Chapter 11

Nate Getz had worked closely with the woman in the hospital bed for about three years. Whenever he came home to Los Angeles he'd get together with the team for drinks and dinner. Kensi and he would usually stay behind talking for a while. She'd never quite gotten over losing Dominick Vail, her first partner. He'd died on a roof saving Sam. Each of the team held bits of guilt and grief for losing a team mate that was so young, but Kensi had the hardest time relating to his death. Kensi also had other issues with men leaving her but most of them had no choice. Dom and her father both died and her fiancé Jack had disappeared due to PTSD. Not one of them had really wanted to leave, but Kensi carries that scar even today.

Nate had heard of her refusal to see the team but her mental state was precarious and he didn't want to shove her over the edge by pushing it. There would be a few chats and a lot of powerful insights to get her back to her normal feisty self.

He watched her through the window of her door and saw her look out the window. She never moved but he could see the tear running down her face. The Kensi that he knew would never wear her heart on her sleeve like that. The untrained mind would be able to see the pain etched into her forehead. There would be some serious work to be done here as soon as he got into her brain.

He opened the door to her room, walked inside and waited for her to turn to him. When she didn't he walked to the side of the room where the window was. If she saw him she didn't respond, so lost in her own thoughts that she was. He reached across the distance, took her hand and spoke to her. "Hey Kiddo, how are you?" It was like he'd jumped out and yelled boo at her. She nearly came out of her skin. "Kensi, it's just me, Nate."

Her eyes focused on her friend. "Nate, what are you doing here? Did Hetty send for you?" Her voice held an air of defeat and she didn't think that she'd been worth coming home for. It hurt Nate to hear that resignation from her.

Nate moved to pull up the stool that stood in the corner and sat down. "I hear in your voice that you're wondering why I'm here. You need to know that I'm here for you. Even if Hetty had not okayed it, I'd still be here. You know that right?" He spent a moment watching her as her glance went back out the window. "How are you feeling?" He needed to get past the physical aspects first and then work on the mental portion.

Kensi grimaced as she tried to move. "I hurt like hell and I don't want to think about how I got here and who found me. I really don't want to talk about it either Nate."

Nate could hear his old partner in her voice but something was missing; The spitfire attitude that she'd always had. He needed to rekindle that fire. "I understand that Kensi but you need to tell me those things and what is on your mind. Sam, Callen and Deeks found you and got you the help that you needed. Hetty got me to come home for you." He waited for her to respond and when she didn't he spoke again. "What can you tell me?"

Kensi looked past him and out the window again. In her mind she was back at Camp Lejeune with her dad and mom. She felt safe and cozy wrapped in her mother's and father's arms. She felt the presence of hundreds of marines that lived on and around the base. She'd never felt so safe anywhere else. She turned her gaze back to the psychologist and gave him a look that said to help her. "The guy was waiting for Talia and I at the warehouse. There were members of the cartel with him. They took us to the farm and then the cartel members left with Talia. He stayed with me. I spent the next day being brutalized, tortured and harassed by that sick bastard." She hesitated for a moment and Nate saw pain and insecurity pass in her eyes. "Nate, why did he do this to me? I didn't know him. I'd never had any interface with Hamas. He kept saying a name, Ari, Ari Haswari."

Nate edged a bit closer to her bed. "Did he ever tell you who Ari Haswari is or was? It might help us to find our man."

Tears came to the corners of her eyes. She used her good hand to push them away. She still felt one trickle down her cheek. "No he didn't. Every time he did something to me, every hit, every vile touch he said, Ari Haswari. Every time he asked about NCIS and I didn't answer he told me I was being punished for the killing of Ari Haswari. When he raped me he whispered that sweet nothing in my ear." Her tone became angrier, more sorrowful, louder and more hateful. "He broke my fingers one at a time and said that name and when he finally broke my nose, that name was on his tongue with a huge smile on his face. His last comment to me was to remember the name as I died. I could carry it to Heaven for him. Who the hell is Ari Haswari? I've never even heard of him." Every word she spoke got louder. The volume was at a pitched fever and Nate felt it helped her with the trapped anger towards the person who did this to her.

The door burst open and Deeks barged into the room. "What's going on in here? I heard you screaming at Nate. Are you all right?" He walked to the side of the bed where Kensi's good hand was and tried to grab it.

Kensi withdrew it from his reach. "Deeks, please leave. I don't want you to see me like this."

Deeks reacted like she'd smacked him. "Like what Kens, hurt, black and blue, humiliated? I've seen you like this before, remember, in Afghanistan. We've been through a lot together. Let me in, let me help you."

Kensi turned her face from him. To him it felt like she'd slammed the door in his face. "Deeks, leave, please. Nate get him out of here."

The doctor in Nate knew that wasn't what she needed but that same doctor knew her wants and desires were important right now as well. "Come on Deeks lets go talk in the hallway."

The detective's sad face gazed into his fiancée's eyes once more. "Kens, I'm here if you need me. I'll be right outside the door."

Kensi's gaze was back out the window and she had returned mentally to Camp Lejeune. She didn't hear him.

Nate guided Deeks from the room. "What the hell were you thinking barging in there like that? She asked that you not do that. You need to give her a couple of days and a lot of space. There is a lot of healing going on in that room."

Deeks turned on him with an intensity that Nate had never seen from the detective. "A couple days for what, to pull further away from me? No. I want to see her and help her see that I will not be bothered by what happened to her and that I love her. I will go back in." The detective's shoulders slumped and Nate could hear a difference in his breathing. "She's my life, Nate." Deeks began to sink to the floor.

Nate reached out to catch the distraught man as he fell and held him while he sobbed. "I know Marty, I know." Nate was positive that this would be his next patient.