A/N: Hello! Sorry I've been MIA a couple of days, I needed some time to catch up. But The Descent is a long one, so bring snacks! I loved writing this episode although it was by far the hardest one to do so far. I hope I've managed to do a good job, I really wanted to show how conflicted I feel Damon was at this point in time. Let me know how I did okay? I own nothing. On with the show!
By The Light Of The Moon
Or as I like to call it: The Episode of Trickery.
Elena tries to steal the moonstone from Bonnie and she, Damon and Jeremy trap Elena in the house with a spell. Damon comes to visit her but has to leave when Ric informs him of the arrival of a new wolf in town, Mason's friend, Jules.
Bonnie enlists Luca's help in de-spelling the moonstone and he puts on a fancy show for her. Caroline helps Tyler through his first transformation. Katherine plays mind-tricks on Stefan in the tomb. Elijah tricks Jenna into inviting him into the house.
Elijah returns to visit Elena and they strike a deal, whereby Elena agrees to stop trying to kill herself and he will protect her friends and family and have Stefan released from the tomb. Elijah compels Katherine to stay in the tomb until he says otherwise. Stefan visits Elena upon his release from the tomb.
Ric and Damon try to trick Jules into drinking Wolfsbane which backfires...impressively. Damon returns home after antagonising Jules where he finds Rose waiting for him, she apologises to him before Jules breaks into the house and bites her. Damon comforts Rose and they assume the bite is healing.
Rose vows to stay and help Damon protect Elena and be his friend, as they become intimate they realise that the bite hasn't healed. "I don't love men who love other women."
The Descent
"I need to justify the reasons for the way I'm living
I guess I can't cos I feel like I don't deserve it
I can't take away all the shame I feel
Forgive me"
Let's see, Saint Stefan has been released from the tomb and is happily back in Elena's arms, Elena is acting fractionally less 'suicide-y' today which can only be a good thing, and I? Well I have a wolf to track down.
I'm bringing Rose some blood to try and keep her strength up "I was born in 1450, that makes me 560 years old" she tells me, "well if you were a bottle of wine...you know if you're gonna be maudlin I'm just gonna kill you myself" I'll find a way to fix this, I have to; but I don't really want to throw a pity-party over it. "Drink up – blood heals" – "yeah it does feel like its working" good let's take a look and see. And...shit. Yeah. Hmm. Blood's not really...doin' the trick. It looks...way worse.
"How is it?" uh..."It...definitely...better" shit. Oh Elena, great. She's much better at this sort of thing than I am. "Right, Elena?" – "Um...it's not bad" okay maybe she's not that much better. "Where's Stefan?" – "He left" god dammit Stefan, today? What is that boy playing at?
"I need you to talk to him. He's convinced he has to find Isobel" wow...seriously? First of all, in case you hadn't noticed I've kinda got my hands full over here and second of all...my brother is the biggest idiot in town. If I had just been rescued by my girlfriend from the tomb I'd been shacking up in with my crazy ex girlfriend then I wouldn't let Elena out of my bed for a month – idiot!
"No can do. I'm with Stefan on this one" uh-huh the Isobel part I'm sort of okay with but today? Not so much. "But if you could play nurse for a little while" – "It's not necessary" Rose interjects but it really is. "It is necessary. Elena's a do-gooder, it's in her nature. She just can't resist" and I am leaving, I gotta get out of this house. And like I said, this is much more suitable fo-
"Damon?" god what? "Is she gonna die?" fucking hell Elena, yeah. "Probably. The wolf bite caused some kind of infection that's getting worse" – "a poison?" how the hell would I know? "I don't know Elena I'm not an expert in the field" thank god.
"I'm sorry" oh don't even..."Death happens, we come, we go. Sooner she dies the better...it's gloomy as hell in here" god I love this girl but sometimes I just...need to be away from her. Plus I'm still pissed as hell at her stupidity and suicidal tendencies and now I've gotten Rose bitten and...Fuck! Just, get out of the damn house Damon.
Okay moving right along then, Ric leaves a message for me letting me know that wolf-girl is in the grill so that is where I need to be.
Ah! Wolfie. Oh. Stefan. "What are you doing here?" – "waiting for you" of course you are. In case I...explode, right? "Listen there's a lot of people here" Jesus does he really think so little of me? "Oh damn, there goes my plan to rip her spleen through her back" seriously, what does he think I'm going to do in a room full of people?
"Hey listen, I know you're upset about rose" and? Let me go so I can try to fix it! "Why does everyone think I'm upset about Rose? I'm fine. I don't know if you know this but sometimes? Vampires die. I'm gonna have a friendly chat with lady-wolf brother, ease up" go on, go away and find Isobel, come up with a plan to save your girlfriend and stop annoying me.
"Well if it isn't the one I meant to kill" had to start with that didn't she? "I'll have to get that right next time" Not. A. Chance. "You won't live to see another full moon...unless, unless you tell me how to cure a wolf bite. And then I won't kill you" Lying. I'm lying. "Promise?" nope. Not. A. Chance. "Yes" – "Bite me" for fuck sake.
She goes to leave and I grab her; "I'm not afraid of you" uh yeah 'cause you're an idiot, you're stronger than me...ish...one night a month, and that night just passed love. "Then you are very very stupid" – "How's your friend? Rose was that her name? Have the chills started? The unbearable pain?" – "If there is a cure tell me or start watching your back" – "Did I mention the dementia? It'll eat away at her brain, soon she'll be rabid. You want a cure? I'll tell you the only cure that exists. Take a stake and drive it through her heart" FUCK! That bitch is dead.
Right this second though I'm more concerned with my own stupidity. Ileft Elena with Rose and Christ, Jules said 'dementia' and then I check my phone and I've got a message from Elena. "It's Elena. I'm worried about Rose. I think you should come home" well all-right then, on my way.
I get back to the house and rush in to find a terrified looking Elena brandishing a sorry ass looking stake at my chest.
"You okay?" silence, all right, going to go with no then. "Where's Rose?" – "I don't know" ah god. Elena finally manages to find her voice properly and fill me in on what's happened and once again I am cursing my own stupidity. I should never have left her alone here. We leave the house to look for Rose and then Liz calls me, apparently Rose has gone vamp-psycho on the townsfolk. Fucking fabulous.
"What happened?" I ask Liz when I get there "a vampire" yeah I got that much. I tell her to secure the area because there's some event going on...when is there ever not an event in this fucking town? And then I go catch up with Elena.
"Hey, have you heard from him? Do you know what he's up to?" Stefan, of course, honestly is that all she thinks about? Priorities Elena. "Baby brother's not exactly my priority right now. Here, take this" I give her a stake just in case "Come on, let's go" and lead her away, and then I hear screaming and I smell blood and...yep. Found her!
"Rose. Stop" she tries to attack me but she's weak, much weaker than me right now and I easily take her down. "Rose, Rose hey, It's Damon. It's Damon" she seems to have regained control so I back off; we really need to get her home. This is...not good.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" – "Come on, let's get you home" – "No I don't have a home. I haven't had a home in so long" yeah I know the feeling, tonight though, mine will have to do. "Oh make it stop. Please make it stop" oh Christ. I'm going to have to make it stop aren't I? "I hate it make it stop" okay. Okay I will. Home first though.
Elena and I get Rose back to the house and into my bed and she says sorry again, "You went on a murderous rampage" it happens to the best of us honey.
"I'm sorry Elena" – "You shouldn't be here" and god I don't even know which 'here' I mean. The house? This situation? My bedroom? And I know she's been in here today because I can smell her everywhere, all around me and fucking hell because it's hard enough seeing her, every room I go in, I see her and smell her but...my bedroom? That was safe.
And it's such a struggle because I love it at the same time because I'm such a fucking masochist and then Rose has to start talking about the thirst, and our need to kill, the "pleasure it brings you afterwards" and why now, Rose? With Elena in my bedroom for the very first time? "Stop talking about it!" – "Damon's a lot like me" huh? How's that then? "He wants to care, the minute he does he runs away from it" well that's...fairly accurate I suppose. Trust me; it's much easier being the bad guy. It's a mask I wear well, an art I have perfected. But I do care, too damn much sometimes I think. And still...not enough.
Because I am bad. Because I am the monster in the shadows "...never forget it, what it's like to be human. It haunts me" wow, Rose is just...bringing out the big guns tonight. And then she starts howling in pain.
"What do we do?" Elena asks "Go" – "Damon" – "Just go. I got this" and you do not want to bear witness to this. She goes, good. That will be...easier. Rose is crying and begging me to make it stop and I will. There's nothing else I can do, there's no cure, only death.
"Who'd have thought you'd be a nice guy?" – "I'm not nice. I'm mean. I like it" – "You lie" yes. Yes I do. But it's...easier.
I give Rose a dream, last time I did this I was tormenting Stefan so this is...different. It's all rolling hills and sunshine and horses, and philosophical babbling. I, matter, apparently. "You've built a life whether you want to admit it or not" – "there's always a choice" and other highlights like that. After a while she tells me that the pain is gone and she's not afraid anymore, I think she's ready now. God I don't want to do this, but I have to. This is on me.
"I'll race you to the trees" – "Well you'll lose...I'm controlling this dream, maybe I'll cheat" – "On the count of 3" 1. 2. I cheat. Of course I do. Because I am the bad one.
You know, this is the second time in the space of a week that I've cried. How'd that happen? Bloody...girls getting to me that's how. Yeah. Big bad vampire over here. Big bad monster.
I finally get home after letting Liz know I 'captured' the vampire and burying Rose's body and if it isn't Little Miss Gilbert sitting waiting for me this time. That's...unusual. "You were supposed to leave" yeah I am not good to be around right now.
"I did. Then I came back to make sure that you're okay" and then she hands me a drink, just what I need. "I appreciate the gesture. I'm just glad it's over" – "You know I don't believe that" yeah. I do. Doesn't mean I can't try and make you.
"Go home Elena, get some rest. It's a whole new day tomorrow" please I need some...time. "Damon I'm your friend" fuck! "I'm well aware of that" please stop telling me. "And a friend usually knows when their friend is hurting" god dammit. You know, technically I wasn't actually well aware that we were 'friends' again and any other day I'd be rejoicing, but not tonight. Not this day.
"What do you wanna hear? That I cared about Rose? That I'm upset? Well I didn't and I'm not" – "There you go, pretending to turn it off, pretending not to feel. Damon you're so close don't give up" God how does she see through me like this? Fine Elena, you want the fucking truth?
"I feel Elena okay? And it sucks" so fucking much. "What sucks even more is that it was supposed to be me. Jules was coming after me" there's your pretty little truth Elena. "You feel guilty" give the girl a fucking medal. "That would be human of me wouldn't it Elena. I'm not human. You're one to talk about giving up, that's all you've done is give up. Go home, there's been enough doom, gloom and personal growth for one night" please go. Now. Ah shit she's going to cry.
"Okay. I will" thank you. And then she hugs me. Fuck me I love this girl. But I can't. And for the second time today I can't enjoy the feeling of her, I can't enjoy the love I finally feel for someone and I made her cry and I'm crying and she's got her arms around me but I can't even hold her back because it would be too damn much and she belongs to my brother and I am bad. I am the monster.
She pulls back and looks at me, her eyes straying down to my lips as ever and yet another thing in this fucked up day I can't enjoy. "Goodnight Damon" she says so softly and part of me doesn't want to let her go. Hell most of me wants to beg her to stay, just please...don't leave me. But I won't. I can't.
And that is how I find myself back to my old tricks. I am the monster, not in the shadows this time. I am the monster in the road.
"Sir are you okay?" Nope. Not even one little bit.
"What happened?" Everything. Nothing. Too much.
"I'm...lost. Metaphorically, existentially" – "Do you need help?" God yes, but somehow I doubt you're going to be able to give me what I need.
"You're drunk" - "No. Well...yes...ah...um...a...little. Maybe" No, wait. "Please don't leave. I really do need help"
"I don't want any trouble" oh god neither do I, but "It's all I got is trouble" it's all I know, all I've ever known.
"Why can't I move?" uh...because I said so?
"Jessica I have a secret. I have a big one and I've never said it out loud" I have many secrets, but of them all...this is probably the biggest. "I mean, what's the point? It's not gonna change anything. It's not gonna make me good, I mean...adopt a puppy" heaven forbid I did, Saint Stefan'd probably eat the damn thing.
"I can't be what other people want me to be. What she wants me to be. This is who I am Jessica" the monster, the bad brother, the evil vampire. She can't love me; because I am a vampire. And I know how stupid, how ironic that sounds given that she's with my brother and all but that girl walks on almost as tight a moral plane as he does.
And me? Well I'm 'only the bad parts' as Lexi once told me, I hunt humans, I kill innocent people, I prey on the weak. Don't I? I haven't killed anyone in...a very long time, at least not anyone that was 'innocent' but this is who I am...I've changed so much...she's changed me so much and it's still not enough.
So Jessica..."Do I kill you? Do I not kill you?" – "Please don't" I want to let her go, there's a part of me that I've never felt before, that is screaming at me just to let her go. But I am a fucking vampire. I am a predator. I enjoy the hunt, the thrill, the chase, the fear. The adrenaline that courses through their bodies makes the blood taste all the sweeter and to a vampire that's as close to heaven as you get.
Or at least. It was. Until I met Elena fucking Gilbert. I don't know whether that girl has ruined me or saved me.
"But I have to Jessica. Because I'm not human. And I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world. But there's only so much hurt a man can take" so I have to kill her. Because it doesn't matter how much I change, what Elena sees in me, what steps I take to become what she so desperately wants me to be...I will never change the fundamentals of who I am.
I am not Saint Stefan, my white knight brother and I never will be. I will never be a bunny snacking brooding pacifist, I will never be a fucking ripper and I will never be good enough. So I kill her to make a point, to myself, this is who I am.
I am a vampire, not a man, I am a monster, not an angel. I kill, I torture, it's what I know, it's how I exist. I've been so hurt but I've hurt so many, done so much. And I'll keep doing it because that's who I am. It's how I exist.
But now, for the first time in my very fucking long existence of killing innocent humans on the roads, I regret it. I should have let her go. That would have been a better point to prove really. I could have let her go. And I should have. Fuck.
Dear Diary,
Today I helped Damon take care of Rose, the werewolf bit her...and Damon asked me to stay and look after her while he went out to try and find a cure I think. It was the first time I'd been in Damon's room, it's kinda...beautiful. I mean, it's massive. Much bigger than Stefan's, and he doesn't have very much in it. Apart from the biggest bed you've ever seen, which...kind of expected really. And he had a stack of books, classics, first editions probably. But it's just, simple, and minimal and so very...Damon.
Rose said I was lucky, that no one had ever loved her the way I'm loved and even though she didn't say his name...I think she was talking about Damon. She said the whole idea of family is not compatible with being a vampire but all of these things...Damon, love, family, vampires...are just...not things that I can think about right now. Maybe ever.
Rose accused me of giving up and said that the deal with Elijah was my easiest option but I don't see any other one. Elijah will protect my friends, my family, Klaus will die and everyone will be safe. I'm not stupid; I know he didn't say anything about me but that doesn't matter. The people I love matter and if I have to die to keep them safe then so be it. It's the only way.
Rose said I wasn't even trying but I don't know what people want from me. Damon...I know that's why he's been angry with me, but...I won't fight back at the expense of everyone else, it's not fair.
Then Rose got a lot worse and sick and started hallucinating and she tried to attack me because she thought I was Katherine. I had to barricade myself in Stefan's room and I called Damon but he didn't come back, eventually I couldn't hear Rose anymore so I went back out into the house and Damon came home but Rose was gone.
We went and found her and brought her home and I think Damon...I think he had to kill her. I really, really didn't want to leave him but he seemed so...angry at me and he just kept telling me to go so I did. But I had to go back, I couldn't just leave him like that...I had to see him again and make sure he was okay. Which he wasn't, he just looked so sad, but he was angry at me as well, and I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to push him. I know Damon would never hurt me, but I didn't want to upset him anymore than he already was so I just hugged him and then I left when he asked me to. But I really didn't want to. I wish he had asked me to stay, I wish he would just let me be there for him. I feel like...sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who really sees Damon. Who he truly is inside, hidden underneath his 'bad-ass' vampire mask.
When I got home Stefan was waiting for me. With John. Which is...great. Exactly the person we needed back in our lives, it's not as if he tried to kill Damon the last time he was here or anything.
Elena