A/N: So although Elena was kidnapped by Anna at the end of COTD we're going to pretend like she wrote in her diary when she got home from the gravesite with Stefan before she was kidnapped m'kay? Good stuff. Enjoy!
I do not own the Vampire Diaries but god I wish I did.
P.S – Thank you all so much for the reviews –you literally make my day. Every day. And to the guest who reviewed – Thank you SO much – keep it up guys.

Children Of The Damned

"It's hard to believe
that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone"

Watching Stefan and Elena in bed...icky but I'm in a good mood. Hopefully soon I'll have Katherine back and we can leave and put this town and Elena behind me. Katherine has been the driving force. The plan for 145 years and its time is finally coming to fruition. No matter what I feel for this girl, I'm sure it's just a shadow. A reflection; a projection.

Oh good they're awake "now that we're all friends and working towards a common goal" – namely wanting me to leave. Does she want me to leave? Do I care? Yes. No point in lying to myself.

I recap what we know so far, grimoire, spell that opens the tomb and task Elena Gilbert with journal duty.

"Since when am I helping?" Hmm, maybe that answers the question of whether she wants me to leave or not. Regardless Stefan is helping and since "you've taken up residence in Stefan's bed" and again. Yuk. Not something I need to be hearing. Damn vampire senses.

Elena sits up and asks what a grimoire is – "it's a witch's cookbook" – giving me a delightful glimpse of her upper body which I'm trying not to focus on.

"You know I really like this whole ménage a threesome thing – it's got a bit of a kink to it" – not that I was all that much fun the first time around – "don't screw it up" with that helpful advice I leave them to it.

I decide to join Elena and Stefan at her house for 'family night' – might as well spend some time with her. Them, before I leave. It's a good way to pass the time anyway.

I'm having a nice conversation with Aunt Jenna while waiting for Elena and Stefan to show up and preparing dinner. Yep that's me. Your friendly neighbourhood vampire - exceptionally handy in the kitchen. It's the Italian roots.

"My father never approved of anyone I dated, which only made me want them more of course" I tell Jenna. Yeah, I'll say. Dear daddy tried to kill my girlfriend; sort of. There she is. Elena.

"Hello, Elena" no Stefan though. He'll be back soon she says.

I have to ask her. I have to know. I don't know but this girl...Elena...I feel like I can trust her. And I trust no-one. So I ask.

"Is it real?" – "Is what real" – "this renewed sense of brotherhood, can I trust him?" – "yes you can trust him"

Um are ya sure? 'Cause your eyes are saying something different and you're turning away from me which is never a good sign. Nope. Not gonna cut it. Let's try that again.

"Can I trust him?" – "I'm wearing vervain Damon it's not gonna work" – what? She thinks I'm trying to compel her? Really? I told her I wouldn't do that to her.

"I'm not compelling you" why would you think that Elena? "I just want you to answer me...honestly" – "of course you can".

I think she's lying. But she looks so sincere and she sounds so sincere and it's Elena and I want to believe her so I'm going to try and put my trust issues aside for her, because this girl, I want to believe in.

My brother destroyed my trust a looong time ago but Elena, well maybe she can give me something to believe in again. Someone to believe in.

I play some X-Box with her brother and give him some girl advice; "hot trumps weird" ironically enough it's this moment that Jenna says to Elena "He's ridiculously hot" well thanks. "Shhh! He's an ass" – Elena's joking. I think. She didn't deny that I'm 'ridiculously' hot though. Hot trumps weird, I wonder if hot trumps ass.

Ah brother has finally arrived, he looks a little...un-nerved to see me here. He tells me about his field trip to see the teacher; I'm so sure there's something off about that guy. After a little to-ing and fro-ing I decide to go straight to the source. Jeremy Gilbert. Apparently he told the hot weird chick Anna about the journal so I tell him to come with me so I can find out who this girl is; she wants him to meet her at the Grill.

Anna. Annabel. Pearl's daughter, 1864. Pearl is in the tomb. Now I get it. She wants her mother back, she must have the journal.

I'm waiting for her when she gets back to the dingy motel room she's been cooped up in since "half past comet" apparently watching me "screw up every chance I had to open the tomb" well I'm sorry my idiot brother got in the way of my best laid plans. He kinda has a habit of doing that; funny thing really.

She turned Logan Fell. "Logan was an idiot" – you don't say!

So daddy had the grimoire huh? Surprise surprise. I take a quick glance through the journal and my suspicions are confirmed. I know where it is. "Sorry. I work alone" I tell Anna. Well alone except for Elena...and Stefan I guess. Time to visit dear old Papa Salvatore.

Well.

Would you look at that? If it isn't Stefan and Elena. And my not so dearly departed father of course. On the plus side they have saved me the time of grave digging, and robbing.

"I can't let you bring her back. I'm sorry" – why Stefan? Seriously, why? ALL i want is Katherine and then we'll go, and he doesn't sound very fucking sorry to top it off. But I am.

"So am I for thinking for even a second that I could trust you" – I can't stop the crack in my voice when I speak. I'm such a fucking idiot. "You are not capable of trust, the fact that you're here means that you read the journal and you were planning on doing this yourself" – apparently the idea that I might have been trying to save him from digging up his father's grave never occurred to him. The father that he killed I might add. But obviously I'm not going to say that.

"Of course I was gonna do it by myself because the only one I can count on is me – you made sure of that many years ago Stefan. But you" – Elena. God and I'm hurt. Really. Actually. Hurt. "...you had me fooled." At least she has the good grace to look guilty, she opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

Too late now anyway.

"...if you try and destroy that I'll rip her heart out" – "you won't kill her" – fuck, fuck him. I grab Elena. "I can do one better" and force her to drink my blood. God I hate that I have to do this. But I have to.

"Give me the book Stefan or I'm snapping her neck then you and I will have a vampire girlfriend." Again.

I won't do it. I would never do it, I don't think I could do it but he doesn't need to know that.

"Let her go first" – "the book" – "I'm not going to give this to you until she is standing next to me" –for god's sake. Just give me the damn book already. "But the problem is that I no longer trust that you'll give it back!" – "you just did the one thing that ensures that I will" – What? Really Stefan? Is he...serious right now? He would hate for Elena to be a vampire that much?

Well...that makes...no sense. But I know he's being truthful and I hate holding Elena like this and feeling her fighting against me although I know I'm not hurting her. She's got her hands on me and I can feel them burning me again and then Stefan puts down the book.

I press my face into Elena's hair briefly, just a minute. I'm angry as all hell at her right now but I need her at the same time. And I need her to be okay. She doesn't seem scared and I'm sure she'll be pissed at me but hell I'm pissed at her. I smell her hair one last time trying to memorise the scent before I let her go. I can't help reaching out and smoothing down her hair and stroking her back before she runs back to Stefan. I hope she knows that this is my way of apologising.

Stefan takes her away and I take the book.

Being here reminds me of the night they took Katherine. The night we died.

"Do you know what will happen if you're branded a sympathiser – you'll be killed along with them" my father shouted at me when I tried to stop them taking Katherine.

"Then let me be killed" Yes. Please. Let me.

Dear Diary,
I asked Stefan today if he thought that Damon believed us when we said we were helping him. He said that he didn't think Damon knows what to believe. "Trust isn't something that comes naturally to him". I felt really bad, I'm beginning to understand Damon more every day and I really think that he believes that everything he's done, every move that he's made he's done for love. It's twisted, but kind of sad.

Stefan said that Damon has no regard for human life. That he enjoys inflicting pain on others but I don't really believe that. I think maybe Stefan doesn't know his brother as well as he thinks he does. Then again I've only known Damon for a few months and he's known him for more than 145 year so what do I really know?

Damon came over tonight and cooked dinner for us. It was actually, really nice, and, sweet. I felt awful when he asked me if he could trust Stefan. I hate lying at the best of times but I hate lying to Damon even more. He always tells me the truth. But I had to lie; I'm trying to protect people. People that I love. People that I care about. And Stefan said that if Katherine gets out then he thinks a lot of people are going to die. So I had to keep lying.

Stefan got a copy of the journal and figured out that the grimoire was buried with his father so we had to go dig up his grave. Not exactly your average Wednesday night date but nothing about my life is average anymore.

And then Damon turned up. God. I've never felt so awful in my life. But I didn't even know what to say, what could I say? This is my home and I don't want that tomb opened so I did what I had to.

Damon forced me to drink his blood. I should be angry at him but I just can't find it in myself. I understand why he did it; and I'm not sure I believed him when he said he would snap my neck. No. I didn't believe him. I'm hurt that he did it, but I hurt him first so...I'm not saying I deserved it, but I understand it. When he let me go, he pressed his face into my hair and then stroked my back – I think it was his way of saying sorry. But god I don't think I'll ever get the image of his face out of my mind. I feel so terrible about the whole damn thing.

When we got home Stefan told me that Damon was right, that it was his fault. I tried to reassure him that we didn't do anything wrong but I can't help feeling like I did...
Elena