A/N: So this is the first of those episodes that I didn't really feel needed writing in total. 162 Candles was very Stelena centric so I've just done a little summary of what happened and then moved right into History Repeating.
I do not own the Vampire Diaries.

162 Candles & History Repeating

Summary: Damon gives Liz Forbes vervain. Lexi comes to town for Stefan's birthday. Elena is struggling with what she wants and what she thinks she should do. Bonnie shows Elena that she is a witch. Damon instructs Caroline to throw a party which he encourages Stefan and Lexi to attend. Damon demands that Caroline retrieve his crystal from Bonnie. Lexi talks to Elena about Stefan and love "when it's real you can't walk away". Damon kills Lexi while Stefan and Elena watch on. Stefan threatens to kill Damon and Elena begs him not to. Stefan and Damon have an epic fight and Stefan 'spares' his life.

History Repeating

Okay, yes. I killed Lexi. It was for the greater good. The town will be off our backs now, pitchforks down, fires out. And then there's the real reason. Lexi reminds me, of times that I don't want to be reminded of. Of things I did that I might not necessarily be proud of, guilt that I don't want to feel, that I haven't felt in a long time. So I killed her. No need to see her, no need to feel.

Having said that I decide to make nice with Stefan, I did just kill his best friend after all so I apologise and now that that's out of the way I can focus on getting my damn crystal back. I go directly to Bonnie and try to convince her to give it up but she seems a little...unwilling. Honestly this is driving me nuts. I need that crystal. Stupid Caroline, this is all her fault.

Stefan catches up to me in the Grill. He wants something, haven't figured out what it is yet but he definitely wants something. I decide I may as well play along until I find out what it is and then I can choose whether to give it to him or not.

Bourbon, darts and football? This is all very nostalgic inducing and it would be nice...if there wasn't an ulterior motive. And then he has to go and ruin it.

"It wasn't real Damon. Our love for Katherine. She compelled us, we didn't have a choice"

Oh no. No thank you very much. Nope, nope, nope. Don't wanna talk about that. Not tonight. Not now. Probably not ever.

As I make to leave we get to the point...the ulterior motive.

"What do you want with Katherine's crystal?" how does he know it belonged with Katherine? I was with her on that last night.

"I was the last one to see her" Oh. Well. Oh. That's...painful. He asks again what I want with it, what she didn't tell him?

"We had other things on our mind" and that's it...anger. I want to hurt him. But he's my brother. Fucking rules. Whatever, I have better things to do and I don't really see the point in hiding the truth anymore so I tell him what he wants to know. "I'm gonna bring her back" yup. That's my diabolical plan. I'm going to save Katherine.

Stefan gets a little history lesson as I fill him in on what happened in 1864 with Emily's spell, the tomb-spell sealed Katherine inside, in return I protected Emily's children and swore to protect her bloodline and now I'm gonna save Katherine.

Or. Not.

I'm running as soon as I hear Elena on the phone. Fell's church. That's where Emily/Bonnie is going and I can't let her destroy that crystal. This is what I've been living for, one hundred and forty five years. I protected her entire family for generations and this is how she repays me?

She throws me into a tree and stakes me and this is why I feed on people because I can't get it out and I'm stuck there until Stefan comes and gets me down. Emily is filling Stefan in on the parts that I missed out and then he turns on me but I tell him that I just want Katherine.

"This isn't about love is it? This is about revenge."

Yes Stefan - if revenge is what Katherine wants then I'm all about that. If she wants to burn this town to the ground them I'll light the damn match myself. Because I loved her. So yes. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive brother.

I watch, unable to do a thing to stop Emily from destroying the crystal, well deals off now bitch. Your family is fair game and I am pissed. Despite this I know in parts of myself that Emily was controlling Bonnie, that it's not really her fault and that she's Elena's friend. So I don't kill her. But it's close. Saint Stefan to the rescue as always.

Elena looks at me disgusted but I am beyond caring right now. It's over. Everything I have done...all this time I've waited. I have lived for this, breathed for this, killed for this and now it's over. I have nothing left. Nothing left to live for. No purpose. Nothing left to die for. I am...bereft.

I tell Stefan the truth for once; "Katherine never compelled me. I knew everything every step of the way. It was real for me...I'll leave now" I have nothing to stay for. No home. No family except Stefan who hates me and wants me gone. No friends. No purpose. Nothing.

Right now I simply wish to stop existing, I never wanted this life in the first place and my past has been a sordid, dark and twisted mess. Nobody will miss me if I meet the sun.

Dear Diary,
We have a new history teacher – Mr. Saltzman. That's the only 'normal' news I have to offer you today.

I told Bonnie to stay away from Damon, he might not hurt me but that doesn't mean he won't hurt my friends. Apparently the crystal she has that Damon wants back belonged to Katherine but it was given to her by Bonnie's ancestor Emily Bennett. We had a girl's night with Caroline, or at least that was the plan until Bonnie got POSSESSED by Emily!

Damon ATTACKED Bonnie, he tore into her neck right in front of me...I was so worried about her but Stefan made her drink his blood and she's okay now. Regardless I can't help but feel that if Damon really wanted her dead then she would have been dead. And she's not.

I told her everything. And I told Stefan the truth, that I can do this, be with him. That I WANT to be with him but he said that he can't. He's going to leave. How can he leave me? He said that it was a mistake coming home, but how can something that feels so right be a mistake?

I don't want him to leave and I told him so but he walked away from me even though I begged him to stay. Why is he leaving me? Why does EVERYBODY leave me? Will Damon leave too? Do I even care if Damon leaves? I know I shouldn't...but...I do.
Elena

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