Weeks passed and after a while Quinn stopped trying so hard. She just left me alone, looked at me a lot, but didn't speak to me. Brittany on the other hand had been speaking to me now and then. We even hung out outside school three times, I think. Not alone though, she always came along with me and Mercedes. I wanted to ask Brittany if Quinn had asked about me, a part of me was really worried that she had stopped caring about me ignoring her. And I didn't understand why.. I thought I would be happier than ever that she started leaving me alone. I guess I was just too used to being followed around by her, and too used to hearing her voice every day. It was just something I adjusted to, something I expected to happen in my weekday.

While me, Brittany and Mercedes were on our way home, we sat inside the car as Mercedes drove us home. I was in the front beside Mercedes and Brittany was in the back. We had been shopping for a dress for Mercedes, she had a wedding to go this weekend and she wanted company to look for a good looking one. After a couple of hours, we found it, the perfect dress. First, Brittany wouldn't come with us of course but she had texted me the night before, asking if I wanted to hang out the day after so instead of turning her down I just invited her to tag along with us. However, the drive home wasn't too long, around a twenty minute ride. I kept thinking of a way to bring Quinn up and not sound interested in her at all, but that wouldn't work. I mean, if I mention her, they'd understand. So I decided not to care and just go for it. Really, who cares what they think.

"Hey, Brittany?" I said, looking back at her.

"Yeah?" she turned her face from looking out the window, to me.

"Can I ask you something?" I noticed that what I said caught Mercedes attention.

"Sure" Brittany said.

"Do you still, you know, hang out with Quinn? I mean, outside school..," I asked, both Brittany and Mercedes looked weirdly at me "I'm just wondering because you're hanging out with us, wouldn't she have a big problem with that..?" I tried to save myself from looking like an idiot.

"We do hang out, sometimes, yeah" she said. "And no, she doesn't care anymore" Brittany added and I felt like someone grabbed my heart and squeezed it.

"O-oh.." I said "I guess that's good"

When we reached Brittany's place and she was going to step out, she stopped and looked at me for a moment. I didn't really get her point but then she asked me if I could step out with her. She wanted to ask me something. I could feel the nervosity grow in my chest. She walked out of the car and I opened the door to do the same thing.

"What the hell is going on.." Mercedes mumbled to herself, but yet looking at me.

I walked over to where Brittany was standing, right by the apartment building. She was standing there and I tried to see if she looked angry or anything but she didn't. Her face was neutral.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Look, Santana.. Are you okay?" she started.

"Yeah.. Why?"

Brittany looked nervous, as if she was going to tell me about someone's death or something. I didn't understand where she was going with it all. I stood there and waited for her to answer but she didn't say anything. I started to get bored of just standing there, and also, it was rude to make Mercedes wait too long. At last, her mouth started to open and she was going to say something but she stopped herself, I gave her a furrowed look and tried to make her speak without saying anything myself.

"I just, I think you miss her" she finally spoke.

"You think I miss who?" I asked.

"Quinn.." she said, she was looking down on the ground beneath her shoes. Her face didn't look too happy.

"Why would you think that?" I asked, I started to get even more nervous and it was getting harder for me to cover it.

"I know she stopped going after you and stuff, she told me she's over it and whenever I see you in school or hang out with you, it feels like you're looking for her" she looked up at me and her eyes were serious, I couldn't see a hint of a happiness in them right that moment.

"You're wrong, Brittany," I lied "it's nothing like that, really"

"Are you sure? I get worried sometimes, Santana" Brittany said and looked at me, this time a smile slowly started to grow.

"Don't worry about me" I assured her. "I'll be fine, okay?"

"It's just that I always want all my friends to be happy, because when they're sad it makes me sad too" her face changed from that serious look now to a happier one.

"Brittany, if you care about people too much, and try to take care of everyone, you'll forget about yourself at last.. Don't forget that" I said, Brittany nodded with a smile glued on her thin lips. "See you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Okay" she gave me a quick hug and walked towards the building, once, she turned around and waved before she reached the door.

I was up all night thinking about ways I could forget about Quinn. Then I realized that even thinking about that clarified that I did miss her. I really did and I had no idea why. Maybe it was because she was right, because we were so much alike in many ways? Or maybe it was that other thing I had been pushing away that made me miss her. I couldn't find words that would explain this, not even I understood what was going on. It was too much for me to focus on. It made me feel like I was failing again, but this time what I was failing was keeping my own promise - that I would stay away from Quinn. I managed for a couple of weeks, but every single day I looked for her, discreetly. And everyday a part of me hoped she would just come up to me and start saying stuff so I could ignore her again. It didn't happen. Brittany was right, I had been right all along, Quinn stopped caring about me. She just simply gave up, and I hated it. I really hated it. I decided that I would just let it go, that I would let my feelings in and that I would stop this hating Quinn bullshit. I decided it was time that I started to allow myself to feel better. About everything. If I had to, I would see a psychologist. Only if I had to, though. I would try to deal with it by myself first. I mean, I had stopped with the cutting, thanks to Brittany. I had forgiven Quinn, now I only had to deal with the other confused, mixed and angry feelings I had in a good and healthy way. However, about Quinn, I would try to talk to her. Maybe even be her friend. I would not only because I wanted to but also because we were on the same team and I couldn't skip anymore cheering lessons, the coach threatened to kick me off the team if I kept skipping practice. So I would fix that as well.

The next morning I woke up after only four hours sleep. I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for school. I brushed my hair, tied it up into a ponytail and brushed my teeth. I put my skirt on and noticed that, finally, it wouldn't twinge when I pulled tight jeans up on my thighs, the scars were still there, but they weren't sore. I put the top on as well and walked over to the living room. I told my mom I was ready and she dropped me off at school on her way to work, like always. I walked into school and straight to my locker. I opened it up, took out my biology books and went straight to the classroom. I waited outside along with some other students, the lesson would start in ten minutes. I put my books on the bench and sat down beside them. I kept staring at the clock and practically counted the seconds, I was so anxious I just wanted to get in and get the lesson over with. I knew I would meet Quinn there so I decided to talk to her after the lesson. That's why I was so stressed out. And it messed with me that I was. It honestly did. I was never nervous, almost, only when it was something serious. But come on, I was going to talk to Quinn? I had nothing to be nervous about.. I think. Still, yet I was. Two minutes passed and eight minutes remained, more and more people started to show. Then, finally, Quinn and Brittany. Brittany waved at me as they walked by, and I waved back. Quinn just stared at me like always. I started thinking and I had seven minutes left, in seven minutes, I could talk to Quinn, that way I would get it over with and just not have to think about it during class. I grabbed my books and stood up. I looked over at them, they were sitting on the bench on the left side of the door, I gathered all the courage I could and walked over to them.

"Quinn..?" I said. Without a hello or hi or anything. Brittany was the one who looked up, not Quinn.

"Quinn, she's talking to you.." Brittany tried to whisper but noticed I could hear her anyway so she raised her voice.

"What do you want?" she said, not even looking up.

"I need to talk to you"

"Talk"

"Really, Quinn?" I said.

"Yeah, really Santana"

Brittany noticed the tension so she got up and stood with some of the other girls from the cheerleading team right on the other side of the door.

"Why are you mad at me?" I asked and sat down next to her. Surprisingly, I wasn't even nervous anymore.

"Do I have any reasons not to be mad?" she said.

"You have no reasons at all to be mad, not even one" I answered.

"Let's see," she let out a sarcastic laugh "I tell you I like you, I get ignored. I tell you I want to be friends, I get ignored. You tell me I'm forgiven, I still get ignored. Now tell me, are those not reasons for someone to have the right to be upset?"

"I guess you're right, but it's still nothing I can do about it, it is like that now, Quinn"

"Then what the hell are you doing here talking to me?" she asked, her eyes were staring right into mine and I found it hard to find an answer, because I had no idea what to say.

"I.. I don't know" I answered.

"I left you alone, isn't that what you want?" she was so annoyed I was afraid she would cause a uncalled for scene.

"It was"

"Was? Define 'was' Santana, I want to know what the hell your point is with all of this because you're so confusing"

"I don't know" I said again.

"What the hell do you know then?"

"Just forget it" I jeered when I saw the teacher coming. I stood up and walked over to the classroom door so I could just sit down and get calmer.

I sat in my usual spot, with the usual ginger next to me. We were supposed to sit with our lab partners during all biology classes, which for me would be Quinn. But no one cared about it anymore so we just sat wherever we wanted. I kept thinking about how rude Quinn had been, and how insensitive she had been when I tried to talk to her. Yeah, okay, maybe I didn't really know what I wanted to tell her - I didn't know what was left to tell her. All I knew was that I wanted to talk to her.. Now that she didn't want to talk to me. It made me feel really annoyed and the anger just boiled inside me like hot lava, ready to burst out of my chest any minute. I didn't expect that she would be mad, she really had no right. My reasons to ignore her were relevant, they were real reasons, her wasn't. It was just bullshit, stuff she said to make it sound like she was the victim. And I was so fed up with that. I just wanted her to talk to me again. And, I needed to think about why I wanted that for a long time before actually getting it. This feeling, this liking I had towards her.. It was like some kind of obsession, she had drawn me into her and for some weird reason, I wanted to keep it that way. I wanted to keep that psycho bitch obsessed with me as much as I wanted to keep my obsession with her. The only problem was that I didn't want people to notice that I actually wanted Quinn close. I wanted it to stay a secret, my own secret.

"Santana, what's the answer to the question I just asked?" the teacher interrupted, knowing I didn't even know what the question was.

"I.. Don't know"

"You didn't listen to me?" she acted surprised.

"No" I admitted. I heard soft chuckles around class.

She just sighed and gave me a look, then went back to teaching the class for the next fifteen minutes, until the lesson was over. That just added one more reason to be pissed off to my list.

"Class dismissed" she called and everyone left the classroom.

Truth is, I had been feeling Quinn burning under my skin for a really long time. I was just too much of a coward to admit it to myself. I was too much of a coward to admit that she was the one of to the biggest reason to why I hated school but at the same time loved going there.

"Santana! Hey!" I heard and turned around as I was walking towards the locker, it was Tina.. And Rachel.

"Hey" I said and awkwardly just stood there.

"Where are you going?"

"My locker" I answered, my eyes quickly glanced at Rachel, as hers did the same at me.

"Oh, do you want company?" Tina happily asked. I was so pissed off already and her ignorance annoyed me even more, she knew I didn't want to be around Rachel but yet she tried to come after me.

"No, I'll meet up with Mercedes soon" I lied.

"Can't you guys hang out with us?" she asked.

I looked at Tina, in my head, I was choking her to death, but in the moment, I had no other choice than to say yes. She knew exactly what she was doing and it was really messed up, it wasn't right to force me into hanging out with Rachel. But Tina had been cool to right from the start and it would be wrong of me to just ditch her all the time because I didn't want to hang out with her good friend. So I had to put up with it sometimes.

"Fine" I grumbled.

We walked towards my locker together, Tina and Rachel talked and I walked some steps before them. When we reached the locker, I put the biology books in and locked it. I took out my phone to text Mercedes, she answered quickly and said she would meet me after my cheerleading practice. She said she would be late to school because of a doctors appointment she had in the morning. I took my bag, and prayed that time would just go faster so these thirty minutes I was going to spend with Tina and Rachel would be over with. We sat down outside in the benches by the schoolyard. It was hot outside so I decided to go out, and of course, they followed me. The real reason to why I chose to go out was because there was a bigger chance for me to see Quinn there. She was in the schoolyard more than she was inside school.

"So how do you feel being in the cheerleading team? I never asked you about it, I always thought you were the last one who would join" Tina said.

"Yeah I know, I used to cheer back where I used to live too, it's nothing new" both Tina and Rachel looked shocked when I said that.

"You used to cheerlead?" Tina sneered.

"Yeah, I used to be a cheerleader, and I am one now too. Is it really such a big deal?"

"No, no" Tina shook her head.

"Where's Mercedes? You said you were going to meet her.."

"Yeah, she called me and said she had an doctors appointment so she would be late" I lied again, I texted her, she didn't call me.

"Oh I guess you're lucky you found us then" Tina smiled.

"So lucky" I smiled back, hoping they wouldn't get the sarcasm.

I sat down in silence for some long minutes while Tina and Rachel talked for themselves. I looked around and spotted Quinn alone for once. It made me wonder where Brittany was. However, I saw her walk towards the back of school, where people usually didn't hang. It was just big containers where they dump the school's paper left overs, cardboards and boxes. I squinted in curiosity and stood up, fixed my skirt and pulled the bag over my back.

"I'll go get ready for practice, yeah?" I fooled them.

"Already? Isn't it twenty minutes left?"

"I need to stretch" I just babbled the first thing that got in my head.

"I understand, see you later" Tina smiled, stood up and walked to the school entrance again, I guess they didn't want to be outside after all.

I waited for them to get in so they would see that I wasn't walking towards the football court. When they were in, I sneaked after Quinn. She had already gone behind school now, so I couldn't see her. I took quick steps over there. When I reached the first corner, I slowly peaked over and saw her standing there, leaning on the fence. I couldn't quite see what she was doing. I leaned my head back on the wall and peaked again, this time I saw she was holding something in her right arm, I couldn't see clearly, I was facing the left arm. I tried to figure out if I wanted to go to her and try to.. Discuss about whatever, I didn't know, I would let her do the talking. But, if I did that she would know I followed her and she would get too stuck up about it, I figured. I peaked for the third time and this time I saw exactly what she was doing. I walked away from the corner and walked over to her, she looked up and then looked down at the cigarette in her hand, then back up at me. Her face was priceless.

"Enjoying the smoke, Quinn?" I taunted.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she attacked.

"I followed you" I admitted, whatever lie I would tell her would sound stupid and she would know it was all lies.

"Who gave you the right to follow me?" she asked, surprisingly, very calmly.

"No one. I just did"

"Why?" she said, raised her right hand, put the cigarette between her lips and blew in the smoke, puffed out and let the smoke surround my face.

"Because," I waved my hand in front of my face to make the smoke disappear faster, I wasn't fan of the smell. Quinn narrowed her eyes, waiting for an answer "because.." I didn't know what to say, I had no logical explanation to why I followed her.

"You don't know again, I suppose?" she took another puff.

"I was curious" I admitted.

"About?"

"You were alone for once, and I saw you walk over here.. I know it's not exactly the hot spot in the schoolyard" I started to sound confident.

"Smart" she sniffed, as if she had a cold. She flickered the half smoked cigarette on the ground, ashed it and threw it right between me and her and stepped on it once with her foot.

"I didn't know you smoked"

"Yeah, no one does.. I hope you feel special" she snorted.

"How come I'm the first one who follows you out here, doesn't Brittany get curious too?"

"I always tell her not to come after me"

"And she doesn't?" I wondered.

"No," Quinn tightened her ponytail "she's a good friend, she respects you if you ask her to do something"

"Okay.. And I assume everyone else who doesn't follow you is scared, huh?" I said.

"I hope so"

I started to think about what I wanted to say next, just to keep the conversation going. I didn't come up with anything even worth saying, I couldn't shake the feeling off - this was so unexpected of me to do, and just plain weird. I didn't want to bring old stuff up and I also didn't want to remind myself of my promise that I would stay away from Quinn, the one promise I made that I couldn't keep for a long time. I felt Quinn staring at me as I looked down at my shoes. I looked up and her eyes were still glued on my face. I tried to look away, I thought she might stop.. She didn't. I looked back at her, her eyes wandered around my whole face, they went from my eyes to my lips at least five times, from my nose to my cheeks up to my forehead and down to my chin.

"Are you looking for something?" I jokingly asked.

"A flaw"

"A flaw?" I wondered.

"Yes" she pushed herself of the fence and grabbed her bag from the floor, it was right next to her, and she walked away.