'm always gonna try to find a balance with family drama/angst/action and hope that's okay with everyone and you're still on board! But you know me so danger will always be lurking hehe so please do review before you go and thanks so much!