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| semper memento |
her smile is a fleeting brush upon starry skies, painting up silver constellations
his tears are fragile, glittering pearly dew over starlit black canvas
they are the wild blue yonder, dawn of hope and silver lining
stars and crescents are stapled within their eyes,
bright and shining, they seem like forever
but in fact, they die far too quickly
sinking low and low, and then
turn into the horizon
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our memories are well grounded hopes, but at least will you—
always remember to remember?
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author's babbling and a little bit warnings:
Hiii Minna-san~ *hiding behind a wall* Sorry for the late update! A lot happened…. like, a LOT. A thief stole my purse and Note 4, I almost got run over by a truck when chasing the said thief, my mother got into a car accident, my college year officially begins… Oh well, let's just say that july was a hard month for me… (TuT). Well, enough about me, here's chapter six! The long awaited reunion~ And thank you for the reviews minna-san, I really REALLY appreciate it! Love you all! XD. I hope you will like it, enjoy reading~ (^w^)
disclaimer:
I do not own owari no seraph (well, I'm just a random girl), or Yuu (damn) or Shinoa (double damn), or Shinya-bae (I wish).
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The light burned her sight. Harsh and dazzling; and somehow it made her think of afterlife, of death, of purgatory but sadly she was not one to die, was she?
She blinked again. White lilies bloomed and flourished against her throbbing eyes, and she woke up with a start; into an entirely different place, a different turn.
Kiyo-chan was not here, she realized.
But Shinoa was here.
And she was alone.
"Shii-chan?" Shinoa whispered, softly, gently, so gently; because she was trapped inside an unknown territory (or a jail, she thought, her mindscape was always a jail she couldn't escape) and her heart won't stop beating two miles per hour, and her lungs were burning with flames within her chest.
There was no answer.
"Shii-chan?" Shinoa tried again, another chance, the same question. "Are you there?"
"It doesn't matter, does it?"
A voice said, more like hissed, and the girl blanched, gritting her teeth tight when a mouthful of bitterness swarmed her senses. She unconsciously bit her tongue, and it bled crimson as the liquid smeared upon her dry lips. A weird, repugnant sensation within her mouth.
Somehow it tasted like metal, and hell.
"It does matter." she said, wiping the substances into her sleeve, staining it red. "Why did you take me here?"
The demon stilled for a moment, then tipped his head to her. "Shinoa doesn't need me anymore."
"What are you talking about?" The lavender haired girl murmured, her fingers curled into her palms. "You are Shii-chan, my Shii-chan. Of course I need you."
"No, Shinoa. I'm not Shii-chan." he denied.
"If you're not my Shii-chan, what are you?" she asked, despondent and wretched feelings swirled inside her stomach, burning her entrails with imaginary flames. "What are you, then?"
"I'm a demon, not your Shii-chan." a pause, a really long pause and Shinoa inhaled sharply when he said; "At least not anymore."
"Shii-chan?" Shinoa was smiling, but it was so forced, rough on the edges, just like a sharp broken glass. Shinoa walked to his place, her feet scraped against the smooth white surface, creating an eerie echo as they thumped and thumped. Then, when she was close enough, she raised her hand to touch him and murmured a small;
"Forgive me?"
The demon laughed.
"What to forgive?" Shii titled his head, giving her a blank stare. "You are not my Shinoa, are you?" he blew a long breath, his breath rattled his cheeks. "My Shinoa is dead the moment she accepted that thing into her heart and body. You are not my Shinoa, my Shinoa is long dead. Long gone."
Shinoa flinched back halfway, drawing her hands to her chest and said, "I'm still Shinoa. Please don't do this, Shii-chan." she paused, relenting; "Please talk to me? Kiyo-chan is not a bad person, he cares about me, so please?"
There was silence (Shinoa hated silence) but it was soon broken by his loud and grating screech, startling her in the process.
"He does not care about Shinoa!" The creature snarled, baring his sharp fangs at her. "He hates you, he hates you so much that it burns red." he spat, and then; "Shinoa shouldn't trust him. You can't trust him."
( you can't trust that demon )
It was hard to breathe, for her. Because it was the first time she'd ever seen him screaming at her with so much hatred, with so much repugnance, with so much disgust. And it scared her, it really did, even to the point where she wanted to run away and bury herself deep six feet under.
But she could not die yet. Not before everything was over. Not before she'd remembered all her stolen memories.
And for that, Shinoa needed both of them. Her keys, her dangerous and warped hopes.
"Shii-chan, listen to me." Shinoa said desperately, "He saved my life. He cares."
"No he doesn't!" Shii screamed in response, grabbing her shoulders with an iron grip, shaking her roughly as if to wake her up from whatever illusion she held. "He's just an impostor. He wants to take Shinoa away from me! I've been there longer, so why him? I've been here longer, so why him? Why did you choose him?" he asked, almost desperately, his wide eyes pinned straight at her.
Shinoa bit her lip hard, trying to calm her rattling heart before she took him inside a crushing hug.
"Please don't do this to me." she begged, "Let's just forget about Kiyo-ch—a-about him for now, so tell me what do you want? Ne?"
"Don't trust him." he whispered, clenching her arms tightly that she afraid it would leave marks. "He hates Shinoa. He's not supposed to be awake, he needs to sleep."
"Why he needs to sleep?" she said softly, patting his back with careful hand. "Does he a bad demon? What had he done?"
Shinoa felt him flinched under her touch, drawing himself away from her. "I—I'm sorry. I can't tell Shinoa. I can't—but don't trust him, don't." he chocked, his words almost inaudible but she caught them anyway. "Please don't." he begged again.
"Okay," The girl agreed, almost reluctantly, and ran her fingers among his mess of hair. "Okay I won't."
Between his skin and hers, Shinoa felt his tense and rigid body began to settle down under her warm hand. The fire which had been ablaze and smoldering was reduced into a mere heat, small flame dying overtime. She touched him again, and he stopped shaking, burying his face onto her chest.
"..…y'know 'hat I'm here longer, don' you? Shinoa…. won't cast me away, 'ight?" he mumbled into the fabric of her clothes. His grip around her loosened like a broken strap.
Shinoa didn't know what he meant by that, but she won't cast anyone away—especially her own demon which had been there longer for her and saved her live countless times before.
"Yes," breathed Shinoa, "I won't."
The little demon nodded weakly, "….good, 'kay… I'm happy…. don'—don' lea… ve?" he murmured into her feverish skin, before he leapt back from her and vanished into thin air. She blinked her eyes repeatedly, clearing her sight, and yet found nothing but empty space around her.
"Shii-chan….?"
The next thing she knew of, Shinoa was back into that place again.
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"Kiyo-chan?" Shinoa called, stealing his attention away from his musings.
"Hm?" The blue eyed demon titled his head a little, giving her the permission to continue.
"Do you hate me?" Shinoa asked, bluntly.
"Yes." The not-demon answered her without a miniscule of hesitation, his eyes too eerie and blank for her to take. "I hate you. I had told you before; I harbor no illusion about being a caring little boy or whatever shit you'd spouted about. I simply hate you from the bottom of my heart."
"Why?" she stressed out, the young Hiiragi honestly didn't understand his way of thinking. "Why do you hate me?"
"Why not?" Kiyoshi mocked her, but not playfully like she'd accustomed to. It was sickening, a foul taste in her mouth, and it made her want to vomit badly. "You've wronged me in the past, princess. I'm no saint, there's no way that I'm going to forgive and forget; just like you stupid humans love to do. I'm a demon, a creature like me has no qualms about holding a grudge, remember that."
"How could you hate me for something I don't even remember?" Shinoa asked, frustrated with his straightforward answer. Her heart was chattering within her rib cage, and her eyes were set on fire, almost burning in eternal flame as she blinked back the tears. Somewhere in the depth of her mind, she knew what his answer would be.
( and she pushed it away, buried it deep until she couldn't hear her own voice pleading at her to listen listen listen )
"How could I not?" he threw the question back at her, rendering her speechless.
Shinoa shifted her eyes away from those tantalizingly clear blue orbs, feeling oddly ashamed with her own words. The demon was right, how could he not hate her for forgetting in the first place? How could he not, really? But it's not her fault, at least not entirely.
Maybe she forgot about him, maybe she was at fault, but she couldn't accept it just like that.
That was the thing about fraternizing with demons.
You couldn't accept anything but power.
"Are you saying the truth?" she prodded again after a moment of silence, "You're not lying, are you?"
"Of course." The cerulean eyed boy rolled his eyes at her seemingly stupid questions, "You talked with Shii, didn't you?" he countered, staring at her with a sickly sweet smile which made her stomach churn.
"Yes." Shinoa bit out, there was no point of lying after all. "He said that you hate me. He said that you supposed to be asleep. You need to sleep. What does it means?" she emphasized, looking him straight in the eye.
"The truth, I guess." he shrugged his shoulders off nonchalantly, "Anyway, you shouldn't be here, you know?"
"Why?" Shinoa sighed, long and bitter, she knew that the topic was closed off. "I'm stuck here, remember?"
"Not anytime soon." he smirked wickedly.
Shinoa raised her eyebrow, "What are you—"
"Your consciousness." he interjected, the sly smirk upon his face was still intact, and better, it was growing even wider than before, splitting his face in two halves. "It begins to return. You'll wake up soon, princess."
"H-How soon?" she widened her eyes, didn't sure what to feel at this sudden development.
The demon put a thumb under his chin, "Hmmh, maybe like—5 seconds from now?"
Her eyes widened even more that her pupils almost looked like a mere scribbles. "Wha—"
But before she could even finish her sentence, her body began to fade away into sparks of white, pieces of silvery glass flying around; and a few seconds later, she vanished completely into thin air as a white lily fluttered in her place.
She was gone.
Kiyoshi stood rigid after her disappearance, staring at the innocent thing on the opaque floor with cold eyes.
White lily, huh? How fitting, he thought wryly.
He walked then, feet thumped against the pale surface, reaching his final destination, he stopped moving altogether.
"Goodbye for now, princess."
He stomped over the flower without remorse.
The silvery white petals bled crimson under his weight.
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—semper memento—
always remember
"I like to watch him, most times. When he isn't looking; when he is too far gone to notice me; when his gaze is too focused on something more, more important than me. I always watch, and watch I did—but not anymore."
"Because you see, back then and even now, what he sees first has always been her. Not me. Never me, always her."
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"The night I saw him looking at her with this look in his face, so different, so foreign, and for me; he looked like a complete stranger. His gaze burned like fire, long, thin fingers traced upon her translucent skin, and when he brushed his thumb across her red painted lips—something beyond his eyes told me the truth, and that instant, I knew that I stand no chance against her. So, not anymore, I decided. No more heartbreak, no more tears. I'm going to stop. No, I need to stop, right?"
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"Because what is worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?"
-Sanguu Mitsuba-
the sixth memory
[exactly where they'd fall]
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Silence fell among them, and it was very quiet, so quiet that it was deafening.
How many days had passed by since she saw his face? Since she looked into his eyes? Heard his voice? How many days it'd been since she'd lost herself to her own weakness?
Forever, perhaps. But that was still to come, a very long time. So not forever then. Shinoa knew that her sense of time had always been a little bit asinine.
A little bit warped.
"Yuu-san…." she whispered, her mild grip on the blanket escalated into desperate clawing. This was not a time to relent, not a time to be afraid either. But she couldn't help it.
He was here, Yuu-san was here, in flesh and all, with her.
She missed him so much.
But at the same time, she didn't want to see him.
A wretched feeling, she knew. But it was better than this rotten, sick longing pulsed on her every cell.
She really did miss that boy so much, that it was almost revolting.
"Shinoa…." she flinched when she heard her name, biting her lower lips hard, drawing rust and blood. "I—You…?"
"I—I'm sorry…." The bronze eyed girl murmured, brushing a strand of wild hair away from her face with a trembling hand.
Why the sudden fear? It was only Yuu-san, wasn't it? So why did she feel like hiding from his presence?
( because you love him. you yearn for his presence, and yet you push him away. you're just trying to fool yourself, you stupid girl. you need to fight once in a while, not hiding. you're always hiding; her mind whispered )
Shinoa shook her head, erasing him and her jarring thoughts from her consciousness; because something inside her always burning like fire when he entered her mind. She needed to block him away, somehow.
But how could she when he was only a meter away from her?
"….noa are you… real...?"
"H-Huh?" she blinked, white walls and green eyes staining her sight. "I—Ano… can you p-please repeat that…? I'm… I don't think I can hear… very clearly now—and… and—Y-Yuu-san…?" Shinoa gasped, her eyes widening into saucers when he closed the distance in one sweep of a motion, dipping his face straight to her. Their noses almost touching, almost colliding for only a breath set them apart.
He was so close, that it hurt to breathe.
"Yuu…. –san….?"
Shinoa didn't really know what she was doing exactly. Sitting on this familiar hospital bed, seeing the pure white painted on the sleek walls and tiles, and the green of his orbs, or the raven of his hair—it made her feel insecure, and she—she was drowning.
Inside a memory she couldn't forget; of fleeting touches and burning fingertips; of feather-like brushes and faint warmth upon her lips. It came crashing down her head like tidal waves, and she asked herself again; it was not a time to be afraid, right?
( because you see, Yuu-san was here and Shinoa was here and they were together. her breath was shallow and short, and with a heart which felt like a drum beating strong within her, it was not an easy task. but Shinoa, Shinoa was supposed to talk, to confess, to say something, wasn't she? )
"Yuu-san…?" she murmured again, her eyes locked with a pair of emerald orbs which was staring at her in astonishment. His eyes were still fierce and fearless, still painfully honest when he wanted to be; just like what she remembered.
It was so easy, to lose herself right here, right now, when the only thing she could focus into was him and only him. Nothing else matter, because she knew that she was lost the moment he drew her name from his lips.
Shinoa was not a fighter, and losing was something bordered to ordinary for her.
And yet it still hurt, to admit one's defeat.
"Shinoa…" he whispered, and her cheeks reddened when his breath fanned her face. See? She was not one to win, especially with him as her enemy. "You're awake." he stated, his wide, green, very green eyes never leaving hers. "I mean—you are awake." he repeated, as if trying to convince himself that it was real; that she was real.
And his eyes. His clear, stunning forest eyes.
The girl blinked owlishly, biting down her lower lip in nervousness.
There was it, that peculiar look beyond his eyes. That nameless, unknown meaning behind his gaze, it made her feel uneasy. Burning and searing a dimmed flame within her, splattering her skin cranberry with its heat. She tried to ignore it, him.
And yet, the tight feeling in her chest did not disappear.
Shinoa squirmed uncomfortably under his heated gaze, hiding her eyes beneath dull lavender curtain. Still, she could not tear her eyes away. It burned her, the intensity, but her body won't let her to look away.
But she couldn't stay like this any longer, she needed to look away.
( look away, look away, look away! )
"Uhm… yes." The rust eyed girl mumbled, shifting her head sideways to hide her flaming cheeks. She sealed her eyes shut, bracing herself for his reaction. She expected him to rage, to be angry, to cry; really. But to her surprise, he didn't do any of those and instead he sat on her bed, right beside her, still staring at her with this—this look on his face and she, Shinoa didn't know what to do anymore.
She hated this tight feeling inside her chest, it was alien, so foreign—it made her want to run and never come back.
( but she realized, it was too late for her to run now )
He lifted his hands up, and for a moment there she thought he was going to hit her—maybe from frustration, or anger, which one didn't matter. But instead of hurting her, his palm landed softly on each of her reddening cheeks. Cupping them up with careful hands, as if he were afraid that she was going to break with a simplest touch, as if she were fragile, breakable.
( somehow, it did not sound wrong. she knew that she was not strong enough. she was always been weak at heart, feeble like paper, vulnerable like thin layer of glass, so delicate, so easily broken, so, so hopeless )
"You're awake." Yuichiro brushed his thumb across her cheeks, his fingers occasionally grazed a few strands of lilac hair. "You're awake, you're awake, you're awake." he chanted, looking so relieved with his upturned eyebrows and quivering lips.
So relieved, and yet, weak, at the same time.
And she was the one who made him like this.
"I'm sorry…" she whispered then, holding out one hand to plant her palm above his trembling one. "I'm awake Yuu-san…." she looked up into his eyes when she'd mustered enough courage, and smiled at him, a weary, guilty smile.
"I made you worry, forgive me….?"
And his resolve melted down into water, a warm sensation filled his stomach, making him weak on the knees. The raven haired boy surrendered into her presence, closing his eyes in bliss, savoring every bit of her. Her warmth was eternal, and silken silk upon his skin and he was losing himself completely into her.
Yuichiro chuckled internally, he was losing to Shinoa. Again.
Oh how the mighty had fallen.
Still cupping her cheeks up, Yuichiro buried his face deep into the junction of her neck, taking in her sweet scent. It was so familiar, the smell and the feeling of her sticking close to him. He sighed contently, dragging his nose and lips across her porcelain skin, unconsciously planting light kisses one after another before he settled his senses afresh.
Lavender and vanilla, just like what he'd remembered.
He missed her. How he missed her. Her voice, her smile, her eyes, her touch; he missed everything about her.
But now she was here, and he honestly could not ask for anything better.
"Yuu-san…?" Shinoa murmured softly, as if she were afraid that someone might be listening, might be waiting to ruin everything. But it was only the two of them, right? Just her and him, together, inside this little sanctuary of theirs.
Together, huh?
Yuichiro sighed, resting his forehead into her collarbone, "What is it…?"
She bit her lip, and squeaked a soft; "Are you… angry?"
"At you?" he snorted in response, and she nodded her head yes. "No, not at you." said the boy in a low voice.
"Then who…?" she asked, frowning.
"I'm angry at myself." he confessed, chuckling bitterly. Shinoa shuddered a little when his hot breath scratched the skin of her neck, bruising it red with swirling heat.
"Why…?"
"Because I couldn't protect you when I should."
Ah.
Of course, of course it was the reason, how stupid of her from not picking up the pieces. Stupid, stupid Shinoa.
"It's not your fault, you know?" she sighed. She should have known better, it was a given; he would blame himself. "It's my fault, entirely my fault. So you don't have to feel guilty, okay?" she said, almost desperately.
"I promised you." Yuichiro croaked out, his voice broke like a shattering glass. "I promised you that you would be okay, that you would survive but all I could do was watching. I couldn't do a damn thing, watching—" he laughed, a throaty kind of sounds and she flinched at the pained grin he wore. "It seems like the only thing I can manage these days."
Shinoa bit her lower lip again, this time harder as metallic taste filled her mouth. "But Yuu-san—"
"It's my fault." he said sternly, looking at her with so much self-hatred, so much pain, so much sorrow. So, so much guilt for a thing he could not control, for her doomed life and uncertain future.
Yuichiro was a sucker for lost cause, wasn't he?
"Listen to me, Yuu-san." she gritted her teeth in frustration, pulling herself away from him, creating a distance between. "It's not your fault and you have to—"
( listen, listen, listen! )
And yet—
"It's my fault, okay!" he shouted.
And then, time seemed frozen.
Shinoa widened her eyes when gravity began to slip from her body, a force so great that she was falling flat, and fast, into her back on the soft mattress. She moaned softly; her head throbbing, neck hurting and eyes blurry as she blinked to clear her sight. A pair of hands suddenly planted beside her head with a loud thud, and she looked up abruptly to catch two manic jade orbs which gleamed in the darkness.
It was him. And he was hovering over her smaller frame, caging her within his arms, rendering her helpless under his absolute control. She was trapped, just like a bird in cage.
And his eyes. They were staring at her with something she couldn't name. Something peculiar, something nameless and she didn't sure what to feel of when she looked into that pair of enigmatic greens.
"Y-Yuu-san…?" Shinoa managed to croak his name out from her dry throat, instinctively clawed at the fabric of his uniform and pushed him off weakly with her trembling hands. "W-What are you…?"
He ignored her, hovering still above her before he exhaled, long and bitter.
"….it's my fault." he whispered, shutting his eyes for a moment, before he opened them again. "I'm so sorry…"
"Yuu-san…" she whispered, noting his glassy eyes and quivering lips. "It's not your fault…. please…"
"It's my fault." denied Yuichiro. "I should have been there for you from the start." The raven haired boy gasped out in agony, as if he were being tortured with every word he spoke. "I should have been there when you needed me the most." a chocked cry exited his mouth. "I should have been there when those monsters were trying to kill you." he shook his head, covering his searing eyes, and then; "I should been there when I could, but I wasn't fast enough, and you had to pay for the consequences."
( you had to die once )
"No… it's not… it's not like that…." Shinoa blinked back tears from coming out, "Please Yuu-san… I—I don't… blame you. I… it's me, it's my own fault, and I know from the start that—that it was a lost case." she smiled up at him, desperately hiding the pain from showing up. "That I was going to die, I accepted it."
She really did. Because somewhere, it was heaven. Somewhere it was purgatory. Somewhere it was laughter and joy and no crying (no dying, no despair, no dead pretty sister or blood cleansing her red). Somewhere, it was not all hell and twisted world and roaring war in the farfetched distance.
Because somewhere, there was happiness waiting for her, when she'd finally left this world for good.
Happiness was an indefinite little thing, vague and precarious; it was uncertain, hard to find, hard to obtain. But she believed it, even though it was a warped, corrupted thing to hold into.
"Why?" he asked hoarsely, bringing his face closer, looking her dead in the eye. "Yoichi came back, so why couldn't you?"
Why, indeed.
"…..It's my blood…" she smiled crookedly, "I—I'm not normal either, Yuu-san… and I—"
( i'm going to die )
Shinoa stopped breathing, stopped moving, stopped smiling altogether because something inside her crumbled when she thought of dying—of leaving him.
( no no no. think of summer sky, think of never ending blue yonder, think about grassy green orbs, think about raven silk, think about how the world could be such a different place when there was no leaving and dying and goodbyes. how the world would change. how they would change )
Ah, she was going to leave him eventually, wasn't she?
She was going to die, right? She was going to leave him behind, right?
Shinoa laughed.
Hard and cold and harsh, dripping with thick venom and acrid bitterness; just like how this world came out to be.
Why was everything so hard? Why her? Why she was cursed with this fate? Why couldn't her life fare normal for once?
She did not deserve this.
No, she did not.
"Shinoa…"
But truly, it did not change the fact that she was going to die regardless what choice she took. Demon's blood flew in her veins, melting into her own, gnawing at her life force and Shinoa honestly knew that she was as good as dead anyway. It was a harsh truth she had known since the beginning.
Could she be saved?
Ha, what a laugh.
She should have known better than asking for the obvious.
"Shinoa..… Hey, Shinoa look at me."
But why? Why she felt like screaming from the harsh fate she could not escape? Why trying when she knew that it was in vain? Why believing when she knew that nothing could save her? Why enduring when she knew that death was better than living when in the end, in the end she could not have that little piece of happiness she dreamed of?
( why still staying in this cruel hellhole when she could just die and spare everyone from the troubles? )
Why really, she wondered.
"Shinoa…"
She flinched when a warm, slender hand brushed against her cheeks like feather kiss, and it was then when she noticed that she was not alone. That there was someone, who, despite all the hardships and pain she'd brought, still staying right beside her.
"Shinoa please…." he murmured, softly, tenderly, whisper like, "Please don't cry…"
Cry.
That word stumped her hard where it hurt the most.
She was…. crying?
"H-Huh...? What is this…?" Shinoa chuckled hoarsely, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, but the tears kept pouring down her face like pelting raindrops, "Why…. I'm c-crying?"
"Shinoa…"
Why, really? How many years it had been since the last time she'd cried?
Forever, she thought. But forever was a very long time, and she wasn't sure that she could remember it anymore. The way drops of water trailed down her cheeks, smeared her blushed skin wet before they disappear from the curve of her jaw. The way her chest tightened, burned ablaze, and her lungs were empty and void and she'd to gulp down a mouthful of air to keep on breathing. The way her eyes stinging and searing with heat, or the way anguish rattled her bones to the core, breaking them all into dust.
The taste of salt between her lips was foreign. Shinoa did not even think that she was capable to cry anymore, because her tears had been lost among the blood beneath her feet and the imaginary corpse of her (dead but pretty, dead pretty) sister a long time ago. So where they were coming from?
"I'm such… a hypocrite, am I not?" The girl smiled bitterly, placing an arm over her burning eyes, refusing to meet his pained ones. "To think that I've become such a crybaby…" she chuckled, but what came out was a wet cough instead, "So hilarious…"
"Shinoa… please stop crying…" Yuichiro whispered, brushing his thumbs against her wet cheeks repeatedly. "Please…. I'm sorry if I made you sad but don't cry… I beg you… stop crying…"
"I don't—" Shinoa chocked back a sob, pulling her frail arm from her eyes to clench the fabric of his shirt. She closed her eyes, and another batch of tears fell across her face like pelting raindrops. "I c-can't stop Yuu-san and I—I don't…. Wha—what's w-wrong with me…? Why… why these tears keep coming out….?"
( why can't i stop? i want to stop, i want it to stop, the pain )
Yuichiro stilled for a moment, eyeing her with something akin to desperation, or misery, before he lowered his face down, drawing his face close to hers. He stopped when he was only an inch from her, and the next thing she knew, his feverish lips brushed against her skin softly, kissing the tears away from her searing eyelids, the corner of her eyes, then down her flushed cheeks, and afterwards he dipped low onto her collarbones to kiss the strays which smeared upon her porcelain skin.
"Don't cry, pelase?" he whispered, his hot breath fanned upon her skin, and she shivered from the intimate contact. "You don't have to tell me anything. I'm… I'm sorry… You don't have to... you don't have to remember such painful memories anymore…"
( you don't have to cry, please don't cry )
"I—I'm scared, Yuu-san." she murmured, her lips trembled, and then she fluttered her eyes open to shut them again. "I'm scared of leaving, of saying goodbyes. I don't want to."
"Then don't." his fingers twitched over her flushed skin, "Don't say goodbye, just stay."
( with me )
"I would if I could, but you see…." Shinoa trailed off, placing a half-hearted smile on her face. "You see… I—I'm not exactly human. I was born from an experiment, Yuu-san. Demon blood flow in my veins, a part of me that I wish could disappear and I—my sister, she… died, because of this curse. She died Yuu-san," at this she met him in the eye, uncovering her eyes, and for the first time she wasn't running away from his obscure gaze.
"She died," The girl paused to shoot him a bittersweet smile, regretful smile. "And I think….. I think my time almost run out too."
( i think i'm going to die soon— )
Shinoa was going to die.
Die.
The words rang in his head, repeating over and over again just like a broken record.
( shinoa would die no please she would die no no no think of summer, think of cranberry eyes and lavender's petals die die no please don't shinoa won't coming back no think about laughter, about joy, think about sunny days and afternoon skies, but shinoa would— )
Shinoa couldn't die. She couldn't. He won't accept it.
Because what the meaning of living, if she was not here with him?
"I'm not going to let that happen." Yuichiro spat venomously, veins pulsing and teeth grinding. "You will live, you hear me? I'll make sure of it." he swore then, loud and clear, and somehow she knew that he was going to live on his promise even when death's door appeared before his very eyes.
Shinoa knew that he would throw off his life away just to live on his promise—to keep her alive and breathing. Yuichiro, that stupid, but stupidly kind boy would die in the process and she couldn't allow him to sacrifice himself for her. She won't.
"Listen to me, Yuu-san." she began, taking in a sharp intake of breath, then exhaled softly. "Don't…. don't waste your time for a person like me." she smiled, a painfully sweet smile and said; "I'm not worth it."
Yuichiro widened his eyes for a fraction of seconds, before he growled at her. "What the hell are you saying? You're worth it you idiot! Don't ever think that you're nothing to us, to me, don't be so fucking selfish!"
Shinoa gaped at him. Sel… fish? She was being selfish? How dare he.
"I'm not being selfish!" The girl raised her voice, feeling a little bit angry of his accusation. Did he not understand that she was trying to save him from the pain? "I'm not supposed to exist! I'm just a lab rat! My life is worthless ever since my sister's death and they—"
"So what?!" Yuichiro screamed, abandoning his palms from her face to grip her shoulders tightly. "So what? I'm not normal either! I'm a lab rat too, a damned experiment, something is wrong with me, for god's sake I'd gone berserk Shinoa! You almost died by my hands." he emphasized, his face confronted into a painful twist. "But I don't see you giving up on me. I don't see you flinch under my touch even after I almost killed you. I don't see you staring at me like I'm a—like I'm a…. monster."
Shinoa flinched back in response, looking at him meekly, speechless; "Yuu-san…."
"You always… always treat me like I'm a normal person, like a mere human." The boy croaked out, wiping his damp eyes with the back of his palm. "Not giving me up, even when I pushed you away. I—Guren…. took me in, raised me, trained me, but you're the one who gave me family and I—I can't… thank you enough." he paused, and she held her breath. "So thank you, thank you so much but please don't say something as careless like that anymore, you're worth it. You really do."
Something inside her flared, to think that he was thanking her, a filthy demon's bastard, for giving him a family he could easily have—
Shinoa bit her tongue hard, tasting the metallic rust between her teeth, hoping that the pain would keep her from bursting out in tears because for the love of all holy, he was thanking her, this disappointment of a trash. For him, she was something precious, not only a toy to play around but an once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing.
Shinoa'd never felt so loved.
"….you really are a kind person, aren't you, Yuu-san?" she smiled, a hauntingly beautiful smile and the boy drew back in surprise, cheeks heating up and chest heaving.
"I'm not… I'm… not." Yuichiro bit his lower lip, shifting his head sideways to hide his flaming face. "I'm not kind, I'm simply selfish."
True, he was simply selfish. He accused her for being selfish just a while ago, but in reality, the selfish one was him. The irony.
But Yuichiro would do anything to keep her by his side. He won't lose her for a second time, he would not let her slip away from his sight again. He would have her here, beside him, safe and sound and happy and smiling.
And for that, he would tear the world open and break off the sky if needed.
Yuichiro turned to look at her precisely in the eye, freezing her over in the process.
"I'm just stubborn head who want to keep you by my side, that's why… that's why I'm not going to let you go again."
"H-Huh…?" Shinoa squeaked out. Her cheeks burned, her eyes widened, her heart began to beat faster, but who could blame her? "W-What are you…?"
"I'm not going to give you up, not now or ever." Yuichiro promised, his eyes burning with a plethora of emotions she didn't know of and then he whispered; "Please stay with me."
"Yuu-san…" she said, her voice was barely a whisper, "I'm…."
Yuichiro shook his head, looking downright serious with his steel like eyes and furrowed eyebrows.
"Stay with me." he said.
"Hm-m, I'll stay…" The girl curled a smile, nodding gently at him. She'd lost again. "I'll stay with you…"
There was silence, and then; "Call my name, Shinoa."
Shinoa widened her bronze eyes, but then the surprise faded from her face then she smiled softly to him.
"Yuu-san." she murmured, gently.
"Again." he said stubbornly, pulling her even closer.
Shinoa smiled, quite amused but she relented anyway, "Yuu-san."
He frowned, and then; "Once more." and after a second, he added; "With feelings."
"Yuu-san…?" she said, uncertain.
"No, not like that." Yuichiro almost pouted, key word; almost. "With feelings." he emphasized, strictly.
Shinoa raised an eyebrow at his childishness, fighting a smile off her face.
"Shinoa." he deadpanned impatiently, "Say it."
"I'm home—" Shinoa giggled lightly when he wrinkled his forehead, "Yuu-san." she grinned again, her eyes twinkling in happiness.
Yuichiro grinned back at her, showing his teeth, and said; "Welcome home."
.
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BLAM!
The Major General raised his head up, looking straight at the slammed door a few feet away from him in surprise. Not even a second later, a tuft of messy raven hair appeared in the middle of it, stomping his way to his desk with angry steps.
"Dammit!" The man cursed, quite loudly too that Shinya had to flinch from the harsh tone he was using. "They found out. They fucking found out!" he screamed, literally screamed and his face was burning in red, whether from the heat or anger.
He was fuming.
But Guren was not one to fume.
He would keep his anger toned down the lowest level, to the deepest pit of abyss. Guren was boiling molten lava beneath the earth's hard surface, waiting to vomit its flame and burn everything into ashes. Guren was frostbites upon skin, pricking people's senses like an anchor before he exploded into blizzards and storms and then it was all white and ice forever. Once the dam broke, it was going to be hell over the world.
For Shinya, a fuming Guren equaled disaster.
The sapphire eyed man put his paper works down, standing over his chair and looked at the flushed man in worry. "G-Guren just what….?"
"They found out." he thundered, looking pale and hazy with cold sweat trailing down his brow. "I don't know how but they—those bastards found out about her."
"They what?" he asked, dumbfounded, "Just how in earth…?"
"I don't fucking know, alright!" The violet eyed man growled in frustration, raking a hand through his already messy head.
"Guren." Shinya said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Guren, please calm down."
"How can I calm down in a situation like this!" he spat out, shrugging off the kind gesture harshly in the process, still heatedly glaring at nothing in particular. "They fucking told me that they want to have an audience with her, alone for fuck sake, and that balmy Hiiragi fucking Kureto! He had the gall to smile that creepy smile of his and call her his little dearest sister right in my face. Fuck that son of bitch."
Shinya ignored the vulgar profanities and focused at the crucial part of his rant, "The Hiiragi family was asking for her? For Shinoa?" he asked incredulously, his mouth slightly ajar.
"They fucking did. How many years it's been since they gave a fuck about her?" Guren grinded his teeth until his jaws became numb, "How many years it's been? Fucking eight years! And now they suddenly want to meet her? What is this? A fucking joke?"
"They must have heard about the incident." he said grimly, "But to think that they want to use her too..."
"Those daft bastards don't care about anything but power Shinya." The violet eyed man hissed, "All they care about is how to protect their little damned household, maintaining their position at the top of food chains, to fucking rule the world, you name it. When the trash they'd thrown away long time ago suddenly managed to do something their late Messiah couldn't even accomplish, what else do you think they would do besides using her like they did her sister?"
The bayonette user widened his eyes, "Are you saying that—?"
"Yes." Guren cut him over, folding his arm tightly. "Those pompous, spineless, off-one-screw shitty asses are planning to make use of her again. And you know exactly what I mean by that."
"This is not good…" he grimaced, the image of his little sister strapped on that metal chair flashed across his eyes. She was trashing around in agony, calling for help but no one (not ordinary Shinya, not strong Guren, not even genius Mahiru) came to save her, no one came to spare her from the pain. It made him sick, and the guilt was eating him alive from the inside out when he thought that she was going to experience the same thing all over again.
He was not going to let them to have her again.
"This is so fucking messed up." The raven haired man muttered under his breath, his face twisted in pain as if he were seeing the same thing like he did, like he was experiencing the exact scenarios and Shinya knew that he was too, feeling the same guilt for not protecting her back then.
They were both a coward, a miserably ignorant coward, and they were not going to fall the exact same thing like before.
The hell's depth was too full for a people like them, after all.
"I know, Guren." Shinya sighed bitterly, "But how could they learn about the mission? You told the others to keep it a secret, don't you?"
"Of course I did." Guren threw him a glare, "Do you think I'd gone senile? I told them loud and clear. But why the information is leaked out, I don't know. Just who in hell stupid enough to—fuck."
Shinya paused for a moment, blinking his eyes in confusion. "Guren?"
Sadly, the apparently raging man batted off his questioning glance and instead he muttered a small, but venomous; "That sodding overturned trashcan."
"What?" The silver haired man gaped at him. What overturned trashcan?
Guren cursed again, clicked his tongue loudly and declared; "I need to talk with that demented shithead eye to eye."
.
.
.
"Yuu-san, I'm cold." complained Shinoa.
"You're always cold." The raven haired boy deadpanned, shooting her a flat stare from his place beside her.
The night was brewing ice. The cool, wintry air settled beside them like an uninvited guest, frosting into glassy white and translucent dust upon their skin. Night in Shibuya was always harsh and biting cold, and tonight was not an exception.
"I do not." Shinoa pouted, puffing up her cheeks, acting offended.
"Yes you do." said Yuichiro, flicking her forehead, albeit softly, afraid of hurting her. "You have your blanket already, stop whining."
"I take back my earlier statement." The young Hiiragi puckered up her lips, massaging her sore brow, and sniffled; "You're so not kind."
Yuichiro snorted in response, his mouth lifted at the corner, "As if I care."
"What a rude person." Shinoa said dramatically, turning on her side to give him a wide grin, "Yuu-san you need to act like a gentlemen someti—"
"I'm a perfect gentleman." he cut her off, leaning back into the metal chair, looking sickeningly confident with his statement.
"As if." Shinoa snorted loudly, "Months of knowing you, Yuu-san, has waned my grammatical knowledge significantly. But the sad truth is," she sighed in total disdain, "The word gentleman is not evenly matched with your personality, dare I say. So, it's negative; a total lie, if I may add." The girl informed him, quite cheerfully, coupled with that shit eating grin of hers, and tripled with her twinkling (bad sign, bad sign, danger!) eyes.
Yuichiro gritted his teeth, before gulping down a large supply of air to calm his nerves down. "You're using the big words in purpose." he accused, eyes squinting sharply.
"I'm not." she denied him, sticking her tongue out like a child would. "You're just bad with words, Yuu-san!"
"Are you really sick, Shinoa?" Yuichiro rolled his eyes, "I thought sick people don't have the ability to give witty responses, never mind insulting other people."
"Ehhh~ I'm really, really sick, you know." she pouted, "You're being cruel again~"
"Whatever pleases you Shinoa." he sighed tiredly, massaging his throbbing head, "Whatever pleases you."
"Thank you~" she grinned, satisfied that he gave in to her.
After that, there was silence, a peaceful, tranquil one, and Yuichiro sighed in relief because no matter how used he was with her antics, he had only enough self-control and frankly, he prefer not to tear it off anytime soon. He did value his peace sometimes.
Now all he needed to think was how to keep that peace intact, at least for a minute or so. He didn't ask much, let alone hoping for a miracle, a minute was enough for him. He wasn't an excessive by nature but please let the pe—
"I'm still cold, Yuu-san."
—ace be.
Yuichiro moaned into his hand, because dammit, it wasn't even thirty seconds yet!
"Yuu-san~?" The lavender haired girl whined sweetly, "Care to fetch me something to warm my poor body?" she blinked her eyes repeatedly, looking downright cute with a little pout and stuffed cheeks upon her face.
Damn. He'd totally underestimated her.
"Yuu-san~" she whined again, tugging on the edge of his shirt, making him slightly blush under her gaze.
"Fine. Fineeeee." he groaned in defeat. Raising himself from the squeaky metal chair, he stood next to her bed and nudged her gently, "Scoot over."
"H-Huh?" she blinked in confusion, "What do you mean 'scoot over'?"
"Exactly what I said, now move it." he grumbled, poking on her side that she yelped cutely, retiring to the wall behind her. Seeing the space had been cleared, Yuichiro flunked down the tiny bed, lying right beside her, their noses dangerously close that he could feel her breath on his feverish face. Reaching for her waist, he curled his arms around her much smaller (and shorter, but he liked it) built loosely, burying his nose into her silken hair.
"Is it enough?" he murmured, painfully shy, whilst his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. He was not used with this kind of thing, this touch of familiarity, touch of tenderness, of love and care but he wanted to do this. Providing her with his warmth was the only thing he could manage now, and he won't fuck it over.
"U-Uhn." Shinoa nodded her head robotically, feeling a little bit under the weather. Her heart was beating two miles per hour; this was not a situation she could comprehend. The girl wasn't joking when she said that it was cold, but she didn't expect him to lie down with her, draping his arms loosely around her petite body, pulling her head into his warm chest.
( too close, he was too close and the scary part was; she liked it )
Shinoa was about to explode from the scalding fire inside her when he murmured upon her head, "You're warm?"
Shinoa froze for a while, before she nodded to his chest, and whispered a soft; "Thank you."
"You're welcome." The green eyed boy said nonchalantly, though in the inside he was screaming continuously like a madman. This position was bad for his heart, but he needed to keep her warm, right?
Right?
"Yuu-san?"
"Hm?"
"I—Is there something you want to tell me?" she mumbled into the fabric of his clothes, hiding her flaming cheeks into his chest.
"Huh? What are you….?" Yuichiro paused, his eyes widening into saucers when that particular memory flashed across his head. There was one thing he needed to tell her, but should he tell her? About this weird feeling inside his heart? About—
But this feeling, was it love? Or was it an entirely different thing?
He didn't know, but maybe, maybe—
Yuichiro pursed his lips into a straight line, then pushed her away a little to look at her.
"Hey, Shinoa."
"What is it….?" she was looking at him, so innocent, so naïve and unknowing, and unsurprisingly it almost made him falter from continuing on, from telling her everything. And yet, whatever this feeling might be, he couldn't hide it forever, could he?
It was now, or never, they said.
"I—I think…." his heartbeats started to escalate into uncontrolled pounds upon his ribcage. Was telling her a wise choice? "I think I—"
"You think….?"
( i love you no no think about anything else, think about her sweet smile not love, don't think about love but think about how everything would change when you said the little magic words. everything would be over. no shinoa and yuichiro anymore no think about about about— )
"…..nothing." he sighed tiredly, "Forget it, it's not…. important."
In the end, he relented like a coward he was. He couldn't say it after all. He didn't want anything change between them. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want her to leave. So for now, for now he would keep this feeling locked away deep inside his heart. Hid its key and waited and waited and waited.
And maybe someday, someday he would certainly—
"Yuu-san….?"
"It's nothing." he said again, not quite sure whether he was convincing her, or his own self.
He was a sucker for a lost cause, remember?
"O-Okay…" Shinoa blinked up at him, before she buried her head into his chest again, "Okay…."
( why she felt like she was missing something important? )
"Shinoa?"
"Y-Yeah?"
"Sleep." Yuichiro tightened his embrace, "I'm staying, don't worry."
"H-Huh?" she looked up to find his eyes gazing at her with the same troubled look he'd before, the same nameless emotion beneath his eyes, same obscure gaze, same ambiguous meanings littering beyond that pair of green orbs. And without knowing it, her eyelids dropped ever so slowly before they closed shut, hiding her beautiful pair of bronze eyes.
The last thing she caught was his smoky eyes which glistened in the moonlight, and then it was all black.
She was gone into the dreamland, resting her head on his chest.
Yuichiro stroked her face gently, trailing his fingers down until his thumb brushed against her mouth.
He dipped low, onto her lips but then he moved back almost instantly, as though he were being burned. The cold was playing with his mind, he knew that, but it was easier said than done. It was hard to block this sick temptation inside his mind.
Yuichiro exhaled. He needed to hold this wanting. Needed to. Had to.
"Goodnight, Shinoa." he whispered, kissing her temple softly, and for a fleeting moment, his lips lingered over her translucent skin, before he drew back from her to brush a stray hair from her face.
She was so beautiful, that it took his breath away.
The color of her flushed skin and plum lips. Her soft lavender hair which framed her porcelain face. Her alabaster skin, and the way moonlight kissed her in the darkness. So beautiful and he wanted to—
No.
He shook his head again. He had to stop it, he had to—before he did something he would definitely regret.
Yuichiro let white smoke exited his blue painted lips. The air was damp and freezing cold upon his sensitive skin. And her breath, it was tickling his neck, a warm sensation filled his stomach. The smell of morning dew and fresh pricked flowers mixed with her scent. And this calm, silent tranquility, it made him still, and also aware of the situation he'd put himself in.
( no more running away, no more denying— )
He could not ignore the fact that he was possibly in love with her any longer, it seemed.
( maybe someday )
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.
author's note:
I'M SO DONE WITH THIS FIC. *screeching incoherently*
…..soooooooo, what do you guys think? *smile nervously* I think I'm overdoing it though, or maybe I'm just plainly inexperienced with this whole romance thingy (-_-"). Anyway, this is chapter six! Wow, I don't know what to say. Still no kissing scene (oh well, there are kisses on her eyes, eyelids, cheeks, neck and forehead though XD) minna-san, but the story is getting pretty intense here. But still, I suck at romance….
I hope you like this one. And sorry for the late delay! Last month was hell and don't forget about the new ONS chapter (what the hell… god, the ship tease is too strong for my weak heart). The fujobait and bromance and undertones tho…. okay if this continued on I think I'm going to ship Mikayuu eventually….. god bless my soul… (T^T).
But—BUT, ONS new Bonus CD saved me. It's awesome as hell, dammit. I mean, the setting is in high school (set before Shinjuku arc, in Ikebukuro XD)! HIGH SCHOOL I TELL YOU. DAMN. Anddddddd as always Yuu and Shinoa dominate the dialogues, Kagami-san sure knows how to bait us easily (I just love Hayami Saori-san voice). And as always, I recommend this Mini Drama to you all, please listen to it! (^w^)
Anyway, there's also an Anon reviewer in the last chapter, and I think I need to answer this review seriously, because for me it's very important, both for me and you Anon-san (and also because I don't know how to reply privately since you don't have an account TvT). So I will try to voice my reasons here, so please don't consider this as anything but my own opinions, here's your reply:
I think you have the writing skill, your plot is good and overall it's a great story.
Thank you Anon-san for the compliments! (^u^) I'm glad if you like this story of mine~
But don't you think it's better to write mikayuu instead?
Eh, about that though, I can't write yaoi/shounen-ai, especially with explicit scenes…. I don't know why, it's not like I particularly dislike Mikayuu or what, but yaoi/shounen-ai is not really my style. Even if I put GureShin tag for this story, I'm not going as far as making them a couple or what, just a few moments here and there and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. So I'm sorry to tell you that I can't write you Mikayuu story, it's not my thing (T^T).
Yuunoa is not really that popular and they have no chemistry whatsoever. It would be better if you write mikayuu. Mikayuu is way more popular and has a large fanbase.
I'm sorry Anon-san, but please refrain from saying things like that. I really don't wanna to start a ship war like they do in tumblr (which is practically a warzone, I'm going to warn you, ALL OF YOU, never, EVER, be caught in a snare inside that hellhole, both sides are terrifyingly scary *shudder*).
I know that you like Mikayuu, and I respect that, so I hope you can do the same with me. I'm pretty aware that Yuunoa fanbase is way smaller than Mikayuu (it's pretty gigantic, I know) but I just… well, I like Yuunoa from the moment I read Owari no Seraph, and for me, they do have a chemistry. If not, then Kagami-sensei wouldn't include so many scenes of them together.
I'm sure your story will be more appreciated by a lot of people. So well, just write mikayuu I guarantee that you will get more reviews/favorites/followers.
Thank you for the kind thoughts! (TwT) And I know that you're just trying to help me, but for me it's enough. There are people out there who read this story, and also spend their precious time to review this fanfic of mine. If you ask me if I want more reviews/favorites/follows, of course I would say yes, which Author wouldn't? But despite that, I can't force them, and I won't; it's up to them whether to review/favorite/follow so I'm happy with whatever they decided to do.
Mikayuu shippers also need an ongoing story like this. So please consider it. I'm sure you understand what I mean. Thank you for reading.
Ah, I guess it came to this. Semper Memento is pretty popular in reviews count, but it doesn't mean that it's the best, no it's not. I'm sure there's also another ongoing story which is better than mine (I'm pretty inexperienced you know?). So I have to apologize again because I really, really can't write Mikayuu (or yaoi/shoune-ai in particular) because it's not my style and I'm afraid that I'm going to disappoint you.
I'm really sorry Anon-san, this is my final answer. I hope you can understand. Well… I guess that's it. I'm sorry if my words are harsh but please don't hate on Yuunoa or this story in particular (ToT), I'm sure you don't really hate yuunoa because if you do, you won't read this story of mine after all (are you a multi-shipper? Just asking~). Thank you again for reading! (^w^)
Anyway, back to our usual bonus, the LN spoilers! (^0^) There's a lot of you who asked about Mahiru and Shinoa business, so I will try my best to explain it in short. Enjoy reading~ (Warning: LN spoilers, beware!)
No.1 Eto, to make it clear, Mahiru and Shinoa were born from a demon possessed mother and Hiiragi Tenri's seeds, you can say that they were artificially inseminated solely for experiment needs. And as the result, the sisters were born with demons, or at least, they were bonded since birth with their own specific demons (because I don't think even Hiiragis was cruel enough to force a freaking child to contract a demon in her early days, nevermind her origin which is technically half/quarter-demon), Ashuramaru (Mahiru) and Shikama-doji (Shinoa).
I don't know, the information is a bit vague (at least in vol.3 though), and those kanjis are bad news, they're totally driving me crazy as shit. And oh, for you who is wondering about Shinoa's demon type, Shikama-doji is a black demon series (and he's listed as male, apparently, and since Shikama-doji means four-scythes child, I'm going to pass him off as a child, literally). I like the idea, but I don't know his appearance in canon, so I'm gonna make my own version of him later.
No.2 Mahiru's nine years older than Shinoa, she was born in 1996 and Shinoa was born in 2005. Well, to put it bluntly, the age difference made Mahiru as the first victim ever just because of her 'unique' circumstances. As she hit through puberty, the whole demon business (like nightmares and illusions and even her demon memories) got worse than before.
Especially the dreams (or nightmares, really) and as a person who'd been through such tortures, she didn't want her little sister to go through the same thing like she did. That's why she began a research about demons, and then, then goddammit Mahiru, she stumbled upon Hyakuya sect, and from there, everything went downhill (she'd gotten experimented by Hiiragis, and then she'd gotten experimented by Hyakuyas, and then she'd betrayed the Hiiragis, and THEN she'd betrayed the Hyakuyas, excuse me I think I'm gonna cry).
No.3 To prevent Shinoa from getting the same treatment, Mahiru took Shinoa demon, and even used it at some point, if you want the real proof you can search light novel volume 5 pictures. There's an image of Mahiru wielding Shinoa's scythe. But well, having two demons inside her mind certainly took its toll on her.
She's going crazy because of it, and most of times she'd got possessed by the demon (got controlled or something like that) just like when Kureto kidnapped Shinoa (it's just a foul play, tbh, but still makes me want to puke when I remember it) Mahiru said that she didn't care if he hurt Shinoa or not (well, good choice of words to say in front of a freaking child, demon-Mahiru, I'm sure she loves you even more) but personally I think it's just to spite her sadistic older brother.
Why? Think about it. It's pretty contradicting, considering all the troubles she went through and the little fact that she started the whole thing to save that sister of hers. So yeah, she's definitely not in a least sane because of the demon business and also coupled with the experiments she'd gotten from the Hiiragis and Hyakuyas, it's not really a surprise that she'd gone crazy. Still, I like that shit eating grin of hers, she reminds me of Shinoa most of times. Even though she pretty much looks like a lunatic, but when she's not doing a freaking dangerous experimentation or fighting artificial enemies, she's decent, at least I think so. You can never be sure with a Hiiragi.
Well, I think that's all (the page is getting longer and longer and it's bad news I tell you XD). I hope you enjoy this chapter! Reviews and feedbacks are loved~ Thank you minna-san! See you next time~
-Hinoiri Lwin-