Disclaimer: See chapter 1
Spoilers: Up to 2x14
A/N: Hope you all enjoy this next chapter!
TW: Mentions of Black Queen in this chapter
"Sometimes you just need to break down to have all the pieces you need to build yourself up again."
Unknown
Chapter 8: Breaking Point
Regina blinked, staring up at the ceiling, wondering briefly what had woken her. Her magic buzzed at her fingertips, and she turned her head to look at the blonde beside her. Emma was cuddled up next to her, keeping her to the bed with an arm thrown over her stomach, and even if she wanted to move, with the way Emma was resting against her, it didn't seem all that plausible. A smile slipped onto her face as she observed the young woman. It wasn't often that she got to see Emma looking so relaxed. In fact, now that she thought about it, she couldn't recall any time the woman looked so peaceful. She lay there a moment longer, looking at the blonde. Emma had her face dangerously close to her own; warm breath caressed her face. She swallowed before turning her head to look at the clock. It was only a little before 6. Sighing softly, she turned back to the slumbering woman and tucked a stray strand of hair behind the woman's ear, freezing moments after she'd done so.
Why did I do that?
She needed to move away from Emma before she did something stupid. She began to extract herself from the blonde's hold but paused as Emma let out a low moan, the sound making her breath hitch, and snuggled closer to her.
"Emma," she began softly, unused to this kind of situation. If it had been anyone else, she would've felt uncomfortable, irritated, but with Emma, it felt almost bearable, "Emma, dear, I need to start getting ready…"
"Five more minutes," the other woman muttered sleepily.
She huffed softly as she resigned herself to wrapping her arms around the Savior's waist. She wanted to be angry, annoyed even, but as she settled back against the blonde, all she felt was contentment. She closed her eyes, feeling sleep take over once again.
"Moms. Moms, it's time to get up."
Regina sat up slowly, rubbing a hand over her eyes and yawning, "Mmm, Henry? What time is it?"
"Almost 7:30," the brunette watched, amused, as Henry rounded the bed to shake the blonde, "Ma? Ma, get up. Come on."
Emma huddled further under the blankets, her voice coming out slightly muffled, "Kid, not right now. Too early."
Regina rolled her eyes, "Come, Miss Swan. It's time to get up. I'll go get started on breakfast."
Emma rolled over to face her, green eyes piercing her brown with a glare, "No."
"Yes. You may go back to sleep later if you'd like."
"Come on, Ma," Henry gently pulled on the blonde's hand, "you can help me set the table."
Emma huffed softly, sitting up, "Fine, fine." She shot her one more glare before following their son out the door.
A smile slipped onto her face as she headed to her closet to find clothes to wear. Hopefully today would be a good day. When she headed down the stairs around ten minutes later, she found Henry sitting at the kitchen table, reading his storybook, the table set.
She spoke over her shoulder as she headed into the kitchen, "Where'd your mother go?"
"She got a phone call and went into the study."
As she pulled out pans for a proper breakfast, she thought of all who'd be calling the Savior. The two idiots were number one on her list, but Emma wouldn't leave the room if it were them. Ruby might, but then there was the same problem as before, unless there was some kind of problem the Sheriff's Station needed to handle, in which case she would've taken the call outside. Rumple had her number, but he would simply magic himself here if he had a problem. His spawn – Neal or Baelfire, whatever he was calling himself – was a different matter. She felt the wave of jealousy pulse through her, and she turned on her heel towards the study, determined to know who was calling the blonde.
Pressing herself as close as she could to the door, she closed her eyes and tried to focus. It was silly, really, spying in her own home, especially on a woman whom she had feelings for. With a frown, she straightened and knocked lightly on the door, "Emma?" Opening the door a crack, she could see the blonde sitting on the couch, her phone tossed on the floor. She cast a questioning gaze to the blonde before gesturing to the phone, "Was the reception bad?"
"What? No, no, just didn't want to talk."
She sat beside the other woman, turning to face her. There was a part of her that was wary of sitting beside the blonde, but the other part of her, the part that jealous and demanded answers, won her internal argument, "Who was on the phone?"
Emma laughed softly, though it was filled with more self-pity, "Neal. He wants to meet up later. To apologize for yesterday," There was a pause as Regina digested the information. Before she could ask, Emma continued, "I told him no."
"Good." Emma glanced up at her, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"You can tell me," She took the blonde's hand in her own, gently rubbing it in slow circles. The act itself surprised her, having never been one for spontaneous shows of affection with anyone but Henry, but quickly brushed aside any discomfort when she felt Emma settle against the couch, watching her. Looking up at her, she found herself captivated by Emma's eyes, feeling her breath catch. They stayed like that for barely a second, neither moving, just watching each other, before she decided to break the silence, "Emma?"
"I told him that I was spending the day with you and Henry. Family bonding."
"Oh?" She arched an eyebrow, "And how did he take that?"
"He said that he should be invited."
She found herself rolling her eyes, "Please tell me you told him no."
"Of course I did," Emma shot back, "He's not part of this family, and he never will be," A blush slipped onto her face, and she looked away, "I…I mean…not, not this family…I just…"
She smiled softly, "I couldn't agree more."
"Huh?"
"He isn't going to be part of this family, even if he begs."
Tears started to form in the blonde's eyes, and she silently wondered what else he'd put her through besides setting her up to go to jail for his crime, "Promise?"
There was nothing more she wanted to do than kiss her until she wasn't going to cry, but she restrained herself, opting instead to speak softly, "I promise," She stood, extending her hand, "I'm sure Henry is hungry. Let's get breakfast started."
Emma took her hand, wiping her eyes with her free hand, "Yeah."
Emma let out a quiet sigh as she slipped back under the covers. It was just pushing 8:30, and while normally she'd be getting ready for work, her dad still wanted to cover for the weekend. Breakfast had been great, really, but she was still exhausted. Henry was going to head to Paige's house, and while Jefferson was still wary of Regina, he wanted his daughter to still have a normal life, so that meant play-dates. Though Emma was sure if Ava and Nicolas weren't going to be there, Regina wouldn't have let Henry go. She smiled softly, getting herself comfortable, closing her eyes. Just a few more hours and then I'll get up.
"When I said you could go back to bed, I actually meant the guest room, dear."
She felt the bed dip as Regina lay beside her, but she didn't open her eyes as she replied, "You have a comfier bed."
"I'm sure," the brunette replied sarcastically, but she made no effort to make her leave; instead, she got under the sheets. Emma opened her eyes when she turned to face her. Their eyes met, though Regina didn't speak for a few moments. A comfortable silence drew over them before Regina spoke again, "Are you going to sleep or just stare at me?"
She smiled softly, "I'll sleep after you tell me what's wrong."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I know you, Regina. You can tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong."
"Is it something with Henry?"
"Emma…"
"Tell me."
With a small huff of annoyance, Regina turned on her side, her voice coming out choked, "I can't."
"Regina…"
"Go to sleep, Emma."
She frowned, turning away from the older woman, "Yeah, okay."
It wasn't long before she found herself drifting into oblivion.
Regina stared at the blonde's back, watching her sleep. She'd been laying like this for two hours, willing herself to stay awake despite how exhausted she was still feeling. But what could she do? She was afraid of the night terrors, afraid of feeling powerless in a dream. Afraid of her mother's punishments and lessons, of her father's dismissal at the evidence. She didn't trust sleeping pills to keep the terrors away, and she couldn't wake the blonde to have her hold her. Gods, she forgot how these terrors used to keep her awake. The light outside made her feel even more foolish. If she couldn't sleep in the daytime, how could she ever hope to do so at night?
"Regina?" She focused back on the blonde to see that Emma was now facing her, green eyes watching her closely, though it was clear the blonde was half asleep.
"Yes, dear?"
Much to her surprise, Emma scooted closer to her, "Is it okay if I hold you?"
"Why?"
"Because you're afraid to sleep because of the nightmares."
She didn't have a retort to that, a look of confusion passing over her face, "What are you talking about?"
"I don't really know how to explain it, but I can feel when you're agitated or annoyed or scared. It's keeping me up. So can I hold you?"
Trying to digest the information, she found herself nodding, drawing closer to the blonde. It was odd that magic bound two people so fully. She'd never heard of it happening, or maybe she had. Tired as she was, she wasn't too sure. Emma's arms settled around her waist, and she found herself relaxing into her touch. As she began to drift off to sleep, she heard herself speak, "It started when I was 14."
"Sleep first. Then you can tell me."
"I was 14 when it started," Staring up at the ceiling made it easier to spill her thoughts than looking at Emma. Looking at her would make everything seem too real. The few hours of sleep she had made thinking clearer, and with Henry not due back until dinner time, they had plenty of time to bear their souls, "Though, when I was growing into a pre-pubescent, Mother still took pleasure in watching me bathe. She wouldn't let any of the servants bathe me from the time I turned 11."
"You don't have to call her your Mom, Regina," From the corner of her eye, she could see that the blonde had mirrored her position, "You can just call her Cora if it'll make this easier for you."
"Nothing will make this easier," She shot back, flippantly.
"I didn't mean to…"
"I know," She interrupted, her voice soft, "I'm sorry." She paused, trying to rein in her thoughts, "She used to brush my hair, liked to make sure it was done properly," she laughed bitterly, "She enjoyed using magic for everything, unless she felt it necessary for her to use her hands." She paused again, closing her eyes against the onslaught of memories, "I got my favorite horse Rocinante as a present from my father when I turned 14. I came home later than normal and had to go to bed without dinner." She stopped, feeling Emma's hand grasp hers gently, "I didn't even hear her come into my room. She was just there, a hand over my mouth, telling me to be quiet. She actually shredded my nightgown with her magic, though that was the only time."
"Mother, what are you…"
"Hush, Regina."
"But Mother…" Her mother slapped her hard, the loud smack ricocheting in the room.
"Silence, Regina! Do as I say…"
"I foolishly tried to fight her, but I wasn't strong enough. She wasn't satisfied when I finally…" She stopped, hoping to convey her message without having to say the words out loud. "So she kept going. I'm fairly sure that I passed out at one point."
"And she…" She heard the hesitation in the blonde's voice, so she gently squeezed her hand.
Her voice came out choked, "Yes, she was my first."
"Regina…"
She turned to look at the blonde, a pained smile on her lips, "It was over 40 years ago. I'm sure I'm over it."
To her surprise, Emma scooted closer to her, though she didn't try to wrap her arms around her. Instead, she stared at her, conflicting emotions in her green eyes. They stayed like that a moment longer before Emma finally spoke, "You never cried over it?"
"The first time it happened, I was too shocked. The only time I did was when I sent my mother through the looking glass; I cried afterwards. Not for long because…"
"I think you need a good cry."
"Are you my psychiatrist now?"
"No…"
"The answer's no."
"Regina…" Emma's voice took a softer tone.
"Crying won't solve anything."
"Then why are you?"
She swiped angrily at the tears that she hadn't realized had been falling down her cheeks, but more and more kept coming. Before she could stop herself, she was clutching the front of Emma's shirt, sobbing. For what she had lost, for what she never had. She cried because of her mother's twisted love and her father's disregard. She cried because she finally found the love she never had, the love of her son. Feeling Emma's body quaking with suppressed sobs, hearing quiet words of comfort despite the tears that rolled down the blonde's cheeks and hit the top of her head, Regina felt her heart swell with love. Maybe, just maybe, they could get through this. Together.
A/N: More to come. Please don't forget to review, lovelies. They mean so much.
Hime no Kowai Shumi