A/N: And I give you the S2 Finale, As I Lay Dying. This one might get a little...sketchy in parts. Hey it's kinda tricky writing a delirious vampire who's hallucinating. Hopefully you all like it anyway because I sure as heck enjoyed writing this one! I own nothing. Also – I really recommend listening to the song that the lyrics go with when you read this; it's The Scientist by Coldplay. All right enough from me. On with the show!

As I Lay Dying

"I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I'll set you apart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me"

I've come over to see Elena, I'm starting to feel worse with every passing minute, hell with every passing second and I know that I have to do something about it, I have to end it. But first I have to see her and try to make things right. I really don't want to die knowing that she hates me.

"That'll get easier, but you know that" and she does, oh she really does, better than anyone I've ever met and I'm a vampire and she's only 17 fucking years old. I wonder if we should just burn this house and all of its ghosts to the ground and start again from scratch.

"What you want?" you, everything. To live. "I want to apologise" – "Damon" –"Please. Elena feeding you my blood I was wrong" – "Yes you were" – "And I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but...I need it" oh how I need it.

"And I need some time. Maybe a lot of time" time. The one thing that I am quickly running out of. I know it's as close as I'm gonna get, the possibility hangs in the air that she could forgive me, eventually, which probably means that she's doesn't hate me and that will have to be good enough for me. I can find peace with that.

"Sure. Of course, take all the time you need" I don't say goodbye. I can't do it. I can't bear the thought of having to do that and I know if I tried I'd probably crumble into a million little pieces in front of her. So I come home instead, to the only place I've ever truly called a home. It seems a fitting place to die, Mystic Falls, after all it's where I died the first time around.

First though, one final drink, I think it's safe to say there's no bourbon where I'm going. Burning in the sun is the best way to go, I think. Well, it's certainly better than falling into an endless trip through my own mind, going slowly crazy until I completely lose the plot. I definitely do not want to go through what Rose went through.

And I'm as ready as I'll ever be; this is what I am due. My time is up.

Or. Not.

Fucking, Stefan. "Get off me" dammit he's actually stronger than me for a change.

"You're not doing this" – "Just did" it's the best way Stefan just let me die. "You know what happened to Rose Stefan" – "I don't care" oh man not the cellar. Please not the cellar. That is not a cool place to spend your final hours.

"You're not dying today" well, I got a wolf bite that begs to differ brother. "What's the plan superman?" –"I'm gonna find a way out of this" right but there is no way out "ah right, miracle cure. Good luck with that one" – "I've got Bonnie looking for something. Anything" hah, yeah like the witches are gonna help me "Always the hero Stefan, just tell me goodbye, get it over with."

Oh yuck...coughing. Wow this is nasty. I haven't had a cough in over 145 years and there's...blood. Even better. "Lie still. Conserve your strength" uh well o-kay then, sounds like a fine plan to me. I'll just...lie here and enjoy my descent into madness. Thanks for that brother.

"Mr. Salvatore spying on a lady is a sign of very poor manners" Katherine? Huh? No. "My apologies Miss Katherine" – "Will you miss me while off defending the south?" – "I shall" – "Then I hope you will hurry back" Katherine. Katherine loves Stefan. Thought I loved her. I'm...confused.

"Damon!" Elena! "Don't you see? She was toying with you, all you had to do was say no. Walk away. You had a choice" oh god there's that word again. I hate that word. Elena is right though. My choice. It was my choice. Katherine never compelled me. All this time...oh thank fuck it's over. Why do I have to be tortured with twisted memories? Is it not bad enough just to be dying?

"Well that looks bad" Ric's here. I guess he's on Damon duty. Maybe I can convince him to stake me. "It feels worse. My subconscious is haunting me Ric" please put me out of my misery "tell me you have something for that" – "Double shot" huh that's a fine place to start I guess.

"My brother sent you for suicide watch?" – "He's just trying to help" of course he is. "He's doin' what he always does. Tying to right the wrongs of the past" oh wow, I should have stayed still. Moving around is...not helping my head in the slightest.

"You should want m dead. I'm the reason Jenna got killed" – "I don't blame you for Jenna" – "Let's not forget I turned your wife into a vampire" yes I am trying to provoke him into killing me. He's a vampire hunter dammit. Kill the big bad vampire.

"Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation" I grab his throat but by god I'm weak "Kill me...please" – "Screw you" ah. Fucker vervained me.

"Elena" Elena's here. Oh god she's here.

"Elena's not here Damon" uh-huh. Yes she is. I heard her car pull up. Where is she? What's taking so long? Don't wanna die anymore. Wanna see Elena. Have to talk to her.

Only it's not Elena who comes. It's Liz and people blood. Well not hers. She just gets knocked out. Deputy blood though. Gotta find Elena. Need to talk to Elena.

What the hell is going on out here? Did I go back in time? Katherine? "Damon" Jeremy? "Where's Elena? I need to see Elena. Now" – "Hey let's get you outta here first all right" no. No time. Need Elena. Is he taking me to Elena?

Elena's not here. He took me to the grill, no Elena. But Liz is here. Again. Why does this keep happening? She woke up fast. She has a gun this time. Nope. Don't wanna get shot. Gotta find Elena before I die. Have to tell her something.

Wait. How did I end up back at the square? I was just here. Wasn't I?

"Elena" right? "Damon" – "Where are we going?" – "Everywhere" Katherine? "Wait for me I wanna come with you" – "We need to get you out of here" oh god what's real? I don't know what's real!

"I will not feed you Damon. If you want it take it. It is your choice to make" – "I choose you Katherine" No I..."It's Elena" – "It will be our little secret" – "Damon" – "I have to if we are to be together forever" I don't want Katherine. I choose Elena.

"Damon you don't have to do this. Please stop" Elena? "You're hurting me" Oh my fuck. "Elena" I bit Elena! Oh god what did I do?

"Damon, Damon" oh but then she puts her arm around me and I sink into her chest and this is real. I can hear her heart beating and I can smell her blood and I'm sure it's real now.

Elena takes me home and gets me into bed and this is beyond pitiful but it's real.

"It's okay Damon I'm right here" – "Elena get outta here I could hurt you" but please don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me. "No. You won't. I'm here until the very end I'm not leaving you" oh my beautiful, stubborn, precious girl.

FUUUUUUCK. The pain is...painful. And Elena is...in my bed. How'd I make that happen?

"It's not okay. It's not okay. All those years I blamed Stefan, no one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice. Tell Stefan I'm sorry okay?" god all this time, all these years spent blaming my brother for something that wasn't even his fault. So fucking long. That's all kinds of fucked up.

"I will" oh it's okay 'Lena don't cry honey. "I've made a lot of choices that've gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die" – "No. You don't" – "I do Elena and it's okay. 'Cause if I'd have chosen differently I wouldn't have met you" and I'd do it all over again. Every wrong choice, every mistake, Katherine and every single cursed minute of those 5 years I was tortured and destroyed and ruined in a cell. I'd do every single bit of it all over again because it led me to her. And if I changed anything I might not have found her and that's not a risk I'd ever be willing to take. Yes. For this girl I'd do it all over again, even as I lay dying.

So beautiful, she's so beautiful.

"I'm so sorry. I've done so many things to hurt you" – "It's okay. I forgive you" Love. You. Thank you.

"I know you love Stefan and it will always be Stefan" even as I say the words she buries herself closer to me and grips my hand and let me tell you if I have to die then there is no what I'd rather do it than with this girl in my arms.

"But I love you. You should know that" I just...I don't wanna die with too many regrets. And never telling her I love her? Her never hearing it without me taking it away, that would be one of my biggest regrets.

"I do" good, so good. But I made her cry. Don't wanna make her cry.

"You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me" – "I like you now" huh? "Just the way you are" Am I hallucinating again? No. This is real. Elena is real.

Well there's really no better words to die to and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die now.

Or. Not.

Oh. My. God. She kissed me. Oh. Elena kissed me. Um. Wow. Why? I don't care.

"Thank you" if only I were going to live I'd actually be able to...attempt to figure that out but as far as dying wishes go she got it pre-

"Well it's me you should be thanking. I mean I'm the one who brought the cure"

Katherine? Cure? This...isn't real is it?

"Thought you were dead" – "I was" I think it is real.

"You got free?" – "Yep finally" she's feeding me blood and how is blood a cure? I already tried that. It didn't work for shit. "And you still came here?" – "I owed you one" wow this must be special blood. I already feel a little better.

"Where's Stefan?" Elena demands to know, yeah where is my little bro? Maybe I can tell him I'm sorry myself. In...less words.

"He's paying for this. He gave himself over to Klaus. I wouldn't expect him back anytime soon" – "What do you mean he gave himself over?" I have a disturbing feeling I know exactly what Katherine means and I don't like it. Not one little bit.

"He just sacrificed everything to save his brother, including you" oh god Stefan. Couldn't you just...let a brother die for once in your life?

"It's a good thing you have Damon to keep you company. Goodbye Elena" bitch. She's such a bitch. I mean...grateful she brought the cure and all but she's still a raging bitch.

"Oh. It's okay to love them both. I did" a raging bitch and a liar.

I tell Elena to message Stefan and let him know that I'm all right. I'm still too weak to move but I'm definitely not dying anymore. Thanks to my brother. Gonna have to get him back now. But not tonight. Elena wants to know things, wants to know what I know. But not tonight.

Apparently there's gonna be a whole new day tomorrow.

Dear Diary,
I swear to god this town is cursed. Positively cursed. Stefan is gone. I don't know if he's alive...undead. Whatever. He's with Klaus. Katherine said that he 'sacrificed everything' to save Damon and I don't even know what that means. She just talks in riddles and I don't know whether to believe a word that comes out of her mouth or not. I know Damon knows something but he won't talk about it tonight. Which...I understand I mean, I get that he needs to rest, he nearly died tonight.

Oh god, I nearly lost Damon tonight and this time I couldn't do anything. This time it was Stefan who saved him. Somehow. Damon came by the house this morning to apologise and I practically slammed the door in his face and then Stefan came to tell me that he was dying. Tyler bit him when Damon went to rescue him and Caroline and he wasn't going to tell me! He was just going to...die without even saying goodbye.

So I drove over to the boarding house but Care's mom was here and she made her deputies lock me in the sheriff's office and I was trapped there. And I was so angry at her, how could she do that? I tried to tell her that Damon needed me, that he was sick, that I had to go to him but she just wouldn't listen to me.

God I was so desperate and I didn't know what to do. I just knew I had to get out of that room; I had to get to Damon. I had to find him. I couldn't just let him die. So I swung a chair through the window and jumped out and then I was running around looking for him and I did, finally.

Only he thought I was Katherine, getting a little sick of that now to be honest, and he bit me! It didn't really hurt but I was in shock and I needed to take him home so I said he was hurting me and that got him to stop.

When I brought him home, I was in bed beside him and he said he was sorry for everything he's done to hurt me and I forgave him, I mean I already forgave him for everything in the past but I just...blanket forgiveness. I promised myself that if Damon survived then we would just start fresh. No grudges.

And then he told me that he loved me. He just wanted me to know. And I told him that I did which was just...not the right thing to say but I was so scared and upset I just couldn't find words to say anything else because I didn't know what else to say. And I do know that he loves me, I felt it somewhere inside of me. As if he'd told me before even though he never has.

Then I kissed him. It wasn't a pity kiss. It wasn't even a goodbye kiss. It wasn't a...choice. I had to do it. And I can't even say that I was selfless enough to give Damon what I thought he wanted before he died.

No, it was selfish. I did it for me. I kissed him because I wanted to. Because I couldn't bear the thought of him dying and never knowing...never knowing what it would feel like to kiss him. And it wasn't even much of a kiss but it was still...god there was passion and tenderness and hope and...something else that I can't define right now in every second of it.

And then Katherine walked in. With the cure. That's when she told us about Stefan sacrificing himself. While I was lying in bed with his brother. Kissing his brother. My boyfriend, is gone, off doing god knows what with Klaus, to save his brother and I...I don't even know what I am right now but I don't feel like a very good person that's for sure.

All I know is that we have to get him back. We have to save him. We have to bring him back. I don't care where we have to go or what we have to do to do it but we will bring him back. I need to focus all of my energy on Stefan now, but first I need to find out from Damon what the hell is going on.
Elena