Clara and company cross the channel to Guilder, but acquire a shadow along the way.

Clara was bored. She estimated they were halfway across the Guilder channel, but it was too dark to tell for sure. Still, with any luck they'd reach land by morning. Everybody except Mr. Clever was busy with the boat, and she didn't really want to talk to him anyway. He was the only one of the group that made her uncomfortable. Fezzik was sweet, Inigo was brash and entertaining, and Porridge was a man after her own snarky heart.

Over the course of their voyage, she'd found out what brought such dissimilar individuals together. Fezzik hired on with Mr. Clever as a way to get out of Greenland. Apparently men who could wrestle six people at once weren't overly popular there. Inigo saw it as an opportunity to support himself while searching for the six-fingered man. When she'd ask Porridge why he was working for Mr. Clever, he'd just smirked and said he came with the boat.

Shifting uncomfortably against the hull of the boat, she stretched her legs out on the deck in front of her. She eyed her boots and leggings with satisfaction, congratulating herself on the forethought that ensured she was properly dressed for adventuring. While she'd often worn a dress when getting into – and out of - loads of trouble traveling with Basil, she liked the freedom of movement leggings gave her. And the red tunic, well – just because she was on the run, it didn't mean she couldn't look good.

She caught Mr. Clever watching her, and sighed. She'd been putting off finding out what exactly he was up to, but now was as good a time as any. It wasn't like they would turn around and send her back to Florin if she didn't approve. At least, she didn't think they would. And she was fairly certain that she would disapprove. Mentally squaring her shoulders, she turned to him with a bright smile.

'So, what do you need with a princess, anyway? And did you want a general, all-purpose princess, or am I special? I mean,' she gestured to herself, 'I know I'm special, but did you want to kidnap me for more than my native excellence?'

He smiled thinly and pointed at her. 'You're not as amusing as you think.'

'Sure I am. I'm hilarious. And you haven't answered my question.'

'I don't answer questions from scared little girls.' He said the last three words as if they were jabs.

She rolled her eyes. 'Alright, first – I'm not scared of you. I volunteered, remember? If anything, I kidnapped you.' A muffled snort from the vicinity of the rudder told her Porridge was listening to the conversation. 'And second – I am not a little girl.' For a long moment, the only sound was the creak of rope and planking and the splash of water against the hull. Then all four men burst into laughter. She crossed her arms and glared. 'Yes, all right, poor choice of words.' It wasn't her fault she stopped growing just after she cleared five feet. 'Look, I'm just trying to make conversation here. It's a long voyage, and it's not like I've got anything else to do. Besides, I think I have a right to know why you wanted to kidnap me.'

'No, you're being nosy.'

Porridge sighed. Loudly. 'Come on, Vizzini. Just tell her. She might even be willing to help.'

Inigo caught a rope and swung effortlessly up into the rigging. Showoff. 'I agree with Porridge. It cannot hurt to tell her, and I think she might enjoy it.' He winked down at her. 'I think you like adventure, no?'

'I like adventure, yes. Used to, anyway.' Adventure made her think of Basil, and she couldn't think of Basil right now.

'It really doesn't matter if she likes adventure or not. Nor does it matter what any of you think. I'm in charge, remember? I make the decisions, nobody else. This is not a democracy.'

'That's not a bad idea, really. We should put it to a vote.' Porridge raise his hand. 'All in favour of telling Clara the plan?'

'I am in,' Inigo called down.

'Fezzik?'

The giant shrugged from his seat in the bow. 'I like her.'

'Good enough. That's three to one, Vizzini. You tell her, or I will.'

'Inconceivable! How did I have the misfortune to hire idiots with opinions?' Mr. Clever asked the mast in irritation. He threw up his hands. 'Fine! I was hired to start a war between Florin and Guilder, and I hired these pathetic misfits to help me do it.'

'A war?' Clara asked cautiously, trying to keep her face blank.

'It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.'

She barked a laugh. 'Oh, yes, very prestigious, resulting in the deaths of thousands,' she said sarcastically.

He shrugged. 'Everybody dies eventually. It's not really my concern. Nor should it be yours.'

'Of course it's my concern! You want to use me to start a war! How is that not my concern?' She was vaguely aware of Fezzik and Porridge watching their argument with undisguised interest, their heads swiveling back and forth as if they were watching a tennis match.

He narrowed his eyes at her. 'You're one of those annoying people with a conscience, aren't you?' He shook his head. 'So inconvenient.'

She rolled her eyes. 'Oh, I'm so sorry my pesky conscience is inconveniencing you. My heart bleeds at your distress.'

He slapped the deck, making her jump. 'You wanted to know! I wanted to keep it quiet, but you just had to know everything.'

From the rigging, Inigo called down, 'Uh, Vizzini?'

Mr. Clever ignored him. 'This war will happen, and it doesn't matter if you approve or not.'

'Vizzini?'

'It will go easier for you if you cooperate, but your cooperation is not necessary.'

'Vizzini!'

'What?'

'I am just wondering if you think anybody could be following us.'

'Why would anybody be following us? Nobody in Guilder knows what we've done, and nobody in Florin could have gotten here so fast.'

'So you are absolutely sure that nobody is following us.'

'I just told you.' He leaned back and folded his hands behind his head. 'It would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable!' He thought for a minute and frowned. Tilting his head back, he squinted up at Inigo. 'Out of curiosity, why do you ask?'

Inigo shrugged, lounging casually in the rigging. Clara couldn't fathom how he made it look comfortable. 'No reason. It is only,' he waved behind them, 'I just happen to look behind us, and something is there.'

'What?!' Mr. Clever sprang to his feet and turned to hang over the rail. Clara contemplated pushing him over the side, but regretfully decided that one of the others would just fish him out. Instead, she joined him at the railing to look behind them. Sure enough, there was a small boat on the horizon. There hadn't been anything when they left Florin, so either they just happen to cross paths in the middle of the channel, or somebody had a faster boat than they did.

'It's probably just some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise at night.'

Clara looked at him sideways. 'Really?'

'In eel-infested waters?' Porridge deadpanned from the tiller.

'Eel-infested?' she asked with interest.

'Shrieking eels. The channel is swarming with them.'

'Oh.' She shuddered. The last time she'd encountered shrieking eels had very nearly not ended well. There went her half-formed plan to swim to the other boat.

'So don't get any ideas about trying to swim to the other boat,' Mr. Clever snapped. 'You'd make it maybe halfway before you were fish food.'

She put a hand on her chest and tried to look innocent. 'Never crossed my mind.' She crossed her arms, going for righteously indignant. 'How many times do I have to remind you that I want to be here?' Or at least, she didn't want to be in Florin, which worked out to about the same thing at this point.

'Well, no matter. He can't catch us before we reach the Guilder frontier, and after that he won't be able to stop us.'

'Which brings me back to my original query: How exactly are you going to use me to start a war?'

'You're the princess of Florin,' Porridge said when Mr. Clever ignored her in favour of glaring at the other boat. 'Why wouldn't they come after you when you're kidnapped by Guilder?'

She nodded thoughtfully. That actually made sense. 'But there's one problem – I'm not really a princess.'

'But you're engaged to Rupertpink, and he's the prince. Of course he'd come after his one true love.' He sighed, a dreamy smile on his face.

She blinked at him. Apparently Porridge was a bit of a romantic. 'I'm not his one true love. I barely know him. The only reason he wants to marry me is because he thinks I'm pretty. Personally, I think that's a lousy reason to marry somebody.'

Porridge frowned, and she felt a little bad for bursting his bubble. 'Then why are you marrying him?'

'I'm not.' She spread her arms, indicating the boat. 'Why do you think I'm here? I'm trying to get away from him.' She sighed. 'Look, he came to the pub where I worked, with this huge entourage, and told me that I was the most beautiful woman in Florin and that he was going to do me the great honour of marrying me. I told him I wasn't going to marry anybody, and he said the law said he could, and that I could come quietly, or he'd have his guards take me by force. Nobody else in the room even twitched. I've been plotting my escape ever since, and that's how I ran into you guys. I don't like what you're planning, but I don't want to go back to Florin, so I won't do anything to stop you.' At least, not until we get to Guilder, she added silently.

Porridge was still frowning. 'I didn't realize it'd gotten so bad in Florin.'

She shrugged. 'From what I hear, things started going downhill when the king disappeared. Some people think Rupertpink had something to do with it, but nobody has any proof. I wasn't there when the old king – Rupertpink's brother, right? – ruled, so I have no comparison. But from what I've seen these last five years…Yeah, it's pretty bad.' She laughed bitterly. 'Maybe the king will return and make everything better. And maybe the Dread Pirate Doctor will give up piracy and murder and become one of the kingdom's leading citizens.'

A gigantic yawn snuck up and caught her by surprise, and all at once the events of the day came crashing down. She could barely keep her eyes open anymore, and she sank back to the deck, pulling her cloak out of her bag and wrapping it around her. 'Well, this is all very exciting, but I've had a long day. Wake me when we get to Guilder. Or when our friend catches up with us, whichever comes first.'

She woke to the sound of Mr. Clever yelling instructions to the crew. Apparently, they were almost to Guilder, but the ship following them was gaining quickly. She stretched, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, and sat up. Fezzik had taken over from Porridge on the rudder, and Inigo had climbed down from the rigging to direct the sail from the deck. She grinned at his dramatic pose - legs spread wide and a rope in either hand. She was starting to get the feeling he did nothing subtly.

When Fezzik saw she was awake, he waved and called out cheerfully, 'Morning, Lady!'

Porridge, standing with Mr. Clever in the bow, heard Fezzik and turned with a smile. 'Good morning, princess!'

'Morning, Fezzik! Morning, Porridge. But please, call me Clara. I told you last night – I'm not really a princess.'

He lifted one shoulder. 'You don't have to be born a royal – or marry a prince – to be a princess. You just have to act like one, and you're a natural.' He smiled shyly. 'But I'd be happy to call you Clara.'

Her heart melted a little. Porridge was incredibly sweet.

Mr. Clever didn't seem to agree. He hit Porridge on the back of the head. 'Stop flirting with the prisoner and get ready to dock. I want everyone off this boat as soon as we reach the cliffs.'

Inigo frowned and looked over his shoulder. 'Do you think we will make it in time? He is right on top of us!' Clara swirled her cloak around her shoulders and slung her bag across her chest, leaning out to look behind them. Sure enough, the boat that had been a spot on the horizon last night was now close enough to see that there was only one figure aboard, a man dressed all in black. 'I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using,' Inigo remarked thoughtfully.

She raised an eyebrow. 'Why? Do you not like to share?'

He laughed. 'It all depends on who wants to share, and what it is they want to share. I do not mind sharing the wind, but I refuse to share glory.'

'So you think he wants to start a war as well? That could get awkward.'

'It doesn't matter who he is or what he wants!' Mr. Clever interrupted. 'He's too late! We're here – the Cliffs of Insanity!'

'Who comes up with these names? And what's so insane about…' Clara turned to look at the cliffs and her voice trailed off. 'Oh. Those are really high. And steep.'

'Exactly! Only Fezzik is strong enough to go up our way! Our friend will have to sail around for hours to find a harbour, and by then we'll be long gone!'

She eyed the cliffs. Short of everyone spontaneously sprouting wings, she didn't see how they were going to reach the top. 'What exactly is your way?'

Their way turned out to be a small platform attached to a pulley system at the top of the cliffs. It must have taken a while to set up, which meant that they had been planning this little escapade for some time.

Mr. Clever caught her looking at the platform. 'What? I suppose you were expecting Fezzik to climb a rope hand-over-hand, while carrying us all in a harness?'

She stared at him blankly. 'Why would I think that would be a good way to get up an impossibly high cliff? Fezzik's strong, but even he couldn't carry four people all that way.' She glanced at Fezzik, who was untying the rope on the platform. 'Could you?'

He grinned. 'No, Lady. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong.'

She like it when he called her 'lady.' It made her feel far more like a princess than being engaged to Rupertpink ever had.

Mr. Clever shoved her toward the platform. 'Enough chit-chat. I want us to be halfway up the cliffs before our friend can even dock.'

When everyone was aboard, Fezzik slowly began to pull them up the face of the cliff. Even with the pulley, it had to be a lot of work. Clara was impressed at his strength.

Ingio leaned over the side of the platform. 'Well, I do not think he will have trouble finding a way around the cliffs,' he remarked.

'Why do you say that?' Clara asked.

'Because he is climbing the rope.'

'What?!' Mr. Clever pushed to the edge of the platform as well, almost shoving Porridge off in the process. Clara leaned over to get a look as well. Sure enough, a small black figure was quickly pulling himself up the rope. 'Inconceivable! What kind of lunatic climbs up the Cliffs of Insanity with nothing more than a rope?'

'He is gaining on us,' Inigo observed.

'Fezzik! Faster! What's the point of having you around if you're going to let some random fisherman ruin all my plans?'

'I don't think he's a fisherman,' Porridge whispered to Clara.

'I think you're probably right,' she whispered back.

'Inigo! Porridge! Make yourselves useful and help Fezzik, instead of gossiping with the prisoner.'

'I was not gossiping!' Inigo protested indignantly, as he and Porridge went to help Fezzik.

Clara glared at Mr. Clever. 'I am not your prisoner. How many times do I have to tell you that?'

He sneered at her. 'It amuses me that you remain convinced I actually care what you think.'

'I think you care as much about my opinion as I do about yours,' she said sweetly. Leaning over, she took another look at their shadow. If they didn't reach the top of the cliffs soon, he'd probably catch them. He must have remarkable upper-body strength to climb the way he was. She wondered idly who would win in a fight between him and Fezzik. She squinted. 'Is he wearing dark glasses?' It was hard to tell; he had some sort of hooded jacket that hid most of his face. But when he looked up to gauge the distance between himself and their platform, it certainly looked like he was either wearing a mask or glasses. She caught a glimpse of the dawn light reflecting off a lens. Definitely glasses. 'Who wears dark glasses when trying to follow a bunch of random strangers up a ridiculously high cliff?'

No one answered, because at that moment, they reached the top. Fezzik held the platform steady while everyone else hopped off. Mr. Clever forced his way off first, pulling out a dagger and beginning to saw at the rope almost before his feet touched the ground. Clara followed him. 'What are you doing?!' she demanded.

'We can't have him interfering. I don't know what his plans are, but he's obviously following us, and I will not let some idiot in a hood and glasses thwart the creation of a perfectly good war.'

Clara didn't know who he was either, but that didn't mean she was going to let Mr. Clever send him to his death. 'Give me that!' She lunged for the dagger, trying to wrestle it away from him. She might be short, but she was strong. And working in a tavern for five years – not to mention all the traveling she'd done with Basil before that – meant that she'd learned how to fight.

'Get off me! Fezzik! Restrain her!'

Fezzik obeyed, picking her up from behind while she yelled angrily and kicked.

Mr. Clever went back to sawing. The rope was thick, giving Inigo and Porridge just enough time to get off the platform before he finished cutting it. The rope slithered through the pulley and the platform plummeted down to the bottom of the cliff. It was almost a minute before the heard the crash as it broke against the rocks below.

Mr. Clever dusted his hands. 'Well, that's that. And as for you, your highness,' he spat the title with derision, 'I think you've had a little too much freedom on this little trip.' He pulled a smaller rope from one of the packs and proceeded to tie her hands.

'Why you-' She kicked out at him, but with Fezzik still holding her, she couldn't do much damage.

'Uh, Vizzini?' Porridge called from the cliff.'

'I hope Rupertpink does catch up to you,' she growled. 'He can take care of the body after I run you through.'

'What's the matter, Princess? Do you need your prince charming to rescue you after all? I thought you wanted to get away from him.'

'Vizzini, you should come and look at this,' Inigo added.

'A lifetime with him would almost be preferable to spending another day with you.'

He pinched her cheek. 'Now, now. Don't worry your little head – you won't have to put up with either of us for much longer.'

'Vizzini!' Porridge and Inigo yelled together.

'What?' Mr. Clever stalked over to join them at the cliff. They pointed down.

'He's still climbing the rope,' Porridge explained. Clara smirked with satisfaction and relief. Maybe her yelling had been enough of a warning.

'He didn't fall?! Inconceivable!'

Inigo and Porridge exchanged looks. 'You keep using that word,' Inigo observed mildly. 'I do not think it means what you think it means.'

'Oh, thank you. Thanks for that. When I want commentary on my vocabulary and word choice, I'll ask Fezzik.'

Fezzik set Clara on her feet, but kept a hand on her shoulder. 'Don't ask me. I don't know what it means.' She experimentally tried to move away, but his grip tightened. He smiled apologetically down at her. 'Sorry, Lady.'

Mr. Clever slapped a rock in frustration. 'It means we're going to go on ahead with the prisoner. Inigo, you stay behind and finish him off. If he falls, fine. If not – the sword. Catch up to us when he's dead.'

Inigo nodded. 'This I can do. But I am going to fight him left-handed.'

Mr. Clever groaned and buried his face in his hands. 'You know what a hurry we're in!'

Inigo shrugged. 'If I fight with my right, over too quick. This will make it interesting.'

'Fine. Whatever. Just kill him. Porridge, Fezzik, you're with me. Bring the girl.'

Clara tried dragging her feet, but Fezzik just picked her up and slung her over his shoulder. As the moved away, she could see Inigo shaking out his hands and doing some practice moves with his sword. She hoped the man in black knew what he was doing. If Inigo was half as good as he bragged, she feared their shadow had escaped a fall only to land on a sword.

Sorry it's taken so long to update. I've got lots of ideas for this story, but they all take place a couple of chapters from this once, leaving no inspiration for the one on which I'm actually working. Eh, it's done now. Finally.

I'm taleasoldastime-andspace on Tumblr. Come say hi!