Somehow time started to move again. Seconds turned to minutes, which turned to hours, and Adrien found himself sitting in his room unable to move. He knew Plagg was around somewhere, but thankfully the kwami had enough sense to leave him be for now.
Adrien felt more hollow than human. He'd killed Ladybug. He didn't even have the excuse that he was being controlled because he was him when he touched her. He was him when Cataclysm ripped into her. He was him when she started to disappear.
He curled into himself and felt the tears splash down on his knees. The pair of red earrings with black spots poked his palm as he tightened his fists, but he didn't care. It was a pain he deserved. He'd killed her. He had murdered Ladybug. He was a monster. He was no better than Hawkmoth. Worse, even. Hawkmoth never actually killed anyone.
He was a villain. A cruel horrific monster. And no one knew.
The thought that there was an akuma still loose in the city hung in the back of his mind, but he didn't know what to do about it. Ladybug was gone, and she was the only one who could take care of them. Without her, Chat was useless. Without Ladybug, Paris was without a protector. Hawkmoth could reek havoc and control everyone. There was nothing Chat could do about it.
The sun started to rise before Plagg finally dared to approach Adrien. The little black kwami was careful and hesitate, which was far beyond his normal behavior.
"Adrien?" Plagg asked softly.
"I know," Adrien's voice was quiet and scratchy. "Time for school."
"You don't have to go," Plagg said. "You should take some time off. It's okay."
"No, it's not." Adrien got to his feet and went to his desk to collect his bag. "If I don't show up, it'll look bad. No one knows Ladybug is gone. And when they figure it out, I can't have any clues leading back to me being Chat Noir."
He tossed his books into his bag. He honestly didn't care if anyone knew who he was. Without Ladybug, he wasn't going to be Chat Noir. There was no point. But he was worried that if he said he wouldn't be Chat Noir anymore Plagg would leave. And he didn't think he could handle losing anyone else.
School turned out to be difficult. Maybe Plagg had been right. Adrien just couldn't bring himself to care about anything. His thoughts drifted during class and he didn't feel like talking when people tried to spark up a conversation. It wasn't until lunch, when Nino sat down beside him in a huff, than Adrien managed to mutter a greeting.
"Man, this is hard." Nino sighed. "I don't know how to help Alya."
Adrien just shrugged. His best friend seemed to always have difficulty with Alya. Normally he thought it was sweet, but at the moment all he could think about was how much of a monster he was.
"I know you don't talk to her, but have you heard from Marinette?" Nino shook his head. "Sorry man, I'm sure Alya's asked that like a million times already."
"Hm?" Adrien lifted his head to look at Nino. He knew his friend asked him something about Marinette, but he hadn't been paying attention.
"Dude, are you okay?" Nino asked. "You seem really out of it. Something happen with your dad again?"
Adrien looked down at his hand folded on his lap. "Yeah," he sighed. It wasn't right lying to Nino, but it was so much easier to agree. Besides, there was nothing Nino could do to help him. Except maybe stay away. Would his best friend want to be anywhere near him if he knew that Adrien was a murderer?
"Sorry," Nino put his hand on Adrien's shoulder, which caused him to jump. "Want to hang out this afternoon? Take your mind off him?"
Adrien shook his head and brushed Nino's hand off his shoulder.
"I'm fine," he lied.
The rest of school was a blur. Even after school, Adrien found himself moving through the motions so well he didn't even notice his father was having dinner with him. It was such a rare event that given any other time Adrien would be ecstatic to spend time with him. But now…what kind of son was he? Adrien sunk down into his chair. If his father knew what he'd done, would he push Adrien even farther away?
Not that he cared. Right now nothing mattered but Ladybug. He didn't care what his father thought about him. Well he did, but not so much at the moment.
"Sit up straight, Adrien." It was his fathers only words that evening.
After dinner, Adrien retreated to his room. He pulled the red earrings out from his pocket and simply stared at them. They were all that remained of Ladybug. There was nothing he could do. She was gone, and he was stuck here without her.
"Adrien," Plagg hesitated. "We need to go find that akuma."
"No," Adrien closed his fist and put the earrings back in his pocket.
"It's going to multiply," Plagg continued. "If it hasn't already. It's going to be a big threat."
"What do you want me to do!?" Adrien spun around and shouted at his kwami. "I can't purify it. I can't stop it. I can't do anything without her and she's not here!"
Plagg flinched back. "I know, but you can't just sit here."
"Watch me." Adrien flopped down on his couch and folded his arms.
Plagg was right, he knew, but there was no way he was going to be Chat Noir again. It was too painful. Let Paris suffer for a night. They owed Ladybug that. Besides, not only was he useless, Chat Noir was dangerous. What good was a superhero if they could accidently kill people?