~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I'm going to pull on some heartstrings, this is why Leea is so protective of Hoshi~~~*

Chapter Thirty Five

"ROWEN!"

He was angry as he stormed off, why did he even join in the foolishness to begin with. He wanted nothing to do with Baroness who chilled him to the bone. He wanted nothing to do with Ruby, she had already broke him of his hope. He wanted nothing to do with Bastet, who had used him, and made jests that she wanted to use him again. He felt sick that he let her, but he would feel sicker if Hoshi came back to her body and find out that she had laid with one of his friends. He felt like he was gonna lose her no matter what. Lose her to keep the darkness from coming, lose her if the darkness comes, lose her if he sleeps with Bastet, or lose her if she sleeps with another man. He felt fucked over in the situation.

"Leave me alone, Leea," he hissed sharply as he walked on.

She almost had to run to keep up with him, "Rowennnnn! Stop it!"

He looked at her, he felt so hopeless, "what..."

"You're an ass when your mad, you know that!"

"Hm," he paused to look at her. "Wouldn't you be mad in my situation?"

"I guess," she paused, "but shouldn't you be more inspired to find Hoshi?"

He looked at the girl. She was so innocent and at the moment he felt so old. He felt like he had lived through centuries of battle, part of himself abhorred what the warlords were but seemed to understand their anger now. He wondered who they had lost, or left behind to be left in time to be forgotten. Hoshi would not be forgotten. Could he tell her that the weight of the world rested on his shoulders? If he told them, there was a possibility they wouldn't grieve as much as if it ripped their heart out from the beginning. He already felt like his was gone, "inspired is such an innocent word."

"You're sounding like a warlord," she said to him. "So cynical, and silently resenting the world for the hand you were dealt. Your friends are doing their best to make sure you don't fall into a pit of despair, but I think you're already there."

He mumbled, "maybe my vice will be despair if Raleigh's is failure and Ruby's is cowardice."

"She wouldn't want you to be this way!"

"How do you know?"

"I've known her a long time," she paused. "She cried to me when Levi left her."

"Levi?"

"You knew she had an ex-boyfriend right?"

He paused and silently nodded.

She pursed her lips together, "did she ever tell you what he did to her?"

He silently shook his head, his blue hair fell into his eyes.

"He...he was my fault," she said as she lowered her head. Her bangs fell into her eyes as well. She was upset and shivering as tears fell down her face, "I had set her up with him, kinda like I did with you. I mean, I guess they went well at first. He was charming, charismatic, shining bishie. He worked at a university, he had a good car, a good job. Just perfect...but he wasn't so. He...he abused her in so many ways. Mentally he made her feel dumb, he made her feel ashamed about her scars and her body, and he used her to make himself feel good. I tried to get her away, I tried to save her, but she kept going back to him. She would hide her bruises, her cuts, her burns...she would hide herself from me. I wouldn't see her for weeks...I had to help her... but she ended up helping herself. She ended up killing him one night when he tried to hurt her again...I found her because she had missed her lecture."

He was quiet as she paused, he had known she hated her ex, but knew nothing of what he did to her. He felt his stomach turn about Bastet, was it any better what she was doing to her?

Leea cried softly, "she made it though. She fought, in her own way, she didn't let it get her down. She stopped walking with her cane, and she never fell into despair. She was angry, but it slowly just turned into disillusionment. I never thought...I never thought she would fall for someone again... I at least hoped he would fight for her!"

Rowen felt the sting of her words, and remembered how Hoshi would always curl up tightly in bed next to him and thought it was just what she did. It never occurred to him that maybe she was protecting herself from him. He really felt ill, he knew she was willing but how much of that was fear that she would be hurt again? He felt even more ill when he realized he had taken her body with Bastet in it.

He looked at Leea, "I'm not as virtuous as you give me credit for."

She starred at him angrily, "are you saying she made the same mistake again?"

He felt his stomach churn again. "No," he whispered softly. "I love her...I want to have a life with her...to grow old...all of that."

"Then you better grow some balls and fight for her," she replied angrily. She held up her hands, "I don't have half of what you have and I'll fight even if means I lose a piece of me. I won't let this happen to her again. I won't let her be alone. I won't let her have someone else controlling her body."

He watched as Leea whirled around, her silver hair cascaded around her as she stomped off. He felt sicker than he had before even Bastet tried anything with him. He vomited the small dinner he had. He slid down the wall and buried his face in his knees. He remembered when he first fought Talpa here, did Ryo feel this way when he and the others had told him to kill Talpa while they possessed him, and then stupidly enough he had done the same thing for them. Where was his guiding virtue of wisdom now? He just felt more and more lost.

He looked up and saw Sage.

Sage sat down next to him, "so what's really eating you?"

Rowen just remained quiet and put his head against his knees. He felt his stomach lurch again, and he felt so sad that he considered his old battles 'good times'.

Sage said, "you don't have to tell me, Ro, but you can't keep beating yourself over this."

Rowen turned his head to look at Sage, "I can't help but feel like I broke her Sage. Like someone had given me the most perfect diamond in the world, and I shattered it."

Sage sighed, "I don't think it's that bad."

"Are you having another one of your foretellings?"

"A little bit," he paused to look up at the stars. "I don't think Hoshi is as lost as we all think she is."

Rowen sighed in frustration.

Sage said, "my mom used to say that there is always someone destined for everyone, but it doesn't mean you're destined to meet them. Meeting them is chance, a brief moment tied to a very weak string on the end of an even weaker rung but when that string is caught between two people's hearts it becomes a magnet. Meaning no matter how far they are, they always pull together."

He closed his eyes. There were so many coincidences, could Hoshi be close by. He was tired of being played with. He looked up the stars with Sage, "what if I became a devil to get her back."

"I'd become a devil with you," he smiled. "Remember, us ronins were pulled into that destiny too."

"Destiny mestiny," he heard Kento mumble as he came up.

"We are no ones fools," Cye added with a sweet smile as he walked up too.

Ryo came up lastly, "Hoshi is our sister if you love her that much Rowen, we'll go to the end of the nether realm and back with you!"

Baroness listened in from the shadows, they didn't notice she was there, but she could hear them. They were devoted to this girl. Too bad she had to break their heart in the morning. She could feel the darkness was coming their way again, and she knew that no matter how strong the ronins and their warlord's were, the light would be the only way. The tears fell from her eyes again, and she whispered, "armor of the Deep, why I am so sad?"