Written for an anon prompt on Tumblr: Luffy gets a cold, and gets everyone else sick, then, when he tries to play with everyone, when they're sick and he's better. In response to Luffy's desire to play, they all beat him up, and Sanji nearly sends Luffy overboard because Zoro's sick and sleeping...
A sick Zoro wasn't much different from a normal, healthy Zoro. Both spent most of their time rotating between eating, drinking, and napping on various spots on the ship. The only major, important difference was what happened when you woke a Zoro up.
Waking a healthy Zoro from his nap was relatively easy. All it really took to get the swordsman off his ass was a good, hard smack across the head or a swift knee to his gut. Either were good enough to rouse him from his slumber. Although the green-haired man would certainly groan and complain it never went beyond that.
A sick Zoro, however, for the safety of the whole crew needed to be woken up slowly and carefully or not at all. Sanji learned that lesson the hard way when he mistakenly woke Zoro from his nap with a foot to his face while the man was recovering from a cold. The swordsman's attitude after that had given Chopper and Usopp nightmares and even Sanji had to admit that he had been scared shitless.
That day the whole crew agreed that a sick Zoro was better off just sleeping the illness away.
Unfortunately, they had Luffy for a captain.
"But why can't I see Zoro?" Luffy whined as Sanji blocked the door to the infirmary.
"Because the moss head is sick." Sanji explained. He lit a cigarette, hoping the intake would calm his nerves. "And we don't need you making a ruckus inside."
Sanji shuddered at the thought of what Zoro might do to the crew if Luffy barreled into the room all rubber limbs and excited cheers.
"But I wasn't!" Luffy complained, trying to stretch around the cook's body to get to the door. "I was gonna get Zoro all better so he can finally get out of bed and play! Zoro getting sick is no fun!"
Sanji scowled. "And who's fault is that?"
When Luffy had been sick a few days before, the rubber captain made no attempt to quarantine himself. He acted as if everything was completely normal, physically throwing himself at everyone as if he wasn't feverish or sniffling. Zoro tended to be a big target for the young captain's antics so it was no surprise that the marimo walked into the galley a few days later with a fever of his own.
And like hell was Sanji going to put the whole crew in danger by letting Luffy continue those antics.
"But Sanji-"
"No."
"But-"
"No!"
"I'll just give him some of my meat and it will make him all better!"
"I said no!"
Sanji hadn't meant to kick the younger man overboard. He meant to kick Luffy out of sight, certainly, but not overboard because that would've caused too much trouble. And it did.
"Aaahh! Luffy's overboard! Someone help! Help!" Chopper's panicked screams filled the air as he ran across the deck. Before anyone could stop him, the tiny reindeer jumped over the railing into the ocean after his captain.
"Wait, Chopper you can't swim!" Usopp warned before diving after the two drowning men.
Brook leaned over the railing to stare at the water below. "Yohohoho, perhaps I should help as well!"
"Don't you dare!" Nami screamed, knocking the tall skeleton back away from the edge. "We don't need another idiot drowning!"
The whole ship was filled with panicked shouting and confused cries. Sanji sucked on his cigarette and rubbed his temple. Maybe the headache he was getting meant he was getting sick too, the yelling of his crew mates certainly wasn't helping any.
A creaking of a door opening sounded behind the cook and Sanji felt a shiver run through his spine.
Zoro's sleepy growl promised murder.
"What's with all the noise?"