A/N: Thank you guys so much for the reviews to Miss Mystic! So glad you all seemed to love it. Here be Blood Brothers, I LOVED writing this episode so hope you enjoy it too. Don't forget to feed me in the form of reviews. Or Damon Salvatore's if ya got any of those!
I own nothing. So sad.
Blood Brothers
"No-one knows what it's like to feel these feelings like I do
And I blame you
No-one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man, behind blue eyes"
So...in the hours that were spent, mostly in silence, outside my brother's new cage I have worked out that I may have some feelings for Elena. I think it was fairly obvious after that dance but the rest of that day was a mess so...uh-huh.
How did I get to this place? I've been here before...I know the way this goes. Brother's girl and all. Still I'm not going to do anything about it – it's not a big deal and it's not like I wear my emotions on my sleeve so I'm pretty sure I can get away with no-one finding out about this.
He's been locked in there for three days and I think he's having very vivid dreams – he keeps mumbling my name...and Katherine's which is...intriguing. Probably for the best that Elena can't hear that part.
"I love you Stefan" O-kay. That's enough of that – time to go. Let's leave Stefan to his dreams.
Elena says it's hard to see him locked up but hey – she's the one who did it. 'Kay I may have helped. A little. "I couldn't have him running around chewing on people while the town was looking for vampires now could I?" – "it had nothing to do with you actually caring about him?" – yes...no – "Your thing. Not mine" - look I've only just accepted caring about Elena - let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.
I've hated my brother for...as long as I can remember. Do I want him to die? No. Am I still working on my 'eternity of misery' threat? Not...actively. Anything more than that – well I'm not quite there yet.
Elena asks me if I know what the invention is yet but nope, still haven't figured that out. Oh did I forget to mention she's been staying here the last few nights? "So you'll be here again tonight?" more than likely, I don't even know why I'm asking to be honest – "is that a problem?" – Nope, no problems over here, I'm not trying to hide my growing feelings for you in any way – "yes, you are a complete nuisance" – seriously, how did this happen? Again?
I had to go and catch a damn rabbit, 3 of them actually. Should have just gone for a deer; woulda been quicker but regardless Stefan needs to eat. He tells me he's not hungry – lies – we are always hungry. Why is he still sitting in there anyway? It's been days, the human stuffs out of his system now and he should be over it.
I tell him to drink but he just sits there in silence and there are only so many hours in my day and I don't much relish the thought of spending them watching Stefan brood – we get enough of that as it is. Let Elena deal with him, I'm sure she'll have better luck than me anyway.
Ooh phones ringing – Alaric. How'd he get my number? Digging on Uncle John Gilbert you say? Intriguing. Teacher's found an address which could lead us to Isobel; the place is in Grove hill; not too far from here. I tell him to give me the address but apparently he wants to go together.
"I'm not going with you – you tried to kill me" – "yeah well you did kill me" – oh yeah – I guess that's fair.
Wow I am popular today – Elena's calling me as well. I love modern day technology the teacher goes on hold so I can talk to her. "What?" – Something about clothes...Stefan of course and she can go back on hold.
"You drive. Pick me up in an hour" – As I said, Elena can deal with broody-pants in the basement and I'd rather spend time with the teacher than have to sit with Elena worrying about her boyfriend all night.
And we're back to Elena "he won't eat anything" I tell her as I take a seat.
"What's his favourite...type of animal blood...that he prefers?" – "Ew. Gross" – I don't know when we got to this place in our 'relationship' where we can tease each other and be...I don't know, I don't know what we are but I like it. It's...nice...different.
I tell her to hurry up and then say that Stefan likes puppy blood "little golden retrievers, cute floppy ears, that's his favourite" – I'd love to see her face right about now – instead she hangs up on me. It was kinda funny though.
God brother, ever the dramatic; what would possess him to tell Elena that he doesn't want to live? She asks me that very same question and I say the only thing that makes any sense to me "'cause he feels bad about hurting that girl, it's very typical Stefan martyr stuff" well that's the truth. But seriously, who in their right mind would rather die than be with this girl? Oh wait – I forget, Stefan's not in his right mind. Idiot.
She says that he seems to be in a lot of pain and I know she means emotionally but that's not really my scene so I just ask her if she's going to be all right if I go out – "I have to go do an errand with a teacher" – "A teacher? Alaric? Are you two friends now?" – "I don't have any friends Elena" – "right" – except, you. Maybe. Is that what we are? Friends? That word sounds...wrong, in my mind but I suppose it will do.
I advise her to stay out of the cellar while I'm gone it's probably not the best idea to be down there by herself, but of course ever the brave girl she just says she'll be fine.
"You know, you're very trusting of him given the circumstances" – but hey, it's her neck – "So are you" she speaks up as I'm leaving – "otherwise you wouldn't be leaving" - right, god this girl. "I won't be long" I tell her how, I need to get out now, away from this girl that just...sees right through me apparently. I know I've said that I'd love to be able to read her mind but seriously can she read mine?
So we get to the apartment – there was a tomb vamp there – Henry. I knew him back in the day. Apparently Uncle John Gilbert's been helping him 'adjust' to life not that that matters he's kinda dead now. Didn't know too much, didn't know Isobel. Did know that the tomb vamps are out for revenge but we knew that too. Ric killed him that guys kinda handy to have around to be honest.
We had a conversation about Isobel and Katherine "I can't keep searching for her" he said – "really? After only 2 years? That's actually...moderately healthy" – "Yeah what are you going on 146?" – "I figured the 200 marks probably a good stopping point" – I'm joking – I am done looking for Katherine.
"I don't want to waste any more of my life searching for answers that I really don't want" – yeah I know that feeling...still there's just one. Just one question but it doesn't matter. Time to go home; see if Elena has made any progress with my idiotic baby brother.
She's writing in front of the fireplace when I get home and god if it doesn't just look like she was born to be there. "Were you expecting anything else?" she asks when I mock-complain that she's still here. Nope. I sit down and put her feet up on my lap because dammit it's been a shit night and I need some...thing – company, I guess. I tell her a little about my field trip with the teacher and she takes her legs away, shame.
"Stefan eaten yet?" – "I thought you didn't care" – "Chalk it up to morbid curiosity" – and a desire to converse with you even if it is about my brother.
"He's got a lot of guilt that he has to deal with – it doesn't help that you've spent the last hundred and forty-five years punishing him for Katherine getting caught" – I'm sorry – come again? How did this become my fault? Why do I always get the blame? She thinks I hate him for that?
"You're not exactly innocent...you've made it your life's mission to make him miserable" Wow. I. Cannot. Believe. This.
"Let me ask you a question – in all this important soul searching and cleansing the demons of Stefan's past did you ever manage to get the rest of the story?" No. Of course you didn't because it's just so much easier to blame me; the big bad brother. Forever up to no good. Well screw this and screw her too.
"Damon. Damon" – she runs after me and grabs my arm – "Tell me" – and I do. Because God help me even when I'm pissed off at her apparently I still can't deny her anything, and truthfully, what happened just now hurt me so she should know, and I can't lie to Elena.
I was ready to die, I wanted to die. Stefan killed our father – not that I care about that but he fed and then he brought me a 'gift' – we were supposed to die.
He brought me a girl – bit her neck – she was bleeding – I didn't want to but – he was too strong and the cravings were too strong – I fed – vampire I became.
That's when I promised him the 'eternity of misery' which I'm reconsidering actively working on again right this minute.
"From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood he was a different person – suppose I should thank him. It's been a hell of a ride" oh now she understands why he wants to die – "It's his choice. If he's stupid enough to make it so be it" – "Don't do that. Don't pretend like you don't care" she says as she walks away. Where's she going? And what is with her incessant need to make me admit that I care? Difference is it going to make?
Ah my brother's gone running off somewhere and Elena's gone running off to find him and I'm...drowning my sorrows I guess.
That's not even the real reason I hate my brother, I mean it's a big one...but it's not the main one. Not the real one. It was only meant to be me, never Stefan. Not Stefan. Just me and Katherine; together for eternity, the two of us. Not Stefan.
And that's my question if I ever see Katherine again then that's what I need to know. Why? Why him as well? Why was I not enough, why was my love not enough? Why Stefan? I doubt I'll ever get an answer to my question – if Katherine doesn't want to be found then she won't be, simple as that.
Oh goody they're back. Clearly Elena's managed to change his mind, stupid bastard for wanting to leave her in the first place but whatever.
"Goodnight, Damon" – yeah bye-bye Elena. Been nice having you to myself for a few days so thanks for that – just another taste of something I can never have.
I cannot be bothered dealing with Stefan tonight I'm in no mood to pussy-foot around him.
"Thank you" – for what? I didn't do anything – it was all Elena. Never mind.
"No Stefan thank you – you're back on Bambi blood and I'm the big bad ass brother again – all is right in the world" – now it's my turn to tell him my truth – "You brood too much. Everything on the planet is not your fault. My actions, what I do – that's not your fault. I own them, they belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt" – "you feel guilt?" – If I wanted to...yeah...it's there. Buried fucking deep but it is there. And sometimes even when I don't want to feel it like when Lexi turned up.
As he's leaving I tell him that Emily waited until after I'd turned to tell me about Katherine and the tomb. She thought it would 'impact' my decision – no! Never! – "She said it was a curse" – Stefan tells me. God. Witches, so...judgy.
He asks me why I didn't tell him – well I thought that was obvious. I didn't want him to know "Because I hated you and I still do" – and it's been a night for honesty so I decide he may as well know the truth as well – "but not because you forced me to turn...because she turned you" – and now we all know the truth.
Isn't the truth supposed to set you free? Because I don't feel much different.
Dear Diary,
I've been avoiding Uncle John – I really can't stand him. Today he asked me what I thought my "mother would say if she knew you were dating a vampire" – yeah...which mother Uncle John. He's an idiot.
I called Damon to let him know I was grabbing some clothes before going back over to the house. I've been staying there for the last few days. It's funny how it feels like...home, in a way. It was actually kinda nice having some time just Damon and me, he cooked for me and we talked and it's just...I feel more like...myself with Damon. It's nice. Anyway he told me that Stefan was refusing to eat so I went to see him and he said that he didn't want to survive, he wanted to die.
I guess...that was kind of hard to hear. He would rather die than be with me but then he explained what happened when he turned, he killed his father! And then Damon told me about Stefan forcing him to turn so I understood why Stefan wanted to die and I went to find him out by the Quarry and convinced him not to give in.
Tonight Damon said that he 'doesn't have any friends' but what about me? I thought that's what we were...I mean...I don't know exactly what we are and friends just doesn't seem...to explain what we are but it's the best word I've got. I felt kind of hurt actually but I think it's just Damon's defence mechanisms.
He refuses to admit he cares but I know he does. I can see it in his eyes, in his actions, he just doesn't want to admit it for some reason and I think it's because he's just terrified of being hurt. I heard what he said to Stefan tonight about being the 'big bad ass brother again' but I don't think of him like that. It's just easier for him to believe that. It makes his life easier – having this 'devil may care' attitude – not having to open up, not admitting he cares. But I know he does. I see it and I'm not going to give up on him.
Elena