A/N: So this was one of my favourite episodes to write and I hope you enjoy it too!
I do not own the Vampire Diaries – so sad.
Review!

Haunted
"Things are getting worse
But I feel a lot better
And that's all that really matters to me"

Stefan and I track down Vicki trying to eat the mayors' kid and I guess its probably not the smartest idea to kill him...throwing him across the parking lot was a lot of fun though.

We take her back to the house and hopefully we, or Stefan, can keep her there this time. There's nothing about the guy I killed in the paper, not. a. word. Someone is covering it up...but why? And Who? I tell Stefan who doesn't seem overly concerned but he should be and I tell him so.

He's going on and on about not drinking people blood and hunting animals (yuck!) and I can't stand to listen to it. Honestly I think that boy is starting to believe he is a saint. You should have seen him in 1864. Or 1912, or 1917, or 1920, or...well you get the idea.

Elena. I can't help the smile that comes when I realise she's here.

"Is Stefan here?" Stefan. Of course. God that gets old.

"How can you be so arrogant and glib after everything that you've done?" she demands to know. Really? "How can you be so brave and so stupid to call a vampire arrogant and glib?" and god she is so brave. I love that. But also kinda stupid. She could probably do with a healthy dose of fear to be honest.

But there is definite bravery in turning up at a house with 3 vampires in it on your own.

"If you wanted me dead I'd be dead" – so brave. So right. But she doesn't need to know that.

"Yes you would" – "But I'm not" – "Yet" – and there we go – there's that hint of fear. Strangely I don't love it so much this time. And now she's right back to asking about Stefan again.

Okay well I need to get out now, even still I can't stop myself slowing as I walk past and damn, she smells so good and again I can't stop the smile that comes. But I could just be smiling because it's Halloween, and I love Halloween. Yeah that's the reason Damon.

A little while later I show Vicki the perks of being a vampire and then...I lost her. Yup. Oops. My bad...again. I sent Stefan off to find her while I find something more entertaining or useful to do with my time. Like drinking. Both useful and entertaining, especially when I bump into Mrs. Mayor.

She's got vervain. There is waaay too much vervain in this town...however; this could actually work to my advantage. So as much as it pains me I'll spread the vervain...a little. I escort her to the Halloween party at the school and find the witch with my crystal. Need to be getting that back now. Fuck! Burny! How'd it do that? Bloody witches.

I'm considering my next move when Stefan calls me "I need your help" fine. Damon to the rescue. Because that's so my forte.

Elena. Elena is bleeding.

"This is your fault" - well thank you Little Miss Obvious. She attempts to push me and then hit me but I'm prepared this time and honestly she's bleeding and it smells amazing and I have incredible self-control but it's Elena and she looks so damn hot in this little nurses outfit and if she hits me again I might fucking lose it.

So I tell her that none of this matters to me, which isn't strictly true but damn it I just need her to go and she doesn't need to know that.

"People die around you, how could it not matter. It matters and you know it"

Well. Apparently she does know that...and again I ask...who is this girl? While I'm busy pondering this she hits me again. Fuck. Fuck. Stupid stupid girl. Stupid me for not paying attention.

It takes a century's honed skill to not pounce on her and just take it, take her. In fact I make an involuntary movement to do just that but fucking NO. Not her. Not this girl. Not Elena. It's so damn hard. I smell her blood, the fear. Adrenaline. Suck it up Salvatore. I will not hurt her.

"You need to leave. Your wounds are bleeding and you. need. to leave."

I really fucking hope I'm making myself clear here because I am barely holding on. Thank god she actually listens. That was intense, even for me and I am a master of control, it's just her blood. It fucking calls to me. What? Seriously Damon? Never mind. I turn my attention to Vicki, poor dead girl – the girl who 'mattered' apparently.

When I'm done disposing of the body my thoughts return to Elena and what happened tonight. I need to make this right so I go to her house and I overhear the end of her conversation with Stefan, she wants to make Jeremy's pain go away, she wants Stefan to make him forget but of course he can't...another pitfall of his diet. But I can. So I will. I'll do it to make it right.

I'm not big on making amends or fixing things but this, tonight, I need do this, for Elena, I need to make it right. I came so close to the edge, to losing myself with her. I don't know if she could sense my struggle but she was definitely afraid of me and I don't really want her to be scared of me. So I need to make it right. She looks so angry and so sad all at the same time and it takes my breath away, she is hauntingly beautiful. Even on this night.

Dear Diary,
I went to Stefan and Damon's house today and Damon answered the door, I wasn't really expecting it to be him and just for a second I was struck by how beautiful he is again but I'm not even going down that road. No matter what it is I THINK I might see in Damon, he IS dangerous...and scary in some ways. I can't help it that he's really beautiful.

Anyway I went to the house because even though I'm not ready to be with Stefan I don't want to be left out. I want to know what's going on and I want to be included, having said that there is only so much I can take so after Vicki nearly throttled me to death I left.

When I got home I talked to Jeremy and told him that it would be for the best if he doesn't see Vicki anymore; but he said "I get these moments and things started to feel just a little bit better, and Vicki was in every single one of them" and I understood that diary. Because that's kinda how I feel about Stefan. For the first time in so long, things were looking up, I was starting to feel a little better...a little more, alive again.

Anyway Jer and I went to the Halloween party at school and Vicki was there, I was so worried about Jeremy and then Vicki ended up biting ME! Stefan took Jeremy home while I waited for Damon. I hit him (again) because I was so angry with him for saying that it didn't matter, that what happened to Vicki didn't matter because it does and I KNOW he knows that it does.

But something happened when I hit him...he...I don't know, something changed and for a second I thought he was going to attack me...he looked like he was fighting some internal battle with something...himself. I don't know but he let me go. He MADE me go. He could have hurt me. Killed me. But he didn't.

Then I ran into Matt and I had to lie to his face. He is my FRIEND and I had to lie to him. Vicki is dead. I don't know how to handle all of this. I couldn't stand to see Jer in so much pain, it was just too much. Damon helped. He said he could take it away, I don't know why he did it but I'm so grateful that he did. Even Stefan looked confused about that. Still, I can't believe that I let him do it. That I TRUSTED him to do it. I just let him walk right into my house and into my brother's room ALONE to mess with his mind. What does that say about me?

Stefan said that if I really wanted then Damon could make me forget too and there is a part of me that wants that. I DON'T want it to be like this. But it is what it is. This is my life now. I told him that I can't lose the way I feel about him, and I'm choosing to ignore the little voice in my head that says 'and Damon'.
Elena