A/N: I do not own anything related to the Vampire Diaries. All rights to those who do.
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Lost Girls

"Words like violence, Break the silence
Painful to me; pierce right through me"

Ah. I'm much better now that I've had my fill. Blood, alcohol and fire...a good combination. And now it's time to deal with Stefan. He tries to tell me he doesn't have my ring but I've been around long enough to know that Stefan would never give my ring to anyone, no matter how much he might not want to have to deal with me.

"I want my ring Stefan or my next stop is Elena's" – man I am so pissed right now. I would never actually hurt Elena but it doesn't mean I can't use her against him. He'll get it for me now.

Wow this girl just won't die! Vicki that's right. Well I might as well try to have some fun while I'm waiting for Stefan so she can just come back to the house with me.

How long does it take to bring me my damn ring? Come on Stefan it can't be that hard. I hate dodging sunlight and I hate being bored, it leads me to doing irrational things, Vicki is useless and bleeding all over the place, she's not gonna be any fun today...unless..."I'm so gonna regret this" but I give her some of my blood...it might be time to start trusting my instincts.

At least it perks her up a bit and for lack of anything better to do we may as well party till the sun goes down. Fucking Stefan. Where is he?

Alcohol, dancing – good. Girls whining – bad. "Don't you wanna be in love?" she asks me, well, I've been in love, "it's painful, pointless and over-rated" except when it isn't. And I'm done with this conversation now, please be quiet, let's dance. Enjoy the silence.

Stefan is such a pack rat – although trashing his room is a certain way to put me in a good mood and him in a crappy one, at least until I stumble upon the picture of Katherine on his desk. Everything was so much easier with Katherine, life...love.

Why does Stefan have this picture anyway? He claims he never loved her, that she compelled his love. Well, I call bullshit. If that were true then he wouldn't have kept this picture all these years and it certainly wouldn't be sitting out on his desk where any old Elena could stumble upon it. Idiot. Plus he's with Elena, came back here for her, must be something to do with Katherine.

Needing something else to speculate on I focus on Vicki's problems and god this girl is pathetic, her damage hits a little too close to home for me (a father not worth remembering; yeah got that covered. Her brother is the 'golden boy' – yup know that all too well too) unfortunately, for her. Perhaps death will do for her what it did for me. Probably not though. We can't all be so lucky.

God I want out of this fucking house. I am sick of being cooped up in here; oh Vicki's arisen from the dead now. Technically I'm her 'sire' so I'm obliged to help her but she's determined to leave and who am I to stop her. I advise her to stop by her boyfriend's house, the one who also happens to be Elena's brother. Again, probably a bad idea, but you never know maybe the truth will out and we can all stop living with such lies.

Finally it's dark, I don't know what game Stefan is trying to play here but I am done playing. I go to Elena's house. Fear. I love it.

So Saint Stefan finally fessed up. I wonder how much she knows. Or more to the point how much truth she knows. I'm sure Stef has put a 'positive' spin on things – missing a few crucial details here and there.

"Stay away from me" ouch. Oh well, I've been invited in, not much she can do about that now. In an effort to somewhat ease her fear I tell her we can cut to the chase, "I'm not gonna kill you right now – that wouldn't serve my greater agenda" apparently it worked because she's definitely less scared now.

And now we're right back to the feistiness with judgy little eyes to go along with it. Well that's new. I get up in her personal space but she doesn't back down. This girl is...wow. She asks about Katherine from which I gather Stefan must have owned up about that too, "got the whole life story huh?" very unlikely, "I got enough" she replies..."oh I doubt that".

I need to leave now, Stefan isn't here and I want my damn ring. She probably takes this the wrong way but I'm deadly serious when I tell her to be careful who she invites into the house, one can never be too sure in this town.

I hear a gunshot ring out as I leave and I'm running. Some dick is about to kill my brother! Screw that! If anyone's going to kill Stefan it's going to be me. I tear into the guys throat and throw him out of the way before digging the bullet out of Stefan – "It's wood. They know" I tell him.

Stefan gives me my ring back – take that sun. And now we have a baby vamp on our hands. My bad. Again...instincts Damon. I spot the compass vamp device on the ground. I'll take that thank you very much.

Dear Diary,
Stefan is a vampire. Damon is a vampire. The animal attacks – the people who died, Stefan says it was Damon, he said Damon is very powerful. As if that wasn't obvious enough already. Apparently there are no others but Stefan said that the town was very much aware of vampires at one point and it didn't end well for anybody which is why he doesn't want me to tell anyone. Who would I tell anyway? I'm pretty sure if I ran through the town screaming 'vampire' I'd be locked up faster than you can say 'pitchfork'.

Stefan took me to the grounds of his old family home, he's been 17 years old since 1864! He told me a bit about Katherine, she chose him over Damon apparently; he escorted her to the first Founder's Ball which is where they signed the registry I saw the other night. He said that he and Damon were best friends and when I asked if Damon stole Katherine from him but he said that she wasn't theirs to steal. She was a vampire too.

Stefan said that she controlled their minds, using something called compulsion which there is an herb called vervain to protect against. That's what is in the necklace he gave me. He said that he had to give Damon his ring back, that if he didn't then Damon would hurt me. I don't think he would though; I can't explain it...it's just a feeling. There's no denying that he does scare me though. Or did.

He came to the house tonight. I couldn't exactly stop him from coming in now that I've already invited him; at least I understand why Stefan was so rude to him that night now.

But when he was talking to me...I was scared at first but then I felt that...sadness coming off of him again and his eyes...there's so much, emotion and...sincerity in them that he just doesn't scare me as much as he probably should I guess.

Damon said that he 'doubted' I had heard the whole story from Stefan and I believed him. He always seems so honest with me, maybe I'm fooling myself. Maybe Stefan is right and Damon is just bad...a monster...but I don't believe it. I see...something there. I'm not sure what yet, but I see it.

Stefan came back to the house, he told me that Vicki had completed the transition and I told him that I can't be with him. I cried for such a long time. I WANT to be with him, but I don't feel like I can be.

This is all just so much...I've barely wrapped my head around the fact that he's a VAMPIRE let alone anything else and I just need some...time, to process everything.

At least I have my diary to write everything down in – I think I'd go crazy if I couldn't get all these thoughts out somewhere!
Elena

A/N 2.0 – While I am trying to dial down the Stelena stuff I can't prevent the fact that for the first 3 seasons they are kinda together or on/off so there is going to be some Stefan related stuff in her diary entries. Otherwise this just wouldn't make any sense. But don't worry I won't be going into too much gory detail! I love Stefan but not enough to write about him and Elena actually being together!