Chapter 3:

"Everything I Can't Have Anymore"

"And in the end, we were all just humans… drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." – F. Scott Fitzgerald

The pair was woken up early and brought to the showers. To their surprise, the guard made them shower at the same time. They guessed it was because so many people were in the SHU at that moment that they needed to save time. The water was painfully cold like it had been taken directly from the frozen river. Alex used the soap first, rubbing it quickly all over the body before passing it to Piper.

The tall woman noticed as she rinsed herself that the guard was starring at Piper's breast and ass. Alex gave him a deadly look and he hid a smile, a bulge forming in his pants. She was angry that Piper's body was so exposed and objectified like that and so she moved in front of her to block his view. She didn't care much that he was now probably starring at her ass—it was better her than Piper she thought.

Piper finished washing herself and looked at Alex to see if she was done too. As she did, a smirk rose on her face when she caught the sight of her perfect breast, water drops sliding slowly on them and her nipples hardened painfully by the water. Her arousal grew and she looked away, more or less hoping that Alex didn't see the smile on her face.

They lingered in the shower a little bit too long—the guard took so much pleasure looking at them. "We're done here," Alex insisted with a firm tone. He gave her an amused look.

They were escorted back to their box and the C.O mentioned to them that someone was going to get them later in the afternoon for an interrogation. Piper feared the worst— Mr. Healy would give her up or Pennsatucky if she was awake. She wondered why Healy hadn't already, but at the same time he would risk his job too. It would be hard to explain how he simply walked away after witnessing the attack.

"Ugh. I hate when I can't dry my hair with a dryer I'm gonna have knots in it and its gonna look messy." Piper said, trying to comb her hair with her fingers.

"What, do you have date today?" Alex joked. She sat on the bunk bed. "Come here." Alex opened her legs and Piper sat between them on the floor. She ran her fingers through the blonde hair and braided it with difficulty. "Okay, just water isn't really the best conditioner out there." Piper shook her head 'no' and Alex finished the braid.

The blonde was still shivering from the cold shower and Alex ran her hands on the other woman's arms. "Jesus Piper you are freezing." She said.

"I know, I'm probably gonna get a cold" Piper sighed.

"Come here," the tall woman said as she lied on the bed. She opened her arms, inviting Piper to snuggle. The blonde didn't need to think twice before she lied on top of her. She was surprised though—she never thought she'd get to be held in those arms again. She wondered if Alex was just bored or if she really craved the contact as much of she did. Maybe a little bit of both.

Piper buried her face in the crook of Alex's neck- the soft and warm skin felt like home and she didn't understand why she had given it all away. It wasn't something she found with Larry—first his body was rough and manly and secondly Alex made her feel like she was loved rather than being a possession or something to protect. She preferred her. The woman under her was slowly caressing her back and it made her shiver again, but for different reasons this time. There was a fast throbbing through their chest and neither of them was able to recall it came from who—probably because it came from the both of them.

Alex tightened her hold on the blonde. It felt so natural to have her in arms. She was well aware that she was slowly, or rather rapidly, falling back into the shorter woman's emotional hold and she couldn't help it. If having more time like this meant it was gonna kill her then so be it- she couldn't live without her anyway. The warm, wet sensation of Piper's breath against her skin made stomach clench and her hips accidently writhed gently against the woman on top of her.

Piper moaned and felt confident to escalate this further. Her lips closed on her neck and grazed the surface a bit before lightly sucking on that spot below her ear. Receiving no complain from the woman below her, she allowed her tongue to lick down the length of her jugular and her hand to travel between them and roam on her chest.

Alex grabbed her wrist and stopped her. "Piper we shouldn't," she protested.

Piper's hand closed around her breast and massaged it despite the restraint. "Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't want this as much as I do." She bucked her hips, earning her a moan from the dark haired. "I know you are aching for me baby"

Lustful green eyes showed a moment of hesitation, and then before Piper could even realize it, a strong body had rolled her over and lips ravished her own. Her tongue slid inside and caressed the roof of her mouth, then went deeper, too hungry for each other's taste to even take the time to breathe.

The taller woman's thigh found itself between the blonde's and she grinded, slowly at first, then harder as the need for release became too strong. Soft moans and whimpers echoed between the walls and it was probably the only blissful sound this room had ever heard.

They were interrupted by the sound of keys fumbling into the lock. Alex mumbled a 'fuck' and quickly stood up as Piper sat up on the bed. The door opened.

"Chapman, get over here," a C.O ordered.

Piper was brought first to Caputo's office and an hour later they had went to get Alex.

"Miss Chapman, describe your relationship with Miss Doggett."

"None existent sir. We barely talked." Piper lied.

Alex sat in the chair casually, one hand on her crossed legs and the other one holding the glasses she was nibbling between her teeth.

"Miss Vause, I understand you are a lesbian, correct?" Caputo stated.

"That's why you brought me here? To ask about my sexual preferences? Alex asked irritably.

Caputo fumbled through the papers on his desk and took a document in his hand. "I have a report here that says Tiffany reported you to Healy a month ago for…" He turned the pages and searched. "Lesbian activity," he said as his eyebrows furrowed, thinking it was a strange way of describe it.

"It was completely innocent, sir" Piper protested.

"That's not the point here," he said, throwing the report back on the table. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I've been working here since before you were born, Miss Chapman. I've seen things, oh I've seen things like you wouldn't imagine. I know fellow inmates don't turn it each other unless they have a reason to."

"Were you in love with her?" the man asked calmly.

"With all due respect, sir, are you fucking crazy?"

"She's crazy! She's just crazy that's why she did it," Piper exclaimed. "Pennsatucky and I, Tiffany," she corrected herself. "We share different values, that's all. She wanted me to believe in something I didn't. So we went separate ways."

"So you did talk at some point then"

Piper looked at him and thought shit. She was bad at this.

"One of Doggett's friend, Leanne, told us you kissed her against her will a couple weeks ago." Caputo said. "It all makes sense; you fall in love with her and she rejects you. You got angry… followed her outside and attacked her."

Alex shook her head. "This is fucking ridiculous," she said, looking at him straight in the eyes and added, "I did not kill her".

"I did not kill her"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Look Mr. Caputo I'm gonna be frank with you" she began calmly. "We had our differences me and her, but I would never, ever be able to perform such an act based on only that."

In a way it was true, she would have never attacked Penntasucky if it were not that she attacked her first. She was not a murderer and regardless of the outcome, she knew inside her that she was a good person. That's all that mattered she thought.

"There's a list, Miss Vause." He stated. "And you're on top."

"Cool?" Alex shrugged.

"You are the prime suspect," he told her. "Unless you can tell us someone else did it?"

"And what would I get out of this?" she asked, uninterested.

"Well, 8 years is a hell of time to be stuck in here, am I right? Perhaps we could change that," he suggested.

Piper was back in the SHU waiting for Alex to come back. She felt relieve in a way—first Healy hadn't given her up, probably because he was too afraid to lose his job, and also she knew now that what she had done wasn't wrong. Now she was determined to rekindle completely with Alex.

The door opened and Alex was sent back in. Piper stood up from the bunk with a smile and walked to her.

Piper hummed. "I missed you," she whispered in her ears as she wrapped her arms around her neck. "Wanna finish what we started earlier babe".

"Is this a fucking game to you?" Alex snapped and moved from the blonde's embrace.

"Excuse me?" Piper asked a little confused.

"This! Being stuck in this fucking hole, you and me. I've done shit and I'm stuck in here going fucking crazy while you act like nothings is wrong."

There was a beat then Piper asked softly, "Alex, what happened with Caputo?"

Alex shook her head and snorted, "I'm the prime suspect." Piper gave her an apologetic look- she never expected things to turn out that way. "I'm the prime suspect and I'm guilty unless I can prove it was someone else who did it."

"Oh Alex I'm so sorry I didn't—"

"He offered me less time," Alex interrupted her.

Piper eyes widened. For a moment there she was sure that Alex had ratted her up again, that all the moments they'd share lately, the I love you's, the loving gazes and the affection never meant anything. Her heart broke the same way it did the day Alex had asked to carry drugs.

"Oh don't you fucking look at me like that." Alex said, not surprised but still hurt that she'd think that. "I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I couldn't," she repeated. Piper was relieved. "I did it once and I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry."

The dark haired woman let herself fall on the floor and started crying for the first time in a very long time. It was all becoming too much to handle. She'd never asked for this. She never asked for to fall in love with this girl ten years ago and get hurt over and over again. And yet, she inevitably needed her. She wanted to live the rest of her life with Piper on a beach somewhere in the south and away from everything that keep getting in their way—the drugs, the prison, the fiancée and the fact they were both pretty shitty people to begin with. Although to her greatest regret, she had made that impossible with every mistake she'd made from the day she entered the drug selling business. How much she'd wished her and Piper had met in different ways. She dreamed that her parents had been well educated and had had money to send her to college to study literature or writing, there she would have met the cute blonde and invited her for drinks, fell in love over candle lighted dinners and silly movies like normal people do. She had ruined her life and Piper's too, and now she was paying the price.

Alex's sobs became uncontrollable wails. Piper sat down in front of her and put a comforting hand on cheek as she whispered, "Shh. It's okay. I love you".

A/N: Whew, although it's late I'm glad I managed to update today. I'm juggling with twelve hour shifts at work, the writing of my screenplays and cookbook as well as this fic and a few others, but I promise to do my best to update fast. I hope you liked this chapter, as always reviews are what keep me going and inspire me, so please write me what you think! Much love to you guys. -Shirley.