A/N: As ever thank you all for your amazing and consistent reviews, you guys mean the world to me! And thank you to the Guests who review as I can't thank you personally. So I wanted to write Rose without getting overly mushy about it, and I hope I've done a good job but I'm sure you'll let me know. And it always bothered me that Elena never questioned how her necklace magically returned to her so I've explained that in her Diary entry today. I own nothing. On with the show!
Rose
"Can you imagine a love that is so proud?
It never has to question why or how
Believe, Believe
That we are loud like love"
I woke up to a message from Barbie asking me to come around to her house which is how I find myself learning the dynamics of how Tyler triggered the curse to become the new wolf in town. "So Sarah attacks Tyler and he pushed her away and she tripped and fell and she hit her head" tragic. Blondie's put the pieces together; "I think they were both compelled by Katherine" which makes the most logical sense but does nothing to explain why. Why is she so desperate for a werewolf? What the hell does she need one for?
"Wait, did you see Tyler's eyes turn yellow?" I mean he did actually turn wolf-boy right? "They were more of a gold...with amber highlights" right, girls. "Can he turn into a wolf now?" uh yeah keep up love. "Only on a full moon, does he know about us?" god get off the phone and pay attention dammit.
"I don't think he knows much of anything" well great; let's keep it that way...but he must know something, Mason must have told him some things. "All right I'll ask him" oh no. No, no, no, no, nuh-uh. I grab hold of her "No you won't Caroline. He cannot know about us. Bite from a werewolf can kill a vampire so don't be his friend. Do you understand me?" – "I understand" – she's late for school, right. As long as she gets it, Caroline is important to Elena so it wouldn't do to have her become a chew toy for Mystic Falls' resident dog.
I'm about to head home when Stefan calls me in a panic, Elena is in danger, something's happened and no one know where she is...seriously this happens like...every other Tuesday around here. So I come to the school where as I said, Stefan is in a panic which, understandable until he starts babbling on about Katherine.
"Katherine's in the tomb. Trust me I'm the one that shut her in" – "Did you?" are you fucking kidding me right now? "Did I what Stefan?" – "Well I know the hold that Katherine has on you" fuck you Stefan you know nothing. "She's in the tomb. Period. End of story" fucking hell and she told me that Elena needed to be protected and I said I would and I've already failed; Christ. Stefan wants to go talk to her but uh...no! She'll just force us to let her out, we'll find another way.
He walks away saying he doesn't care, "It's Elena" uh-huh, hmm...but...No. There must be another way. And then he messages to tell me that there is, in fact, another way. Bonnie is doing a locator spell so I head home for the car and some blood supplies and we're good to go.
I arrive back at the school just in time to hear Jeremy and Stefan's conversation "I'm coming with you" – "No Jeremy you're not" – "Well you can't do this alone" nope that he cannot. That's where I come in. "He's not. Let's go" like...10 minutes ago. "You're coming with me?" did my previous statement not make that clear? Okay let me try something a little more effective.
"It's Elena"
And we're off, Salvatores to the rescue. How...fitting. As Stefan and I drive in silence those words reverberate around my mind. 'It's Elena' and I realise there is nothing I won't do, for this girl I will burn cities to the ground, I will raze buildings. I will destroy the world if I need to, nothing will ever be too much and yet it will never be enough. All I really have to give her is myself, and it will never be enough.
An-y-way let's move away from that topic. Stefan has been fiddling with weapons so I finally break the silence to find out what the hell it is he's playing with. "I dunno, it's a vervain bomb or grenade launcher or somethin' like that" oh well that sounds...nasty. Maybe could ya...put it down somewhere safe Stefan?
"Who do you think took her?" well isn't that the million dollar question. "Someone from Katherine's past. She was running from someone" a soon to be very dead someone.
"Thank you. For helping me" ooh no "can we not do the whole road-trip bonding thing?" – "Aw come on Damon we both know that you being in this car has absolutely nothing to do with me anyway" oof "the elephant in the room lets out a mighty roar" – "Well it doesn't need to be an elephant you know, let's talk about it" why? I don't wanna talk about it. What's the damn point? And I definitely don't wanna talk to Stefan about it!
"There's nothing to talk about" – "Sure there is. Just get it out. I mean are you in this car because you wanna help your little brother save the girl he loves or is it...is it because you love her too?" Both? But god nope I still don't wanna talk about it.
"Keep it up Stefan, I can step out of helping as easily as I stepped in" yeah we both know that's a damn lie. "Nope...you can't" like I said, we know. It doesn't need to be vocalised, not to my brother anyway.
Stefan lets me know that we're nearly there so time to replenish my strength levels. "I want some" – "Aw that's so sweet. Wanna be all big and strong and save your girl" which...yeah kinda what I'm doing. "I'm not joking, I've been drinking a little every day" huh, that's a revelation – when'd that start? "Slowly increasing my intake and building up my strength" well good plan and all but what about Elena? What's she got to say about this?
"Elena know you're drinking blood?" he hesitates for so long and looks deathly uncomfortable so I'm guessing the answer to that question is a resounding no.
"I've been drinking hers" oh. Oh...I...O-kay then..."How. Romantic" Shit.
Well that explains the hesitation then. I can't resist taunting Stefan about the 'old' him "...wonder if Elena would be so quick to open her veins for that guy? Tell me; what happened to that guy? He was a hoot" Not. God nobody wants to see Ripper Stefan back less than I do, I spent years cleaning up that boys messes. "Guess he found something else to live for" right, Elena, of course...are we there yet? 'Cause this is getting tedious.
We've finally arrived in...the middle of nowhere. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" I don't even know why I'm asking since I'm fairly sure his answer is the same as mine. "Yeah I'm certain I wanna do it" yeah that's what I thought, but just to be clear "cause we go in that house we may not come back out" – "I can't think of a better reason to die" well great, neither can I so let's go do this.
"But you wanna stay here I'll totally understand" hah, funny boy my brother.
We dart around the house, planting weapons as we go, "up here" he shouts, "down here" Hello! Stefan goes for Elena while I grab the other girl.
"Excuse me. To whom it may concern, you're making a great mistake if you think that you can beat me. You can't" bit full of himself isn't he? Well, we'll see about that.
"I want the girl on the count of 3 or heads will roll" please, Stefan...do your job. Protect her.
Elena. "I'll come with you...don't hurt my friends" please let it be a trick, let it be a trick, god I hate not knowing things. Stefan rolls the douche-bag down the stairs and seriously that boy really needs to work on his aim. My turn, I drive a coat-stand...I think...through the guy and yep. He's dead.
Next!
"Just let her go" Elena, oh thank god, she's fine, she's okay. I have never felt such...relief that quickly turns to bitter disappointment as she runs down the stairs and straight into my brother's arms. She mouths 'thank you' to me and there's nothing I can do but reply 'you're welcome'.
Yes Elena, I will be your silent defender. I will be your quiet protector. And I will stand on the sidelines and fall more hopelessly in love with you every day while you love my brother. And that will be okay, as long as you are safe, as long as you live.
I send Stefan and Elena back to the car and search the house briefly where I come across Elena's necklace, which gives me an idea. Probably a bad idea that will inevitably backfire on me somewhere down the line because that's just my life; but when have I ever been known to back down from a bad idea? Elena fills us in on what she's learnt before falling asleep and I spend most of the journey home trying to talk myself out of it.
I drop them off at Elena's house and I'm back at home drinking and I've almost managed to successfully talk myself out of it when Stefan gets home. "Where's Elena?" – "She's home, she wanted to be with Jeremy" and just like that my bad idea is back with a vengeance. Nope. No getting away from it this time. I have one last drink and I'm ready to go when Stefan stops me.
"Hey, I'm sorry" what for this time? "For being the guy who made you turn 145 years ago" I do not want to get into this...old history now. Totally un-necessary and I got places to be and a girl to see.
"You know I never said it out loud. I guess I just need to say it and you need to hear it. I'm sorry. What I did was selfish, I didn't wanna be alone, guess I just need my brother" okay, well...he's said it. I've heard it, great. All done now and I get it. I understand why he did it; didn't always like it very much but I get it. And now it's time to go before I lose my nerve.
Admittedly it probably wasn't the smartest plan to turn up slightly drunk in Elena's bedroom, because it worked out oh-so-well the last time. You see, I knew this was a bad idea, she's probably terrified but at least this time she won't remember. But I just need her to know. I just have to tell her. It feels like it's ripping me apart from the inside out, it's like a constant weight, a pressure and I need relief from it.
"Cute PJ's" I say when she enters the room.
"I'm tired Damon"
"I brought you this" I tell her holding up her necklace.
"I just have to say something" just once, just need to say it...just need you to hear it.
"Why do you have to say it with my necklace" she backs away from me a little and yup...she's definitely nervous...well I've come this far I may as well just get it done. No going back now.
"Well, because what I'm about to say is...probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life" and it is, because I'm doing this for myself, I have to get it out, I have to say the words out loud, they need to be acknowledged, for my own sanity...purely selfish.
"Damon don't go there" but I have to Elena, don't you see? I have to. And she knows, she already knows what I'm going to say, or at the very least she has an idea, but she's not trying to get away from me anymore and it's so much harder than I thought it was going to be but I have to do it.
"No, I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it" because I just have to know that you know that it's real.
"I love you Elena. And it's because I love you...that I can't be selfish with you. Why you can't know this. I don't deserve you" and I don't. I don't deserve this girl, but she should be mine. All I can do is love her, but she loves my brother.
"But my brother does" she looks at me as if she wants to say something; I think she's in shock but I don't give her the chance to respond. I lean in and press a kiss to her forehead.
"God I wish you didn't have to forget this. But you do" and I compel her before she can tell me again that she 'cares' about me, that she loves my saintly brother. And then I'm gone.
And I'm actually crying. I never cry. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done but god I feel better for having done it. Presumably she'll never remember but it doesn't matter because I know that she knows now, somewhere inside of her, she knows, and that is enough.
I can protect her properly now, without the constant weight on me, I will stop...I will try to stop fighting with my brother and we will protect Elena.
Together.
Dear Diary,
After the drama of everyone trying to kill Katherine at the Masquerade Ball and me getting hurt in the process all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and hide for a week but no...Of course I have to go and get kidnapped. Again. Apparently I'm a hot commodity these days because I'm the 'doppelganger'.
The people who took me are called Rose and Trevor, Trevor is dead now. Elijah killed him. Knocked his head right off in front of me which was rather...terrifying. Elijah's dead now too. Damon killed him...Damon.
Apparently Elijah is an 'Original' whatever the heck that means, Rose said that they are the 'first family' then she told me that I am the key to breaking the curse. The moonstone binds it, the sacrifice breaks it. The sacrifice being...me. The 'blood of the doppelganger'. Me. In order to break the curse I have to die.
Trevor and Rose helped Katherine escape and they've been running ever since. Over 500 years. Bonnie got a message to me, 'Stefan and Damon are coming for you' and all I could think was 'thank god I'm going to be okay' then Elijah came – he ripped off my necklace. And now it's back.
Damon.
I don't know how I know this but I just do. I can feel it...sense it...him. It must have been him, it's the only thing that makes sense, I just don't understand why I can't remember properly. But I'm not going to confront him about it, he brought it back to me, to protect me and there must be a reason, that he wouldn't just tell me. So I won't ask him.
I pretended to be asleep on the drive home, all I could see in my mind was Damon's face when I came down the stairs...god...I don't think I've ever seen anyone look so happy to see me...and then Stefan caught me in his arms and I just...didn't know what to do so I just whispered thank you to Damon and it...it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.
I'm not stupid...I know that Stefan could never have rescued me alone.
Damon risked his life to save me, just like I've done for him...but what else could I do? I know now, that...something has changed with Damon. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but something has changed and I need to find a way to let him know that I care about him too. That he means something to me as well.
Elena