Chapter 31 – Doubt is the Beginning of Wisdom
Within the ocean's frigid, dark embrace, the Leviathans remained as still as stone, watching. Their tools on Parnack were searching – for one or many was unknown.
"It is not coincidence they are there," warned the Second.
"We have likely lost our advantage of surprise," agreed the Third.
"They have lost theirs," stated the First. "We know they are coming."
"They will not be crippled as we expected - the krogan have failed to bring war to the Citadel races."
"Shepard's influence?" wondered the Second.
"Underestimating her is dangerous. We forget she defeated the Reapers."
The First let his brethren know his contempt at their words, sending a great weight pressing down on their minds which pained them before it lifted. "Only because we allowed her to leave our control. Our armies are stronger. Our minds are stronger. Let them come, and we will show them our might."
oOo
"You're walking away from your duty," argued Teryck as he followed Garrus' fast pace along the Presidium.
Garrus refrained from huffing - Councillor Sparatus had said the same damned thing when he'd told the Council he was going with Shepard. "I'll be back."
"Will you? That's not guaranteed."
Arriving at the cabs, Garrus finally addressed his father. "No, it's not," he conceded.
"I understand that you're probably craving some action after being cooped up in an office for a while, but Parnack isn't the place to get it out of your system."
"I'm not doing this for me. My friends are headed into a tough fight, and my duty is to be there watching their backs. It's the least I can do for Shepard."
He was about to get into the vehicle when his father stopped him.
"Just… watch your own back, too," Teryck pleaded. "You know, to- to get back to your responsibilities here," he added quickly. "As Executor."
Garrus stared back at his father, seeing through the gruff tone. Shepard's words came back to haunt him, and inhaling deeply for courage, he decided to go for it. He reached out and clapped his hands on his father's shoulders, stepping closer and to the side so their chests were side by side. Teryck tensed at first, then raised his own hands to reciprocate the gesture, much to Garrus' surprise.
"I know I don't show it….but I'm incredibly proud of you, son."
Garrus was left gawping at first. "You- I- uh… Thanks. … That means a lot," he admitted at last.
Then they were stepping back, and Garrus climbed into the cab with a final respectful nod to his father. Driving away, he could only shake his head. "Damned if that didn't work," he breathed out, then smiled to himself. "Thanks, Shepard."
oOo
Kaidan stood at the window of their apartment, looking out at the traffic. People were going about their business with no other care other than what they'd be having for dinner or where to go drinking tonight. There was a tiny part of him that resented and envied them their ignorance. They were unfair thoughts. Those people would have their own troubles – separation, illness, death – just the same. The only difference was that he and Terra had taken on responsibility for more than just their own lives and those of their loved ones; they'd taken on the whole galaxy's. Seemed crazy when he thought about it like that.
The footage from Parnack kept popping tauntingly into his head. The screaming…. It was an awful way to die, and for the turian, a horrendous thing to have to endure. I will know your mind.
"- round the garden, like a teddy bear…."
Terra's melodic voice brought him back to the apartment, and he could hear Rorie giggling already. With a smile he turned his back on the Citadel, jogged over to the stairs and took them two at a time.
"One step…"
The giggling turned to a full-out hearty chuckle, and Kaidan's morose thoughts were replaced with nothing but warmth at the sight of his wife and daughter cuddled together one of the landing's sofa's, Terra's fingertip in mid-walk up Rorie's arm.
"Two steps…"
Rorie was now laughing hysterically like her mother's fingers were already at the tickling stage, and Kaidan could only watch with his own laughter matching Terra's.
"Tickly under there!"
Rorie was wiggling and screaming out her delight, still loving the simple rhyme and its tickling gestures as much at nearly-four years old as she did at two. "Again!" she rushed out once she could take a breath.
Then the door's chime signalled Hackett had arrived, and the laughter fell away from Terra and Kaidan as Rorie rushed to answer it. Their eyes met. Her father's presence meant the fleets were nearly assembled. Time was up. Kaidan offered out his hand to Terra, and she took it with a sad smile. They descended the stairs together, never ready to make their goodbyes to a certain little girl who was the light in their lives.
oOo
Though still docked, the Normandy was a hive of activity again, helping a little to dispel Shepard's lingering thoughts of a tearful Rorie as they'd said farewell. She had to be Admiral Shepard now. She took the datapad handed to her by Traynor, running her eye over the contents: a standard report confirming food stocks and re-fuelling were completed. It merely needed to be authorised before it was sent to Alliance HQ, but she appreciated the small mundane tasks that distracted her, even for a tiny space of time.
"Admiral Hackett is requesting to speak with you, Ma'am," Traynor notified her, and Shepard finished with the datapad and passed it back.
"Thanks Traynor."
Kaidan was already in the war-room, in discussion with Wrex who had chosen to travel with them, and Shepard gestured at the flashing com-link. He joined her as the image of her father shimmered into view.
"Bau just sent another message," Hackett informed them. "He located Tagarin, the turian taken by the yahg. Ensured she couldn't be used by the Leviathans."
Her brows raised at his words. "You mean he killed her."
"I doubt he had a choice," reasoned Hackett. "You saw the state she was in. They're alone on a hostile planet."
"Bau's in trouble," said Kaidan. "They'll know he's there now."
"He needs a rescue," murmured Shepard, knowing as well as the rest of them that the chances of him surviving long enough for them to get to him were slim.
"It would be nice to know how he managed to remain undiscovered where the others failed," frowned Kaidan.
That bothered Shepard too. Why had the last team failed so completely, asides from Bau? She'd seen the personnel record for Choi. He was a veteran with an impressive resume in infiltration spanning over a decade. His death left a widow and three fatherless children - and he wouldn't have been there if she hadn't been distracted with Lawson's personal attack on her family. Another uncomfortable reality to burden her soul. And what chance did she and her people have down there if a team as capable as Bau's didn't survive?
"From what I can gather, Bau was apart from the rest; working on getting that intel on the underground bunker, while the others worked above ground. Not that it should have made much difference. They were all equipped with tactical cloaks."
It was at that moment Shepard had an epiphany, her hand grasping Kaidan's arm for his attention as a memory jumped out at her. "On Normandy, after we returned from Sur'Kesh, Javik had seen Kasumi even though she was cloaked." There weren't many species with the same ocular construct as the yahg. The batarians only had two pairs of eyes and no obvious benefit that she was aware of. Then there was Javik. He also had two pairs, but each had a dual pupil….
Kaidan was quick to follow her thought. "You think the yahg see things in a different way. The infiltration team's cloaks were ineffective."
"It would explain how they all got caught," pondered Hackett. "I'll relay that to the others."
It was a reminder of how even a small piece of information could save lives – including theirs.
Hackett gave a curt nod to someone off-screen. "We're ready to move out. See you at the rendezvous point."
With Hackett gone, Kaidan and Terra strolled back to the central console where Wrex was liaising with both the quarians and elcor, who were providing the transportation for the krogan and kakliosaurs, respectively.
"I can't believe that was all it took to bring down our best." Kaidan murmured, with a guilty relief that Terra hadn't found out the hard way that her cloak was useless with the yahg, like those with Bau had. "It'll be worth talking with Javik. Find out if there's anything else that gives him an advantage."
"I'll call him once we're airborne," Shepard agreed. Javik was back with Liara, whose ship was also joining them. "Altair, get us underway."
"Aye, aye, Ma'am."
"Shepard," added Joker. "Got a call from Feron for you. Sending it through."
This time Shepard headed back to the comm area alone.
"Shepard, we've got a big problem," rushed out Feron as soon as she answered, continually looking over his shoulder, clearly worried about something happening behind him. "The Justicar refuses to allow Liara to leave dock, and Aethyta's arguing with her."
Feron didn't need to say any more. Shepard was running out of the war-room. "Altair, hold departure!" She was in the airlock by the time Altair could respond, and racing for the nearby bay where the Avastus was docked. Feron was already opening the airlock for her by the time she neared it. He pointed her in the right direction and she could see Aethyta's biotics battling with Samara's, creating a crackling aura around them as the two forces opposed each other - the matriarchs evenly matched. Liara stood frantic on the periphery, torn over what to do about it, while Javik merely watched the events unfolding with interest.
"Please! Stop!" Liara was beseeching them, then caught sight of her. "Shepard!"
"What's going on?" She could feel the heat of their energy as she stopped beside Liara.
"I cannot allow Dr T'Soni to leave the Citadel," stated Samara, her voice eerily calm. "I have delayed in fulfilling my code only because we await the results from Dr Solus. That could come at any time. Dr T'Soni must be present when that happens."
"You don't own my girl, Samara," argued Aethyta. "And I'm fully prepared to bring a Justicar to heel to prove it."
"Please!" implored Liara. "I am not running! I just want to help Shepard!"
"I have made my position clear," stated Samara. "There will be no further discussion."
"Good," bit back Aethyta. "Take a good look, Samara. This is what a parent does: protecting their child, not hunting them."
"Stop this now. Both of you," demanded Shepard, pushing forward into the biotic maelstrom, her skin stinging. She had to work to force the words from her mouth. "I agree that Liara should remain here."
That made Aethyta falter and Samara took the advantage, knocking her back. Shepard was instantly left standing in the calm eye of the storm, two matriarchs alight with biotics on either side of her. Samara was stalking forward, and Shepard moved in front of Aethyta. "Enough."
"The code is clear. She seeks to prevent me from fulfilling-"
"I don't give a damn about your code, Samara! She's a mother- father," she corrected, "protecting her child. Killing her for that is not justice."
"I am not currently a threat to her child."
"That depends on what side you're sitting on, Samara. And I'm not a threat to you, but I am standing in your way. Are you going to kill me for that?"
It was then that Kaidan, Garrus and Wrex ran in, armed, halting beside Javik and Feron, but clearly ready to defend her if needs be.
"Shepard…." Samara's voice softened, her biotics receding. "No, I am not."
"Liara will stay here-"
"But Shepard-!" Liara started to protest.
"I truly appreciate that you want to be there for us, but we've got a lot of back up, and you have your own fight to deal with."
"Well, that's true," muttered Aethyta, glaring at Samara.
"And I don't mean a physical one," she added pointedly at Aethyta before turning her attention back to Liara. "There's no need to deny Samara. The sooner Dr Solus can deal with this, the better."
"Yes," Liara whispered. "Do not worry about me. I will remain."
Shepard looked at Aethyta, who surrendered.
"I'll behave."
"I doubt that," grumbled Javik.
Moving away from the matriarchs, Shepard hugged Liara. "Narin will do this, I know it."
"Thank you, Shepard, and take care out there."
Satisfied her friend was safe, Shepard went to leave.
"Admiral, if Liara has no need of me, I would ask to accompany you again," said Javik.
"I have no objection, Javik," assured Liara.
"You're always welcome," nodded Shepard. "In fact, your presence could be vital. I'll explain once we're in the air."
"Might I speak with you before you leave, Shepard?" asked Samara.
"We'll wait for you outside," said Kaidan.
The two of them were left alone, Aethyta, Liara and Feron disappearing deeper into the ship.
Samara paced with a weight on her shoulders. "I am conflicted, Shepard. For so long my code was absolute. Now… If this…disorder can be cured…. The code states an ardat-yakshi can only be offered seclusion or death. Now there is contradiction. It cannot be just to follow that rule if treatment means they are no longer a threat."
"Everything changes - evolves. Cultures, religions, technology, medicine. Rules. People. So should your code."
"There is no precedent for that. The code has remained unchanged since its founding."
"Then its time."
Standing still, Samara's head bowed. "I have let my daughters down, Shepard. I accepted their fates without question. I did not fight for them."
"It's not too late for Falere. But from the fact you didn't take Liara in straight away, I suspect you already know that."
"I hold on to the chance of a cure, Shepard," nodded Samara. "Hope where there was nothing. It is a powerful thing. It challenges codes."
"It's love that's challenging it, Samara. Your love for Falere."
Samara frowned. "As a Justicar, my feelings are irrelevant. There is only the code."
"She's your daughter. You're not an empty vessel, like the Reapers, just some mechanical 'thing' following its programming. I don't understand a code that allows no element of feeling. Nor could I follow one that doesn't allow for exceptions. And in life, there are always exceptions." Shepard smiled. "I have a biotic daughter who's the first human not to need implants to control her gift, not to mention the unique spores inside her. Evolution."
Samara was silent for a moment, and though her brow was still furrowed, she sent Shepard an appreciative look. "Excuse me. I have much to think on. May the Goddess be with you."
Leaving Samara to her meditation, Shepard left the ship.
"Will Liara be alright with Samara?" queried Garrus when she joined them.
"She'll be fine," Shepard said with certainty.
"You had us worried," said Kaidan. "I'd be really happy if you stopped standing between Justicars and their targets."
"I'll do my best," she grinned.
"I wasn't worried. Just disappointed," commented Wrex. "I've never battled a Justicar."
"Krogan," tutted Garrus. "Never happy unless they're shooting someone."
"Shepard."
They all turned to see Aethyta exiting the ship and crossing to her.
"I nearly forgot something, babe." She instantly grabbed Shepard's face with two hands and gave her a full-on kiss. When Aethyta released her, Shepard wasn't the only one looking stunned. Then with a wink she was disappearing back through the airlock.
"Looks like you, uh, made quite an impression on Aethyta," observed Kaidan, struggling to keep the grin off his face at his wife's uncharacteristically red face.
Garrus immediately began laughing. "Shepard! You sly thing!"
She cleared her throat. "Don't know what you're all talking about. I am officially wiping that incident from my mind," Shepard retorted, marching back towards the Normandy.
"Don't worry about it, honey," Kaidan soothed. "We've all been at the mercy of Aethyta's unique brand of attention. I promise I'll be ready to react next time."
"Next time?" frowned Shepard.
"There will be one," warned Javik. "That asari is persistent. A menace to all of society," he growled. "She should be placed in a monastery."
"Beginning to agree with you," muttered Shepard.
"Watch out Javik. Shepard likes them older than her," ribbed Garrus.
"There are a lot of krogan on Tuchanka who want her," grinned Wrex.
"Oh my God," groaned Shepard.
"So not just a krogan whisperer then; a krogan seducer," Garrus continued to tease.
"That's it," snapped Shepard. "The next person to speak again is off my ship. Got it?"
Kaidan and Garrus, still chuckling, both slung her a saluting affirmative. Wrex just did his slow deep rumbling laugh.
Javik looked between them all, shaking his head. "Primitives."
oOo
oOo
They were several hours into their journey - one ship in an armada that was headed to Parnack. They made up almost half of the races ships, the rest keeping watch over the Citadel or the home-worlds should the Leviathans plan another attack.
Kaidan's gut said that the Leviathans had placed all their confidence in the yahg, though. It felt right to be putting a large part of their resources there. He'd just checked in with Rorie and his parents, feeling a bit like a spare wheel at the moment. Terra hadn't rested since stepping aboard, her head down with Edi and Javik as they worked on a way to alter the frequency of her cloak in order to fool Javik's eyes. No luck so far if Terra's frustrated face was anything to go by.
He wasn't the only one feeling useless. James, Wrex and Jack prowled the ship as restlessly as he did, and he was thankful they didn't also have Grunt to add to it. The younger krogan had been assigned to keep order amongst the quarian flotilla carrying the hordes of krogan all itching to get in the fight. Kaidan guessed that given a task, Grunt was no less antsy but more focused, and Wrex clearly had no inclination to deal with anymore in-squabbling.
So now Kaidan was in the shuttle bay, letting loose on the punch bag. Each hit strained his rib cage, but he kept going because he needed to know he wouldn't end up being a liability to Terra. Chakwas had yet to deem him fight for active duty, but asides from the dull ache across his chest, his breathing remained even, and he felt good as his muscles responded and the tension lessened. That was good, because nothing was going to stop him from standing beside his wife.
oOo
The cockpit was silent, and Joker was sitting in the co-pilot's seat, fully involved in the console in front of him.
Altair had been continually glancing over at him for the last half hour. "Problem, Altair?" he muttered, eyes still on his screen, fingers not slowing as they worked over the keypad.
"Um… well…. I'm ready to tell you..." She swallowed nervously. "Before, you asked about that…thing that happened? A long time ago?"
That got his attention.
She chewed the inside of her mouth, then met his eyes. "I was looking after my younger brother, Joe, while my mother was sleeping - we didn't have a father- well, of course we did, but we didn't know him - and… he, Joe, fell into the pond. He couldn't swim; he was only three. And I froze. I- I didn't know what to do. I couldn't swim, either. Still can't. Anyway, I finally ran inside the house to get my mother, but she took so long to wake… By the time I got her to come outside... it was too late."
"Shit. Sorry, Altair." Joker winced at what was a woefully inept thing to say.
Altair wiped away the tears that had fallen, and checked the screens in front of her before continuing. "My mother, she…blamed me for it."
"How old were you?"
"Six."
"What?" Joker was appalled. "You can't be held responsible for that! What was your mother doing asleep in the first place?"
"She was a heavy drinker-"
"Well, there you go then!" spluttered Joker. His face fell into a deeper frown. "What did she say to you to make you so scared of failing?"
"How could I fly a ship when I couldn't even rescue my own drowning brother? That the minute things go wrong, I'd be just as pointless, and I'd kill everyone whose lives were depending on me. She messages me every week to remind me of that. My mother hates me."
Joker shook his head at the thought that horrendous people didn't always need a gun to damage people's lives. "Sounds like she hates herself. It's just easier to place the blame on you than to face the truth." He reached out to place his hand on hers. "Do yourself a favour and don't open any more of those messages. In fact, return them to sender. Edi can let you know if the content changes after that. No one needs poison like that in their lives. We know the truth. You were too young to be able to deal with a situation like that, and now you can. You proved that over Sur'Kesh."
"Yeah. I did," she smiled gratefully, blinking back the fresh tears. She took a deep breath, like a weight had lifted. "I got you a gift."
Releasing her hand like she'd just proposed, Joker was off-footed. "A gift?"
"To say thank you. For getting me through Sur'Kesh."
"We've been over that: that's what I'm here for - to stop you crashing. You don't need to give me anything."
"Too late now. I think you'll like it."
Intrigued, Joker couldn't resist. "What is it?"
Grinning, Altair pulled a cap from her pocket and displayed it to him, and Joker was struck dumb. It had the image of a playing card embroidered on its front, the character adorning it, of course, a joker. At the back, above the adjustable strap was the word 'ACE'.
Altair's face dropped. "You don't like it," she stated sadly.
"No! I mean, yes! I like it. I… I love it. It… it's really great." Joker took it from her, the happiness returning to Altair, and he held the cap reverently in his hands. It was a one-off, like the one he'd had made for Rorie, and he felt truly warmed by it. "Thanks…Robbie."
"You're welcome, but it doesn't come close to what you did for me." She rose from her seat and stretched across the gap.
At the movement, Joker looked up from the cap, and instead of the cheek Altair had been aiming for, her kiss landed on his lips. They both pulled back, flustered, and Altair quickly retreated to her seat. Joker coughed to cover his horrified embarrassment, telling himself it was just an accident, then distracting himself by removing his current cap to place the new one on. Perfect fit. "How's it look?" he forced out.
"Very handsome," smiled Altair, her gaze lingering too long on his face.
Oh shit! "I, uh…need a drink. Want one?"
"Thanks."
Joker swiftly moved away, running his hand over his face as he went. Shit, shit, shit. The last thing he wanted was a besotted serviceman making doe eyes at him all shift.
By the time he'd made his way to the kitchen, he was wondering how the hell he was supposed to deal with it. Shepard must have tons of experience with this sort of thing, only he could picture her trying to hide her smirk already. There was Kaidan…. No, the same smirk appeared in his mind. Cortez? Nah, smirk still there. Vega? What the hell was he thinking!? Damn, he was getting desperate! He could feel a stomach-churning panic grip him. He had to go back up there and face her! Suddenly the bridge he loved had turned into a place of an impending awkward social situation of the kind most people encountered in their teens.
He heard the elevator open and quickly straightened, trying to look as normal as possible while busying himself with making coffee. When Edi rounded the corner he sagged in relief.
"Hey, Edi. Don't fancy going rogue again and dealing with the trainee pilot for me, do you?"
"'Going rogue' on Luna was not a conscious choice. And you do not mean that, Jeff."
"Are you so sure?" he challenged.
Standing on the other side of the counter, Edi studied him for a moment. "Altair is considered attractive."
Joker gave her a look like she'd just announced she was changing her look to that of a geth. "I suppose."
"She likes you."
He felt his cheeks flush. Of course Edi would have 'seen' that. "I suppose."
"You and she share a love of flying."
"Okay, this is going somewhere strange."
"You should pursue a relationship with her."
Joker fish-mouthed. "What!? Have the Leviathans taken over your brain or something!?"
"That is not currently known to be possible, and were it so, this conversation would have no tactical point."
"It has no point, period!" gaped Joker.
"I want you to be happy, Jeff."
"I am happy! Or was. It's been really weird lately without you up there beside me. And I'm most definitely not interested in Altair. Why would I be when I have you?"
There was now a trace of a smile on Edi's face. "Thank you, Jeff."
"You're welcome. Crisis over?"
"Yes. No."
"Uh oh."
"You have a life expectancy. All of those I call family have the same. I do not. I will be alone."
That knocked Joker off-balance, his heart sinking at her thoughts. "Well…" He searched for something to help her. "There's Liara. She'll be around for a while, and Rorie will grow up, maybe have a kid or two of her own. I don't think you should worry about that. I mean... I'm not saying it won't be hard for you to deal with...but we all experience it sooner or later, and...you're strong, Edi. But you won't ever be alone. The people will change, but you'll be a constant thread, connecting us all."
"I will miss you, Jeff."
"Thanks, Edi. Can we get out of morbidsville now?"
"Affirmative."
"Seriously, though, can't you blag a system error or something and accidentally maim Altair? Just something small. Get her in medbay so we can get back to normal."
"That is evil, Jeff, not to mention against my principles."
"Edi!" he whined. "I can't deal with girly infatuations! This is me! Damn it, I should give back the cap." He ran his fingers over it, reluctant to let it go.
"I think you should keep it," declared Edi. "It was earned. As for Serviceman Altair: assert your authority as her commanding officer, and recite Alliance regulations."
"Does that stand up anymore with Shepard and Kaidan walking around all loved up and married?"
"They are Spectres. You are not."
"Good point. Loophole closed." He sighed in relief. "Knew I could count on you, Edi."
"Always," she smiled.
oOo
They were closing in on Parnack, though tentatively. It was widely agreed that the last thing any of them wanted was a direct confrontation with the yahg, yet they couldn't sit back and wait for those ships to take to the sky with whatever they'd achieved with that salarian data, either. So here they were, to see the state of play, and react accordingly – a series of plans ready for implementation should it be necessary.
Their objective was to release the yahg from Leviathan control, preferably with small covert teams to accomplish that with the least fuss, because they had to look long-term: once the Leviathans had been dealt with, the rest of the galaxy would be left with the consequences of setting boots down on the yahg home-world and bringing a war. But they were prepared for just that, because since when had anything gone the way they wanted it to?
Kaidan and Shepard had moved to the cockpit to watch the horizon of various species' ships growing as Normandy approached. Human, turian, asari, salarian, quarian, geth and rachni. They were an impressive sight. The elcor and volus ships trailed at the back, not here for combat, but to carry vital resources. Her father's ship, the newly-commissioned cruiser, SSV London, would be at the head of it all.
"Hackett for you," Joker spoke over his shoulder as they weaved through the mass of ships, heading to that frontline.
"I'll take it here."
"Do you have a visual of Parnack yet?"
Shepard noted the grave tone in her father's voice. "Almost…" her voice trailed off as the view of space over Parnack came into view.
"What the…!" Joker was running his hands over the console. "Our scanners are picking up nothing!"
Despite their screens registering only their allies and the planet beyond, Shepard could see through the window that it was awash with a stunning number of ships unlike any they'd seen before.
"They have stealth capabilities," murmured Kaidan.
There was more to what they were facing than that. Unlike their own ships of whites and light greys, the yahgs vessels were black, only visible because they were outlined by the light of their planet behind them. Once those ships moved away from out of the planet's illumination and into the darkness of space, even a visual would be extremely difficult. Shepard assumed that seeing each other wasn't a problem for the yahg themselves.
"Shit," breathed out Joker.
"Ditto that," rasped Altair. "Wanna take the helm, Sir?"
Joker looked at Shepard, who nodded without taking her eyes off the sight before them, and he took back his seat with no sarcastic comment ready to fall from his lips. Like her and Kaidan, he was very focused.
"Looks like we're doing this the hard way," announced Hackett, grimly.
There would be no chance of avoiding a fight. It would start up here. The yahg were waiting for them across the large expanse of black void between them.
oOo