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| semper memento |
we meet in silence, my eyes to yours
in night, in day, in morning you scream and cry and kill and yet
your voice is falling behind,
but i chase after the faint whisper with trembling feet
then i see the girl dances, the boy sings,
and a moment later we die like sinking petals
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this is the end, we won't meet again, but please—
always remember to remember?
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author's babbling and a little bit warnings:
I think I'm dying.
No, scratch that. I'm sure I'm dying.
This chapter had sucked the life out of me. Goddammit writing this was like prancing around on thorns. I almost sobbed my eyes out when I read-proofed it, damn you angst. Why I wrote this story again? Sigh. But anyway, sorry for the late delay, 'cause I've a lot on my plate for the last two weeks. Well, I've got news, both bad and good.
The good news is I PASSED MY UNIVERSITY ENTERANCE EXAMINATION! I PASSED I PASSED EYY! *throw confetti* Ahaha, I guess all my hard works didn't come to waste. And the bad news is…. updates would come later and later these days… and also expect a few hiatus here and there because I'm going to prepare for my lonely life as a college student… (T^T) But if there's a lot of you who want an update…. I think I will try my best, I promise! (^u^)
And also, thank you very much for favorites/follows/reviews! I really appreciate it minna-san! Enjoy reading :D
disclaimer:
I do not own owari no seraph (I'm a girl and seventeen and sane, thank you very much.)
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Shinoa had never dreamed that she would die like this.
Not like this, she thought despairingly.
The monsters were cutting and shearing through her flesh, and she didn't know what to think besides ithurtithurtithurt. So, so much that she wanted to tore the skin raw by her own teeth and nails. Those hideous, ugly creatures—they were disgusting, they were humans but at the same time they were not, for their skin was too fair, limbs and feet which missing or rotated in weird angles, and eyes as red as her blood.
They were monsters, and she was going to die.
The forces beneath her began to escalate even more, and no matter how many times she swung her scythe vigorously, no matter how many times she launched her feet into their thick skulls, no matter how many times she tried to destroy their bodies limb by limb they kept on shredding and gnawing and she started to think that—
( this is it, no turning back )
Shinoa stopped trashing, stopped twisting and let her weapon touched the blood streaked ground with a deafening sound. She smiled bitterly as her body succumbed into the pain.
( i'm sorry )
She closed her eyes, waiting for her end to come.
But it never came.
"Do you really want to die that badly, little human of mine?"
She gasped harshly when power suddenly spreading through her every cell. She knew it's not Shii-chan, she knew that it's not her demon. But the power—it was so vivid and dense that she'd almost forgot to breathe when the numbness began to wear off little by little. She felt… strangely pleasant, and for a moment there she thought that everything was over.
But she was wrong.
Dead wrong because the pain was still there, and she was still going to die.
"W-What do y-you want?" she asked through gritted teeth. "Don't you—d-don't you see that I'm going to die?"
"I need you alive, there's no way I'm going to let you die.
The numbness increased again, and she bit her lower lip until it bled. "You can't help me." she spat hatefully. "I'm going to d-die… sooner or later."
"I can help you, but you have to be certain, this is a devil's deal, do you accept?"
"What r-rubbish are you t-talking about?" she hissed through a mouthful of blood, by now the monsters had preyed on her thighs and stomach, and it hurt, it hurt so much she wanted to die. "Accept w-what?"
"My power—I offer my power, you can use it to save your skin, or you can reject it and die, which one do you choose?"
Is it worth it to risk my sanity? Shinoa thought bitterly. She was not an idiot. She remembered those gruesome pictures, even not entirely, only bits and pieces, but she remembered the pain and agony, she remembered the feeling and she knew that whatever it was they were doing to her inside this room, it couldn't be good. And that little boy in her mind, he must be the result of that horrible anguish she had suffered through.
He told her to remember (don't-forget-remember-don't) and now she knew why.
"Do you accept?"
"What's t-the catch?" Shinoa coughed up blood when rows of sharp teeth pierced her stomach, shredding its surface raw.
And it hurt.
"Nothing except your blood, let me drink your blood and I'll give you the power to kill them all."
She started to think that it wasn't such a bad idea to accept the power. It couldn't be such a bad idea when it could keep her alive. Maybe the pain was plaguing her mind, maybe it was plain suicide, but at least she had to try.
She promised them, she promised him and she was willing to fight.
"Then drink it!" her grip on her scythe tightened. "Drink it, I don't care anymore, just do whatever you want."
"You have made your mind then, call my name."
"Call your nam—w-what are you talking about?!" she screamed, frustrated with the turn of event. "I don't know your name!"
"You do, you already know my name, don't you?"
"I don't—" she paused when a memory passed across her head, and suddenly it hit her like bullet train. The image was not clear, it was hazy and blurry and unclear but she certainly knew that it was the right answer. "I—I… you… you are…"
Name, his name, she knew his name.
"Call my name, Shinoa."
"….Kiyoshi." The girl whispered quietly, ignoring the way her contacted demon twisted and trashed around at the mention of said name. "Your name is Kiyoshi…" she repeated, voice more firm than before. It came to her naturally, like she had uttered it numerous times in the past, and she didn't care anymore, she had to survive. There were people she wanted to meet again, a person she couldn't bear to leave. She needed to meet him again, at the very last.
"I accept your t-terms." Yes, she had to escape this nightmare, she promised that she would come alive, that she would come back. They trusted her, and this was time to live up her promise. "Now drink my blood!"
"With pleasure."
BA-DUMP
Her heart stopped for a moment before it went into steady beats.
BA-DUMP
Silvery white aura began to envelope her body like mantle, it trailed down her spine through her abdomen and it burned the wounds away until nothing remained beside her flawless translucence skin. Power surged down her body like crippling waves, and it felt like she was in heaven.
BA-DUMP
The pain was gone and so did the agony and she was invincible. Shinoa forced down the wild laughs from escaping out, and as if those monsters were nothing but flies, she yanked them off from her flesh, before she swung her scythe at them with frightening speed.
Then came the bloodbath.
She tore them apart, broke them, severed them, pulverized them until they were nothing but a mess of decaying flesh splattered over the tiled floor.
It was massacre.
ba- ….dump
And she smiled.
—semper memento—
always remember
"Contrary to popular belief, I didn't start everything for him."
"I started everything for her."
"To spare her from the pain, to save her from the tortures and torments, to protect her from our damned family. This is all I can do."
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"My heart bleeds every day and I hope to god that she wouldn't have to meet the same fate like me."
-Hiiragi Mahiru-
the fourth memory
[goodbye halcyon days]
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"Guren! What's wrong with you?!" The green eyed boy shook the man from his stupor desperately. "What does she mean?!" his movement heightened into violent jerk when he received no answer. "GUREN!"
"SHUT UP!" The man snapped back, his body convulsed badly as he staggered away from the horrendous sight in front of him. "G-Get back, we need to get back—before… before it's too late." he was gasping with difficulties, his eyes brimming with fear.
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" he gave the violet eyed man a hard look. "We need to help her! She's hurt!"
"JUST DO IT YOU IDIOT! GET BACK!" he pulled the boy with him forcefully. "I—She's… Shinoa is—it's too late…"
"What are you—dammit!" Yuichiro cursed when the distance widened even more. "Stop this instant or I'll—GUREN GODDAMMIT WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" he roared when he saw the Lieutenant Colonel sheathing his sword from its bind. "Don't you dare—I said don't you dare!" he hissed venomously, finally caught up with the man's train of thought.
"I NEED TO DO THIS!" Guren lashed out at the hysterical boy, his grip on the leather handle tightened until his knuckles turned white. "I—I promised… I promised her…" he whispered frenziedly, as if he was in a daze. "I promised her…"
"PROMISED WHAT?!" Yuichiro shouted back, his teeth grinding painfully against each other. "Are you saying t-that you will—"
( kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me )
"YES!" Guren spat out ferociously. "This is my job, kid. Don't you dare to fuck it over." he threatened.
"I can't—I can't believe you…." he said incredulously. "DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALK—"
"Stop it…"
They stilled like a stone when a voice, a familiar voice reached their ears.
"Please stop it… it's enough… enough…" All this time she hadn't said a thing, hadn't moved, even just an inch, and instead she opted for watching from her place on the blood streaked floor. "Guren-chūsa… please, I can't hold it for much longer. Please, before it's too late…" she begged whilst tears continuously dripping down her face.
Yuichiro took in her damaged form with terrified eyes. "S-Shinoa w-what—"
"GUREN! YUU!" they moved their heads into the other pair inside this room. The two of them had been too focused on her to even notice that Shinya and Kimizuki were running to their direction with wild steps.
"Why are you screami—Shinoa… –chan…?" and just like the previous two, Shinya precipitously skidded into a halt when he saw the bloodied state of his younger sister's appearance. "What…what happened to you?" he whispered disbelievingly, not quite certain with the sight his eyes presented inside his mind.
In front of him was a sea of blood, with her at the center of it all.
( what have you done? )
Even the stoic bespectacled boy beside him could only hold his urge to empty his stomach out at the gruesome picture around him. He was used to death. But not like this. Not like this. "Yuu… what the—just what…?" he chocked out, a sick sensation swirling inside his stomach.
"I don't know alright!" Yuichiro raked his fingers between his midnight colored tresses. "I—I don't—everything is confusing and she—Shinoa is…" he gestured helplessly.
"She's turning into a demon." Guren cut him sharply. "Just like—"
"Just like Mahiru did…" The white haired man continued from where he left, smiling bitterly at the grim resemblance.
"Yes." Guren flinched when a memory of a certain someone passed before his eyes. "Yes, like her sister did."
There was silence as they watched the girl in red with unbearable eyes. She was writhing and whimpering continuously, as though every second she spent in this world was nothing but torture. Her eyes frequently flickered between rosy bronze into madder red as tremors swept through her bloodied form like waves.
It was painfully clear that she was turning into a demon, and they knew that there's no other option beside to end her right here, right now, before she could fully turn into one. Because if she did—
( they would die by her hands )
"Guren, is there something we could—" Shinya started in hushed tone, but Guren cut him over before he could even finish.
"There's nothing, Shinya." he smiled crookedly at the irony of it all. At the glaring semblance of that girl who-could-have-been-but-gone-in-the-end. "Do you forget that she was her sister?"
"No…." he muttered, the reason finally dawned on him. He was right, Shinoa's her sister. She was a lost cause, he couldn't deny that. "But Guren—"
"You understand, don't you?" he cut him off weakly, staring at him helplessly, as if he was begging for an acceptance. As if he was begging for—he didn't know. But it'd been a long time since he saw that look plastered on his face. Not since Mahiru, he thought. Not since Mahiru.
"Shinya."
The white haired man cringed back from his defeated look, but he didn't answer him, he couldn't.
Guren smiled bitterly.
"Now, get back." he said, once more bringing his cursed sword with him as he stood in silence. He'd made his mind up since that memorable evening eight years ago. Guren knew that he was the one who could do this without breaking a heart, for his already mangled beyond help at the bottom of his chest.
( i'm so sorry, mahiru )
"Guren, don't you dare—I said don't you dare!" Yuichiro immediately marched his way to the man's back, but before he could move a foot, two pairs of arms held him inside a tight-lock grasp. "Shinya—Kimizuki you bast—"
It's them, he knew it must be them, but why? Why?
( why why why why why )
"What are you—let go, LET ME GO!" he shrieked, eyes stretched wide as he tried to yank his arms away. "HE CAN'T—HE'S GOING TO KILL HER!"
"I know." Shinya said blankly. "I know, but there's no other choice."
"Are you serious?" Yuichiro spat when he saw the man pursed his lips into a taut line. He couldn't believe him, Guren was trying to kill Shinoa and he's agreeing with him? "Are you fucking kidding me? SHE'S YOUR SISTER!" he screamed at his face.
"I know." Shinya could only shift his eyes from his accusing ones. "I know." he whispered brokenly, his clutch on him lessened for a fraction of second before it tightened again.
"Then why?" he asked faintly. "Why?"
The cobalt eyed man fixed him a melancholy smile. "Because she is my sister."
"Y-You… Shinya-san…" he choked back a sob as his eyes began to burn heatedly. He was breaking all over the place, his heart ached so much inside his rib cage, and the pain was suffocating when the thought that she would be gone flashed across his mind with a glaring bright color. He couldn't do this, watching her die when she was still very much alive, when she was still there.
"Yuu… please, you need to calm down." Kimizuki whispered into his ear.
"Don't you see…?" The boy muttered. "Shinoa's there. See?" he looked at them right in the eye.
"She is right there!"
The bespectacled boy clenched his teeth. "We know—we know, but it can't be helped."
"But we have to—GUREN!" Yuichiro shouted fearfully, his face twisted in unrestrained terror when he saw the black haired man moved from his place, his sword glinting dangerously among the darkness. "LET ME GO! GUREN!" he trashed and twisted around, desperate to stop the man from going even further, but it was no avail, he couldn't move. "GUREN DON'T YOU DARE!" he cried out with so much anguish, so much sorrow, so much desperation as tears threatened to fall from the corner of his eyes.
But given how strong their hold on him, the jade eyed boy couldn't break free that easily and instead he watched as the man walked even closer to her place, his eyes as hard as stone. He watched as he discarded all his emotions into a blank, vacant countenance. He watched, it was crystal clear—
He watched as he ceased walking when the distance was near.
He watched as he squeezed his sword hard between his trembling fingers.
He watched as she stiffened when she felt him looming after her.
He watched as she accepted her death with a smile on her face.
It was all he could do.
Watching.
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"Guren-chūsa…" she murmured weakly, raising her head up to meet his burning eyes.
Still violet eyes, she laughed quietly.
Shinoa loved his eyes.
But today she hated his eyes the most.
She hated everything today. She hated the world, because it took her happiness today. She hated her sister for leaving her alone. She hated him for caring. But most of all she hated herself for dying.
There were so much that she wanted to say, that she wanted to do, but she knew that it's time and she needed to let go. She could hear her comrade's voice faintly from the distance, the pain and agony which laced his every word made it even harder for her to lock her heart away.
But she needed this, she needed this closure.
"Yo, brat." he smiled painfully at her, so bitter, so sad, and the girl blinked away the hot tears before she smiled back at him.
"Hello…" Shinoa chuckled hoarsely, her tears mingled with blood that soaked her skin. "Send me away properly, would you?" a smile bloomed on her tired face, and the man muted a sound from escaping through because for the love of god, she wore the exact smile like just like that day.
Guren swallowed hard. "….forgive me?" The man asked as he pointed the sword right to her chest.
"I always do." she vowed then, sincere and pure, her voice breaking like shards of glass.
"Forgive me…?" he asked again, desperate for her forgiveness as he took a step forward, his sword dangerously close to the place where her heart hung.
"Always." she assured gently, this time louder and his heart cracked beneath his skin when he realized that this would be the last time, the last memory.
( it's time to say goodbye )
He smiled again, broken and bleeding as he swung his blade straight to her.
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"Where is Onee-sama…?" a soft, hearty voice resounded inside the vacant room. "Ne, Guren-san… where is she?"
The black haired man bit his lower lip hard, searching for words to convey through this eight years old girl—child, his mind whispered—without making her cry in the process. But even though he had dug desperately into his mind, he found nothing that could remotely be classified as truths. Sweet lies were plenty, so did false reassurances, but he couldn't, couldn't do that to her.
Not her, at least. Anyone but her.
"Guren-san…?" Shinoa said again, and this time he'd to force down the urge to flee from this place when she began to chew nervously on her lips. "Mahiru-oneesama… where is she? She promised me that she would come.… so where is she now?"
"She is…." he trailed off, refusing to land his eyes on the lavender haired girl who was sitting in front of him. Does she even know? He thought when he saw her hunched form and daunted gaze, her periwinkle dress scrunched up into a mess between her fingers.
She's a child, there's no way that she could understand, right? The fact that her sister's dead or the fact that he was the one who killed her or the fact that she was going to break either way?
He banished the ridiculous thoughts, because, who was he kidding?
He knew that she knew, it wasn't hard to, and she's a smart girl. He knew that she would understand him, but it was easier said than done when he got an eyeful of her crestfallen face and blank eyes.
But he needed to tell her. She deserved to know.
Guren breathed in.
"She's gone."
There, he said it, loud and clear. He saw the young girl froze for what seemed like an eternity, a pair of bronze orbs widening into saucers, her body deathly still but then her tense shoulders began to drop, so did her head that made strands of lilac colored hair cover her eyes from his wandering ones.
The silence was deafening until little Shinoa exhaled into thin air.
"She would never come back?" she whispered quietly, head still bowed low. "Not even to you?" she insisted.
"No." he blinked his eyes. He didn't expect this question from her. "Not even to me." he offered her a bittersweet smile. "Not even to me." he repeated ambiguously.
"Okay." The young girl gulped down a lump inside her throat, trying her best to keep her facade up. At least, until she could find a place for her to drain those swirling nauseas inside her stomach. "Okay. I understand." she met him straight in the eye.
The man paused for a moment, eyeing the girl with compassionate gaze. "Do you, really?" he titled his head, he knew that she was lying. It wasn't hard to. "I don't think you do."
"I do." she said sharply, feeling a tad insulted by the man's words. "Maybe I'm a child, but I do understand. Ever since the beginning, I—"
"You are a child." The man agreed with her, nodding his head gently. "Then you should act as one." he pointed out.
"I—What a-are you… I'm… I'm…" she stammered, not quite used dealing with so many emotions at once. "I'm just—"
"Act like one, Shinoa. I'm not going to judge you." he interjected, patting her head softly. "Don't have to pull a tough front with me."
The girl choked down a sob, all the frustration, all the sadness, all the pain finally came crashing down her heart like an endless waves. She knew that her sister was gone. She knew, she accepted it, she would manage but why she felt like crying? "I don't understand what you mean by th—"
"You do. I know you do." he cracked a smile at her pertinacious denial, it was so long and bitter that her mask finally shattered into pieces, a lone tear escaped from her eye.
"I don't—" she choked back a sob. "I-I d-don't…."
"Believe me, I know." he whispered softly when he caught her glistening orbs, brushing his fingers tenderly against her wet cheek.
( you don't have to hide your sorrow, cry if you must )
Guren didn't even flinch when she flung herself into his arms, sobbing and screaming and twisting and downright broken.
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"Everyone is nice." The girl bobbed her head up and down, lavender colored tresses bouncing with her buoyant rhythm. "And Shinya-niisan is funny~" she folded her arms and gave him a stare. "Totally ridiculous." she bragged whilst grinning widely.
"Oh really." he snorted, didn't bother to hide his amused smile. "He is?" he humored her with a raised eyebrow.
"Yep." she popped up the word cutely. "I think I'm going to enjoy it here." she announced then, tone ever so proud.
"Whatever brat." The black haired man tsked. "Remind me again why you're here?" he asked, glaring playfully at her cheeky face.
"I'm bored~" Shinoa pouted. "And it's your job to entertain me~!" her eyes sparkles, literally, that he had to cringe from the glitters which assaulted his sight with vibrant colors.
"Like hell it is." he muttered under his breath. "Get lost." cue his infamous cold-blooded, uncensored answer.
The girl pouted again before she wore a charming smile. "Rude~" she puffed her cheeks. "And here I am, cute little Noa-chan, trying my best to comfort you, a lonely, pitiful, estranged old man." she closed her eyes dramatically and put her hand above her chest. "So cruel~"
The man twitched his eye while his pen was making a pitiful sound like a dying duck inside his hand. "Oh you've done it brat—"
"Aha~ I'm just saying the truth~" she countered back playfully.
"That's it."
He put his paperwork down and reached down to her head, mussing up her hair until it looked like a bird nest. Seeing that she wasn't going to win this petty war they were having, the chestnut eyed girl leaped off from her seat, before she proceed to throw another smartasses comment at him. This ridiculous activity lasted for minutes until the man shook his head exasperatedly, couldn't believe it that a child had outsmarted him.
"Ne, Guren-san…" she plopped down into the chair, fixing her unruly hair with her fingers.
"What?" he said absentmindedly, reading his documents with an almost religious perseverance. He was out of the deadline dammit, and he wasn't going to let a freaking child—especially her—made his live even more miserable.
Even though she kinda had. But that was beside the point.
"Everyone is so nice…" he snapped out from his trance when he heard her talking whilst kicking her feet into the air.
"I know. You've said it." he deadpanned sourly. Just what she's playing at?
"I want to stay forever." she continued again, ignoring his rude comment. "It would be nice, to stay here… Shinya-niisan is fun to be with, Sayuri-san is kind, and Shigure-san is a great company…" she titled her head a little to watch the man in front of her. "And you're not really that bad either, Guren-san." she said cheekily, even though there's a hint of bitterness on her voice.
He narrowed his eyebrows. "Are you tryi—"
"You know," Shinoa cut him over, her gaze dropped into her lap. "I'm not one who enjoys life. I would be happy if I'm surrounded by many, but if such a joyful time finally passed away, I'm going to heed it and smiles like it's nothing." she chuckled a little. "I would say—Ah~ It was great when it lasted, but it's time and I shall bid my goodbye." she smiled. "I would say—until we meet again, I wish you the best, farewell…. just like that."
"What's your point?" his eyes stranded for a moment, watching the girl's smile faded from her face. Silence fell among them, and he began to worry that something was wrong with her. It was not her nature to be this quiet after all.
"What is it?" he asked softly, mindful of his words.
"I—I don't want to… go. Don't want to say goodbye." Shinoa gave him the answer, shrugging her shoulders off.
"You're not going anywhere." he reassured her with a patience he didn't know he had. "You'll stay. I'll make sure of it."
"I know you will." she paused to catch her breath. "But you see, Onee-sama had gone ahead, to a place I can not reach." she lifted her hand to grasp the air above her, as if she was trying to reach something invisible. "And I know that someday, there will be a time when I have to go. So, if I must—" she paused for a moment, her eyes turned wistful as her gaze travelled outside, into the clear blue summer sky. "If I must, just like you did to Onee-sama, I want you—" she stopped again, and he bit his lower lip when he realized what she meant to say.
"I want you… I want you to be the one to send me away." she caught his eyes with her own, and she smiled, so guileless and brutally honest for a child her age and he? He didn't know what to do beside to watch her talking as if she was going to die.
She seemed so old, so, so old in her younger days. A pair of eyes which jaded beyond belief, she looked like she'd given up completely. And she chose him to be her salvation?
How could she do this to him?
"Don't say such a depressing things, brat." he dismissively waved off her heartfelt confession, trying to shake the dread away, even though he knew that she was not joking at all when she said those words. "I'm not going to send you anywhere soon, okay?"
"Then promise me." she titled her head. "Guren-san, promise me that if someday I turn into something you despise, if someday I turn into her—you will take me to her place." she requested, a smile bloomed beautifully.
No.
"I—I…" what should he say? Everything was so laughable that he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. How stupid can I be? He thought mockingly. She knew everything! She knew everything so why did he delude himself in such a pitiful illusion that she was okay? That she was fine when in reality, she was as broken as a human ever could?
"Promise me." she repeated when silence fell between them, begging for an answer.
It made him sick. He was sick. He hated this feeling inside his chest, it was like he was promising her death in the future. He couldn't—he couldn't… do this.
But he needed to, she needed this.
Guren swallowed hard. For the second time in his life, he made a mistake he couldn't undo. "I promise."
"Thank you." she breathed in, sounding so relieved and saddened at the same time, and he wondered if the time would come when he must live on his promise.
He hoped that it wouldn't.
How wrong he was.
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Time stopped, blood spilled, but it was not hers.
It was his.
"YUU-SAN!" The girl screamed in uttermost terror when the sword meant for her slashed his chest into a bloody mess. Everything happened too fast for her mind to process but he was suddenly here and there was blood, everywhere. "What are you…" she choked back a sob, watching as blood spurted from his mouth. "No… no… please, god…" she murmured, her eyes never moved from the person in front of her.
The boy was chuckling quietly to himself, oddly satisfied with the turn of events. "L-Looks like… we're even n-now... huh?" he turned to look at her, caressing her cheek tenderly as his hand brushed against her tears and hair. "I'm g-glad… t-that you're alive…" he whispered to her ears, his vision began to lose its colors.
"Yuu…" Guren gazed at the blood on his sword with disbelieving eyes, his body frozen in place. "What have you done….?"
"I—I b-better…" he coughed up blood, sinking low into his knees before he fell forward, into her. "I better off d-dead… than watch her d-die..." he gave the man a side glance, a big smile adorned his face even though he was in a brink of dying.
"You can't… you can't die… no… please…" Shinoa whimpered as she held him inside her arms, her tears falling like raindrops as she tried to stop the bleeding with her trembling palm. But no matter how hard she tried, the blood kept on seeping past her fingers and she didn't know what to do because—
( he's dying )
"No. No… NO!" Shinoa trashed around in agony, her eyes glowed bright red. "I don't—not like this! I don't want—" she clutched the fabric of his uniform tightly. "Why? Why why why why WHY?!" she chanted like mad, the pain which pounded on her every inch was nothing compared to what she was feeling right now.
This desperation, despair, inside her was eating her alive.
It made something within her crack into pieces.
Her hysterical cries escalated, wind howling rapidly around her damaged form as she cradled the boy close.
Guren cursed loudly, finally snapped out from his trance when a strong blow of air knocked him down. "She went berserk… she went berserk goddammit!" he hollered. "Shinya, Kimizuki, get him away, NOW!"
"WE CAN'T!" Shinya screamed back, he was trembling on his ground when another blast of energy whisked him out. It was also the same with Kimizuki, he was also struggling with all his might to stand still. "We can't get near! She's too strong—"
"NONONONO! WHY I DON'T—HE CAN'T!" her killing intent was flowing all over the place that they'd to shiver from her raw power.
"Shinoa—SHINOA LISTEN TO ME!" The violet eyed man hollered from a safe distance. "LISTEN—YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN!"
"SHINOA-CHAN!" Shinya shouted desperately, trying to get close again. "Please don't do this! Please calm yourself down!"
"SHINOA! THAT IDIOT IS FINE!" Kimizuki roared. "Come back to your senses already!"
"NO!" she screamed back. "He's—he's going to die!" she spat venomously as demon's characteristics started to appear that there's fangs protruding from her chapped lips. "BECAUSE OF ME!" a sudden gush of wind suddenly swept them up harshly that they were forced down to their knees.
"PLEASE—LISTEN TO ME!" Guren desperately tried to moved, but she was too strong. No, the demon power was too strong. Too damn strong that he couldn't even stand on his own feet. "He's—Yuu is not going to die!"
"YOU LIAR! He's going to—"
ba-... dump
What was that?
Heartbeat?
Shinoa paused in midsentence when she felt him shifted, her blast of energy stopped raging as she watched him blinking lazily. "Yuu-san…?" she whispered when he tugged down her hair gently, wordlessly asking her to stop.
"I'm not go–ing… to d-ie….. not now, or… ever so…" he choked back a groan as he forced himself up from her arms. "S-See? Not going to….. die, that's why—that's w-why you have to… come b-back. C-Come back… with us." he said weakly.
"I—I can't… it's too late, it's too late Yuu-san and I—" she blinked back tears, shaking her head in despair.
"Will live!" he cut her over, gripping her shoulders tightly. "You will live!" he flinched a little when her raw, mantle-like energy began to seep into his gaping wound. "I w-will not… I will not l-let you die… in a place l-like this!"
"Yuu-san….." she muttered abashedly, looking at him with her doe eyes.
"You will… live." he said between harsh breaths, taking her into an embrace. "You will live… I'll make sure of it." The emerald eyed boy mumbled as he buried his face into her hair. "I promise."
Hearing such sweet words from him made the horrible, bitter feelings inside her churned into nothing, and the world which had lost its color began to spark with shades that she had never seen in her entire life. It was beautiful, too beautiful that it's blinding.
A smile bloomed on her face like a first day of spring when she felt warmth began to spread throughout her body in gentle stream.
She forgot that it was not her time to go yet.
"Thank you…. Yuu-san..." she gave him a subtle clench as the crimson of her orbs fading into their usual bronze. "I'm sorry… I made you…. worry." she murmured against his neck, her eyes fluttered shut gently before she slumped weakly into him. "I made you… remember bad memories… I'm sorry… so… rry…"
Yuichiro could only hold back his tears from falling as his grip tightened even more, but then his consciousness began to drop as the pain finally took its effect on him. The last thing he saw was their comrades marching into them, before his eyes closed in bliss, his arms still curled around the lavender haired girl protectively.
.
.
.
( send me away properly, would you?
i always do
i better off d-dead… than watch her d-die...
you will live… i'll make sure of it )
He closed his eyes as the images kept on playing inside his head like a broken record. It'd been days, and he still couldn't shake the sick feeling away. He could still picture her dull chestnut eyes, her broken smile, his pained face, and the way his sword tore his flesh away without mercy. He could still smell the crisp air, the fear which lingered around him, and the sharp scent of blood and broken metals. He could still hear her chocked sobs, his anguished cries, and his own furious screams.
He was disgusted with himself, so, so much that he wanted to vomit all over the floor.
It was too cruel. First was Mahiru, and now them.
How funny, he mocked.
"...ren? Hey, do you hear me?"
He was so focused with his thoughts to have it broken by his presence. He cracked an eye open, and just like what he'd expected, it was him.
Shinya.
"Guren, how are you?" he tapped on the man's shoulder, seeking his attention but he gave him none. He exhaled when the man ignored his call again. "Ne Guren, are you okay?"
"Fine." he grunted reluctantly, shrugging his shoulders off. "Just… I'm fine." he said quietly.
"Good then. You worried me. I've been calling you for five minutes, you know?" he forced a smile on his face. "What about them?"
"What about the mission?" The man bit back, closing his violet eyes. It was easy to conduct that he was clearly uncomfortable with the topic.
The pale blue eyed man sighed tiredly, but made no movement to press the topic further. "We've got it covered. It was a messy attempt, but we did secure a good number of weapons. Narumi and Iwazaki are safe, but they're hurt quite badly." he frowned. "If I'm not mistaken it was the same creature which attacked Shinoa. At least we can assume so by… the remnants of their… body parts." his frown deepened even more. "The higher ups were asking for your attendance though, you better make it or they will throw a fuss again."
"I know." he clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Those bastards should get that stick outta their asses or someday they'll get castrated for sure." the man grumbled sourly, dreading every thoughts regarding his upcoming trial with the 'bastards' as he'd put it.
"Yes~ Yes~" The bayonette user laughed good naturedly at his friend's aversion, it was quite amusing if he'd to admit. "But those bastards," he emphasized nicely, "Will kill you for sure if you don't show your face in front of them by tomorrow." he slung his arms around the man to have it swatted off ferociously.
"Sheesh, I know that already. Don't have to rub it on my face." he grumbled, face sour. "Should've drop dead… those assholes…." he muttered under his breath.
"Language, Guren." Shinya punched his arm blithely, thought his grin couldn't mask his amusement. "Need I remind you that those assholes—"
"Shinya?"
"Yes?"
"Shut up."
"Ahaha~ you hurt my fragile heart Guren~" Shinya laughed again at his apparent dismay.
"Fragile heart my ass…." The black haired man glared hole into his face before he sighed. "Stop it, Shinya. I told you I'm fine already."
The said man stopped for a moment, staring blankly at the wall beside him. "You're not. You're not, Guren. I've know you long enough to pick up your habits. You're not fine and I'm not going to leave you alone, so talk." his tone dropped a few degrees as he stared at him with eyes as cold as ice that it could practically give a normal person goosebumps.
But sadly, Guren wasn't a normal person so he stared back, eyes equally icy.
"Guren…." Shinya clicked his tongue in annoyance, he knew that the man was too stubborn to admit it, but he was too soft hearted for his own good. "Please, talk to me—"
"About what?!" the black haired man snapped, "About what, Shinya? About how I tried to kill Shinoa, but hurt Yuu instead? About how I almost killed the two of them? Or about how everything's so fucked up just like eight years ago? What?" he gritted his teeth. "Tell me already, what should I say?"
"Stop moping." for the first time in his live, Shinya felt like hitting his friend for his idiocy. "Do you think they would be happy seeing you like this? Do you think she would wake up if you blame yourself? Do you think that—"
"I KNOW!" he glared heatedly. "For fuck's sake I know that! But can you blame me for this? She's in coma." he hissed low, "A coma, Shinya. We don't know when she would wake up, if she could ever wake up at all." he clenched his palm, the nails of his fingers embedded deep into his raw skin until it drew red.
Shinya paused, his face devoid of any emotion. "She is." he said then, agreeing with him. "But you don't know for sure."
"No, I know enough." Guren seethed in fury. "It's the same with Mahiru. But I don't fucking understand why it happened to her, of all people? Demon's blood may flow in her veins, and maybe she's also the weakest when it came to possession but she doesn't have two freaking demons inside her mind like her sister did. So why? Why?"
"That's what I wanted to ask you." Shinya dropped his gaze into the man's pair of amethyst orbs. "Did something happen to her? Something… strange? There must be a reason for this."
"I don't know…" he shook his head helplessly, "Dammit, she's… Shinoa's a merry brat as always, and nothing happ—" he stopped, eyes widening into saucers.
"Guren?" the blue eyed man asked, worried that he'd gone mental.
"That mission." was his simple answer.
"What mission—oh, that one. They certainly did a number with th—wait." now it was his turn to open his eyes wide. "That mission, it must be that mission." he shifted his gaze into the other occupant beside him.
"What is it? What do you mean?" he furrowed his eyebrows into one.
"Remember that incident?" Shinya tapped on his stomach lightly, his eyes filled with anxiety. "Yuu said that Shinoa was stabbed, and the wound was grave but it's miraculously healed in short period of time. It was quite a large wound too, and to be able to heal it that quickly—"
"Must be a demon." Guren inhaled sharply, "But I don't know how. Her demon is Shikama-doji, it doesn't have any shittin' abilities in healing, especially that fast." he stressed out.
"Then could it be…." Shinya trailed off, a bad feeling weighed down his heart.
"Another demon." The black haired man continued, eyes widening in horror. "There's another demon inside her mind, that's why—" his eyes widened even more.
"She went berserk, just like Mahiru did." Shinya interrupted, voice whisper-like.
"But how?" he raked a hand through his midnight colored hair. "How could she have managed to bind another demon without us knowing?"
"I don't know Guren…." Shinya frowned, the bad feeling grew even more. "I don't know…. we can only wait."
.
.
.
"W-Wake… up— ..re you.. fi—ne… –Yuu-kun…?"
The jade eyed boy fluttered his eyes weakly, but flinched away when a bright light suddenly shone through his eyelids, burning his retina with fire-like scorch. He blinked his eyes numerous times to sharp his sight, and found three worried faces looming above his battered form. He blinked again to adjust his vision, everything was still blurry colors and hazy phantoms against his eyes.
"YUU-KUN! I'm so glad that you're alright!" Those kind words and soft voice, tufts of brown hair, it must be Yoichi.
"Yuu… you idiot… don't make me worry so much, you stupid head…" Girl's voice, a blond blob, definitely Mitsuba.
"Baka-Yuu.. I swear you're gonna be the death of us someday…" And why would he'd ever forget about that prick Kimizuki, his hands were itching to plant a fist right on his annoying face.
"Stupid… bastards…" he chocked down a groan. His head was killing him. "Help me up... would you?" he asked, half-requesting, half-demanding.
They did as they were told, and the boy finally sit on his back against the headboard, occasionally wincing and twitching when pain surged through his body like raging flames.
"What happened….?" he asked. "Where I am…?" Everything seemed like a hazy pictures inside his head, there was him, and then blood and red and—
The three of them shared a look, didn't sure what to say. "Well, we don't know what exactly happened but—"
"Shinoa." They flinched when he uttered her name with distress. "Where is she?" he grabbed the nearest person's hand, which unfortunately was Yoichi's with an iron grip. "Where is Shinoa? What happened? Is she okay?" his questions came after one another, his eyes widening in terror.
"She's… Shinoa-san is okay, Yuu-kun. But… but we can't see her right now because she's still healing…" Yoichi bit his lower lip when he felt a little pain on his arm. "I—at least… they'd said so…" the last part was said with uncertainty and slight worry.
"What do you mean?" The boy asked again, "What happened to her? She's alive, right?" he stared at them, desperately waiting for a response.
"Shinoa is…" Mitsuba mumbled quietly under her breath, her voice too small that it was almost hard to catch. "She is in coma." she shut her eyes tight as he dropped the bomb.
"Coma…?" he whispered softly. "She's…" he gulped down a lump inside his throat. "How many days…?"
There was silence as no one of them was brave enough to tell him the truth, until Kimizuki balled his hand into a fist and broke the stillness with croaked voice, "Weeks." he said. "It's been three weeks."
Yuichiro didn't talk for the rest of the day.
.
.
"Kimizuki, go have an inspiring talk between men with him." Mitsuba declared out of the blue.
He chocked on his spit. "Pardon?"
"Go have an inspiring talk between men with that idiot." she deadpanned flatly.
"Excuse me?" he couldn't exactly believe his ears. It was too bizarre for his brain to comprehend. Where's Yoichi when he need him? "An inspiring… what?"
"An inspiring talk between men, or you prefer between boys?" she tilted her head. "You can call it a 'bro to bro talk' or whatever it is they call it these days. Just—go, give him a pat on the back or a manly hug. I don't care. Just—just fix him." she flapped her hands around, gesturing ambiguously.
He gave her a look of 'are-you-fucking-kidding-me' coupled with an intense laser glare but the girl swatted his menacing eyes away without even batting an eye. "Fix. Him." she emphasized each word sharply, pointing her index finger rudely to the moping boy who was busy staring at the bright, blue sky with empty eyes. It was no secret that the boy was depressed like shit.
"What the hell are you talking abo—GODDAMMN WOMAN YOUR NAILS! Your nails!" he shrieked like a little girl when she dug her fingers into his shoulders. "Dammit what's wrong with you?!" he snapped.
"Listen to me, you dimwit." she leaned in closer to level the boy's eyes. "You go have an inspiring, heart-wrenching and deep conversation with him or I'll kick you hard in the place where the sun doesn't shine. Copy that?" she smiled homicidally.
He shuddered from the killing intent she was waving around. "C-Copy t-that."
Sometimes he forgot that woman was a scary creature which couldn't be crossed. And when they said couldn't, it meant just-copy-whatever-hell-she'd-in-store-for-you-or-die.
"Good." her bloodthirsty grin replaced by a rainbow-sunshine smile in a matter of second as she skipped to the door with spring on her steps. "Do you job properly okay?" she turned at the door, smiling prettily. "If you don't—" her smile faded into a feral grin as she made a moving motion of slitting her own neck which scared him to bits.
Kimizuki cowered on his toes, nodding his head vigorously to the epitome of doom, praying quietly that she would be gone, and fast. Seeing his obedience, the amethyst eyed girl smirked before she walked out with agonizingly slow steps. He was sweating bullets by the time the blonde haired menace disappeared from his eyes. Damn women and their tendencies to be downright creepy.
Inhale. Exhale.
Okay, let's do this.
"Ahem." he cleared his throat exaggeratedly, but the idiot didn't even move an inch. "Ahem." he tried again, this time louder, but the idiot still ignoring his presence.
"Oi, Baka-Yuu."
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
"Yuu." he dropped the pet name, trying a nicer approach.
Ignoreee.
Okay, that's it.
.
.
"Oi Baka-Yuu!" Yuichiro snapped out from his trance when a hand shook his shoulder roughly. It was Kimizuki, that bastard. Couldn't he see that he was not in a mood to start a fight?
"What do you want?" he spat out venomously, more harsh than he intended it to be. The bespectacled boy winced a little, then he sighed.
"You need to stop this." he said, giving him a look.
"Stop what?" he shot back, irritated. "Mind your own business."
"Moping." he said flatly. "And your business is mine." he added after a second.
"I'm not moping." he contradicted him, throwing his gaze out the window. He was not moping, at least he thought so. It's just… the whole thing with Shinoa had taken its toll on him. He needed to see her, to convince himself that yes, she was okay, and yes, she was very much alive. But that bastard Guren didn't even give him the permission to leave this cursed place just because a stupid reason that he's still healing.
Damn him.
"You are moping, can't fool me you idiot." Kimizuki sighed tiredly, dragging a chair near his bed for him to sit. "Just—help me alright?" he raked a hand through his hair. "If you don't talk, we won't know what's wrong with you."
"There's nothing wrong with me!" he gritted his teeth, "Stop putting words in my mouth!"
There was silence as the peach haired boy massaged his forehead, clearly tired out from this argument they were having. "I don't—" he paused, groaning quietly. "I—Come on, I'm not good at this, but I was there with you. I… I—There's something slightly amiss with you. I noticed it, y'know." he shrugged. "After that mission… something changed between the two of you. And you're acting weird, and so did she and I don't know—" he paused again. "I just… we don't know what to do anymore, but I was there and I saw everything and also… I want to apologize." he sighed. "For holding you back, for agreeing to… you know. I just… I'm sorry." he bowed his head low, ashamed with his past action.
Why he's telling me this? Yuichiro thought as he shifted his eyes to stare at the guilty boy with unreadable eyes. If he was to be honest… he was quite shocked to hear him apologize, and above all, to him. But after that mission, nothing could surprise him anymore so instead he exhaled a long breath, preparing himself to talk.
At least he needed to return the favor, right?
"You don't have to tell me that, idiot." he muttered. "I know you didn't mean it. I—It's me, my problem. I can't—" he paused to catch his breath. "I… after that mission when she'd almost died…." he trailed off, looking at his palms wistfully. "I can't bear it—seeing her hurt, watching her in pain. It hurt me." he chuckled bitterly,."I told myself over and over that I'll keep you guys at arm length, but I guess it's impossible huh?"
Kimizuki gave him a pained smile, and the emerald eyed boy grinned weakly at him. "Should've known since the beginning that it was impossible, but I'm happy… you guys are my family, and it feels right." he touched his chest gently. "But she's… Shinoa… she's different. I don't know how to say it, but her presence is different from Mika, Guren, Yoichi, Mitsuba... you…" he halted for a moment. "I can't name it. I don't even know what to call it." he sighed, combing his coal hair between his fingers.
"How different?" Kimizuki asked, suddenly intrigued with the boy's answer.
"I don't… know." he said feebly, knitting his eyebrows together when the image of her beautiful smile and heartbreaking tears mashed up inside his mind like a joined movie. He didn't know why he'd suddenly remembered the way she would bit her lower lip slightly or the way she grinned widely at him, her eyes twinkling with mischief. It was... weird. He was weird.
"Shinoa's… different from the rest of you. I can't help but realize every little thing about her. I can't help but want to help her. I can't help myself but notice her." he recalled the time when they were sitting side by side, with rain as their lonely companion as they were talking with hushed voice about her, about him, about pain, about sorrow. She looked so sad back then, and it made his chest hurt when he remembered it all.
"I can't leave her alone." he blinked as her image flashed on his head for a countless times that day. "It's hard to understand, but… she's always there. I always crave her presence, and when she's not where she's supposed to be, I'd got… this feeling on my stomach. The need to see her was too tempting that it's sickening. I just… losing her… it's not something I want to experience…." ever again, Yuichiro thought, as he leaned back to the headboard, his eyes downcast.
Kimizuki watched him—and this time he really watched, as if he was trying to solve a difficult piece of puzzles which scattered in front of him. It was hard to interpret his words. They were too vague, too obscure and he didn't want to jump into conclusion that quickly. But if he could then—
"Yuu." he began with even tone. "What do you feel about her?"
"What I feel…?" he wondered, his eyes widening in wonder when words stuck inside his mouth. What did he feel about her? She was… Shinoa. She was simply Shinoa and she's rude, playful, sometimes annoying but she's also kind, compassionate and strong—yes, she's strong. She was Shinoa…. and she's his family, right?
"I—I…. I don't... know."
The bespectacled boy released his breath, maybe it was too fast for the weight of his own words to sink down. "Just think about it, yeah? About your feeling, about her, and about you." he requested, a tired smile stretched on his face. "She's asleep right now, use the time to work on your own feelings, and when she wakes up, you have to talk to her. Get things straight." he advised him, cracking another smile.
The green eyed boy nodded his head slowly. "I guess you right. T-Thank you…" he muttered, almost tripped on his tongue when he realized who he'd thanked.
"No need to thank me, you idiot." he scoffed. "Family takes care of family, remember?" he mocked him playfully.
"Yeah, yeah." he chuckled and for the first time in days a sincere smile painted on his lips. "Yeah, I know."
.
.
.
Hm? Where was I?
The last thing I could remember was his face and his warmth, and then… there was nothing.
Did I die? Maybe I did, but I wasn't sure. I came back, didn't I?
I stood on my toes, glancing at my surrounding but the only thing reflected on my eyes was white and white and blinding.
It's not that dome, I concluded. But then, where was I? I'd never set a foot in this place before, at least as far as I knew. It was an unfamiliar territory and now, I was stuck here. How unfortunate.
I snorted, since when everything wasn't unfortunate for me?
My feet finally gave up, forcing me to sit on the cold ground. What should I do now? Sleeping? Moping? Staring into nothing?
Really brain, how smart of you. Maybe I should have started that ridiculous sleep therapy a long time ago.
I snorted again, enough of the jokes. What happened again?
I'd got possessed by that creature—no, by Kiyoshi, and then I lost control and begged Guren-chūsa to kill me. He did try, but Yuu-san used his body to protect me and got slashed instead. And now I was stranded inside this stupid place, possibly in coma and Yuu-san was barely hanging on his life.
Wonderful, I thought bitterly, trying to bury the images away. To forget him, I needed to forget him, at least for a moment, for my sanity.
Sitting here, alone with nothing but silence as my company made me thought about the past events. About how I remembered those horrible tortures or about how I remembered his name out of the blue or about how he was actually helping me get rid of those monsters.
He saved my life. And even thought in the end I couldn't control his power, he did give me a chance to come out from that place alive.
Then, did he care? He did warn me to not enter that room, he tried to save me. He knew that room was bad business, he knew—knew everything. Everything I forgot.
So that's why he'd always told me to remember, remember, remember until my ears bled and my brain throbbed like crazy. I guess I did forget about a lot of things. Maybe that's why he sent me those nightmares? To make me remember?
There were so many unanswered questions. But at least I knew that he did care, at some point.
I closed my eyes.
.
.
"Ne, tell me why I'm here?" her voice vibrated through the vast landscape. Pearly white swept by her eyes, it was odd that after all the things she did, she ended inside this place again. Meeting him again, how funny.
"Why do you always ask the same thing? I don't know how your brain works stupid." a voice shot back. Ah, there he was, sitting on the lone chair—that not-demon of hers.
"I don't know." Shinoa shrugged nonchalantly. "You seem to know everything, even that time—when I'd almost died. You saved me, really."
"I hate you." Kiyoshi spat out venomously. "You can die for all I care."
"Nah. That's not true." she paused, remembering her earlier musings. "You do care about me, don't you?"
"Like hell I do." he snorted. "You're my vessel, human. If you die, there goes my fucking existence too."
"You care." she clicked her tongue, ignoring his previous statement. "I'm sure about that. If you don't, then I would be dead now."
The cerulean eyed boy gave her an incredulous look, "Are you kidding me? Why do you think you'd almost died in the first place?"
"Because of those monsters of course." she said indifferently, examining her nails in great detail. "Is there any other reason?"
He stared for what seemed like hours before he shook his head, "You're insane. I can't believe this." he bemoaned, "Why the hell—You've changed… I mean… why the hell did you change? You're more—"
"Beautiful? Sassy? Cute?" Shinoa nodded her head benevolently, "I know. No need to inform me." she waved her hand as if it was a common fact.
"Why you…." Kiyoshi twitched his eye. "You ungrateful, impolite, crude little—"
"Kiyoshi." she cut him over. "Care to tell me the truth, now?"
The creature stopped for a moment before he sighed, long and tired. "You still haven't remembered." he said flatly, for it was the harsh and cold fact. "Why I'm not surprised…" he mumbled quietly.
"I do remember," she shot him an impassive look, "I remember the experiment. The pain. The torture—" she bit her lower lip, "I remember your name, at least." she shrugged her shoulders.
"Is that why you're more ease in my presence now?" he asked, his tone blatantly mocking her. "Really princess, if that boyfriend of yours hadn't absorbed my power, you would be dead by now. Or perhaps, you would've turned into a full-fledged demon—just like your sister."
Shinoa was still for a minute, her bronze eyes filled with obscure emotions whilst staring off the distance. Seconds later, her gaze dropped into her fingers as they were tracing warmth which left by her palm. She could still feel his presence. His warmth.
He saved me again, she thought while smiling tenderly.
The peace was broken by her gentle murmur against the air. "So that's why I'm alive—need to thank him somehow…."
"Hmph, really, how stupid can you be." he snorted loudly when he saw her gentle smile, set on erasing the said smile by making her feel miserable. But to his displeasure, the girl didn't even acknowledge his rude little comment and instead she was lost among her own thoughts. "Oi, don't ignore me, human!" he whined like a child. "I'm talking to yo—"
"You know, Kiyoshi." she interjected. "I'd never thought that I would experience the same thing like my sister."
"You liar." he deadpanned. "You know since the beginning, don't you? You're a bright child, you know that you'll follow your late sister's steps. That you'll turn into one. That's why you made such a ridiculous promise with the pointy eyed man. You can't fool me, dear."
Busted.
"I guess you right." Shinoa smiled sheepishly at him. "I just never thought I'd see the day where I'd got possessed by a demon like my sister. I always thought that I'd turn into one with natural causes, not like her. I thought it would never happen to me, because I certainly didn't have two demons inside my mind like she did." she chuckled humorously."But I was wrong, wasn't I? You're here after all."
"I'm not a demon." he grunted when she gave him a 'are-you-kidding-me' look. "Fine, maybe I am, but at the same time I'm not. Because as far as I know, normal demon certainly wasn't born like I was." he muttered under his breath. "I am what you call an abomination."
A hitched breath, and then came a snort.
"Abomination… huh?" Shinoa laughed softly. "I like how it sounds."
A pause.
"I still hate you, though."
"Mou, Kiyo-chan. You ruined the moment~"
.
.
"Kiyoshi, I'm bored." Shinoa complained as her fingers swimming through a sea of lavender-blue tresses. "So bored~" she sang.
"You're so annoying." Kiyoshi groaned when he felt hands messing with his strands of hair. "Can't you stop it?" he grunted when she pulled too strong, his scalp felt like it was burning. "That hurt, princess."
"Not my fault that you're such a boring companion." he swatted off her hands, quite taken by the insult. "Okay, okay. Kidding. Just kidding Kiyo-chan, no need to get all tsun-tsun with me." she poked his cheek teasingly.
"Goddammit…" he cursed in a low voice. "Why the hell I have to—DAMN IT woman that hurts!" he gritted his teeth when she yanked up two or three strands off their roots. "I swear to god I will ki—"
"How long do you think I would be in coma?" Shinoa cut him over, candidly ignoring his protest as she titled her head a little. "My friends must be worried about me."
"Dunno." Kiyoshi grunted, massaging his sore head. "Maybe weeks? Or months? It's up to you, really."
"What do you mean?" she raised an eyebrow.
"Well, there's only one case of a dual contractor that I know of, and your sister had certainly brought it down to her grave, not a pretty ending, wasn't it? So I don't really know when you'll wake up. Sustaining two demons inside your head is not an easy thing to do. I wonder how you could maintain that poker face of yours days ago. I'm sure my 'gifts' were not exactly pleasant, weren't they?" he mused out loud.
"It was pretty hard." she admitted honestly. "Then again, my sister took my demon, so it's not like she had two demons willingly, she just… she just wanted to—"
"Protect you?" he supplied blankly. "I know. But even a genius like her met her demise in the end."
"She did." she paused. "It's my fault that she died." she said bitterly, biting her lower lip until it drew blood. The atmosphere around them turned gloomy. "It's my fault that she went crazy. If only she hadn't took my demon away. If only our family is not a power-hungry scums. If only I had died—"
"You know that 'if only' and 'what ifs' can't change anything." Kiyoshi said, tapping her head absentmindedly. "You should let go of the past, Noa-chan."
"I can't." she chuckled weakly. "If I'd let go, I won't be me." she weighed down her words. "I won't be Shinoa."
"That's funny coming from you." he cocked an eyebrow arrogantly, as if challenging her into a duel. "Need I remind you that you still forget many things? The memories and also myself—you forgot about it all." he zeroed her a look.
Shinoa gulped hard, now that she'd thought about it, he's right. "I didn't mean to—"
"But you're trying to remember, so it's okay." he chimed in, his lips twitching into a slight smile. "Not what I've been imagining, well, at least it's decent enough."
The lavender haired girl took a breather before she puffed out her cheeks. "You're not going to tell me anything, aren't you?"
Kiyoshi only smirked in response, agitating her even more. He snorted loudly when she puckered her lower lip like a toddler would. "You look ridiculous. Absolutely preposterous." he mock-clapping her.
"Shut it, you squirt." she pouted cutely, blatantly ignoring his 'You're also a squirt!' outrage. "You always tell me that I need to remember, but you won't even help me at all. Aren't you being a little bit irresponsible here?"
"I'm not being irresponsible." he mumbled. "It's not like I don't want to tell you—for god's sake you drive me crazy. You're acting like a freaking toddler, always asking a lot of things." he shook his head dramatically. "Well, back to the topic, I can't tell you anything."
"Why can't you?" she said exasperatedly. "You just—talk. Isn't that easy?"
"If only it's that easy…" he gave her a bitter smile. "Do you know why I'm here? Inside your mind? And of all times, why now?"
"I—I don't…" she knitted her eyebrows in confusion. "I don't… know." she whispered, her voice feather-like.
"Exactly." he nodded his head. "Your memories still remain, yet they're locked away—sealed away, but the said seal began to wear off, little by little and by the time it's gone completely, you're going to remember everything." he moved his hand into his chest. "This seal also keeps me on my place, originally I couldn't speak at you at all, but when you'd almost died that time—remember that nightmarish mission?—you severed the ties, that's why I could contact you."
She was staring at him with blank eyes, like she was trying to figure him out. But then, she dropped her gaze when she realized that digging a hole on his head wouldn't solve her problem. "Who? Who was it?" she decided to ask him directly. "The one who sealed my memories—and you—away from me? And why?"
"That, princess," he grinned widely at her, eyes gazing to a distance. "Is a story for another time."
"Huh?" she scrunched up her nose. "What are you—"
"It looks like your prince charming has come to kiss you awake." he smirked at her shocked expression.
"W-What prince charming?!" Shinoa flushed crimson. She felt like she knew exactly who he was talking about.
"Huh? Do you prefer boyfriend instead?" he cocked an eyebrow at her. "How bold~"
"Why you little—" she growled low, and to his amusement her cheeks reddened even more.
Well, what a surprise. He would certainly stick with the 'prince charming' name calling but now he needed to shut her up.
"Shush," Kiyoshi put a finger on his lips. "Don't you want to hear him out?" he said with a feral grin.
She squinted her eyes at his smug face, "What are you talking ab—"
"Hey, Shinoa..."
Her eyes widened when a familiar voice reached her ears.
It was him.
.
.
.
author's note:
OKAY WHAT IS THIS. WHAT IS THIS?! I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN DAMN I SUCK. Ugh, anyway this whole angst-y-ness kinda sucked the soul out of me. Damn, even though angst is actually my favorite, too much depression isn't good for my heart. Anyway, here's the fourth chapter! For any of you who wanted to hunt me down and kill me for the last chapter (and maybe also for this one), just do it. I'm waiting with open arms (TuT).
Well, some of the secrets are finally out from the bag. But I know that there's still a lot of thing to explain, especially about Kiyoshi (it means pure in Japanese xd) origin and that crimson haired boy and the one who'd sealed Shinoa's memories away. But don't worry my dear readers, I'm going to explain it soon, so please be patient okay? AND IT'S ALSO THE SAME WITH THEIR RELATIONSHIP. Mwahahahaha, Yuu finally dreading into dangerous territory, it wouldn't be long until he realizes his own feeling about our resident troll queen. Well, we just have to wait for it to happen XD. And like always, here's the LN spoilers!
Warning: LN spoilers, beware!
what I used from the LN regarding this chapter :
No.1 Shinoa and Guren already on first name basis since the beginning. The girl was (and still is, maybe even more) certainly a sassy little princess and Guren's a pitiful man. I mean, he got teased by an eight years old femme fatale about his love live. I pity him, I really do… though that one with Mika in tow is way too funny and I cracked up for a good five minutes (He called him a pervert for god's sake, way to go Mika!).
No.2 Well, about Mahiru, she did start everything for her little sister. She knew the pain of having a demon inside her mind, especially after she'd gone through puberty, it's even worse than before. She started the whole demon-fiasco thing-y to save Shinoa from the pain and also from their family. She took Shinoa's demon, that's why she's going all no-shittin-me in the novel. And that perfectly explain why having two demons inside your mind is not a good thing. Even a genius like Mahiru met her demise in the end. But yeah, I admit she'd got sidetracked in the process, especially with Guren and the development of kiju. But still, at least she did everything she could.
No.3 Shinoa's demon is a black demon series, just like Mahiru's (which was Ashuramaru, or Ashura Tepes if you read the last novel. Now, that would make another connection between Shinoa and Yuu). Both Shinoa and Mahiru were born for an experiment, in which involved a demon possessed mother in the process.
No.4 About Shinoa's maturity, well, she'd got it rough since the beginning. She knows that having an attachment is forbidden for Hiiragis. Still, as a child, she couldn't help but rely on her sister a bit. But she was frighteningly bright and cunning for a girl her age, and that makes me amazed and sad at the same time. Oh well, having a genius as a sister must have a disadvantage at some point.
I think that's all. I hope you enjoy this chapter! And oh, I almost forget, please tell me your thoughts about this chapter alright? I really appreciate it! See you in the next chapter! (^w^)
-Hinoiri Lwin-