I appreciate your comments, I like writing but it means a lot to know someone took the time to say something about it so thank you.
I enjoy writing the drama in this story and I like that it's not between Amanda and Nick. I do love writing things where they have to find their way to one another, but in this one they are happy and supportive of each other.
"What are you talking about Nick" Amanda blocked the doorway, wanting to hear his plan, he wasn't leaving without telling her.
"I am going to talk to him" he stood right in front of her.
"You want to go talk to your dad?" she stayed planted there and crossed her arms "are you sure about this? You did say that…"
"I know what I said, but I can't sit and wait, ok? I need to talk to him" his eyes were begging her to move.
Amanda wasn't going to reject the idea, but she was worried about the effect it could have on Nick "I don't like this" she finally said.
"Me neither" he shrugged "but I need to do this Amanda, I don't want to sit and wait for Kendrick to call and tell us we need to sit in that court room and tell everyone about him, how we had to sit in that hospital and hold that poor little baby, I don't want my mother and sister to be there and listen to me, last time it almost tore us apart"
"Well it's not gonna happen again Nick, I told you before I have your back, that hasn't changed and never will, ok? If you want to go see him" she moved, leaving enough space for him to go through the door "you can go, I just don't want him to get into your head, don't want him to hurt you more than he already has"
"I am hurt" he said "and if I stay or go, that's not going to change. I need to see him and tell him, because I don't want to do that during a trial, I want to tell him how I really feel and that's not something a jury should hear"
"Ok" she nodded at him "if this is what you need to do"
"Amanda" he could see the hesitance in her eyes and he knew she worried about him "I love you" he kissed her lips, intending for it to be just a quick peck but the softness of her made him linger and deepen the kiss.
"See you soon" Amanda pulled away.
Nick thought about their conversation the entire way to the prison. He knew Amanda cared and wanted the best for him. The ordeal with his father was hard on him, but it wasn't fun for her too, she had to be strong for him, support him.
But even if she had a good reason to worry this was something Nick had to do, he didn't want to, but had to confront his father. He needed to let his thoughts out, the frustration he felt about his father not pleading guilty. He wasn't fooling himself, he doubted he was going to convince him, but Nicholas Amaro had to hear what his son had to say. He had to listen to him.
Once in his life.
Nick parked the car and walked into the prison. He's been there a few times before, and the guards didn't give him a hard time when he asked to see a prisoner.
He walked into the room and looked at the man who was sitting there, wearing the ugly uniform. Nick knew he looked a lot like his father and he hated the resemblance, inside and out.
"Nick" the older man said and Nick thought he'd add something, but after that single word he turned his attention to the wall.
"So you finally did it" Nick wasn't sure how to stand, whether he should raise his voice, he just let the words flow "you finally killed your son, I know you tried for years but…"
"Don't talk to me like that" he said, taking his eyes off the wall and turning to look at Nick.
"You don't think you deserve this tone of voice? Because I think you deserve worse, you think you can ignore this? Who's gonna stand by your side now? Silvia's dead, you killed her, killed her baby, your baby, and you know what? I had to sit with him at the hospital and watch him die" whatever self control Nick walked in with was gone "and you tell me not to talk to you like that?"
"That's enough" Nicholas stood up, Nick could see the rage in his eyes "you need to get out of here"
"Not before you tell me why you did it, I asked myself that question since I was a kid, why am I the only one who's afraid of his father? Now I know I had a good reason"
"Enough with the act" Nicholas chuckled "you're acting all high and mighty but we both know you're no different, you hurt others too, I heard all about the kid, the photographer and your perfect family life? How many mothers do your children have? What happened to Silvia was an accident, but you're behavior is not. You're just looking for someone you can blame, all you have to do is look in the mirror"
Nick shook his head, he wasn't going to let this man get into his head "my mistakes are my fault, but I'm paying for yours too. I held him in my arms…" Nick looked at his hands, feeling the weight of the child "looked at his face and still you put the blame on me, act like you had nothing to do with it. An accident? You wanted to show her she couldn't leave you, it was a punishment. Now you don't want to face the consequence…" Nick wanted to hurt this man, make him feel some of the pain he's been feeling. He could put his hands around his neck, that would work, squeeze the little bit of humanity he had left. But Nick pushed that thought away. Hitting this man was easy, a few seconds or minutes if the guards let it continue, using force wasn't going to change anything and Nick could control his temper, he had to learn the hard way, but he learned.
His father shook his head but said nothing, he looked tired of Nick's words and sat down on the chair "go away" he said quietly after a few minutes and Nick stared at him in disbelief, didn't he care about anything? Didn't he care about what he's done? But he already knew the answer to that.
He shouldn't have come to see him, it was a mistake. This man knew only how to let him down. What did he expect this time? That this man would plead guilty because he asked him to?
He should have stayed with his family and he was going there now, his father didn't deserve his time. Nick didn't add another word before leaving and heading home.
"What's this?" Amanda opened the door for Nick, he was holding two large paper bags in his hands.
"Dinner" he smiled and leaned for a quick kiss and walked to the kitchen so he could put them down on the counter "I thought we could have some burgers tonight"
"Sounds good" she smiled.
"Where's Ethan?" the living room was way too quiet.
"In his room, we're playing hide and seek, toys edition" she chuckled, she hid one of his toys and Ethan had to find it.
"So we're gonna spend a lot of time cleaning it up" he walked over to Amanda "and…you can say I told you so"
"What?" Amanda gave him a questioning look.
"You were right, I shouldn't have gone, it was a waste of time" he wrapped his arms around her.
"I wasn't going to say anything" she leaned into him, enjoying the warmth coming from the hug.
"Found it" Ethan ran out of his room a tiny car in his hand "daddy"
"Hey kid" Nick smiled and picked Ethan up "can I play hide and seek with you?"
"Yes but it's mommy's turn"
"We can hide it together, can't we?" Nick kissed his cheek.
"We can" he giggled "mommy don't look"
Amanda chuckled and covered her eyes, she heard their voices as they walked into Ethan's room.
"Do you know how much I love you?" Nick asked.
"A lot" Ethan replied.
They had the burgers for dinner and Nick read him a bedtime story, he was glad the boy chose something other than the balloon that flew away, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear that one for a while.
Amanda grabbed herself a beer and sat down on the couch. She loved this peaceful time, just sitting on the couch at her home, a cold beer and Nick next to her, his hand on her knee. She loved how calm she felt with him, safe, loved. She was still the same Amanda, just happier.
Ethan bedroom's door closed and Amanda turned to look at Nick as he slowly walked to the couch and sat down next to her. They looked at one another and for a moment it felt as if it was a week ago, before this story unfolded, just another quiet night.
Amanda handed him the bottle and watched as he took a sip. Her eyes examining every movement of his muscles as he swallowed the beer.
"What?" Nick asked when he noticed the smile on her face.
"You're just handsome" she said with a spark in her eye and a bit of blush on her cheeks.
Nick was surprised by the answer and chuckled "well, thank you"
"You're very welcome" Amanda reached for the bottle and Nick took another sip before giving it to her. she gave him a few seconds before finally asking what happened with his father.
"I guess nothing, I thought when he hears about his son…he would realize what he'd done, I looked at him and it seemed like he didn't even care, he said it was an accident. After that night at the hospital…" Nick sighed and shrugged "I feel so stupid for thinking he would make it easier on everyone, but Nicholas only cares about himself"
"I'm sorry"
Nick took a deep breath and rested his left palm on her right knee "me too"
Amanda handed him the bottle again but he shook his head, not wanting anymore beer. There was so much on his mind, he still had to call the hospital and handle the funeral, he dreaded that moment, they'd want to know the baby's name and how could he choose it? This wasn't his child.
"I have to go back to work tomorrow" Amanda emptied the bottle and placed it on the coffee table "the captain called and said 'we have crimes to solve Rollins, you can't work from home'" she imitated him and Nick chuckled, she was spot on.
"It's ok" he nodded "we'll try to have fun while we miss you" this was Amanda's turn to chuckle and Nick gave her a quick kiss "I think your dumb reality show is on"
"My?" Amanda's eyes widened "I have a feeling you're a fan, you just like to pretend you hate it"
"I only enjoy watching you watch it" he tried defending himself but Amanda just laughed at his reply.
"Liar" she walked to the kitchen to throw away the bottle while Nick turned the TV on.
Amanda joined him on the couch and leaned into him as they watched the program, Nick had to admit he didn't hate it like he used to, not because it was good, he couldn't see the appeal in watching rich people who did stupid things. What he loved about it was watching it with the woman he was in love with. When it was over Nick commented on some of the events that occurred.
"I doubt anyone would want to watch me waiting in line for a movie" he said before they walked into the bedroom.
"Only cause you'd be dressed…probably" she laughed.
"Probably?"
"I don't know" Amanda shrugged "you're full of surprises"
"I think I'm pretty predictable, so I can promise that I have no plans on going to the movies naked" he wrapped his arms around her from behind "but I'm willing to get naked for you anytime"
Amanda turned around in his arms and moved closer to his face, their lips less than an inch apart "that's really" she kissed him softly "really good to know"
They were tired and a short make out session was all they were up to. Nick spooned her once they got under the covers and breathed her in before falling asleep.
Nick was standing in a field, he had no idea where he was but it didn't matter. The field was so green, tranquil. He could feel a light wind blowing, but apart from that there was nothing, no worries, no troubles.
He thought that place was perfect, the trees, the flowers, the sky. He started walking around, familiarizing himself with the environment.
"Nick" he heard a voice he couldn't recognize and turned around.
"Silvia" she was dead, what was she doing there? She was holding something and when Nick got closer he could see the baby, he was so tiny but he was alive, breathing on his own.
"What have you done Nick?" she sounded displeased "how could you?"
"I'm sorry Silvia, I tried to help you and your son" he felt guilty and understood why she blamed him.
"He was all I had" she was staring straight into his eyes and he was feeling very uncomfortable "and you took him away"
"If I could…" but he couldn't.
"I loved him and you pushed him away, it was all your fault, because of you the man I love is gone"
"What?" she was holding her baby, what man? He suddenly realized who she was talking about "Nicholas?"
The moment he said the name the baby started crying, the sobs were loud and they hurt, as if they were daggers penetrating his ears.
"Please…" he tried to say something but she couldn't hear him over the crying baby.
"He's gone and it's all your fault" she said and walked away.
But he still heard the baby crying even though he wasn't there anymore. It sounded different from the way Ethan cried when he was a baby, something was off with these sobs. They still sounded familiar and Nick tried to think, what was that sound?
Of course.
The phone.
"Damn in" Amanda mumbled and reached for her phone, she felt Nick stir behind her and knew he was awake when he unwrapped his arms so she could sit up.
"Rollins" she answered and looked at Nick, they were both thinking the same thing. Late night calls were never good.
Nick watched as her expression changed, he could read her so well and knew this wasn't good. He waited patiently until she placed the phone back on the nightstand, after muttering a polite goodbye to the person on the other line.
"What?" her expression scared him, it seemed like she wanted to go back in time and not to answer this call, but they both knew she had to tell him.
"Your dad, he was stabbed in his cell" she grabbed a hold of his hand.
"He's gone, isn't he?"
Amanda nodded slightly and even though she whispered, her yes was very loud.