The weekend past really fast and Monday was already here. When I met Mercedes she wanted me to explain why I left because I didn't answer her or Brittany's texts during the whole weeknd. I didn't really know what to say, I had to come up with a good lie before saying something. So my only way out was to tell them that my grandma got sent to the hospital. I know, it was a really bad thing to lie about but it was the only thing that would sound convincing to them. I didn't want them to get mad at me, I really didn't. We sat and ate our lunch while hoping Tina wouldn't bring Rachel with her to sit with us today. It always got so awkward and weird when she was there with us, especially for me. However, no matter how hard we prayed and hoped, Rachel was with Tina anyway when she walked into the lunch room.

"You wouldn't believe what just happened to Rachel, guys!" Tina said as they sat down, Rachel just looked like she was in pain, really

"What happened?" Mercedes forced out of herself.

"Tell them, Rach!" Tina was still so excited.

"I don't feel like talking about it"

"She got yelled at by the english teacher just because she bumped into her," Tina couldn't stop laughing "and!," she took a deep breath "oh my god, it was so funny. She kept yelling at Rachel for no logical reason at all!"

Both me and Mercedes looked at each other and then at Rachel, it was obvious that Rachel didn't feel as glad about the little incident. She looked kind of upset so we saved her the embarrassment and didn't laugh.

"That's not really funny though" Mercedes said. I just ate my sandwich in silence.

"But if you saw it-"

"It wasn't funny, Tina" Rachel spoke.

"Fine, jeez. Forget it" Tina sounded annoyed.

"Thank you" Rachel grumbled.

I looked at Mercedes again and we shared looks. We both felt the awkwardness and we both knew exactly what we wanted to do - get the hell out of there. We didn't, we sat there with them for another while so we wouldn't seem like self centered bitches. As I took another bite of my sandwich, I felt someones hands on my shoulders, I turned around and faced Brittany.

"Oh, Brittany" I said and quickly swallowed the food in my mouth.

"Hey," she smiled "did everything go well on Friday?" she asked.

"Yeah," I cleared my throat "it all went fine"

"You didn't tell me what happened.. I texted you several times but you didn't answer me, I figured it was too serious to text about" she took a chair and sat down next to me.

"It was about my grandma, I don't feel like discussing it"

"That's totally fine, I understand" Brittany smiled.

I looked around to see if Quinn was anywhere to be found but she wasn't.

"Why are you here alone?" I asked, secretly asking about Quinn.

"I'm waiting for Quinn, she told me she had to talk to someone, she asked me not to come with her," she straightened her back "so I guessed I could sit with you guys until she got back. Is that okay?"

"Of course" we all nodded.

The first thing I thought about when she said that Quinn asked her not to go after her was the fact that I knew where Quinn was - she was smoking. I took my empty lunch box and threw it inside my bag. Brittany started talking to Mercedes and I was just sitting there. Silent and waiting.

"Isn't it true, San?" Mercedes said.

"What?"

I felt stupid for not even hearing what they were talking about, I was so lost in my own thoughts - I was too busy. I kept thinking about how I would speak to Quinn in front of the others or how I would act around her. I was trying to prepare myself for it.

"You're so lost" Mercedes laughed.

"Sorry, I was busy thinking" I said.

"Are you sad about your grandma?" Brittany lowered her voice and came a little closer to me. Her blue eyes were right in front of mine, a couple of inches away. She probably did that so everyone wouldn't hear her.

"No, don't worry about me" I said, feeling the guilt eating me up alive.

"You sure?" she said, I felt her hand rubbing my back, comforting me for something I didn't go through.

"Yes, really. I'm fine. My grandma is fine now"

"Okay, just checking" she smiled, her face still close.

"Just kiss already and get it over with"

We both quickly turned around and Quinn was standing right behind Brittany. Her eyes were glued on me, as if she was really. She shrugged when I looked back at her and looked at Brittany.

"We weren't going to do that, Quinn" Brittany defended herself.

"It looked like you were"

"I was comforting her. You don't know what happened" Brittany looked right at Quinn.

"No, I don't know what happened" her voice went soft and calm.

Brittany didn't stand up and Quinn still stood there, her arms were crossed and the cheerleading outfit looked different on her - it looked good. Amazing. Something I hadn't really noticed before. She looked down at me with a wondering look, a curious look that was waiting for me to explain what had happened. I didn't though, because I knew her reaction would give Mercedes and Brittany hints about the fact that I was lying. She would either laugh or say something about it that sounded suspicious. I just shook my head and looked down, this time, the nervosity was kind of slapping my face, squeezing my heart, it was suffocating me. I felt surrounded, like there was no way out of here. I felt that way not because I had been lying to my friends, I felt that way because it was hard to be that close to Quinn and feel her glare at me and not be able to look back just like I did before. And it bothered me because they all noticed how I avoided looking at Quinn. How my face was staring down at the table before me.

"I won't tell her if you don't want me to" Brittany whispered into my ear.

"Will you just come, Brittany?" Quinn said as soon as Brittany approached me.

Brittany stood up and waved at us and then they walked away. I sighed in relief and brushed my hand against my forehead. I looked at the three faces staring at me and gave them a 'what?' look, they quickly looked away and went back to what they were doing before.

"I didn't know you were friends with Brittany and Quinn" Tina said to me.

"I'm friends with Brittany, not Quinn" I answered.

"You stretched with her, didn't you? And you're not on each others backs like before.. I assumed-"

"We're not friends, damn it," I cut her off "why do you even care?"

"I don't care. I'm just still kind of angry that you didn't even care about me and left us for Quinn, when I called for you, you didn't even say something. That's really shitty" Tina said.

"Guys.." Mercedes said as she felt the tension grow between us.

"Are you still thinking about that? What are you, five?"

"You're just too much of a coward to admit that you're friends with the one person who made half your time in this school a living hell, Santana. I don't blame you though, I would be ashamed about that too"

I looked at Tina without saying a word about - or answering what she said. I could feel my nerves tingle as if they were being tickled by a soft feather, in a bad way. A sea of anxiety started to grow deep inside me and it curled into my stomach and just settled there like a big lump. My jaw clenched and my palms were getting sweatier and formed into a fist. My what felt like soaking hand moved up to my forehead again, whiping it from absolutely nothing. I pushed myself of the chair, gave Tina one last look, I let the carving words she said sink in.

"Screw you" I snarled and walked away.

I took quick steps out of the lunch room, Mercedes was right behind me, catching up with me. I pushed the door open and ran outside, I wanted to be alone. I didn't need any comfort or a friend right now, I just needed myself. I looked around the schoolyard and knew exactly where to go. Quinn's smoking corner. I ran there and threw my bag against the fence and crumbled down right beside it, leaning my head back on the hard, uncomfortable iron fence.

"Santana..." Mercedes said as she slowly walked towards me.

"Just leave me alone, please. It's all I'm asking" I said.

"You know I don't care if you're friends with her right? It's up to you what you want to do, who you're friends with" she said and then did what I asked her to do, she left me alone.

I started feeling uncomfortable, physically ill to my stomach - a feeling I had no control over. I thought about what Tina said and it just messed me up all over again. I started thinking over my choices, was it really that wrong of me to be friends with Quinn? Was it really that weak of me that I couldn't stay away from her? Was it stupid of me to kiss her, to call her back for the sole porpuse of allowing myself to wrap my lips around hers? Thoughts like that started hitting me, things like regret, confusion and guilt surrounded my insides and started digging into my stomach, chest and mind again. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my emotions - I tried to think of it in a positive way. Yes, Quinn did some messed up things to me, but she hadn't done anything in a really long time. Although it's weird, no matter how much we tease each other, I'm still happy when I'm near her. Happy along with the constant feeling of nervousness. For me, that's enough. But yet Tina's words hurt. They hurt because they made me feel bad about something I truly like and enjoy. I stood up and left the bag where I threw it. I walked around in circles, thinking. Telling Quinn I couldn't be her friend again wasn't even an option - I didn't want that nor would I let it happen. Then again, keeping our friendship or whatever it was a secret would be very stressful. My solution was to act like I was friends with her - not be the way I am towards her, I would be nice. The kind of nice you are to a friend. I would try that. To hell with Tina and her judging, I decided to not let it hurt me. I had a breakdown - she said things that made me upset, but after I got calm and thought things through, they hurt less and I could go back to Mercedes. I walked back to my bag and picked it up, I turned around and bumped into her.

"Watch out" she smiled.

"Quinn" I said in a shocking tone.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she pressed the cigarette between her lips and lit it.

"I was.. I needed to think"

"About?" she asked, holding the cigarette between her fingers.

"About stuff"

"About us" she corrected me.

"Kind of"

Her eyes narrowed to my answer. She started to inhale slowly with the cigarette in her mouth. She took a large drag and puffed out the smoke, right in front of my face. This time I didn't even care to wave it away. I just stood there. A step closer to Quinn than the last time we were here. She blew out another puff of smoke but this time she turned her head and didn't let it surround my face. She raised her left hand, the empty one, and placed it first on my shoulder and then on the back of my neck, I felt her fingers play with my ponytail. She dropped her hand again and just stood there, all quiet again. She threw the cigarette on the ground and didn't step on it this time, she just left it there to die on it's own.

"Are you sad?" she asked, as if she could see right through me.

"No, why would you think that?" I asked.

"I watched you for a while, you know, like you did the last time" she smiled, letting me know that she actually knew I was there when she was smoking the time I followed her.

"Oh.."

"What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing"

"Stop acting like a child and talk to me, will you?," she did that thing again when she sniffs as if she has a cold "things have changed between us, big time, so you can talk to me"

"Tina just said something that made me sad, kind of upset. It just made me think a little"

"What did that little piece of scum say to you?" she asked.

Scum.

"Something about that I should be ashamed.. You know, about being friends with you"

Quinn looked to the side, her eyes stopped to look at me, to check if I was being honest, and then she looked away again. She sat down on one of the half ruined, ready for the garbage truck desks and I went to sit next to her on the little space that was left of it.

"Are you?"

"Ashamed?" I asked.

"Yes" her eyes were glued on mine.

"No, I'm not"

"Did she change your mind then?" she asked.

"No, she made me think, but she didn't change my mind" I said and looked ahead of me. The noices weren't hard to notice from the schoolyard. People were screaming about stuff, laughing and some were having loud discussions just around the corner.

"Santana, honest now, what the hell are we even?"

"Friends?" I answered fast.

"Friends," she laughed "do you and Mercedes kiss?" she asked.

"No" I answered.

"You and Tina?," I shook my head "and what about Rachel?" I shook my head yet again "Brittany then?"

"No" I said.

"Then rethink your answer"

"What are you saying?" I wondered.

"I'm saying we're not just friends"

"Then.. What are we?"

I started to feel her fingers placing themselves right over my hand, I made the palm of my hand face the palm of hers and our hands intertwined. I started to feel nervous again, afraid that she would notice my sweaty palms and the core of my stomach turned, as if little bugs were tickling me there.

"More than friends, just not yet a couple" she smiled. Her eyes lightened as our foreheads lightly bumped and stayed that way. Our heads leaned against each other and for the first time with Quinn, everything just felt simple. So easy.

I looked for Mercedes all around the places we used to hang out around until I finally found her and Tina by the lockers. I looked away from them as soon as I saw Tina. I made sure they didn't see me and walked away to sit on the bench outside my locker. I waited for Mercedes to start looking for me so I could tell her I was fine, I would eventually forgive Tina too, just not yet. I wanted her to apologize because what she said was still mean. I wasn't an angel myself but I didn't try to make my friends regret doing things they like, however though, she didn't manage. Sure, Tina didn't know me and Quinn were friends - she assumed we were. But still.

"Santana?"

I looked up, I was so lost again I didn't even notice her coming. She stood there with her little skirt and her granny blouse, her brown hair was lighter than it was during winter.

"Rachel" I said, shocked about her talking to me.

"Please before leaving, just listen to me" she said.

"Sure" I guessed I had nothing to lose, it had been a long time ago since the thing between me and Rachel happened, like I forgave Quinn, I should be able to forgive Rachel.

"I know we're really weird and all that.. But to be honest, I miss having you as a friend. I hate that we all can't hang out together just because of me and you"

"It doesn't stop Tina from coming and hanging with us anyway when you're with her" I said, I didn't act nice just yet.

"I know, I always tell her not to go to you," she looked at the empty seat next to me but didn't sit down "I mean outside school. I regret everything and I know you probably hate me, I mean I would hate myself too but I still can't keep it inside anymore I really-" she was babbling so much I had to stop her.

"Rachel, rachel! Stop right there" I said. "Sit down," I began "it's okay. We're okay, stop saying you're sorry. I forgive you"

Rachel's eyes started looking watery, as if she was ready to get tears of joy. Her eyes widened and the smile on her lips started to stretch across her whole face.

"Thank you. It really removes a big rock from my chest.." she said "can I get a hug? I promise I won't kiss you again" she jested.

"Of course you can" it felt good that she joked about it, it meant she really was over it.

Forgiving Rachel was a good choice, it felt better not to be mad at her. It doesn't mean I'll trust her again or anything even close to that. It just means I can be around her without feeling like I have to look angry even though I'm not. I saw Mercedes walk alone so I excused myself and told Rachel I'll see her later or tomorrow and walked away to Mercedes. I told her everything about me and Rachel and that I'm okay with her now. She was shocked but yet happy in a way. I also told her I was feeling better now after what Tina said and I admitted to her that me and Quinn were friends, I said friends because I couldn't find another word to describe our relationship. I didn't tell her anything about our kiss or anything, I wasn't ready. Even though I said she would the first to know we were a couple, but that was when we became a couple. Me and Quinn decided we weren't one yet.

"You did the right thing" Mercedes said when we reached my moms car.

"I know, I feel better"

"Is Brittany coming?" she said.

"I don't think so, did she say anything to you?"

"No, I guess she's got her own car" Mercedes said and we stepped into the car.

When I got home, I threw myself on bed. I literally just threw myself on it. My eyes were pointing the roof and I was just looking up. Smiling. It felt like my senses started to take on the world differently. All the images in my head slowly started to become images of Quinn. Step by step. A knock on my door disturbed me and I quickly sat up.

"Santana? There's a girl right outside, Brittany?" my mother said.

"Oh, it's my friend" I stood up and walked towards the door. I brushed the surprised look of my face and looked at her, she was standing there, still in her cheerleading outfit which means she hadn't gone home yet. "Hey you" I said.

"Hey" she smiled.

"What's up?"

"I kinda wanna speak to you.."

"Okay," I looked at her and hoped she wouldn't say something that would ruin my mood "let's go to my room"

We reached my little room and sat down on the edge of my bed. She looked around as if it was the first time she was in my room.

"Santana, I'm not trying to ruin things for you"

"Okay?" I said wondering.

"It's about your friendship with Quinn, I know you guys are getting closer, I'm friends with both of you and it's obvious you don't hate each other anymore. I can see that you've become kind of friends"

"And?" I started to feel a lump grow in my chest.

"I've been friends with her for a really, really long time," she looked right into my eyes "I just want you to be careful"

"Why though?" I asked, trying to keep calm - act calm.

"Quinn is nice and all, when she wants too, but just don't get too close"

"Why?"

"It's not important why, it's just important that you know"

I started to get heated, angry at Brittany. She did ruin my mood, I was really happy and just glad about where I was with Quinn at the moment then she came and ruined it all for me.

"You're so full of shit," I said "are you jealous?" I asked.

"It's not jealousy, it's me being a friend. Please don't be angry.. I'm being honest"

It was really hard to not believe Brittany, she was too calm, too much of a sweetheart to lie to me. I was just not in the place to start doubting Quinn again.

"Can't you just tell me why?" I tried again.

"Do you ever have this thing on someone, something they think you won't tell people? This thing you and just one other group of people, a bit older people, college kids, kind of bad people know.. And you're the only good friend who knows about it?"

"I guess" I said, I didn't really have something like that on someone but I understood what she was saying.

"I have something like that on Quinn"

"Oh and you can't tell me?"

"No matter how much I want to, she's still my friend.. Like I didn't tell her about your grandmother.. I can't tell you about her secrets"

"It's fine.."

"I just needed to tell you, don't let her affect you in any way"

Just when she said that, it hit me. Brittany was probably talking about Quinn smoking. It made sense, she didn't want me to fall into the same dark hole. I looked up at Brittany and she just sat there with a pouty face, her eyes were shiny and the ponytail looked a bit loose.

"Brittany, I think I know what you're talking about"

"You do? Really?"

"Are you talking about that thing she does, secretly, during the school breaks?"

"She does it on the breaks? I didn't know it was that often.."

"I guess it is, but don't worry. She won't push me into doing it and even if she tries, I won't. My dad is a doctor - I wouldn't hear the end of it if I started smoking"

"I can't believe she does that in school.."

"Let's drop it, please" I didn't feel like talking about Quinn anymore with Brittany. I was happy now though that I knew what she was talking about.

"I'm happy you're safe then" she said and stood up.

"Why don't you stay for a while?"

"I really have to get home," she said "some other time" she smiled.

I went back to my bed after I walked Brittany to the door. I found it cute how she made such a big deal about the fact that Quinn was smoking, she made sound like Quinn was committing crimes during the nights and just acted like a normal teenage girl in school. It made smile a bit - Brittany was so harmles, so pure. She was so protective of her friends. Thoughtful people are always good to have in your life. However, I felt like it was time to get into the shower and then begin with my homework before doing anything else.

"Let me pick you up tomorrow"

"Why?" I said.

"I wanna drive you to school" she said.

"Okay..." I said, secretly smiling on the other line.

"See you tomorrow," I could nearly hear the smile in her voice "goodnight"

"Goodnight, Quinn" and I hung up.

I layed in bed for some short minutes and then drifted into sleep, probably with a smile on my face.

Morning came and I had risen out of bed earlier than usual, I was too excited to sleep. I used all the time I had to get ready, eat breakfast and then stand on my porch waiting for Quinn. I had informed my mom that I was being picked up by a friend so she didn't have to stress for my sake either. After I had been standing there for around ten minutes, a black volvo parked in my driveway. As soon as I saw it, I started walking towards the car. I opened the door and sat in the car. The smell of smoke attacked me as soon as I took a breath, she had obviously been smoking on her way over to me. Other than the smell, the car looked pretty fresh inside. It looked kind of new.

"Morning" she said, facing the road.

"Goodmorning"

"Did you sleep well?" she asked, this time turning her head to see my face and a smile appeared on hers as she did.

"I did, and you?"

"I did"

We were quiet for some minutes. I opened my window and she kept hers closed, I looked out and watched people step out of their apartments, the city waking up. I smiled at the view of a puppy running after his owner.

"Brittany came over yesterday"

"Did she?" the mysterious voice became sharper.

"Yeah.. She was really cute," I looked at Quinn "she was like 'don't get too close to Quinn because she can affect you in a bad way'," I let out a little chuckle "I found it funny, first she didn't know that I knew you were smoking that's why she was so worried I think"

"She's such an idiot sometimes. You know she doesn't even know I'm smoking cigarettes right?"

"Come on, don't be mean to her, she's really nice.. What else would she be talking about?"

"I have no idea, Santana" Quinn said "that's why she's an idiot sometimes"

"She's actually smarter than you think she is"

"Oh so you know her better than I do?" she joked.

"That's not what I'm saying" I laughed.

"Are you ready to be questioned by your little buddies?" she said as she parked in the school parking lot.

"They know we're friends now" I said.

"They think we're friends now" she added. I snorted at her.

I opened the door and stepped out of the car. Quinn did the same, closed the door behind her and locked the car. We walked towards school together, a part of me was eager to reach for her hand and walk into school holding it. Of course, I didn't do it. I just kept walking with the space between us speaking for itself. I looked at her when we got into school. My look said more than my words could. So did hers.

"Spanish class" she said to cover up the awkwardness, to cover the longing for something we couldn't go for in the middle of the hallway.

"Spanish class, yes" I smiled back, brushed my hand against hers and walked towards the classroom with Quinn right beside me.

When we reached the area around the classroom, people were already there. Mercedes was sitting with Brittany and I saw Rachel around as well. They looked at us and Brittany gave me a understanding look as Mercedes had the 'what do we have here' look on her face. I seperated from Quinn and walked to sit beside Mercedes. Brittany smiled at me and walked over to Quinn. I found it really stupid that Quinn refused to hang out with Mercedes and Tina but Rachel on the other hand, I understood her problem with hanging out with her. They used to go out or whatever. According to Rachel, they were in love, yet Quinn was never seen around Rachel in public, where people could actually see them. With me though, she didn't mind being seen by others. That showed a little bit that Quinn thought she was much better than Rachel which probably was why she didn't want to be caught hanging out with her. It was pathetic, really. However, before me and Mercedes spoke, the teacher unlocked the door and we sat down. The lesson passed quickly this time, me and Mercedes whispered now and then, talked even though we knew the teacher would get really annoyed if she heard us. When the lesson was over, we took our stuff and walked out. Quinn and Brittany were already gone and I didn't care to look after them, I didn't want to seem too obsessed, which I wasn't. Yet.

"You know what I hate?" Mercedes said.

"What?" I answered as we were just randomly walking around school, with no destination.

"I hate it when a teacher doesn't let go, I mean, she knows I've been working my ass of to get my grades up on her class but yet she keeps telling me to do this and that!" she said. I knew she was talking about the spanish teacher.

"I can help you" I said.

"Girl I don't need no help, I manage just fine by my own" Mercedes said, sounding too proud about herself.

"Well, alright then" I laughed at her stubborn ways.

We kept walking around until we came across Rachel, who was alone. She looked up at us and did that little smile she does when she doesn't know exactly how to react or what to do.

"Hi" she said.

"Where's Tina?" I asked her.

"She's sick today.."

"Why are you alone?"

"I didn't know who to hang out with" she said.

"Stop being such a drama queen, you know you can hang out with us now" Mercedes said. Rachel quickly stood beside her and we continued our walk around school until I suggested we go out.

The sun struck our eyes and the nice weather really gave one a mood kick - you felt better just by being a part of the nature, feeling and breathing it in. I looked around and there were absolutely no empty benches, none. Every single one was taken so instead of going back in we just stood there and talked and enjoyed the sun, allowed it to start heating our bodies - putting a filter over us.

"It's good you and Quinn finally made up" Rachel said.

"It is"

"It's nice knowing she's not on your back anymore.. Or mine. My boyfriend doesn't really appreciate Quinn"

Both me and Mercedes reacted to her sentence. Her 'boyfriend'. Last time I checked she was a full time closet lesbian. However, Mercedes didn't really know that. Her shock was probably just a reaction to the fact that Rachel even got herself a boyfriend.

"Oh, doesn't he?" I asked.

"No, he says she's too full of herself" Rachel said again, looking at Mercedes instead of me.

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend!," Mercedes said and gave Rachel a soft look "does he go to our school?"

"Yes, he's a senior" she said.

I had troubles believing Rachel. I really did, it was hard to believe that someone like her, someone who some months ago was obsessed with a girl and kissed me, now had a boyfriend. Still though, I had no right to confront her about it or tell her I don't believe her. It was absolutely none of my business. I could have my doubts but I could never be really sure.

"What's his name? Do we know him?"

"I think so.. His name is Sam"

"Sam?!" Mercedes shouted "oh my god!"

"Santana, you know Sam right?"

"Um," I raised my eyebrow "I don't"

"He was with me the first time Tina and I talked to you! He's tall, blonde.."

"Oh that guy, I remember him, yeah" I said.

"Well that's Sam" she said.

"I'm happy you found someone, Rachel" I looked at her, knowing that deep inside she knew I with other words told her I'm happy she's over Quinn. For her sake, and secretly, my own.

"Me too, he's really wonderful.."

As Rachel kept talking about how amazing her boyfriend was to me and Mercedes, I kept pretending I was listening while I started thinking. If Mercedes knows who he is, and I met him once or twice, then it had to be legit. Rachel had a boyfriend and I couldn't be happier. I was confused, yes, I thought she really was a lesbian and not bisexual. But I forgot about that and celebrated the fact that she wouldn't make a move on me or Quinn again. I took my phone out of my pocket when I felt the vibrate. I smiled at the number it was sent from and opened the text message.

"Come see me" she wrote.

I excused myself and went to see Quinn. I knew exactly where. I walked around the corner and there she stood. The cigarette in her hand like whenever I saw her there, the cheerleading outfit on point, leaning herself on the hard iron fence behind her. Her gaze moved up to my face from my legs and a smile as warming as the sun shining on my back flashed.