Food Battle RWBY Edition!

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, then I challenge you to prove it!"

"Bring it on, Blake!"

Blake stood at one end of the room, defiant in the face of her opponent. Across from her was none other than Team RWBY's fearless leader. The door opened between them, revealing Weiss and Yang.

Yang looked over to Ruby. "Uh... sis? What's going on?"

Blake jumped to answer before Ruby could respond. "This fiend thinks her inferior snack can defeat my glorious food!"

Yang shook her head, them asked Ruby again. "So, uh, what?"

"Blake thinks her stinky tuna is better than my chocolate chip cookies!"

Yang gasped, then glared at Blake. "Is this true?"

Blake laughed. "Ha ha ha! No snack food can stand up to the awesomeness of my tuna!"

Weiss groaned. "Oh, come off it! We can settle this once and for all. Just get four servings of each and we'll take a vote on which is better."

Ruby waved her off. "No! This is beyond the point where opinions can settle it! We must use sheer fact!"

Blake grasped her can of tuna, getting into a battle stance. "Then let's have at it!"

Ruby spun around and pointed at Blake, a cookie appearing from up her sleeve. "Blake, I challenge you and your tuna to a Food Battle!"

Yang grinned, saluting her team leader and little sister. "Me and Weiss will select the challenges!"

Weiss rested her face in the palm of her hand. "This is stupid."

The first challenge.

Yang stood on top of a table in the middle of the dining hall. "The first challenge is to see which snack will attract new friends! Go!"

It was lunchtime, and nearly all of Beacon's students were in the room, and now all of them were staring at Team RWBY. Weiss shrunk down in her seat while the other three stood above her.

Ruby started tossing cookies to all the nearby people she could see. "Free cookies to anyone who wants to be my friend!" As would be expected, many gathered around her. Ruby grinned triumphantly. "Bet your smelly old tuna can't do half this well, Blake!"

Yang cheered her sister on. "You're doing it! Hurray!"

"Don't count on it!"

Ruby and Yang looked over to Blake to receive a shock. Blake was sitting at the other end of the table, peeling open cans of tuna and placing them all around her. Swarming to her was an inexplicable crowd of cats, meowing and purring as they came. Blake pet their fuzzy heads as they ate up the tuna.

Yang cursed. "She's tied us on this round!"

Weiss shook her head. "This is stupid."

The second challenge.

They were back in Team RWBY's room, and now it was Weiss' turn to come up with a challenge. "I'm going to try for the reverse of Yang's challenge. Can your snack drive away people you don't like?"

Ruby thought about this for a second, then produced another cookie from up her sleeve. She then spun around, flinging the cookie straight at Weiss. It bounced off the heiress' forehead and hit the ground in a number of pieces.

Weiss grabbed her forehead. "Ow! Ruby!"

"Does that make you want to leave?"

Weiss looked up at Ruby. "What? No! Why did you...?"

Blake peeled open a can of tuna and held it over head, preparing to throw it at Weiss. "How about this? Does this make you want to leave?"

Weiss went even paler than normal. "NO! Don't throw the fish at me!" She turned and ran out the door. "This is stupid!"

The third challenge.

Yang had led Ruby and Blake up to the roof of Beacon. "This is where we retake the lead, Ruby! Your cookies have to win this one! My next challenge is..." She spun and pointed out over the courtyard in front of Beacon. "Using your snack as a parachute!"

Blake grinned fiendishly. "Hah! I'll defeat you both right here and now!" She raised her can of tuna high above her head. "Prepare to be amazed!"

CRACK

A bolt of lightning struck Blake, attracted to the can of tuna elevated above the school. A blackened Blake twitched, smoke coming off of her bow. She fell over, landing on her face with an audible splat.

Ruby laughed. "Now you watch as I soar to victory with my cookie parachute!" She ran to the edge of the roof and jumped off, holding a cookie over her head.

A few seconds passed before a splash came from below.

Weiss was waiting at the edge of the pool when Ruby climbed out. "I told you this was stupid."

Ruby shrugged it off. "I can't believe Blake's tuna still beat my cookie. I only have one victory, and she got two."

"Well, maybe what you need is an easier opponent to start with. Someone whose snack food could never beat your cookie."

Ruby looked up at Weiss. "Like what?"

"Like this!" Ruby looked up to see the girl standing in front of her. A green clump of plant matter was shoved into Ruby's face. "Do you dare to take on Nora Valkyrie and her broccoli?"

Epic Meal Time with CRDL

Welcome to Beacon Academy's kitchen. Ahead of you, you see Cardin Winchester and his team. They stand in front of the stove, their arms crossing their chests. Russel has a pair of reflective aviator glasses. On the table in front of them is a pile of ingredients.

Cardin, at the head of the group, would like to address you. "What up, internet? Team CRDL here! Today, we're making some *boop*ing Epic Ice Cream Marshmallow Sundaes! This is some serious crap. Let's get busy."

"First, we need to make the ice cream. That means we need some ice and some cream."

Sky pulls a large block of ice out of the freezer and places it on the floor. Cardin then steps forward and begins smashing away at the ice with his mace. Meanwhile, pulling his scariest face, Russel begins whipping up the cream. Dove scoops up a two handfuls of smashed ice and stuffs it into a blender, then Russel pours his freshly made whipped cream into the blender as well.

Cardin looks to the viewers. "This is where most people would put the lid on, but Russel got hungry last week and ate that."

He presses the button on the blender, holding it down as the blender does it's job while spraying it's contents all over the room. The others look on with approving looks.

Cardin holds up the blender cup, sloshing the contents around. "What's this? It's too *boop*ing soggy to use as ice cream. Do we give up?" They begin to stuff marshmallows into the blender. "No. We just add more unhealthy crap in order to make it more solid." Cardin presses the blender button back down, letting it finish it's job.

"Next, we prepare the topping. Special Beacon Academy bacon strips that we have dubbed... Beacon Strips."

Four stoves are used in this wondrous preparation, as all four boys cook up several pounds of sizzling reddish brown glory. When it is done, the air is filled with the smell of dead pig. Surely the halls are filled with students, mouths watering at the scent.

"Now we pour the ice cream into a large pan."

The strange ice, marshmallow, and whipped cream mix is poured into one of the metal pans that was just used for cooking bacon. It is then smoothed out, now ready for the anointment.

"And we add Beacon Strips... and Beacon Strips... and Beacon Strips." The entire pan is now covered by the Beacon Strips so that no one could see what was beneath them. "Now, because it's still technically liquid, we place the whole thing in the freezer until it isn't liquid anymore."

Velvet opened the freezer a month later to see a frozen monstrosity involving marshmallows and more bacon than she had ever hoped to see. She sighed to herself, already knowing who was responsible. "*boop*ing carnivores..."

Author's Note: Next time, they eat the author.